by Emma Mills
Chapter Eleven
Once Eva had left for London I began to put my plan into action. All I wanted was some ‘alone time’, some time to be myself and say goodbye to my past, and the future I’d never have. I fully intended to keep my promise and even with the renewed vision of Luke fresh in my memory, seeing him again was not my intention. Although it would be nice!
I removed the photo of Luke from my bedside table, but instead of putting it back in the now almost empty box, I took it over to the crammed bookshelf in the far corner of my room and placed him on a high shelf. It was somewhere I could see him if I sought him out, but where he wouldn’t be the first thing I saw when I opened my eyes. I moved other Luke themed knick-knacks to similar locations; but I remained resolute. I didn’t want to forget my past, I just wanted to move on, but it was hard. It was so, so hard. I stood staring at all the memories of Luke, refusing to let the emotion escape, biting my lower lip, until my attention was drawn to the window by a soft fluttering noise.
I started to walk towards the window, but as always when I’m in pain, Daniel’s head popped round my door and his slim, toned jeans-clad body followed a second later.
‘Come here,’ he said gruffly, as he sat on my bed and beckoned me over with his finger.
I went to him gladly and he pulled me over him, so that we lay side by side on the bed.
‘You’re doing the right thing Jessie,’ he said.
‘I know.’
He pulled me into him and I let him kiss me. Boy, did he know how to kiss! His lips pressed against mine insistently; his hand cupped underneath my head holding me tight. His tongue darted into my mouth, causing electric pulses to shoot down my spine. Initially his eyes remained open, smouldering with passion and need as we tasted each other.
A few minutes later I was panting between his kisses, heat coursing through me and setting me alight. Images of Daniel pressing himself against me mingled with images of Luke, and my fangs broke out, putting a stop to the kissing.
‘Jessie, I want you to bite me,’ he invited, straining his head away from me so I could see the muscles in his neck, taut, hard.
‘No, not tonight. I’m not ready,’ I said, knowing that there’d be no phone call to interrupt us this time, and knowing the consequences that tasting his blood would lead too. I was not ready to go down that path. I wouldn’t be able to resist.
Disappointment flashed across his features as he gazed broodingly into my eyes, searching for a reason. I knew he thought it was because I wanted Luke, but when he realised I was telling the truth, that I simply wasn’t ready, he smiled and leaned forward to kiss me again. This time he was gentle and tender.
‘I guess I haven’t fully converted you, have I?’ he said, with a grin.
‘Um, what do you mean?’ I said, piqued, thinking he was implying that I wasn’t a fully-fledged vampire, because I wouldn’t jump into bed with him.
‘The music?’
‘Oh! Well, actually it’s perfectly suitable for the job I was doing before you came in.’ I smiled again, privately thinking that the pounding rock music playing in my room perfectly suited my increased heart rate and passionate tangle of emotions.
‘Right, well, I’ll leave you to your rock bands, but you need to feed Jessie; you’re starting to look pale again.’
‘OK, I’ll be down in a bit. I want to watch those DVDs that Eva bought me. Alex and I used to watch the re-runs at uni all the time.’
Sometime in the early hours of the morning, feeling confident I’d be able to put my plan into action later that day, I went to bed. Sleep found me easily, but the dreams were back and Luke’s face haunted me, pale and drawn. In one dream I was walking up the aisle towards my groom, but when he lifted my veil his face froze in fear. My eyes were his eyes, and I watched from his perspective, smiling at him until suddenly my teeth started crumbling and falling out of my mouth, leaving nothing but two fearsome-looking fangs.
I awoke and felt the impossible - beads of cold sweat had formed on my forehead. Vampires didn’t sweat; this was impossible. Was I dreaming again? I turned over and slipped into another dream.
I was curled in Daniel’s arms - my protector. I felt safe, happy. I upturned my face to be kissed and his showed disgust. Shock blasted through me as his face morphed into Luke’s, full of betrayal, revulsion and hatred.
Another, a snapshot this time. I watched Alex walk past me. I called to her but she walked straight past, smiling at someone. I watched as she ran up to a man and he wrapped his arms round her. As they turned back to face me I saw his face; it was Luke.
