by Nicole Dykes
“Look man, I care about you, and that’s not easy for me to say, but you’re in too deep. I don’t want this to blow up in your face. If you’re into her and you want to be in a relationship, then great. I think that’s really fucking great, she’s a lot hotter than I realized.” I roll my eyes, and he continues, “But don’t fucking do this unless you’re ready to actually consciously commit.”
I want to believe he’s wrong and that Viv can handle this.
But deep down, I know it’s me that’s wrong on every level.
Baz went to sleep fairly easily tonight. Swimming usually does that to him. I sneak down the stairs in my pajamas.
I see the light in the gym on and go there first, stopping when I see Asher wearing only a pair of gym shorts and using the punching bag secured to the ceiling of the gym. His fists pummel the bag as his muscles flex with each hit.
Clearly fighting the demons he’s been saddled with that he doesn’t talk about.
“Asher.” He grips the bag and turns to look at me over his shoulder.
“Hey.”
“Hey.” I walk into the gym, cautiously guarded. He didn’t talk much after Sawyer left, saying he needed to study.
“You okay?”
He nods, walking to the table and grabbing a towel, wiping sweat from his chest. “I’m fine. Sawyer knows about us though.”
I take a seat on the edge of the treadmill and look up at him. “What? Are you sixteen? You have to tell him every time you get laid?”
“He guessed but said it’s a bad idea and that since you had me agree to only fucking you, we’re in a relationship.”
I can see the dark edge creeping out and know whatever he discussed with Sawyer today got to him. I stand and walk to him, dragging my finger down the middle of his chest, the muscle defined and hard. “I don’t know what Sawyer said, and frankly the idea of you two talking about us having sex makes me cringe.”
“I didn’t give him details.”
I’m going to choose to believe that. “But Asher, I accepted that nothing was going to happened between us. I planned to move on to find some random guy to hook up with and give me what I need.”
He scoffs with a slight shake of his head. I hold his chin in my hand, forcing him to look me in the eyes.
“And then you kissed me. You claimed me because you didn’t want me fucking some random guy.”
“But I don’t want a relationship.”
“And neither do I.” I don’t know what I can say to get him to understand this. “I’m not in love with you, Asher. I’m not trying to manipulate you or trick you into a relationship you don’t want.” I flatten my palm over his lower stomach and feel it ripple under my touch. “This is about sex. When you kissed me . . .” I bite my bottom lip and watch his gaze dip to watch the action. “I was instantly wet. So completely and insanely turned on by just a kiss. I‘ve never felt that insane of an attraction in my life.” My hand dips lower over his shorts and feels his hardness, enjoying the effect I have on him. I move my body closer to his, releasing his chin, I drag my lips over his jaw. “When you were inside me, I couldn’t breathe. It felt so good and so very wrong.”
His lips slide to my neck, brushing over the sensitive skin. “That’s because it is.”
“I think I like the thrill of the bad, of doing the wrong thing.”
“That gets you hot?”
I nod, my teeth capturing his bottom lip, biting it before pulling him into an all-consuming kiss.
“I’m sweaty.”
“So make me sweaty to match.” I smirk as my back meets the wall of the gym.
“You’re trouble, Viv.” His hard cock prods between my legs, and I wrap around him as he kisses down my neck.
“I think you like that too.”
He nods as he lifts my oversized t-shirt over my head, leaving me naked for him. He uses one hand to push the door closed, keeping his wits about him and the promise that Baz will never find out.
I’ve done things the right way, being the perfect girl for most of my life.
I’m ready for a little wrong.
Things with Viv have grown into a comfortable groove, one I should know is dangerous but which, so far, has honestly worked out.
During the day, we’re the exact same, a well-oiled machine. School, daycare, play with Baz, eat dinner, tuck him in.
At night, Viv and I play our own little games.
She doesn’t sleep in my bed after we’re finished. She always goes back to her own bed.
I don’t miss other pussy.
Not yet.
I keep waiting for the urge to fuck it all up overtake me. She swears to me it will be amicable as long as I tell her first.
