by A. K. Evans
I knew I wouldn’t be able to avoid everyone forever. But considering everything had all just hit me this morning, I was hoping for a bit of time to be able to cope with it on my own.
That was precisely what I did, too.
As I spent the morning hours working on a customer’s car, I thought about Parker and what I needed to do.
Hours later, I hadn’t quite finished my work when I’d come up with a plan. It wasn’t a great one. Then again, I wasn’t sure there was any chance of having a plan that felt good in this situation anyway.
My plan, which I was certain was going to be more difficult than I was prepared for it to be, was to distance myself from Parker slowly. No matter how many times I went through it in my head, I couldn’t get on board with going to her and telling her outright that it wasn’t going to work. I knew that was probably the right thing to do, but I didn’t think I could handle the guilt and regret I’d feel if I ended us.
So, I planned to have her end it.
And the only way that was going to happen was if I started being somebody she didn’t recognize. I’d start to be less available, and when we did get together, she’d surely feel me pulling away. There was no doubt in my mind that she’d take it on for a while, see it happening, and try to fix it. When it didn’t work, she’d bring it up. And I’d see to it that we left the conversation knowing we were going our separate ways permanently.
Parker made it clear that she only ever wanted to spend time with me. Sure, she enjoyed it when the two of us went out together, but it wasn’t about the money we spent or the places themselves. It was about the experiences we had with one another. It was about the laughter, the fun, and the feeling of spending time with someone who made each of us genuinely happy.
Just remembering those moments with her had me feeling sick to my stomach about what I was going to do. The truth was, I didn’t know how I was going to let her go. I just knew it had to be done because no matter what happened, I’d never be able to make her happy.
Never.
Especially not on the days that she deserved it the most.
I’d step aside, swallow my pride, and allow someone else to make her happy.
The thought of it now made my throat burn as my chest constricted.
“Everything okay?”
At the sound of Logan’s voice, I looked up and saw him standing there with Knox beside him.
“Yeah,” I answered. “I’m just trying to get this finished up before I head out of here.”
“Okay, but are you okay?” Knox pressed.
“Why wouldn’t I be?” I asked, trying to play it cool. I didn’t think I’d done anything to make them believe something was wrong.
Logan shrugged, but it was Knox who spoke. “You’re not yourself,” he said.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I returned.
Knox shot me an incredulous look and answered, “Are you serious with that question? You walked in and made a beeline over here. You normally stop and bullshit with me for a few minutes.”
I didn’t respond because I wasn’t sure what to say. The last thing I wanted to do was tell the guys what I was planning to do with Parker. There was no question that they’d find a way to talk me out of it. And considering that Logan was the only one who knew everything, the rest of them wouldn’t understand why I had to do it.
On the other hand, I wasn’t going to lie to them either. I just needed some time to deal with this on my own.
Unfortunately, I took too long to figure out how to respond because Logan asked, “Is everything okay with you and Parker?”
I swallowed hard.
In that instant, Logan and Knox knew something wasn’t right.
“Aw, man,” Knox started. “What happened? I thought you two were getting along great.”
“Yeah, Kendall said girls’ night went well, and Parker fit right in with the rest of the group,” Logan added. “She didn’t make any mention of you guys being on the rocks.”
I sighed. “It’s complicated,” I told them. “Honestly, I’m still trying to work this all out in my head right now.”
At that moment, Ryker urged, “Don’t do something stupid.”
I’d been so caught up in my thoughts that I hadn’t seen him approach. In fact, I’d been so distracted that I hadn’t noticed Ryker or Kieran approach.
Great.
Now I had all of them to contend with when all I wanted to do was finish my work and go home to clear my head.
“Things can seem stupid, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t necessary,” I returned.
“Living with regret is stupid and unnecessary,” Ryker insisted. “Don’t do something you’re going to regret. You’ll never forgive yourself.”
“It’s complicated,” I replied.
“We’ve all done complicated, Nash,” Kieran chimed in. “Maybe we can help you work it out.”
Nodding, I said, “I appreciate that, but I don’t have a good grasp on it yet.”
“You know we’re here if you need to talk it out,” Knox reminded me.
“I know.”
“Just make sure you talk it out before you do something stupid,” Ryker warned me.
I wanted to laugh. He had made what I was sure he believed to be the biggest mistake of his life when it came to Scarlet. But what happened between them was completely different than what was happening between Parker and me.
“I’m not going to do anything stupid,” I assured him.
I couldn’t say I wouldn’t regret it. I knew I would. I recognized I’d live with regret every day, knowing I let her go. But I could live with that. What I couldn’t live with was feeling guilty about not giving her everything she deserved.
When nobody said anything else, I said, “Look, guys, I appreciate you looking out for me. I’m okay. Parker will be okay. But right now, I need to get this finished up so I can go home and clear my head for a while.”
I received a round of nods from my friends, and they all started to disperse.
Except for Logan. He stayed put and waited until the rest of the guys walked away. Once we were alone, he asked, “Are you sure you’re good?”