Yet another! Luke is across the road from me, waving to me. I start running toward him, but hands grab me from behind. Iron hard, cold hands hold me back and Luke is shouting at me, and I at him.
Suddenly I awoke and felt an icy dread steal across my soul. Something foreboding, but I didn’t know what. I looked to the window and saw dawn creeping round the curtains. I gave in, tied my hair back and got up. Today is going to be a new beginning. I’m determined, I told myself. A few silly dreams were not going to spoil my carefully laid plans, and so I went downstairs and waited for Daniel to unconsciously initiate things.
Eventually, sometime around ten, he said ‘Jess, I need to see Sebastian today at the club. We have a lunchtime meeting. Eva’s not keen on the idea of you being left here, so I’m afraid you’ll have to come with me.’
‘OK, that’s fine, but he’s not going to want me hanging around is he, or maybe he will?’ I said, with a contrived wink.
‘What are you getting at Jess?’ Daniel said.
‘Oh, probably nothing, but you know how I’m not comfortable around him. I’m bound to wind him up with something I say, but I think he really liked the taste of my blood, didn’t he?’ I said innocently, knowing exactly where to throw my punches. ‘And I know you don’t want me getting into trouble with him, especially as I still haven’t controlled this telekinesis thing yet. So what I thought was maybe I could come into town with you, and when you’re with Sebastian I could do some shopping. I really, really need some new jeans.’ I threw in my deal-breaker and smiled a wide, innocent and totally disarming smile. The one I’d perfected on my father throughout my entire teens.
‘I’m not sure, Jessie. I know you don’t necessarily act like it most of the time, but you are a vampire; and a new one at that. What if you went on an accidental killing spree?’ he said with a smile.
‘You know I won’t. You know I’m not capable of it. Eva tested me in that club. I was surrounded by hot sweaty bodies and I didn’t bite a single one. She thought I’d pounce at Luke and Alex yesterday, but I didn’t, did I? I didn’t even try. Come on, you know I can do this. Pleeese?’ I stepped up to him and put my arms around his neck, closing the gap between us and whispered, ‘You wouldn’t want Sebastian to get his hands on me now, would you?’
Daniel sighed, grinned and I knew I’d won. He kissed me quickly and pushed me away gently.
‘There’s one condition,’ he said, leaning nonchalantly against the table.
‘Go on.’
‘You have to feed again before we go out. At least that way, I’ll know you won’t be hungry.’
‘OK.’
‘Feed properly,’ he clarified.
‘Oh!’
The scent of his fresh blood assaulted my senses and it took all my control not to crouch down and spring the short distance to him. Instead, I seemed to fly into his waiting arms and he effortlessly scooped me up and cradled me like an infant. He carried me through to the lounge and sat down on the sofa with me on his lap and I was lost to him, to the amazing aroma that swirled around me and drew me in.
I was determined to hold myself back, retain some dignity, but it was hard, so very hard. He sighed and moaned and began to caress my body through my clothes. He ran his hand up and down my still pyjama-clad thigh, his other hand massaging the back of my head, whilst holding me so tightly to his neck that I couldn’t pull away even if I wanted to.
I actually wanted to rip the shirt from his body and bite my way down his chest, which I remembered vividly to be sensuously smooth and firm. I ran my hand over that chest, feeling the delicious hard contours and something in me began to take over and lose the control I was fighting so hard for.
Daniel gently pushed me back with a long sigh.
‘Jessie, Jessie, sweet Jessie.’
I rolled off him, and letting my long hair swing forward, I surreptitiously licked my lips, tasting the last drops of pure deliciousness that lingered on my tongue.
‘Well, that has brought some colour back into your cheeks,’ he said, gently holding the curtain of hair back from my face and smiling at my rising blush.
‘You should get dressed before I give in to temptation and utterly ravish you, which I really don’t want to do this minute, seeing as we need to be at Sebastian’s in an hour and a half..... and because I know you’re going to be worth the wait,’ he said, getting up from the sofa, and with a wry smile, pulling his jeans into a more comfortable position.
‘OK, I won’t be long.’
