But this wasn’t about Noah. It was about Hannah. I set my laptop aside with a huff and rolled off the side of my bed. The jeans I’d taken off earlier lay in a heap on the floor. I stripped off my flannel pajama pants and stepped back into the jeans. Instead of the top I’d worn to school, I picked up an old t-shirt and a hooded sweatshirt. I’d go, but I didn’t have to look pretty. In fact, I would just take my laptop with me and sit in the hall outside the gym. That way Hannah could go to the stupid game and I could keep working on my story. I really did need to get it finished. Two months wasn’t that long. Not when I had so much other stuff going on.
I packed up my laptop and went to knock on Hannah’s door. The music was so loud she didn’t hear me. I let myself in. She was sprawled across her canopied bed, one foot dangled off the edge keeping rhythm with the music.
“Let’s go!” I shouted.
Hannah’s eyes snapped to mine.
“Come on!” I tilted my head toward the door.
A huge smile broke across her face. “Yes!” She stopped the music with a tap on her phone and hopped off the bed. Her arms came around my shoulders. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.”
I patted her arm. “Are you ready?”
“Let me grab my wallet.” She let me go, racing to her desk to grab her wallet. “All set,” she grinned as she stuffed it into her pocket.
The ride to the school was quiet except for the music playing through the speakers. Hannah kept shooting me looks like she thought I might change my mind and didn’t want to do or say anything that would push me over the edge, but I wasn’t going to go back on my word. As much as I didn’t want to go to the game, I didn’t regret the decision to bring Hannah.
I pulled up to the curb to let her out.
“You aren’t going to stay?” she asked, her hand on the handle.
“I’ll just park.” I nodded toward my computer bag. “And then find a quiet place and keep working.”
Her shoulders dropped as her eyes studied me in the near darkness. “Are you sure? The team is really good, it should be a fun game.”
I shook my head. “No. Don’t worry about me. I’m fine.” I lifted my hand in a circle. “This isn’t really my scene.”
“Maybe if you gave it a chance.” She wasn’t giving up and as much as I appreciated the effort, she had no idea what she was talking about.
“Hannah, seriously, I’m fine. I really do need to work. Now, go have fun and find me when it’s over, okay?”
She hesitated for just a moment before nodding. “Yeah. I’ll see in later.”
I parked in the lot and was half tempted to just sit outside to work, but it was too cold and it was silly to keep my car running for two and a half hours.
Inside the school, the sounds of cheering fans and the squeak of tennis shoes on the gym floor brought back a flood of memories. Some good, a lot bad. I realized it was wrong to let one experience ruin all the good things that had come before, but I couldn’t seem to help myself. On some level, I even understood how silly it was to judge an entire population based on the actions of a few. All I knew was I had to protect myself, my heart, and not getting involved seemed the most effective way.
I didn’t want to get too far away from the gym, so I found a chair at the far end of the commons near the locker rooms and unpacked my laptop from its bag. After booting it up, I read through the passages I’d been working on earlier. The story I was writing had been floating around in my head for the last couple of years even though I hadn’t actually started writing it until recently, which was why I had so many notes and such a complete outline. Each scene had been planned, details about character motivation and goals as well as the conflicts had been hashed out. Basically, all I had to do was put it all into a cohesive, entertaining, and satisfying story.
Easy, peasy.
And for the most part, it had been. Sometimes the words seemed to flow without conscious thought, others it was like pulling teeth. Lately it had been more difficult than I wanted it to be. I’d even put off starting another book to read to keep my mind clear and focused on my own story. I didn’t want anything to muddle the voice, my voice, that would carry the characters to the end and hopefully be good enough to win the writing competition that would help me on my way to becoming a published author.
Even though I was as far as I could be from the noise of the game, it wasn’t like I couldn’t hear it at all. It was distracting and triggered unpleasant memories I’d rather forget. It had been a long time since I’d let my thoughts focus on any of that stuff. It was easier to leave it buried, but sometimes it chased me, its teeth nipping at my heels. No matter how fast I ran, it was never fast enough. It was no one’s fault but my own. I’d made decisions I couldn’t take back and that was that. After everything, my mom was there for me. She said something that I always tried to remember when the negative feelings threatened to pull me under.
Just remember, Tierney, we can’t change anything from the past, we can only learn from it and become a better version of ourselves than we were before. You can’t change what happened, but you can change you. Figure out what that means and do it.
It didn’t erase the guilt, but it helped me know how to move forward. It was why I changed my mind about bringing Hannah. I could have been selfish and stayed home in my comfortable pajamas while my sister sat in her room angry with me, or I could get over myself and be the sister she needed me to be. It was just a basketball game, but it was also an opportunity to prove I cared about her more than I cared about myself.
That was the kind of perspective my past had taught me.
It wasn’t easy, but eventually I shook off the memories and immersed myself in my writing, only taking one break to use the restroom and buy some snacks from concessions. I’d been writing for a long time when I heard his voice.
