by Sam Crescent
She hadn’t been inside the building in so long. The realtor had a set of keys to the place so she wouldn’t have to be present when people were looking around. There hadn’t been any interest though.
As she stepped through the building, she looked around. She hadn’t wanted to come because this place held a lot of memories for her. This was her achievement. Now, without furniture, it was so dead and vacant.
Tucking her hair behind her ear, she made her way into the back office. The catalogs were still there, so she picked up the phone. Within two hours, she had all the equipment on order, due to arrive within three days. She made sure stock was also ordered.
With a baby on the way, she was going to have to hire some help.
She sat back.
Only one person. She’d hire one person and see if she could train them. Whoever she got to work with, they would have to get along. She refused to have a working environment when she couldn’t stand the person.
With that settled, she made the phone call to the realtor to bring back her keys. She wasn’t going to be selling.
Smokey hadn’t gotten the letter yet, but when he did, he’d come to her.
Ava ended the day feeling focused. She left the shop and came to a stop when she saw Smokey across the street.
He climbed off his bike, and she noticed people had stopped to watch. She hated feeling like a spectacle.
“Why are you here?” she asked. I’m pregnant with your baby, and a few months ago I’d have given anything to be this way. Now, I feel so lost and so broken. Why did you have to do that to me?
She didn’t speak any word of what was going on inside her head. She wanted to. There was a lot she wanted to yell at him.
Like the good woman she was, she kept it all locked up inside. Nothing good would come from screaming at him.
“I come here every single night before I go to your house.”
“Why?”
“I want to see if you’ve opened it. Are you opening it?”
She should tell him in person that she was pregnant. He was right here, but Ava didn’t want to witness his reaction.
Smokey had surprised her more than once, and him finding out they were going to be parents, well, she didn’t want to see that revelation.
“Yes,” she said. “I’ve organized everything.”
“Good. That’s good.”
“It’s just to see how everything is. You know. I may not have any customers.” She shrugged.
“Your food is the best, Ava. They’d all be fools for not coming. I can guarantee they do.”
“No.” She shook her head. “I don’t want you forcing people to come to my shop. If my food is as good as you say, then they’ll come, regardless.”
“How have you been?” he asked.
Tell him.
“Fine. You?” She wanted to tell him, but she was afraid.
The news was good for her. She wanted to have a baby. If Smokey didn’t and he asked her to get rid of it, he’d break her heart even more. After everything, she was holding on by a thread. Once he read the news in his clubhouse, in his own time, she’d have to deal with the fallout.
They had never discussed the future or children, or anything.
She tucked some hair behind her ear. This was one of the many reasons she hated short hair.
Smokey’s nostrils flared as she did this.
“I better go. Don’t come to my house tonight,” she said. “I know you’re always there. Stay home. Go back to the clubhouse.”
“I miss you.”
She smiled. “You know what, I miss you too, but I miss what I didn’t really know.”
Smokey took a step toward her, and she backed away.
“I won’t hurt you. I promise.”
“You won’t intentionally hurt me, Smokey, but there are a lot of ways to deliver pain. They don’t have to be an actual physical blow.” She couldn’t look at him.
“I will make this right.”
She chanced a glance at him and saw the way he looked at her. “Some things can’t be made right. I’m sorry, Smokey.” She took another step back. “I need to head back home.” She was getting hungry, and well, the longer she stood with him, the more the guilt of not telling him ate away at her.
There was so much she wanted to say to him.
“You’ll always be mine,” he said.
This made her pause and look back at him. There was no reason to say anything else.
She walked to her car, climbed inside, and resisted the temptation to look back at him. Would he be watching her? She drove all the way home, hearing the sound of his bike as he followed her.
Smokey hadn’t listened to her.
She arrived at home a few seconds before Smokey’s bike pulled opposite her house.
Continuing to ignore him, she went inside and locked the door. Resting her back against it for a few seconds, she put a hand to her chest. “I can do this.”
She removed her jacket and went straight to the kitchen. Ava didn’t allow herself to think. She took ingredients out of the fridge and started to prepare herself a meal.
A nice stir fry.
She’d purchased some tofu the other day at the grocery store. She’d had this craving for it. Now as she prepared it, her mouth watered as she fried it in a small amount of oil until it was crispy on each side. It smelled delicious and she wanted to eat it instantly, but it would burn her mouth. She had to show restraint.
How would Smokey react when he finally read the letter? Would he be happy?
She’d know soon enough.
****
Smokey drank down the strong espresso, closing his eyes as he wished for the caffeine to work.
“You’ve got to stop doing this,” Hunter said.
“I’m doing what needs to be done.”
“You’re going to get yourself killed for a woman who doesn’t want you.”
He dropped the glass and smashed his fist against Hunter’s face. The brother didn’t take the hit, throwing a punch to his stomach. He grunted, but the pain was better than feeling nothing at all. Smokey threw another hit, tossing Hunter sideways until he collapsed on a table. The impact smashed the table.