‘We need to leave in thirty minutes, as I want to check how you’re dealing with the public, en masse so to speak, before I head off to the club. Oh, and we’ll need to get you some money too.’
We parked in a multi-storey car park in the centre of town, and after a brief stop at a cash machine, he led me straight to the main indoor shopping centre. As we entered through the double doors, the scent hit me and sent my senses whirling like a tornado. It wasn’t painful, and it was definitely easier than being in the sweaty crush at the bar. Instead it was seductive. It was as if I’d entered a Swiss chocolate factory with warm chocolaty aromas swirling all around me, tempting me and making my saliva glands go into overdrive. My mouth filled with saliva and I could feel the sharp points of my new teeth protruding slightly and pressing against my top lip; I would have to be careful not to smile for a while.
As different people walked past me I got wafts of slightly different scents, some sweeter, some darker, some definitely more appealing than others. I noticed that the appeal of the scent had nothing to do with the sexual appeal of the person, as the sweetest, most delicious aroma I smelled came from a girl about my age, who flicked her hair as she strutted past me, trying to catch Daniel’s eye.
I looked at Daniel, sure he must have clocked her, sure he must secretly want her, but he just smiled, carefully monitoring my reactions, standing close enough to grab me if necessary.
‘Don’t you want her, Daniel? I mean her smell, it’s divine, and she’s pretty too,’ I said, jealousy bubbling in the pit of my stomach, but interested all the same.
‘Not really my type. Your tastes change as you age, just like when you’re human, and currently I’m very much into a rare dark, sensuous blood type that is somewhat hard to get hold of.’
‘Oh!’ I said, sensing a small disappointment somewhere deep inside.
‘I know of only one single source, and as it turns out she is half vampire, half witch,’ he said grinning and pulling me into his arms for a quick kiss.
I giggled like a love struck teen - well, I suppose I was a love struck teen, but it felt like I’d grown up so suddenly I’d skipped a decade.
‘Right. Well, I can see you’re coping fine, so I’m hoping you’re not going to let me down. You really don’t want to end up in one of Sebastian’s cells,’ he said, as I grinned, my smile fading a little as he handed me a wad of notes.
‘What? I don’t need all this!’ I said feeling somewhat guilty at his sudden generosity and kindness. He trusted me and I was going to break his trust.
‘You’re not going to break my trust, Jessie. You’ll be just fine. I know you will,’ Damn it! Stay out of my head Daniel!
He grinned and gave my arm a squeeze.
‘I’ll meet you back at the car at two, OK?’ he said, as I nodded, unable to speak for fear I’d say something to give away my plan. I desperately didn’t want to break his trust, he’d given it so willingly, but I needed to do this. I needed this time alone, and I knew that even though he was willing to leave me alone shopping, he’d never have considered letting me go where I was now planning, and on my own.
I’d initially planned to head straight for the bus station, but after our time spent together and our renewed closeness, I simply couldn’t leave without a clue to my whereabouts. It was unthinkable, so as soon as he was out of sight, I retraced my steps back to the car park and scribbled out a quick note.
Daniel,
Sorry, but I had to do this alone, so that we can be together in the future. Today was supposed to be my eighteenth birthday party and I have to say goodbye to that life my way. I’m keeping my promise to you. I’m NOT going to find Luke. I want to be with you. I’ll come back to you.
Jessie xx
I stuck the note to his windscreen and headed straight for the bus station with a sigh. I didn’t have long, as in an hour and a half Daniel would be heading back to his car, and after reading the note he’d come after me. I had two places to go, but they were in the same town, my hometown in the suburbs. I figured he’d check the graveyard first, so that would be my first stop, so I’d be gone before he arrived.
Luckily there was a bus just pulling out as I arrived, which meant I didn’t have to spend Daniel’s money on a taxi. I hailed it and jumped on, with a grace that even made the driver glance up at me with interest. After handing him a ten pound note and waiting for the change, I went to sit down in the emptiest part of the bus.
Forty five minutes later I jumped off again, glad to breathe in the fresh, cold air. A hot bus was not a good place for a newborn vampire to sit and wait, mulling things over in her head, trying to avoid the enticing aromas surrounding her. I stopped briefly by the roadside and let the nostalgic memories engulf me. Whichever way I looked, I was met with a familiar sight.
