by Mia Malone
Then she disappeared, and they heard her move along the corridor upstairs.
“Jesus,” Ice said emphatically.
“Yeah,” Black sighed with a wide grin.
***
He leaned against the doorjamb and watched Cas chop garlic at the counter in his parents’ kitchen. His mother was washing lettuce, and his dad and brother were grinning at something at the table. Cas had handed him a beer when he walked in and moved on to ignore him.
“What are you cooking,” he asked and raised the bottle.
Since Cas was the one cooking, she had to answer, and he grinned at her when she glanced at him. She really was gorgeous, he thought. Her soft hair was in a high ponytail, and her low-slung jeans fit her ass like a fucking glove.
“Pasta Aglio e Olio con Pancetta.”
Pasta what?
“Huh?” he grunted and raised his brows.
She grinned and said, “Pasta with garlic, olive oil, and bacon. It really should be Italian bacon, pancetta, but it isn’t easy to find outside the bigger cities, so we’ll have to make do with local stuff.”
“I’m sure we’ll be fine,” Roddy said, and since he usually ate double helpings of whatever he didn’t have to cook himself, that probably wasn’t a lie.
“Sounds good,” Black said and narrowed his brows. “You have Italian heritage?”
Her eyes were a soft, pale brown and her hair brownish, but more like the butterscotch candies his mother made for Christmas. She didn’t look Italian to him, but she could be.
She looked down on the garlic she was slicing and then she rocked his world.
“I don’t know.”
“You don’t know?” Gee said and put the lettuce down.
Cas smiled a crooked smile, sighed and went on with a shrug, “When I was around three days old, I was found in a dumpster... under a pile of garbage.”
She started slicing again, but Black saw her jaw clench and how she glanced nervously at his mother.
“Oh, honey,” Gee breathed out. “What –”
She cut herself off and looked at her husband.
“Pretty girl like you would have been adopted within hours,” Roddy said calmly.
“Yeah, I was.”
“Nice people?” Gee asked.
“I don’t remember them. I was returned to the system when I was almost three.”
“They, what?” Black said before he could stop himself and was about to take a step forward, but the look in her eyes made him stay where he was.
“Turned out they hadn’t signed all the papers, so they could. I looked them up years later. Their oldest biological child was born six months after they handed me back to social services. I guess they practiced on me or something,” she said with a grin which didn’t reach her eyes. “Anyway, you know? Not so easy to get adopted when you’re older, so I bounced around in the system. Foster homes, other places. Shit like that.”
“Cas –”
“Only until I was thirteen,” Cas said with a soft smile. “Then there was Ben. He was my science teacher, and he was such a good man. He knew my story, invited me to a neighborhood barbecue, and I met Ria. His,” her voice hitched slightly, but she went on immediately, “His wife. I lived in a home then. An orphanage, you might call it, and it was a pretty bad place, but he still took me to that barbecue. Ria and I, we connected. It was like we’d known each other always. Went home with them that night and I don’t know how they did it, but I never had to go back to that awful place I’d been in again.”
“They adopted you?”
“They tried, but they were told they couldn’t. They were too old. Ben was up for retirement in just a couple of years, and Ria was two years older than him. I was their foster child while they appealed and tried to get it done properly. And yeah,” she nodded toward the food in front of her. “Ria was Italian. A real one with an accent, a temper and a heart bigger than anyone I’d ever met in my life. She taught me how to cook, and pretty much everything else.”
Black tried to figure out what to say and came up with nothing at all. She talked about them in past tense, so they were gone, and he wasn’t sure what to ask.
“Where are they now, honey?” Gee asked gently.
“They died three days before I graduated from High School,” Cas shared and put a pan on the stove. “The police figured some kind of animal ran out on the road, but they didn’t know. The car crashed into a tree, and they died immediately, both of them.”
“Shit,” Roddy muttered. “What happened to you?”
“I graduated,” Cas said proudly. “I was the only one who didn’t have any family to stand up and cheer for me, but I did it. And,” she shrugged, but Black saw how she swallowed. “The teachers were devastated because they’d worked with Ben for years. But they cheered for me. The whole faculty stood up, and they cheered for me.” She nodded and cleared her throat. “Then I got me a job and started rebuilding my life.”
