by Erin Trejo
We arrive at the college and I unload her things and take them to her dorm. I got a lot of strange looks doing it, but I ignored them all. I don’t give a shit what anyone thinks about us. She’s mine and that’s never going to change. Even if she finds someone else I will always know that she was mine first. We stand next to the truck and her eyes are distant. I run my hands up and down her arms.
“Can I ask you for a favor?” she finally speaks.
“Always.”
“Can you just not make any more decisions about us until I’m out of school?”
Like she even had to ask that? I’d rather cut off my left nut than to lose her.
“That’s an easy promise to make, but I’ll need one in return,” I tell her.
“What is it?”
“If you find someone else I want you to go for it. I don’t want you holdin’ back because of me Carnie. You’re gonna meet new people and make new friends.”
Before I can even continue she shoves my chest. I stumble back a few steps as I wasn’t ready for that.
“What the fuck was that for?” I growl ready to throw her body against my truck and fuck her. I love it when she gets all rough.
“I just asked you to wait for me and you tell me to move on? What kind of twisted shit is that Viking?”
The fire in her eyes sets me off. My cock hardens in my jeans and my heart leaps out of my chest. I reach in my pocket and pull out the small box I’d been debating giving to her. I hold it out to her and she glares at me.
“What is this? Is this another sick joke?” she snaps.
I shake my head no and watch as she takes it. She opens it and a laugh/cry escapes her lips. I don’t know if this is the right thing to do or not. Hell, I don’t know anything anymore. Not when it comes to Carnie. She changes everything for me. The way I see and feel the world is different now. Most days I’m lost without her.
“This is so beautiful. Is this how you’re going to break up with me?”
She looks up at me with that same fire still blazing in her eyes.
“No. This is how I’m gonna promise you. I’ll wait for you Carnie. I’ve never wanted to get blue balls for someone in my life, but fuck. You mean everything to me. You know this. I love you. I can’t stand the thought of you bein’ with anyone else,” I admit to her.
Her smile brightens before she pushes me again.
“Then why the hell would you tell me that?”
“I promised Fin. Fuck just because I said it doesn’t mean I meant it. One motherfucker even glances at you too long and I’ll cut his cock off.”
Carnie laughs as I take the box from her hand. I look at the promise ring I had made for her. It has a small gold band for her tiny fingers. The Soulless Bastards skull is unmistakable. She’s mine. She belongs to me. Everything about her does and now everyone is going to know it. I slip the ring from the box, grab her hand, and slide it down her finger. Carnie chokes on a sob before I kiss her.
“I promise I’ll wait for you,” I tell her softly.
“I don’t want to say goodbye Viking,” she cries even harder. I pull her into me and run my hand down her back.
“This isn’t goodbye Carnie. This is me waitin’ for you.”
Carnie pulls away slowly. I bend down and kiss her once more roughly this time. I need her to be able to feel that I love her. Feel that I will be faithful and wait for her. I just need her to know what she means to me without having all the goddamn words to express it.
“I love you,” I whisper.
“I love you.”
I reach up to wipe her cheeks before I turn her around and give her a little shove. I feel like my heart is breaking in two, but this is what’s best for her. She deserves this. That alone makes the ache in my chest hurt a little less.
“Hey college girl?” I call out to her. She glances over her shoulder with a slight smile. Fuck me she’s my world. “How’s it feel to be with an old man now?”
Carnie laughs and her cheeks turn pink.
“Feels fucking amazing. I’ll be waiting for you,” she calls back to me.
“I’ll be waitin’ for you too.”
Epilogue
Viking
“You sure you’re good?” I ask Fin.
He nods his head. His eyes are as tired as I’ve ever seen them.
“Yeah. I’m just glad she’s gettin’ clean brother. I don’t know how much more of this shit I can take,” he says running his hand through his hair.
I know this has been exhausting for him. I’ve watched him wrestle with his own past addiction to try to help her overcome hers. She’s drug him down for a while now. We were all worried about him. He spiraled right along with Molly and that wasn’t something any of us were prepared for.
“It’s not gonna be easy Fin. You love her and I know deep down that she loves you too. It’s been four years brother. It’s time for her to get her life right. You’re a good man and I’m glad you got yourself back from the addiction shit.”
Fin nods his head and takes a long pull from his beer.
“I appreciate that. I know she loves me too. It’s taken time, but she’s comin’ around. Losin’ Reaper and Drake in such a short period of time really fucked her up. I’m just glad she’s still alive and breathin’ at this point,” he tells me honestly.
“Can’t say that I don’t agree with you there. You ready for the party?”
Fin’s eyes light up. His head starts nodding rapidly. We’re all excited for this.
“Fuck yeah.”
“Good. I need to talk to Taz real quick before I head out.”
“She know you’re comin’?”
“No. She’s been so goddamn busy with everything that we haven’t talked a whole lot lately. I know she got that job offer in Georgia. I’m just hopin’ this will help change her mind,” I tell him.