But come on? What chick is that fucking cool?
“Hey.” Hands grab my shoulders as I sit outside, looking up at the stars. I smile when I hear Viv’s voice as she sits in the chair with me, and I wrap my arm around her.
“Hey.”
“Long day?” She rests her head on my shoulder, and I feel a nagging part of me telling me that I need to set boundaries. That chilling in a lounge chair, talking and not fucking is a bad idea.
“Not too bad. What about you?”
She shrugs, pulling the sleeves of her sweatshirt over her hands. “Not bad, but definitely long. Baz woke up early.” I can hear her smile even though it’s dark out and she’s not looking directly at me. “And someone kept me up late.”
I smirk, holding her small body closer to mine, thinking about last night in my bed. “Yeah well, if it were up to me, we would have gone again.”
I turn to look at her in time to see her bite that fucking bottom lip, tempting me like she always does.
I lean to her ear. “You know what that does to me. It reminds me of when I’m making you come.”
I hear her suck in a deep breath, pulling the air into her lungs and holding it there before letting it out in a shaky succession. “And I’m all for you doing that again and again, but I have to talk to you about a couple things first.”
Fuck. I don’t want to talk. Talking is dangerous. It leads to faux feelings, unkeepable promises and dumbass mistakes. “You know, I think I’m going to have to make that a rule. No more talking.” My lips slide down the skin of her neck, and then I feel her hand grip my chin, redirecting my attention to her face as she turns to her side to look at me.
“Ash, we’re friends first, who live together and both take care of a certain young man.”
“Who?” I smirk. She releases my chin and shoves my chest playfully. I like that I can mess around with Viv, just be goofy and shit. I also kinda fucking hate that she brings that out in me. I’m more comfortable being the broody shithead.
“Baz has a request for Halloween, and it’s only a few weeks away.”
“Okay? What does he want?”
She sighs and lays back in the crook of my arm. “Wizard of Oz. He’s obsessed, and I have no idea why.”
I laugh. “We may have watched that a couple of times.”
She shakes her head. “He loves that it’s in Kansas, and I didn’t have the heart to tell him it’s about leaving Kansas.”
“Hey, there’s no place like home.”
She laughs at that, an adorable, light laugh, and it’s good to see her relax. “Right. Well he wants to be the lion.”
“Of course.” The kid walks around the house roaring like a lion daily. I should have seen this coming.
“And he wants me to be Dorothy.” Her head tilts up toward me, and I know where this is fucking going.
“What? Oh come on, I haven’t dressed up for Halloween since I was like eight.” She pushes her bottom lip out, visible in the dim moonlight, and I lean down and bite it gently, then releasing it but speaking against her parted lips. “And what do I get? If I dress up as one of the remaining characters?”
Her plump lips press to mine as she speaks against them. “Anything you want.”
I pull her body onto my lap, holding her hips with my ha
nds. “Anything?”
She pretends to think about it, bringing one finger to her chin and then nods. “Yeah.”
“So . . . after the kid goes to sleep on Halloween, I get to take Dorothy to my room?”
She smiles, shaking her head, her hands resting on my shoulders. “You have a fucking Dorothy fantasy?”
I never had one before, but picturing her in anything gives me a fucking hard-on. She’s fucking intoxicatingly sexy in any outfit. “I guess I do now.”
“I can do that.” One of her hands slides down my chest that’s currently clad in a t-shirt and a jacket. Damn fall crisp night. I’m wearing too many layers. “So which one do you want to be? The Tin Man or the Scarecrow?”
“I am, without a doubt, the Tin Man.”
She studies me, analyzing my choice, and I don’t think she likes it. “You think you don’t have a heart, Asher Sterling?”
“If I do, Vivienne Crenshaw . . .” My hands smooth over her back as I lay a kiss over her heart. “It’s black.”
“I’ve seen your heart, Asher. It’s not black and cold, no matter how much you want people to believe it is.”
“I’ve done some pretty bad shit.”
“Haven’t we all?”
I shake my head. “No. You haven’t.”
