by T. K. Leigh
My fingers thread into his thick hair, tugging as his mouth journeys along my collarbone, his hand squeezing my breast. With my body pressed against the wall, I hook a leg around his waist, gently thrusting against him, urging him to continue, telling him I’m ready for whatever he’s willing to give.
Eventually, his lips find mine again. At first, the kiss is impassioned and animalistic, but transitions into something…different. It’s full of pain and heartache as his tongue sweeps against mine, slow and measured.
When he pulls back, he stares at me with a haunted look, as if on the verge of telling me something but can’t seem to form the words. It reminds me of the same tortured expression in his eyes my first night in this house.
And just like that night, instead of saying a single word, he drops his hold on me and retreats with quick steps, disappearing into his room before I have a chance to whisper “goodbye”.
Chapter Thirty-Two
I stare at the bright moon over the ocean as I lay awake in bed, sleep evading me. Since my first night here, I’ve slept well, the room designed to emphasize maximum comfort and relaxation. Tonight, nothing can get my brain to shut off, not when I wonder if I blew it with Julian. What if I’d made one final plea for him to reconsider? Would it have changed anything?
I’ll never know.
Feeling like the walls of this luxurious bedroom are suffocating me, I throw the covers off and my feet find the cool floor. I grab my silk kimono robe off the bed post and toss it over my tank top and sleep shorts, securing it around my waist. When I open the French doors and step onto the balcony, I inhale a long breath. The ocean breeze kisses my skin as I walk toward the ledge, leaning my arms on it. It’s so tranquil and serene, the sound of the waves soothing the fire and indecision within.
As I smooth a few tendrils of hair behind my ear, I spy a figure standing at the end of the deck, staring at me. My breath hitches and body shoots upright. His eyes, bloodshot and tired, find mine. It’s clear Julian hasn’t been able to sleep, either.
He pushes himself away from the ledge, walking toward me with slow steps, a heat in his gaze. Hungry. Ravenous. Desperate. I straighten my spine, facing him, the tension between us mounting with every inch he erases. When he’s a breath away, he stops, his expression wrought with turmoil. It’s reminiscent of the indecision covering his face earlier tonight when he left me in the hallway. I worry the same thing will happen, that he’ll retreat instead of push forward. I can’t let that happen.
Without saying a word, I reach for the sash of my robe, pulling at it, allowing the material to fall to my feet. A chill washes over me as the breeze wraps around my exposed skin, but the raw need covering Julian’s expression chases it away, empowering me. Finding the hem of my tank, I pull it over my head, leaving me in just my shorts.
He sucks in a breath, his eyes breaking from mine as they rake over my chest. This is a bold and rash move, especially for me. I’ve never had to put it all on the line and risk rejection. But this is the eleventh hour. There’s no tomorrow, not if I don’t take a leap.
When he returns his gaze to mine, there’s something unfamiliar in it. It’s more than lust or desire. He’s not ready for me to walk out of his life any more than I am. But is that enough for him to ask me to stay? Or will the demons that still haunt him return, forcing him to withdraw back into himself?
I don’t have a chance to think about it as he tugs my body to his, his mouth covering mine. His kiss is fevered, intense, wild. He seems to feed on me, needing me for sustenance. He breathes into me, causing a flutter in my chest. His hands shift to my ass and he squeezes, his raspy groan satisfying and electrifying. When he lifts and places me on the ledge, my legs wrap around his waist, his fingers digging into my skin. Desperate to feel every inch of him, I kiss him with more force, pulsing my hips against him. It feels like we’ve done this dance thousands of times before, our bodies in tune with each other so perfectly, so succinctly. A growl rips from his throat and his grip on me tightens. Before I can make sense of what’s happening, we’re moving, his lips never straying from mine as he carries me into my room.
Once he deposits me onto the bed, he leans back, peering at me, a question in his unwavering gaze. Not a single word has been spoken between us since we left the gala. We don’t need them. After spending this amount of time together, we can read each other. We started out as strangers and became so much more than simply friends. I struggle to see a world without Julian in it.
