by Ava Harrison
In a rush, I step in the door.
A short line has formed in front of me, but when the crowd parts, I come face to face with all I was hoping for. All I’ve dreamed about. Preston. His lips part into a smile as he sees me.
“Am I too late?” I whisper to myself. There’s no way he can hear me but the way his eyes pierce mine, I think . . . no, I believe he can. As I close the distance between us, it’s as though there is something tethering me to him, pulling me closer.
“Am I late?” I blurt out, my heart beating erratically.
“Nope, your timing is impeccable.” His words swallow me whole. Invade every crevice of my mind that still dares to dream.
“I was scared I was too late.” The way he looks at me, I know he understands my meaning.
“It’s never too late. It will never be too late.”
“But what about—”
“What about nothing. There was never anyone else. There is no one but you. The other day when you saw me with Heather, it meant nothing.” He extends a hand to me, his finger sweeping lightly against my jaw. “Jace was sick of me moping around, so he said I needed to date. Get out there again. Heather works in the hospital with me. She’s made her interest in me known for a long time, so I asked her out.”
“She’s in love with you.” My head tips down to look at the floor. “I should know,” I mutter.
“Yeah,” He takes a deep breath and my eyes snap back up. There’s so much emotion in his eyes but I can’t place it. “He said it would be good for me,” he repeats.
“And was it?”
“Yeah.” His voice dips low, it sends a wave of chills down my spine as I wait for him to continue. To seal my fate. “It was good because it made me realize there’s no one else for me but you.”
My mouth trembles against his fingertips as all of my pent-up emotions come pouring out in fresh tears. He reaches up and collects the wetness. “I was so scared. I knew what I had to do, and I did it. But then I had to wait for it to be okay for us to be together. It felt so long, this time without you. I was so scared you’d moved on. That you forgot about me,” I stammer out.
“How could I ever forget about you? Don’t you know by now that I love you?” He pulls me into his arms and buries his head in my neck. “I love you,” he whispers into my skin before he moves his head back and his mouth connects with mine, showing me just how much.
“Okay, I get it,” I laugh into his lips. He pulls away and gives me a heart-stopping smirk.
“I’m glad you’re finally starting to catch on.” He says with a wink.
“God, I’ve missed you. It feels as if I’ve been everywhere and nowhere. Does that make sense?”
“More than you know. That’s how I’ve felt, too. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel. We only have to wait—”
“I don’t want to wait anymore. I don’t want to waste another minute not being with you.” I say.
“Okay, so we won’t wait. We just have to be careful until the time passes, but are you sure you’re ready? As much as it would kill me to let you go again, you have to be sure.”
“I swear, I’ve been to hell and back. But when I lost you, I found me. God, I had so much to learn, but knowing there was a chance for us . . . I fought. I hired a new therapist, not one from your list. She’s wonderful. She’s been working with me to not need approval. She’s been helping me to forgive, and she’s been working with Mom.” His eyes widen at my words.
“Yeah, the three of us have been meeting. Dr. Beckett has been helping her to understand that it’s not her fault Dad took his life. She’s really come a long way.” Tears fill my eyes. “Last week, she came to the office with me. She’s leaving her house again. Do you know how amazing this is?”
“I’m so happy for you.” He smiles.
“You saved me, Preston.”
“No. You saved you. I only gave you some of the tools you needed.” His arms wrap around me and he holds me in his arms.
“I used to be scared, but now I’m controlling it. I’m learning new coping mechanisms and I’m building myself up one day at a time. I have more to learn, but I’m working on it. I’m not perfect, and I still have nightmares sometimes, but it’s okay, because no one’s perfect.”
“To me, you’re perfect.” He runs his hand up my spine. “To me, you’re everything. You are beautiful inside and out.”
I exhale the last bit of fear that still resided in my body. The fear that I had lost him.
Nine Months Later . . .
I watch out the window as the street previously blanketed in white starts to melt away. Spring is coming, breathing warm winds and change. Like a soft lullaby to my ears, each pass of the breeze against the glass pane speaks about the promise of a new beginning. A new beginning for us . . . finally.