My heart squeezes when I think about Carnie leaving the state. It’s one thing for her to leave for school, but to leave me altogether? I don’t know that I can handle that. We’ve talked a lot over the last four years. I’ve visited her more times than I can count. We’ve talked, texted, and fucked. I made her a promise before she left and I’ve kept it. I’ve not been with anyone but my goddamn hand in the last four years. It has been hell on earth, but I did it. I didn’t just do it for her either. I did it for us.
“She loves you Viking. I hated it at first, but you know you’re good for her,” Fin tells me.
“Her graduation was nice even though she was pissed. She didn’t see us there.”
“You let her think we weren’t there? What the fuck is wrong with you Viking? No wonder she won’t answer any of my calls,” Fin snaps.
It’s funny to watch him. We did show up to her graduation. We just stayed in the back where she couldn’t pick us out of the crowd. I had a photographer up front getting pictures of all that shit though. I wanted this little surprise to work to my advantage.
“She’ll get over it when she sees the party we have goin’ on. Stop worryin’.”
Fin just shakes his head while I chuckle.
“You’re gonna get cut off brother. I’m tellin’ you she is gonna cut you off on all sex for the next year even if you do actually pull this off.”
I watch Fin as he chuckles and walks away. It doesn’t matter what he thinks.
“Hey Taz. You ready for this?” I call out to her when I see her across the room.
She spins around with a smile plastered across her face as she walks toward me.
“I can’t believe you did this. You bought us a school Viking. I can’t even tell you how much this is going to mean to her.”
Her eyes are bright and wide. I love seeing her happy. Taz means a lot to me and I know she means even more to Carnie.
“It’s a preschool. I hope she likes it. I’m just thankful you’ll be the one runnin’ all that shit. I don’t know if I can handle all them kids runnin’ around,” I tell her with a laugh.
“She’s going to love it. You’re an
amazing man Viking. Now get out of here and go get our girl.”
I pull Taz into a hug and press a kiss to the top of her head before I head out. The ride to the college doesn’t take me nearly as long as I thought it would. I find a spot and park my bike. People are just wandering around all over packing up to leave. For the most part Carnie has already packed up and had her shit put in a storage that Fin and I filled up for her.
I stalk across the grass with my heart thundering in my chest. When I see her I gasp. Her back is to me, but I’d know her anywhere. I walk closer as she tells her friend goodbye.
“Congratulations on that job in Georgia,” her friend calls out over her shoulder.
“You ever thought about runnin’ your own school?”
My voice thunders through the air. Carnie slowly turns to face me with a strange look on her face.
“You have some balls to show up now and not even bother to come to my graduation.”
Her little pissed off tone does little more than set my cock to hard. I can feel it getting harder as stand here.
“I was there.”
“Lies Viking,” she snaps.
I chuckle and pull my phone out to show her some of the pictures the photographer took. I hold it up so she can see it. She looks stunned.
“Why didn’t you talk to me?” she asks confused.
“I was settin’ up a surprise for you. You wanna know what it is?”
She huffs before passing me my phone back. I slide it into my pocket. She glares at me.
“You’re an asshole.”
She crosses her arms over her chest.
“I’m your asshole,” I say as I pull out the paperwork for the school from my inner pocket. I hold it out to her, but she just looks at it funny.
“What are you doing Viking?”
“It’s your graduation present. Take it.”
Carnie watches me intently before she takes the papers from my hand. She looks down and opens them up. I watch her as she reads it over with a smile on her face until she looks up at me with teary eyes.
“A preschool?” she asks nearly in sobs now.
“I thought you and Taz could work your magic on those kids. You like it?”
The look in her eyes pierces my soul. She’s my entire world. Fuck I can’t be without her anymore.
“Is this your way of keeping me here?” she asks softly.
“Maybe. Is it workin’?”
“I don’t know what to say,” she says watching me again.
“Say you love me, you still want us, and that you will marry me and be with me forever. I want you Carnie. I want us.”
I slide the ring out of my pocket and drop to one knee in front of her.
“I love you more than I ever thought I could love anyone. I know that this isn’t your world, but you are my world Carn. You mean everything to me, and I don’t know that I can live without you.”
I hold the ring up to her as she cries even harder. All of those tears streaming down her cheeks are for me.
“I love you too.”
She drops to her knees in front of me and wraps her arms around my neck.
“Is that a yes baby girl?”
“Yes. It’s always been a yes Viking. It’ll always be a yes. I love you more than anything.”
I pull back and kiss her roughly before I slip the ring onto her finger. Carnie wipes her eyes and stares at the ring.
“You bought me a ring and a school?” she asks through a little laugh.
“I had to make sure you’d stick around baby girl. Fin was gonna cut my nuts off if you left,” I tell her while grabbing her face in my hands. Carnie laughs.
“You came to my graduation?” she asks not sure if I was really there or not.
“We were there. We stayed in the back. I had a photographer gettin’ all the good pictures for the party.”
“What party?” she asks as I kiss her cheek, her neck, and her shoulder. I fucking love this girl.
“The party the guys are all settin’ up for you. It’s a graduation and an engagement party. That’s one hell of a party we’re about to have.”
“You did all of this for me?”
“No. I did it for us. I’ve never felt like this before. I want it like this all the time Carnie. You’re mine.”
“I’m yours.”
“You’re goddamn right you are.”
Afterword
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