“Asher.” She rests her hands on the sides of my face and implores me to look at her. “I had sex with someone I knew had a girlfriend because I wanted to feel in control of my own life for once. I started you all on a horrific path because I wanted it, because I’m a thrill-chaser.”
I look into her eyes in the dark night and feel a connection to her that I fear deeply. “You let yourself do that once.”
“It was big.” One hand slides down my throat to the middle of my chest. “And no . . .” She bites her bottom lip again and edges closer to me. “I’ve found a new thrill.”
A replacement.
My head tilts back, leaning against the chair, and I feel her lips press against my throat, sending a mixture of nausea and arousal through me.
“One like none other. I get chills when I think about what you’ll do to me. If you’ll sneak into my room or if I’ll sneak into yours, knowing that no one would like what we’re doing.”
I feel her hands slide under my jacket and shirt, caressing my stomach, and I fight the insecurities built into me.
Is it like none other to her or she still chasing the original?
“Mommy?”
Shit! Viv jumps off me, and I turn to see a sleepy Baz rubbing his eyes in his Spiderman pajamas, looking at us with curiosity. “Sebastian, what are you doing out of bed?”
Okay, could have been a lot worse. And he’s only three. Chances are his first memory won’t be his mom straddling his uncle.
“Why were you on Uncle Asher’s lap?” I look over at my nephew. Christ this is fucked-up even for the Sterlings.
“Hey, buddy. It’s cold out. We were just keeping warm.”
Viv looks at me, her right eyebrow raised, and I look at her, gesturing for her to go with it because what the fuck else are we going to say? Baz scratches his little head, clearly still half-asleep and playing to our favor for the bad fucking coverup.
Viv clears her throat. “It’s cold out. Too cold for little guys in their pjs.”
She ushers him back inside, tossing a look at me with a smile and head shake before I lay my head back, looking up at the stars and wondering in a weak moment if Colt is watching.
Knowing if he is, he has to be pissed because this is not how he would handle any of it.
Not the nearly perfect Colt Sterling.
“Wow, he’s really lucky, I like him.” Asher stares into the mirror in the foyer, dressed from head to toe in silver with what looks like a funnel on his head and silver face paint. Even as the Tin Man, he’s hot as hell.
He let me paint his pouty lips bright red and he looks movie-ready as Baz runs up behind us, roaring loudly in his little lion costume.
“Roar!” Baz wraps around the tin colored pants Asher is wearing that make a swishing sound with contact.
“Hey.” Asher leans down. “Mr. Lion, have you seen my nephew? He’s pretty cute, brown hair, little nose.”
Baz places one hand on his little hip. “I do not have a little nose!”
Asher places a hand over his chest, feigning shock and making my heart flutter. “Baz? Is that you? Wow! You had me totally fooled!”
Now my son lights up and starts to giggle. “You silly.”
Asher laughs and stands up. When the doorbell rings, Asher goes to get it as I look in the mirror at my ridiculous costume. A blue dress that goes above the knees, matching blue socks with red slippers and my hair in braided pigtails. I feel silly, but Baz is happy, and that makes me happy.
“Swearer!” Baz jolts over to the door, jumping into Sawyer’s arms as he laughs happily. “I mean, Scarecrow!”
Sawyer gives him a hug and closes the door as he stands up, still holding the little lion in his arms.
That’s right, my son has an uncanny ability to charm his way into getting whatever he wants, and he needed a scarecrow.
“Yeah, that’s me.” I can’t help but laugh when I see the insanely handsome Sawyer dressed in a green puffy shirt, brown pants, and boots with a goofy hat and what looks like real straw peeking out from the hat and his pockets. Sawyer looks over at me, his eyes scanning my entire costume. “Please tell me there’s booze at this party.”
I laugh and shake my head. “It’s for ages three to six.”
“That sucks.” He looks at Baz. “You’re lucky you’re cute. No chick wants to get with a scarecrow.” He looks over at Asher. “Could be worse though.”