Warm arms slip around me and I lean back taking his embrace.
“So now that we can finally be together, where do you want to go?”
“It doesn’t matter, as long as I’m with you.” And that’s the truth. The last nine months we have spent every free minute we could together, maybe not in public because we couldn’t be seen together. But we learned to make do. We’ve become quite creative in fun dates to take in Preston’s brownstone. We cook. We watch movies. We even have picnics in his living room and make love as often as possible. We have fallen further in love. Into an all-consuming love, the kind of love that stories are made of.
He leans down and places a kiss on my exposed shoulder.
“Now that you’re stuck with me, you promise you’ll love me in five years?” I ask and he doesn’t respond but I feel his mouth hovering over my sensitive skin.
Kiss
“In ten years?”
Kiss
“Fifteen years?”
Kiss
With that he spins me around and places his lips on mine, robbing me of my breath. “I’ll love you until forever and a day,” he mumbles against my mouth. “Don’t you understand by now? I want to kiss you till forever. I want to love you until forever, and when forever ends, I want to start all over again.” His voice touches places within me I had almost forgotten were there. It touches the place in my heart where dreams do happen. “Because I will never have my fill of you. Even eternity won’t be enough. I want to be the reason you smile today. I want to be the reason you smile every day.” He pauses and gently opens up his closed hand revealing a beautiful solitaire diamond.
Crystal blue eyes gaze back at me. They speak to my soul, to every facet that I am. In his eyes, I see a future. I see hope, and I see love. It doesn’t matter where we started.
Or how many obstacles we’ll have to overcome.
All that matters is where we’re going, and that we go there together.
“Will you marry me? Will you give me all of your forevers?”
“Yes,” I say through joyful tears that drip down my cheek. His arms encircle me as he sears me with his kiss.
I have learned so much over the last two years. I’ve learned that I’m more than my past. I’m more than the nightmares that haunted me. I’m able to forgive and move forward and have a second chance.
Life does provide a second chance.
This is ours.
The End
I want to thank my entire family. I love you all. Thank you to my husband and my kids for always loving me, I love you so much!
Thank you to all the amazing indie companies that helped mold my words.
Champagne Formats
Write Girl Editing Services
Indie After Hours
Hang Le
Virginia Tesi Carey
Thank you to Linda, Kristi and Melissa from Sassy Savvy Fabulous for your help with EVERYTHING!
Thank you to Heather White and Kylie McDermott from Give Me Books.
Thanks to Leonardo Corredor and Rob Rea for the most perfect picture of “Dr. Preston Montgomery”
I want to thank all my friends for putting up with me. I know it’s no easy
task!
Melissa: You’re my Soul Mate and I love you and would be lost with out you.
Livia: You’re high maintenance but I love your ass. Thank you for always being there!
Trish: I love you girl, even when you are making me do re-writes, and I’m screaming at you . . . I still love you.
Lisa: There is no one I’d rather drink Champagne and eat truffle fries with!
Leigh: Thank you for staying on the phone and not hanging up when I get “panicked”
Mia: Love you! Thanks for your help.
Vanessa Renee Place: Thank you for your help!
Linda: Thank you for bearing with me through my “theories”
To My “Sisters” Thank you for being there for me. Love you guys!
To all my author friends, thank you for giving me great advice and being my friend!
My Beta’s… Leigh, Argie, Liv, Christine, Trish. Thank you for your wonderful and extremely helpful feedback. I appreciate it more than you know! I wouldn’t have been able to write this book without you and to Mel, thanks for the final push, lord did I need it. Love you all!
To the ladies in the Perfectly Flawed Support group, I couldn’t have done this without your support! Perfectly Flawed Group.
Thanks to all the bloggers! Thanks for your excitement and love of books!
Last but certainly not least. . .
Thank you to the readers!
Thank you so much for taking this journey with me.
I hope you will, please consider joining my Perfectly Flawed Support Group on Facebook. The goal of this group and my books is to help women own their imperfections and flaws. This group is to help us remember that every single one of us. . .is perfectly imperfect.
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Ava Harrison is a New Yorker, born and bred. When she’s not journaling her life, you can find her window shopping, cooking dinner for her family, or curled up on her couch reading a book.