I don’t want to know a world without Julian in it.
As I nod in silent confirmation that this is what I want, I grab the back of his head, capturing his lips once more. When our tongues meet, he moans, and I hook my legs around him. Moisture pools between my thighs as I squeeze them, desperate for Julian to extinguish the flames he sparked months ago.
His mouth moves from mine, traveling along my jawline, nibbling on my earlobe before beginning the journey down the rest of my body. He takes his time to worship every inch of me, every curve, every dip, every valley, feasting on me as if I’m the finest delicacy known to man.
When his tongue swirls around my nipple, I fist the sheet in my hands, lightheaded. But that’s nothing compared to the immense pleasure shooting through me when his teeth scrape against the sensitive flesh. My breathing increases, my pulse skyrocketing. Unmatched need fills me and I close my eyes, thrusting against him with increased urgency.
“Patience,” he finally says. “I want this to last.”
Taking several deep breaths, I try to slow my racing heart. But he’s already struck the match. He did so the night I first saw him at the bar in Manhattan. All summer, he’s fueled the flames to the point where I’m now ready to combust.
He returns his mouth to my nipple, sucking before continuing his exploration of my body. Every nip, every scrape, every lick pushes me higher and higher. When he reaches my hips, he hooks his fingers into the waistband of my shorts. A single brow arched, he peers up at me. I nod quickly, lifting my ass off the bed, desperate for him to hurry. With a sly grin, he leisurely lowers my shorts and underwear down my legs, tossing them to the floor, then settles between my thighs. Not a single self-conscious thought fills my mind as he seems to admire me from this vantage point, like a man who’s been starved for too long.
He gradually breaks his gaze from mine and licks his lips. Every muscle in my body tightens as I hold my breath, waiting for the warmth of his mouth on my most sensitive spot. I’ve spent the summer in a perpetual state of heightened arousal. I fear all it will take is the slightest swipe of his tongue for me to shatter.
I close my eyes, gripping the sheets even tighter, my core clenching in anticipation. Finally, he presses his tongue against me, and I moan, relaxing my body as I lose myself in this sensation of bliss I’ve only fantasized about. I do everything to prolong it, but it’s impossible. The past two months have been one big buildup to this moment. Now I regret what I’ve deprived myself of to keep my heart guarded, when Julian was able to burst through those walls without even a brush of his finger against my skin. In my heart, I know this was the path we were meant to take. We were meant to wait until this moment to experience this mind-blowing passion neither one of us believed possible…until now.
My breath quickens as that familiar sensation of warmth and ecstasy fills me, the peak in sight. As if able to read me like a book, Julian increases his motion, filling me with a finger, then another, pushing me to the brink until I succumb to his touch, convulsing around him. But that doesn’t make him stop. He continues worshiping me until the last of my tremors cease.
As he crawls up my body, a smirk on his lips, I grab his face, crushing my mouth against his. The taste of me on his tongue reignites the flame and I’m instantly desperate for more of him, for all of him.
“I need you,” I plead in a throaty voice, frantic and delirious.
He simply nods, pushing his shorts down his legs. As he’s about to toss them to the floor, he reaches into one of the p
ockets, retrieving a foil packet.
“I was standing out there for over an hour before you walked onto the balcony,” he answers the question written on my face.
“So this was your plan all along?” I ask coyly.
He releases a short laugh. “I don’t think anything about this was ever planned, Guinevere.” I smile at how true his words ring. Nothing about this summer went according to my original plan. Maybe that’s the beauty of it. Because it was completely unexpected in the most satisfying of ways.
He touches his lips back to mine, treating me to a soft kiss. “I never planned this.” His voice is contemplative.
“Me, either.”
“Now I can’t think of anything I want more.”