Feminine screams filled the air. He cracked his knuckles. Hunter came at him.
“Enough!” Brick said.
Smokey grabbed Brick and shoved him out of the way. Anger flooded his gaze, and he wanted to kill everyone in sight.
Ava loved him. She just didn’t want him. The pain of that knowledge, the anger and hatred at himself, manifested. The club came at him. Each man taking him on. They landed a few blows, but he went for a full-scale attack.
The women were moved out of harm’s way. Chairs and tables pushed as he fought. Kinky was one of the worst sons of bitches around. He came at him, wrapping his arms around Smokey, holding him still.
“This is not the way, brother.”
“Let me the fuck go.”
Kinky wasn’t letting him go.
Ugly Beast came through the door. “Let him go,” he said, stepping up close.
“You want your ass beat?” Smokey asked.
The brothers stepped back as he faced off with Ugly Beast. “You think this is going to make you feel good?” Ugly Beast asked. “Taking us on one by one?”
“I don’t need you all to be pussies. I can take you on. Let’s make it an orgy.” Smokey knew he was being a dick. He needed to feel the pain that his club could dish out.
Ugly Beast stood there. “Then come at me.” He held his hands open. “Go ahead. Take me. Hit me.”
The fight had left Ugly Beast. There was no tension in his shoulders. No indication the man would even fight.
It was useless.
Smokey hated Ugly Beast at that moment. “One day, Ugly, you and me.”
“It’s never going to happen. You’ll realize you’re fucking up. When that happens, I’ll still be here.”
He wiped at his face and saw blood ran from his nose. Pushing Ugly B
east out of the way, he limped toward his office.
“This won’t win her back,” Ugly Beast said.
Smokey paused and glanced back at him. “Nothing is going to win her back. She’s lost to me.” With that, he turned away and went straight to his office, closing the door. Collapsing in the chair, he grabbed some tissues and wiped under his nose. The blood kept on coming. The nose wasn’t broken. Pity.
He threw the tissue into the trash and saw the pile of mail on his desk. He usually ignored the mail, leaving Hunter or Brick to open it.
Staring at the pile, he lifted the letters, and one by one, he put each letter on the desk. There was some bill or other. When he came to a different-looking letter with his name on the front, just Smokey, he paused.
It had Ava’s handwriting.
Turning it over, he quickly tore into it and reached inside. A single letter and a picture. He looked at the image. It reminded him a little of the baby picture Abriana had shown around when she was pregnant.
What the fuck?
He opened up the piece of paper to see they were blood test results. Scanning over them, he saw the marking for pregnant. He flicked the letter over and spun it around as the writing was upside down.
Smokey,
I’m pregnant. I don’t want or expect anything from you. I didn’t plan this, and it’s news to me as well.
Ava.
What the ever-loving fuck?
That was it.
She had seen him yesterday. He’d been outside her house all fucking night, and she’d sent him a letter. It wasn’t even a detailed letter. This was basic.
Getting to his feet, he stormed out of his office. The men and women were putting the room back to rights with the few pieces of furniture he hadn’t destroyed. The rest was being taken out.
He stared at the mess and it hit him.
He was going to be a father.
Ava had told him in a letter but … he was going to be a dad. Responsible for another human being. Not that was any different from the club, but a boy or girl of his own flesh and blood.
“You okay, Smokey?” Swallow asked, coming toward him.
He looked at the woman who worked as a porn star for them in the shack.
“I’m going to be a dad.”
This had the entire room pausing. The air felt still. No one moved a muscle. If this was a movie, it would be like everyone had pressed pause. What were they waiting for?
He lifted up the picture. “I’m … a dad. I’m going to be a dad.” Holy shit, he was going to be responsible for a little baby. The revelations kept on happening, repeating themselves, and each time he thought about it, the fear began to build.
A baby was a huge deal.
“Congratulations,” Hunter said.
The brothers came around to congratulate him.
“Ava told you in a letter?” Big Dick asked.
Smokey stared down at the image and the paperwork. Why hadn’t she told him when she saw him? Was this just another sign from her that they were well and truly over?
“Yeah, she wrote to me.”
“Dude, that shit is cold,” Elijah said.
“At least she told you,” Ugly Beast said. “She didn’t have to.”
“That’s why she was at the bakery. She’s opening it back up. She’s not going to leave.” The anger he’d had moments ago evaporated. A kid. He’d forgotten about the risk he’d taken in coming inside her.
A baby. He’d knocked her up.
It hadn’t been his intention to get her pregnant, but now that she was, he was so fucking happy. They were going to have a baby.
“I’m going to be a daddy,” he said.
The club erupted in cheers.
Smokey apologized to each of the brothers. He shouldn’t have attacked them, but Hunter’s words had rung in his head, and it had set him off. When it came to Ava, he didn’t know what to do to win her back. She was the only person he wanted, and yet, she was lost to him. At least that was how it had felt.
With a baby, he had a chance. She was bound to him in some way.
“I’ve got to go.”