I’d left the bus a couple of stops earlier than I would have done for home, because it was nearer the church, my first port of call. So I turned to my right and swiftly walked towards the old chapel and the dark woody cemetery behind it.
Passing through the chapel grounds, I wound my way along a gravel path that cut between the ancient tombs, which broke through the surface of the ground like the cracked and diseased teeth of a prehistoric man. After following the path around the side of the church, I went through a small wooden gate into the new graveyard and looked around me at the people-free landscape. To the side of the cemetery ran a long, thin tarmaced road edged with old oak trees, and following this down I could see the modern estate of new build houses, huddled in a lonely-looking cluster. A cold wind whistled around me, but after my recent meal it didn’t bother me, and I felt peaceful.
I wasn’t sure where to start looking for my grave, and consequently my father’s resting place, but I decided a good place to start would be the site of my mother’s. I recalled that when she’d died, my father had also bought the adjacent plot, for himself, but I now wondered if he’d given it to me.
It only took me a minute to find my mother’s grave, as I’d visited it several times in the last year, once to tell her my A-Level results, and again when Luke had finally kissed me. She adored Luke, and I knew she’d be happy for me. However, as I reached it my eyes were instantly drawn past her grave to the next one.
The headstone was new, shiny, pale marble with gold inlaid writing in swirling loops. The grass that had been planted in front had still not woven itself back into the outer area. The entire plot was covered with flowers, roses still in their wrapping, huge mixed bunches wrapped in paper, a small bunch of freesias in a little vase balanced precariously against the stone, and my favourite – someone had planted a neat row of white winter pansies, their faces smiling up at the sky.
I looked up from the mass of flowers and read the words, as tears began to fall silently, streaming down my cheeks unchecked.
Sacred to the memory of
A darling daughter
Jessica Angel Jame
s
Needlessly taken from us
January 29th 2009
Aged 17
Time seemed to stand still, but eventually I pulled myself together. I had to find my father. I hadn’t come to find my grave; I’d come to find his. My eyes scoured the site until they came to rest on a small and beautifully polished wooden box, resting next to the headstone. Slotted down the side was a simple greetings card. I picked it up and read,
My lost brother,
Be at peace now.
You’re with the ones you love.
Your loving sister,
Grace.
I replaced the card gently and picked up the box carefully. I took a deep breath, and opened it. Sighing deeply, my eyes took in the grey dust as I realised I had my father in my hands. Surprisingly it was not in the slightest bit scary. I knew what I had to do, and quickly glancing around to check no-one was there, I carried him a step to the left, over to my mother’s grave.
‘Here, Dad. You need to be with Mum now. I’m sure you realise this by now, but well, I’m not dead after all, so there’s no point in you sitting on my grave. I wish I could have seen you, told you, but maybe you would have freaked out. Maybe it’s best this way after all, but I promise I’ll try not to fail you.’ I paused for breath and carried on, the words flowing faster. ‘I don’t know why you didn’t tell me about my mum, my other mum, I mean.’ I still hadn’t looked through the box from the attic - that was next on my list. ‘I guess there’s a good reason, but well, I forgive you anyway. I love you Dad.’ I finished with a whisper, my tears starting up again.
Without hesitation, I gently tipped the box upside down over Mum’s grave, watching the dust settle in between the shoots of grass, where he’d be washed down into the soft earth, to lie with the woman he loved.
The sharp peal of a mobile ringtone interrupted my thoughts and brought me slamming back into the present. After a minutes confusion I remembered the cheap ‘pay as you go’ mobile Daniel had provided me with before we left the house, in case I needed him. I quickly replaced the wooden box in its original location and removed the phone from my pocket.
Daniel’s name flashed up at me persistently. I looked at the time 14:05 Damn! He’d be at the car, with my note and when I didn’t answer his call he’d be on his way. I pressed the power button and waited till the phone went black and then swivelled on my heels. I had to leave. I had a last look at my parent’s graves and whispered another Goodbye, I love you, and then I left. I had one more goodbye still to make.