I turned my head to the side and looked away from him.
After taking a few moments to really consider my answer to Logan’s question, I returned my attention to him and admitted, “No.”
“You want to talk about it?” he offered.
What was I supposed to say? I was going to end things with Parker, the woman I thought I was going to be with for the rest of my life, over something she couldn’t control. It hardly seemed rational to even admit that to myself.
But there was no other option. I knew she deserved better.
“Her birthday is May 22nd,” I told him.
I wasn’t sure if Logan was going to make the connection to the date. His face turned pensive, and I could see the moment he’d figured it out.
“Is that the same day…” He trailed off.
I nodded.
“Oh, man,” he said. “I’m sorry. I don’t even know what else to say.”
“You see why I’m struggling with this?” I asked.
He dipped his chin. “There’s certainly no easy answer for how to deal with it,” he confirmed. “I mean, I’d hate to see you give up Parker because I can see how happy she’s made you. But there’s no denying that you’ve got a legitimate reason for feeling torn.”
“I don’t want to hurt her,” I insisted. “And I’m certain that’s precisely what’s going to happen.”
Logan offered me a sympathetic look and asked, “Is there anything I can do?”
I shook my head. “I appreciate the offer, but I’ve got to do this on my own. I need some time to figure it out.”
“If that changes, don’t hesitate to let me know. Kendall and I will do whatever we can to help,” he said.
“Thanks, Logan.”
“Anytime,” he returned.
With that, Logan turned and walked away. I got b
ack to work. Luckily, what I’d said to Logan was the truth. I had been nearly finished with the work I was doing. And that was a relief because I couldn’t seem to focus much on anything but Parker.
I learned a tough lesson tonight.
I was horrible at reading the signs until it was too late.
It was approaching bedtime Tuesday evening, more than a week after I’d had girls’ night in with Kendall, Avery, Scarlet, and Elise. It was also more than a week since I felt good about where things were with Nash and me.
And I hated that because it also meant that at the same time I realized how hard I had fallen for him, something else changed in our relationship.
I wanted to talk to him about it. I really did. But there hadn’t been much of an opportunity.
When I went into work this morning, despite it being my later night at the office, I was excited. My enthusiasm for the day had nothing to do with work, though. It was all about the fact that I would be seeing Nash for the first time since the night I stayed at his place for the first time.
Technically, that wasn’t entirely true.
I had seen him once in that time. Just once. The meeting had been brief, though. In fact, I almost didn’t see him. Last Monday evening, which had been the first I’d heard from him since we went our separate ways the morning after my first night at his place, I’d received a text from him.
Nash: Hey. I know you’re at yoga right now, but I wanted to send you a message before I forget. I had my appointment scheduled for this coming Friday, and I think I need to cancel. We’ve got a race coming up in a couple of weeks, and there’s a lot that needs to get done.
Since I was in class when he sent it, I didn’t respond until more than an hour after he sent it. I figured it would be best to call him to talk about it, but he didn’t answer. As I was typing out a response, though, he ended up calling me back.
“Hey,” I greeted him.
“Hey, sorry I missed your call,” he lamented. “I thought I heard my phone, but I was in the middle of working on the guest bathroom.”
“Oh, that’s okay,” I told him. “I just got out of my class and figured it’d be easier to call to talk to you instead of texting. I won’t keep you since you’re in the middle of working, but I wanted to see what we could do about your appointment.”
There was a moment of silence before Nash said, “Yeah, these next few weeks are probably going to be pretty busy, and I need to make sure I stay on top of my work. If I don’t put in a full day Friday, I’ll be screwed.”
“I’m normally in the office a half-hour before my first appointment. I’d be happy to meet you there early on Friday before anyone else gets there, so you don’t have to miss out on getting your adjustment,” I offered. “The last thing you’ll want is to end up out of alignment again, especially if you want to stay in tip-top shape for all the work you’ve got to get done.”
Nash hesitated but eventually acquiesced, “Alright. I guess that’ll work.”
Relieved that he’d still get his treatment and not end up back at square one, I smiled. Then I teased, “You’re welcome, Nash.”
He let out a small laugh and replied, “Thank you, Parker.”
“Okay, well, I’ll let you get back to work,” I started. “I’m going to head home, shower, and have some dinner. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Okay. Drive safe.”
I couldn’t help my smile from growing wider at his concern for my safety and well-being. “I will. Goodnight, babe.”
Silence came through the line. Thinking my phone cut out, I called, “Nash?”
“Yeah?” he responded.
“I think my phone cut out. I didn’t hear you say anything.”
“Oh. Um, goodnight.”
With that, we disconnected, and I drove myself home.
Throughout the rest of the week, I didn’t see Nash. He did send me another text on Wednesday when I was at yoga again. I tried calling him back when I got out as I had on Monday, but he didn’t answer. And he didn’t call me back.
After I’d finished up with my second patient on Thursday morning, I returned to my office to find that Nash had called and left me a voicemail.