“Me, either,” I repeat, running my fingers through his hair and down his back, relishing in the feel of his skin. He briefly closes his eyes, melting into my touch, arching his back before returning to a kneeling position. He secures the condom, then positions himself between my thighs. I swallow hard, this moment bigger than I ever thought it would be.
Julian arches a brow, silently asking if this is what I truly want. I nod once more. He pushes into me, slowly, deeply, completely. My body fuses to the mattress as a sensation of absolute fulfillment washes over me. He leans down, cupping my face in his hands. His eyes sear mine as he moves so reverently inside me, taking me by surprise. I expected sex with Julian to be…different. Less emotional, less passionate, less…intimate. But this isn’t sex. Not with him. Not with us. It would never be just sex.
I move with the steady rhythm he sets, relishing in every gentle thrust as he fills me to the brim, stretching me in a way no man ever has, then pulls back before continuing the same pattern. Neither one of us speaks a single word. There’s no need, no requirement to fill the vacant space with declarations of lust or desire. The silence is more striking, the unspoken words more poignant than insignificant ramblings just to make it seem as if we’re in the moment. Because we both know we’re there, that we’ve finally made it to this place we fought against for too long. No more.
Julian rolls his hips into me, his motions measured and penetrating, delivering the utmost pleasure. As he nuzzles the crook of my neck, he finds my arms, pinning them on either side of my head.
“I don’t know how much longer I can hold back.” His voice is strained.
“It’s okay.” I wrap my legs tighter around his waist, circling him. “Let go,” I whisper, taking his earlobe between my teeth, nibbling on it. That’s all it takes for his muscles to tighten, his harsh grip on my wrists painful, yet satisfying. As his movements become increasingly more intense, I close my eyes, my core clenching as another wave of desire washes over me, much to my surprise.
“Don’t fight it,” he murmurs into my ear, his own breathing labored. “Just let go.”
He drives into me with even more ferocity and I scream out, shattering around him as explosions of light obscure my vision. His mouth clamps onto my neck as he finds his own release, his body trembling and jerking. He thrusts one final time, then loosens his grip on my wrists, collapsing on top of me, spent and sated.
My fingers drift up and down his back, savoring the grooves of his tattoo, toying with his hair as I try to calm my breathing. I stare at the ceiling, everything seeming different now.
“Wow,” Julian exhales, struggling to catch his breath just like me.
I laugh. “You can say that again.”
He rolls off me and stands, removing the condom and tossing it into the trash bin next to the nightstand before crawling back into bed, draping the duvet over our bodies. His arms wrap around me and I blow out a contented sigh.
But I still don’t know what this means for us, if this changes anything. I open my mouth, about to ask, when Julian places a soft kiss on my shoulder blade, tightening his hold on me.
“Shh,” he soothes. “I’ll be right here when you wake up. I’m not going anywhere.”
All the tension immediately leaves my body as I melt into his embrace, his promise filling me with hope.
Chapter Thirty-Three
The melody of the lapping ocean waves and Julian’s gentle breathing meet my ears as I slowly rouse from a restful sleep. The sun shines in the room as seagulls squawk, the sheer curtains blowing near the open French doors we never shut last night in the frenzy of finally experiencing each other. And experience each other we did. At least four times.
Sensing I’m awake, Julian traces a delicate circle around my hipbone and I moan, relaxing into his touch as he stirs my desire once more. I flip over to face him and place gentle kisses on his chest. He’s so warm. So virile. So…perfect.
He grabs my chin, tilting my head back and leaning down to kiss me. I tear away, covering my mouth with my hand.
He cocks a brow. “What is it?”
“Morning breath,” I say from behind my hand. “No one likes morning breath.”
He chuckles, the rumble hitting me deep in my core. He wraps his arms around me, bringing me closer into his body, the heat coming off him electrifying.
“I like morning breath.”
“Then you’re weirder than I thought.”