“Sure, Mom. I’ll go. Do I need to leave now…It’s okay, my game is over, we were just gonna head over to Drew’s…Are you sure?” The pause this time was much longer as the person on the other end of the phone conversation spoke. Noah sighed and the sound was bone deep. I couldn’t see him, but I could picture his hand reaching up to rub at the back of his neck. He sounded stressed.
He sighed again, this time with irritation. “I know what he likes. Do you need anything else?” He waited. “Okay. I’ll be home in about a couple of hours. Love you, too.”
I could tell from the sound of his voice, he was around the corner from where I was sitting. Once he hung up I expected to see him walking back toward the gym, but instead I heard the sound of his steps getting loud and then soft again like he was pacing the short hall.
I felt like a voyeur. I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop on his conversation, but he’d been right there. And now, well, my curiosity was piqued and I couldn’t seem to help myself.
I sat forward in my seat and peeked around wall separating me from Noah. He paced back and forth, his hands gripping his bowed head. Alarm ran through me, propelling me out of my chair.
“Noah.” I kept my voice low, but as soon as I uttered his name, he stopped pacing and looked in my direction.
His eyes were red-rimmed and moist.
“Hey. What’s wrong?” My feet moved, pushing me closer until I was close enough to touch him and I did. Without my permission, my hands framed his cheeks while my eyes raked over his features, looking for some clue, some idea why he was crying in an empty hallway at the high school. The thought of Noah hurting sent a crushing ache to my chest.
“Noah,” I said again.
He still didn’t say anything, but his eyes filled and when he closed them, tears rolled down his cheeks.
Something was really wrong. What had happened? I glanced around. I didn’t know what to do. Should I go find one of his friends? I knew he was friends with Piper’s brother, Luke, and the other guys on the team. They were probably in the gym. I was about to turn away from him, to go find reinforcements, but he stopped me and did something I never could have expected.
/> With his eyes still closed and his shoulders forward, Noah reached his hands up to clasp around my wrists and with a movement so fast I didn’t know what was happening, he brought my arms around his neck and wrapped his own around my waist just before his lips crashed into mine.
10
Noah
What was I doing? I didn’t know, but I needed something to take me away from all these feelings. My mom called. She wanted me to stop at the drug store and pick up some meal supplements for my dad. It wasn’t a big deal. He didn’t need them right away. He was probably asleep. I knew she was just trying to be prepared since it was hard for her to leave him. It wasn’t any of that.
It was everything else.
My dad was sick.
He was sick and I didn’t know if he was ever going to get better. For some reason, after I disconnected the call with Mom, it hit me.
Dad might never get better. He could die.
I stayed in the empty hallway and walked, trying desperately to keep my emotions in check. I needed to go back, catch up with my friends to go play video games. But I couldn’t do that with eyes that we’re red from crying. Noah Jacobs, Mr. Perfect, didn’t cry.
But the truth was, I did cry. I’d been crying a lot. I was overwhelmed and conflicted. The pressure of living up to everyone’s expectations on top of everything else was taking its toll. My dad wanted me to go to Notre Dame and become a lawyer. Mom wanted me to keep playing basketball and pretend everything was normal. I had to keep my grades up and play well. I didn’t want to let my parents down. My teammates.
I was about to lose it completely when I heard her voice. I thought I was imagining things, but when I looked up, she was there. She looked like she’d just rolled out of bed and she was gorgeous. I’d been too stunned to say anything, mortified that she’d caught me losing the battle with my emotions. When her hands touched my face, all I wanted was to forget about everything. I wanted it all to go away and before I knew what I was doing, I kissed her.
At first, she froze and I just knew she was going to push me away. I was desperate for her not to. I didn’t let up the pressure of my lips on her’s, and before I knew it, she’d melted into my arms and was kissing me back. My entire soul sighed with relief as everything that was going so terribly wrong in my life just fell away, my focus narrowing until it was just her. Just now. Just this kiss.
Or kisses.
I had no idea how long we stood in that empty hall, but eventually, my brain kicked into gear. Or maybe that wasn’t my brain. Whatever it was, my intentions shifted. Instead of just being about a distraction, I realized kissing Tierney was amazing. My emotional response to my own issues became a very real hormonal response to the girl who was kissing me back like we’d been kissing for years. Like she was mine. And I was hers.
“Hey, Noah- oh, man, holy shit!”
The sound of my friend’s voice ripped me out of the Tierney-induced trance I’d succumbed to. I lifted my head to see Luke, his eyes as wide as I’d ever seen them, at the end of the hall. Without thinking, I wrapped Tierney close to my chest, shielding her body. She surprised me when she curled in, burying her face in my shoulder.
“Dude.” I narrowed my eyes at my friend.
Luke shrugged, a huge grin splitting his face. “Sorry, man. I was just gonna let you know we’re all heading to Drew’s.” He glanced at Tierney, who was still hiding her face in my shoulder. “You still coming?”
“Can’t. I have to go home.” I didn’t really, but I wasn’t much in the mood for video games and a round of the fifth degree at this point.
Luke widened his eyes at Tierney before raising a brow at me. I frowned and shook my head, his cue to get lost.
“Sure, man. See ya later.” Luke turned to walk away, but called over his shoulder. “Bye, Tierney!”