“Hey, Parker. Sorry I missed your call last night. I was at the shop late, and by the time I got home, I was wiped out. I’m back at work now, about to dive into my project for the day. It’s probably going to be another late night, but I’ll see you tomorrow morning at your office.”
Disappointment moved through me. I knew he was working hard and had a lot on his plate right now, but we hadn’t seen each other in nearly a week, and we were barely getting any time to talk with one another either.
It was frustrating.
Since I didn’t want to interrupt him while he was working, I decided to tap out a quick text to him because I needed to be ready to move on to my next patient.
Me: Hey! I just got your voicemail. Sorry we’re playing phone tag now. Don’t work too hard today. I can’t wait to see you tomorrow morning! Xoxo
I never received a response to my text. Not even later that night after I’d gotten myself into bed.
To say I barely slept that night would have been an understatement. I was a mix of emotions because, on the one hand, I felt excited about seeing Nash the next morning, and on the other hand, I was feeling a bit downtrodden. I missed him a lot.
I missed laughing with him.
I missed talking to him.
I missed kissing him.
More than anything else, I wanted to feel nothing but his comforting and protective embrace. Nothing made me feel better than being wrapped up in his arms.
I got to the office before Trisha on Friday and was bursting at the seams waiting to see Nash. No sooner had I walked through the front door when I saw his truck pulling into the lot. I quickly ran through and turned on the lights before returning to the waiting room. I made it back just as he was walking through the door.
My heart swelled in my chest at the sight of him, and I beamed at him. Something washed over his face. He looked a mix of exhaustion and something else I couldn’t quite put my finger on. Even though his look should have made me hesitate, it didn’t.
Too many days had passed, and I needed to touch him.
Seemingly of its own accord, my body propelled itself forward toward him. I slipped my arms around his waist and pressed my cheek to his chest.
A few seconds had passed before I felt his arms wrap around my body. I should have noticed that hesitation, but I was too caught up in how good it felt to be this close to him again that I ignored it.
Moments later, I tipped my head back to look up at him. Then I smiled and said, “Good morning.”
“Morning,” he responded, a husky tone to his voice.
Nash loosened his hold on me, and I led him back to the exam room.
“How is everything feeling?” I asked as we stepped into the room.
“The back and the groin are both good,” he answered.
Closing the door behind us, I pressed, “Even with all the work you’ve been doing? No soreness, pinching, shooting pains, or tightness?”
Nash shook his head. “Not really,” he replied. “My back feels incredible. Every so often, I feel the pain in the groin, but it’s usually on the days when I haven’t used the ball.”
I nodded my understanding. “Okay, how about you get on the table, and we’ll get you checked out?”
Nash did as I asked.
After checking everything out and getting him set up on the stim, I walked out of the exam room feeling happy. Looking back now, I realize how stupid I was because I should have noticed that it had been a week since Nash last saw me, and he didn’t make it a priority even to greet me with a kiss. Not even once we were in the exam room did he take advantage of the fact that we had privacy.
And if I had really been paying attention, I wouldn’t have been able to ignore what happened before he left. After completing his treatment, Nash got up from the table and said, “T
hanks for coming in early today to meet me here.”
“It was no problem at all,” I responded. “In fact, with how crazy your work schedule has been, I was excited about being able to see you for a little bit. I’ve missed you so much.”
He offered me a sympathetic look and lamented, “I’m sorry. This time of year can be really challenging for me.”
“I never realized just how big the racing industry is, especially in Rising Sun,” I told him.
“Well, the majority of our customers are not from Rising Sun,” he explained. “There are a couple who live in the immediate area, but most of them travel quite a distance to come to us.”
I dipped my chin. “You guys are obviously very talented,” I said as I took two steps toward him. Nash’s frame tensed—something I stupidly ignored—as I pressed my palms to his chest and added, “I don’t know much about cars other than what you’ve already told me or what I’ve seen at the racetrack. But what I am certain of is just how good you are at what you do to me.”
“Parker,” Nash rasped.
I tipped my chin up, pressed up on my toes, and touched my mouth to his. Nash’s fingers tightened on my hips as his lips responded, and his mouth captured mine. His tongue swept into my mouth.
It had been too long. Far too long.
And it had only been one day shy of a week.
Not one person before Nash had ever made me feel this way, not even when I tried all those years ago to find someone.
Feeling this way now, I knew that I’d never be able to live without Nash. He did things to me that I didn’t know were possible. He made me feel good about myself, he made me feel safe, and he always treated me with respect, even when I fought him on something only so I could be the one in control.
And because I was so overwhelmed with emotion, I couldn’t stop myself from moaning. That was when Nash brought a hand up to the side of my face, tore his mouth away, and rested his forehead against mine. His breathing was labored, and I couldn’t say I didn’t understand exactly where he was coming from.
We couldn’t do what we both so clearly wanted.
“I have to get to work,” he whispered.
“I know,” I said softly.