“Nah. I’m just weird for you.” He grabs my chin once more. When he leans in for a kiss this time, I don’t hide, his mouth touching mine. “Mmm,” he moans, his tongue tracing along my lower lip, coaxing me open. A slave to whatever he wants, I part my lips, our tongues meeting in a gentle dance.
I hook my leg over his waist, inching as close as I can. As our kiss becomes more heated, his hold on me tightens and he brings my body on top of his. Straddling him, my hips circle a slow rhythm against him. He groans as he hardens even more, craving me as much as I hunger for him.
“Do you feel what you do to me?” He grips the back of my neck, fierce, jarring, intoxicating.
“Yes.” I close my eyes, continuing to tease him.
“Do you want me?” His hands find my waist, controlling my motions as he thrusts against me.
“God, yes.”
That’s all he needs to hear. He reaches for the nightstand, grabbing the last condom. He’s about to open the packet when I rip it from his hands. Passing him a flirtatious grin, I tear it open, my eyes remaining locked on his as I carefully roll the condom on him. My touch on his length causes his nostrils to flare, his jaw to clench.
Once the condom is in place, I hover over him, my mouth a whisper from his. Our breath intermingling, I lower myself onto him, taking him as deep as I can before pulling back. He brings his lips toward mine, but I escape them. I’m no longer concerned about morning breath. I like this game, the playful desperation as Julian tries to capture my mouth with a kiss, to no avail.
My motions remain slow and sensual as I savor in him. Just like he did to me the night before, I grab his wrists, pinning them on either side of his head as I shade his face with my hair. He flexes his fists, and I can tell it’s killing him not to be able to touch me. I know all too well. I was in his place last night.
Our eyes linger on each other as we remain in this moment. I give Julian everything he deserves as I take everything he’s willing to give me until neither one of us can take anything else and I collapse on him, both of our bodies quivering and trembling.
In the aftermath, I remain locked in his embrace, my head nuzzled into his chest as I relish in the sound of his steady heart. He delicately traces circles on my shoulder blade, my arm slung over his waist. As we lay there in solitude, my attention is drawn to the scars on his abdomen.
“What’s the story behind these?” I ask as I shift my hand to the three circular marks, brushing my fingers against them.
The instant I do, he grabs my wrist in a harrowing grip. I snap my eyes to his, wincing in pain. But he doesn’t relent. Something inside him snaps and he’s not himself, an old defense mechanism kicking in, forcing him to become someone else.
“Don’t.” It’s not a plea. It’s a demand. A warning. The atmosphere changes as he glares at me. Gone is
my charming, endearing Julian. In front of me is a broken man. A haunted man. A shattered man. His entire body seems to tremble, his stare darkening as he squeezes my wrist so hard I yelp, tears forming in the corner of my eyes.
When he hears my piercing cry, he releases his hold, his eyes widening as he stares at me in confusion, as if snapping out of whatever trance he’d been in. Then he quickly pushes away from me and jumps out of the bed. I rub my wrist, flexing it, able to discern the place where each individual finger was wrapped around it. He focuses on my skin where a bruise is already forming, then looks back at me, turmoil covering his expression.
“Why don’t you want to talk about your scars? What happened?” My brain tells me to retreat, to drop it, but I can’t. I reach for him again, but he steps away, grabbing his shorts off the floor and yanking them on.
“I don’t talk about them.”
“But I want to know. I want to know this part of you. I want you to open up.”
“Why?” His tone is harsh, one I’ve never heard him use with me, with anyone. “Why do you need to know about this? It doesn’t matter.”
“It does matter! It’s a part of you. Based on your reaction, it’s a big part of you. This is what people do when they care about each other. They share themselves. The good. The bad. And the gritty darkness.”
He stares at me, his jaw tight, then lowers his head. “I can’t do that.” He avoids my eyes as he walks toward the door.
I scramble off the bed, rushing to pull on his oversized SUNY sweatshirt. When his hand touches the doorknob, I blurt out the first thing that comes to mind, the only truth I know that will make him see that whatever idea he’s concocted in his head is ridiculous.