“See you, Luke.” Her voice was muffled and I could feel her lips moving against my t-shirt.
Neither of us moved for a long time. Now that things had calmed down, my mind raced with the fact that I’d just been making out with Tierney for…shit, who knew how long. Probably just a few minutes. Definitely not long enough. Damn Luke.
I loosened my grip on her body and circled her upper arms with my hands. She lifted her face from my chest, her cheeks a distracting shade of pink. She looked like she’d just been kissed and she had. Oh, man.
“Tierney, I’m so sorry-” I broke off, not sure what to say. I wasn’t really sorry for kissing her, but felt this need to apologize for something.
Her brows pinched together. “For what? Kissing me or trying to hide it from your friend?”
Maybe her cheeks were pink for a different reason than I thought. Slowly, I shook my head.
“I wasn’t-”
She shook her arms out of my hands. “It’s okay, Noah.” She began to turn away.
But I couldn’t let her leave thinking I was trying to hide her from Luke or that I regretted kissing her. Nothing could be further from the truth.
I caught her in my arms again. She struggled a little and I loosened my hold, but didn’t let go. “Please don’t go.”
She stopped trying to get away from me, but refused to meet my gaze. With one arm wrapped around her back, I reached for her chin and tilted her face toward mine. The guarded look in her eyes gutted me and I wondered how I’d come to care so much about this girl and her feelings. All I knew was I didn’t want her to be mad at me. And I definitely didn’t want her to regret that kiss, because I had a feeling I was going to want to kiss her again.
“You don’t owe me-” she started to say, but I interrupted her.
“I don’t regret kissing you and I wasn’t trying to hide you from Luke because I didn’t want him to see me with you. I just didn’t know if you wanted him to see you with me.” I’d sprung that kiss on her. Tierney was a shy girl. Luke wasn’t a gossip, but ten bucks said he’d already told the guys he saw me kissing her. Even when it happened, I knew I was too late to block her from view of my friend. I just couldn’t seem to stop myself from trying to protect her.
She frowned and I could almost see the wheels turning as she considered what I said. I figured I should keep explaining myself.
“I’m just sorry that was so out of the blue.” I cleared my throat. “I don’t usually make a habit of randomly kissing girls like that.”
Her eyes searched mine. She was still close and I took the time to inventory things I knew I’d want to remember like the smell of her shampoo and the dusting of freckles across her nose and the way she fit against me like we were made for each other. I didn’t know if she’d let me hold her like this again and crazy as it was, I wanted to memorize everything about this moment.
She was looking at me like I was crazy. Heat crawled up the back of my neck. I just kissed Tierney. What the hell possessed me to do that?
“I have to go. My sister’s here and I’m her ride.” She didn’t move.
“Okay,” I agreed.
A loud laugh from the commons drew both of our attention, breaking the spell that had kept us from moving away from each other.
She took a step back and I dropped my arms. Just in time, too, because a blonde girl stopped short as she caught sight of Tierney and started toward us.
“There you are. I’ve been looking everywhere.” Her wide eyes darted between Tierney and I. “You left your computer out there.” She gestured over her shoulder with her thumb.
That got Tierney moving. “Oh, my gosh. I forgot.”
The girls eyes widened even further as she watched Tierney race toward her computer. I followed at a much slower pace.
“Hi. I’m Hannah. Tierney’s sister.” The girl, Hannah, stuck out her hand.
Feeling completely out of sorts, I took it for a brief second before letting it go. Tierney’s sister was looking at me like I was some kind of celebrity or something.
“Hi, I’m Noah.” This was the weirdest night ever.
Hannah giggled. “Oh, I know who you are.”
; I reached up to grip the back of my neck as I watched the two girls walk away, positive my face was red as I tried to make sense of everything that had happened in the last fifteen minutes or so. I’d kissed Tierney, my lab partner. My lab partner who completely ignored me while her sister grinned over her shoulder until they exited through the door.
Holy crap.
I drove to the drug store and picked up the stuff Mom had asked for. The house was quiet when I got home, so I put the supplements in the fridge and headed up to my room. I flopped down on my bed and exhaled a deep breath.
What a freaking night!
I tried to relax, but my mind just wouldn’t stop. I couldn’t stop thinking about Tierney. I had to talk to her. Make sure she was okay and that things weren’t going to be supremely awkward between us. We’d exchanged cell numbers the day we became lab partners. I hadn’t had a reason to call her before, but I did now.
She didn’t answer right away. It gave me time to analyze what had happened in the hallway before Luke showed up and ruined everything. If I hadn’t been there experiencing it myself, I would never have imagined I would actually kiss Tierney. Had I thought about it? Yes. But I never expected it to happen. And I certainly hadn’t imagined I would enjoy it as much as I did.
I’d kissed a few girls, had a couple of girlfriends. Even hooked up with a few randoms at parties. But something about kissing Tierney had me feeling like a trusty puppy that would follow her where ever she led me.
And that was frightening.
The call went to voice mail. I ran my fingers through my hair with a sigh and disconnected the call. Maybe she was already asleep. Dang.
Dating: On the Rebound Page 7