Baz drops down to the ground and runs to grab his bucket to collect candy as the Tin Man raises his middle finger in the direction of the Scarecrow. “Please, you know the Tin Man got way more as . . .” Baz runs back over to us and Asher stops his foul statement, causing Sawyer to laugh.
“You both look fine.” I turn to Baz. “Right?”
Baz looks them over, scrutinizing every detail. “They’ll do.”
I laugh, knowing he had to get that from either Asher or Sawyer. Who knows? They are both arrogant assholes.
“You make a fine Dorothy, Viv.” I look over at Sawyer, his mouth pulled up in a smirk as his gaze slides over my costume once again.
“Let’s go.” Asher shoves his shoulder, pushing him toward the door playfully, but Asher seems slightly on edge as Baz and I follow them out the front door.
“What did I do?” I hear the laughter in Sawyer’s voice as I lock the house, and Asher doesn’t entertain the question.
“Let’s get to the party so we have enough time to hit the best houses afterward.”
“Fuck yeah!” Asher and I both look at Sawyer, shaking our head as Baz giggles.
“Swearer said a bad word.”
Thank God he knows that’s a bad word. I smooth my hand over his little mane. “Yes, he did. You don’t ever repeat anything Swearer says, okay?”
Sawyer laughs easily, not sweating it for a second. He doesn’t seem to let anything get to him. Of course, people who don’t know Asher well say the same thing about him.
I let myself wonder if Sawyer has deep secrets buried beneath the surface as we walk down the block to the home of one of Sebastian’s daycare playmates. His mother has an infant, Baz’s friend Roman, and a six-year-old and still found time to throw a massive party to celebrate Halloween.
“So, this Roman kid, . . . his mom hot?” Sawyer asks Baz and I roll my eyes.
Baz looks confused, again thank God.
“Sawyer, she’s married.”
He shrugs, and Asher nudges his shoulder. “Be good.”
“Hey, I dressed up in the least sexy costume . . .” He looks over at Ash and laughs. “Well, second least sexy.” He can’t resist the dig at Asher. “I deserve a MILF of my own.”
Asher looks slightly homicidal, and I can feel my cheeks heat with embarrassmen
t when I hear Baz ask what a MILF is.
“I will kill you,” I warn Sawyer, who just laughs as we reach the party.
“I’ll tell you someday, kid.” It’s the least offensive answer I’m sure he could come up with, and I take Baz’s hand, moving in front of Asher and Sawyer and leading them to the front door of the Shaw’s home. Roman’s mom has ten years on me but is kind as she welcomes us into her home. The grown men with me look like they belong on a hottest men calendar despite their costumes. Her eyes scan both of them as she introduces us to other couples and children already at the party.
“Fuck, this party is boring.” Ten minutes in and Sawyer is already complaining, and thankfully, all the kids are at a safe distance away playing a bean bag tossing game as most of the adults stand around them in a large circle in the massive backyard.
I really wish I would have brought a jacket. It’s cold, and I wasn’t aware this was an outdoor party.
“Baz is having fun.” I fold my arms under my breasts, rubbing my arms.
“You want me to walk to the house and get you a jacket?” Asher watches me shiver in the cold air, and the gesture is kind. But it also causes Sawyer to smirk devilishly.
I know he’s already convinced Asher I’m trying to trick him into some sort of relationship. He thinks us sleeping together is a bad idea, and I plan to prove him wrong. I wave him off. “I’m fine.”
Asher shrugs, turning back to watch the kids play, and Sawyer wraps an arm around me. I’m surprised by the action and turn my head to look at his handsome profile. “What are you doing?”
Asher turns to look at us, his eyes darkening. “What are you doing?”
Sawyer isn’t bothered by the bite in Asher’s tone. “She’s fucking freezing. I’m warming her up like a good friend would do.”
Asher glares at Sawyer, and I can feel the battle going on between the men, words that aren’t being said out loud are being spewed, and I want no part of it. I escape from Sawyer’s heavy, firm arm, lifting it off me and taking a step back, getting out of the line of fire. “I’m fine.”
Sawyer’s brown eyes roll, but his grin is back. “You let me know if you want some of my heat.”