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Read on for a preview of Illicit …
I’VE STOPPED WISHING FOR EXTRAORDINARY.
I’ve stopped wishing for that one moment so profound it will change everything. I know it will never happen, so there’s no point in dreaming.
But like all things in life, extraordinary happens when you least expect it, and in the blink of an eye, everything can change.
I GAZE OUT AT THE vast ocean before me. The water laps against the shore like a graceful song to my ears, quietly whispering a melody I once loved, but it does nothing to calm my nerves. Waves roll in, and with each pass of the water, the sand below me scratches beneath my bare feet. I close my eyes to take in the peace, but the visions behind my eyelids are still there, and the pain of his betrayal continues to etch away at me.
As usual, nothing has gone according to my plan. I’m not sure what I expected, but it certainly wasn’t what I got.
I never really liked him.
So why did it hurt so much?
Life has taught me hard lessons. I learned long ago that I could never rely on anyone to be there for me, but even after everything I’ve been through, I still need to know I mean something to someone. That someone out there cares.
It certainly isn’t my parents. Although my father tries, ever since he left when I was ten it hasn’t been the same. And my mom . . . well, my mom is currently in the midst of becoming Mrs. Someone for the fourth time. I’m her perfectly created specimen. The daughter she flaunts at the parties she attends.
When I was eleven, Mom was trying to land a British Duke, which required extensive travel to Europe. To this day, I’m not sure why she dragged me along. In the end, all we had to show for the experience was me being held back a grade. So, even though I’m already eighteen, I’m only a senior in high school.
Turning my head to look over my shoulder, I gaze at the house in the distance. Right up the beach is the house party we decided to crash. Bridget’s older sister rented the house for the summer with a bunch of her college buddies. We knew a ton of Cranbrook Alumni, including my boyfriend, Matthew—well, ex-boyfriend now—would also be there.
At the last minute, Bridget and I decided to pack a bag and join the fun. Although everyone at the party was significantly older than us, we knew we’d be welcome. It would be everyone’s last hurrah. I couldn’t wait to get there and spend some time with Matt before school started, but it turned out he wasn’t missing me as much as I missed him.
My feet were cemented to the floor as I took in the sight before me. There, standing at the edge of the bed, was my boyfriend and a blonde I didn’t know. I couldn’t move as I watched him thrust in and out of her from behind. The sickly sweet smell of sex permeated the air.
I was afraid I’d be sick.
“Matt.” His movements stopped at the sound of my voice.
“Oh, shit,” he said as he pulled out of her and faced me. His face contorted into a look of shock. “Fuck. I didn’t know you’d be here.” My mouth dropped open. Did he just say that? Every muscle in my body flinched as anger filled my blood. A tense silence enveloped the room. It was as if a fierce storm was about to blow.
“You didn’t know I would be here?”
He made no move to cover himself or his whore. Instead, I was forced to look at the woman he cheated on me with. Model tall with bones sticking out of her hips—the complete opposite of me. Her hair was the shade of blond only present in a bottle, and she had lips that looked as if they had recently been injected with fillers. Shaking my head, I turned my attention back to Matt, whose dick was still hard. His mouth hung open, obviously thinking of a way to respond to my question. He let out an audible sigh and then—finally—reached for a sheet to cover the evidence of his tryst.
“Listen, Lynn. I’m sorry you found out this way, but maybe it’s for the best.”
My stomach tightened, and anger coiled inside me. “For the best? What the fuck, Matt? We’ve been together for months!”
“Yeah, but now I’m going away to college, and I’m not sure how I can go that long without you. You don’t get it since you’re still in high school. But I have needs.”
“Needs? You know what? No. No! You don’t get to put this on me like it’s my fault you’re a lying, cheating dick. Have a nice life.”
“Lynn—”
I stormed out the door.
I take a deep breath, and the smell of the ocean rushes up through my nose. Its salty and pungent fragrance should act as a balm, an elixir that soothes me, but I’m too destroyed for something that simple to work. I exhale the emotion collecting inside me.
All I can do now is pray for a miracle to save my night.
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