No one stopped him as he left the clubhouse. He got on his bike, shoving the paperwork in his pocket.
Smokey arrived at her house in record time, and much to his surprise, she wasn’t inside.
His next stop was the bakery.
The town was busy once again, but he noticed the bakery still wasn’t open, however, he saw the lights on inside.
After parking his bike across the street, he walked across the road and knocked on the window. Ava was wiping down one of the counters. She hesitated.
He pulled out the ultrasound picture and slammed it against the glass. “We need to talk.”
This got her moving.
She unlocked the door, stepping back for him to enter. She closed and locked the door behind him.
The scent of lemon was heavy in the air, and he watched as she walked around the counter.
“You’ve fixed the place up good. When do you start?” he asked.
“You want to talk about my work?”
“No, I want to talk about this, but I figured we could build to it.”
She smiled. “I start tomorrow. I’m going to look at hiring someone for when I’m ready to give birth.”
“You’re not leaving?” he asked.
“It seems wrong to leave now.” She put a hand to her stomach. “I don’t want any trouble, Smokey. I can take care of myself, and I don’t see this baby as a punishment. I see it as a blessing.” She smiled, and how he’d missed it.
He watched her, trying to memorize it.
Seeing her smile was fucking everything to him.
“I understand if you don’t want to have anything to do with our child.”
“I want to be involved.”
“You do?”
He chuckled. “What makes you think I don’t?”
“We never talked about kids or a future. I figured you wouldn’t be interested in having a baby with me.”
He put his hands on his hips. “I was a little pissed that you sent me this letter instead of telling me. You knew yesterday when we talked. Why didn’t you tell me?”
She tucked her short hair behind her ear. Another reminder that he’d fucked up. Until she grew the length back, he was going to be forever reminded of what he’d done wrong with her.
“I didn’t know how you’d react. I was scared that you’d be angry or that you might ask me to get rid of it.” She put her hand protectively over her stomach. “I love our child already. I don’t want to—”
“No,” he said. “I would never ask you to get rid of our child. I want to be part of their world. Boy or girl.”
“I don’t want us to get back together,” she said.
He nodded. “Fine.”
“I know this is going to be hard.”
He shook his head. “It doesn’t have to be. One day, Ava, you will realize how sorry I am. How much I love you.”
“No, don’t say stuff like that. I don’t want you to say that.”
“It’s true.”
Tears fell down her cheeks. He wanted to take her into his arms and promise her it was going to be okay.
She shook her head and looked up toward the ceiling. “I don’t want to cry anymore. After everything that has happened, you can’t tell me you love me. With what happened, it’s not that easy.”
“I know.” He tried to speak gently with her. From now on, he would never raise his voice, never speak harshly to her. The club would come first, but she would take priority. “I don’t expect you to trust me. I will earn it back.” He looked down at the picture again. “Please, let me be involved. I want to get to know my kid. I’d love to share this experience with you.”
She smiled. “Okay. I have another ultrasound in a couple of weeks. This one will determine how far along I actually am, and when they believe I’ll be giving birth. You’re invited to come.”
“Can I take you?” he
asked.
She shook her head. “No, I think it best I meet you at the hospital. The appointment’s at ten o’clock.”
“I’ll be there. Can I … can I touch you?” He looked at her stomach.
“There’s not a lot to feel, but if you want to, then yes.” She stayed perfectly still and he closed the distance between them.
Slowly, he cupped her stomach, staring into her eyes. There was a slight swelling.
“Can you feel it?” he asked. “The baby?”
“I don’t know. Sometimes I think so. I don’t know if it’s too soon for a baby to be felt.” She laughed. “It’s kind of surreal, you know? All of this. I’ve wanted a baby for so long.”
“You have?”
“Yeah. Derek didn’t want one.”
“Your ex is an asshole. You’re going to make an amazing mother.”
“I hope so.” She laughed.
She looked at him, and the last few months evaporated. He stared into her eyes, and she had the same expression on her face. Full of love, hope. He wanted it. Craved it. How had he taken this for granted before?
Ava looked away first. The mood was broken.
“If there’s ever anything you need, call me, okay? I will be here. I want to offer you protection as well.”
“It’s fine, Smokey. I’ve got it handled. A lot of women handle pregnancy without a man or a woman around. I can handle it.”
“I don’t want you to.”
“It’s not your choice.” She pulled away. “I need to get back to work.”
“I do love you, Ava. I will make you realize I’m not just saying it.”
“I think it’s time you go.”
Chapter Fifteen
The bakery started out slowly when she finally reopened. At first, people just walked on by the shop, until it was like they eventually realized she was officially reopened. The moment they did, people came in and out. The atmosphere wasn’t the same as before. When she first opened, people talked and welcomed her to town, offered to help or gave her hints and tips of the kind of customers she’d like. Who to stay away from.
This was different but at least it was business.
By lunchtime, she was exhausted and nearly sold out. She did make sure she had a backup supply of cookies and muffins.