“Jesus,” Black breathed. “You got a job?”
Her eyes were suddenly hard, and she raised her chin defiantly.
“I got a job cleaning rooms in the seediest motel you can imagine. The kind where you pick condoms off the floor and wipe down the mirrors once every hour. The kind where the owner gives you a job in the reception because that’s what he does to all the young girls, and he does it because then he can ask them to pay him back for giving them that break.”
“Fu –”
“Yeah,” she said sarcastically. “Einar Hagen, you know it all, don’t you? You stood there and told me how life isn’t always so easy, and that is such a joke when you have no clue.” She glanced around the cozy kitchen and slid her eyes over his parents and brother. “You have no idea how to claw your way out of a dumpster, through garbage and filth. But I do.”
“Cassandra –”
“So, next time I tell a lazy young girl to do her damned job, then you should let me. Because I was her. I had that job. And I was clever enough and strong enough to get away from that life. I know what it takes, and how getting pitied and coddled is not gonna help you.”
“Cas –”
“You do your job, and you kick sleazy assholes in the balls when you have to. There are community colleges and evening classes, and it takes for-fucking-ever, but it is possible to get ahead.” She glared at him and added harshly, “It is possible if you work hard, and if you’re not allowed to leave goddamned stains of piss on the floors you were supposed to wipe off. Not when that’s what you’re paid to do.”
The silence in the kitchen was deafening, and he couldn’t look away. Black knew he’d messed up with her. He’d misunderstood shit, and he’d been angry. He’d been too focused on getting her into his bed, so he hadn’t looked at her and hadn’t seen who she was.
And right then, as she stared calmly back at him, he got how unbelievably stupid he’d been, and how bad he’d fucked just about everything up.
Then she suddenly grinned crookedly and turned to his mother.
“Anyway,” she chirped. “Italian pasta but with American bacon. It won’t taste like when Ria made it, but it’ll be good, and if someone could pour me a glass of wine, I’d appreciate it.”
“I’ll get it,” Roddy said and moved toward the cabinet to get a glass. “Red or white?”
“Red,” Cas said casually. “Thanks, Roddy.”
Black turned around and walked outside, and he didn’t stop until he was outside his home.
“Einar.”
Ice had followed him, and Black winced when their eyes met.
“I’ve been such a fool.”
“You gonna fix it?”
“Yeah.”
The answer came immediately because he didn’t have to think about it. There was no way he would let this woman go. He’d behaved like an idiot, but she wasn’t one, so if he could find the right words, she’d listen to him.
“Fucking finally. The family’s been waiting for almost a year for you to get your head out of your ass.”
The family had been talking about him? And Cassandra?
“A year?” he said hoarsely.
“Pretty much, yeah. You will find a way to sort this shit out, Black.”
The confidence in his brother’s voice was reassuring, but Black wasn’t so sure, and just grunted softly.
“Grovel,” Ice suggested, and added with a crooked grin, “A lot, brother.”
Black thought about it, and then he shrugged.
“Not gonna help because I’m not a groveling kind of man and she knows it.”
He tilted his head back and looked at the sky. Jesus, to think about the soft, laughing woman with her sweet smile and thick fall of hair... Young and alone and picking fucking condoms off the floor. She’d been her daughter’s age, and had just lost the woman who had in essence been her –
He straightened and reached for his phone while he walked inside to get his jacket and keys.
“What are you gonna do?” Ice asked when he got back outside again.
“Apologize in a way that means something.”
Then he got on his bike and drove off.
Chapter Ten
Pancetta
Cassandra
I sat on my front porch and watched the night when I heard him drive through the gates. I felt a little bit stupid for going off on such a rant, and he’d acted like a jerk, but not a big one. He couldn’t have known about my background, and I should have found a better way to share it.
There had been tears in Gee’s eyes, but she’d swallowed them, and Roddy had put an arm around her to steady them both. Black had disappeared, but Ice had come back and had worked hard at keeping the mood light and smooth over dinner. I could see why Ronnie called him the charmer because he was one and in no time at all, he had us roaring with laughter about anything and everything under the sun. He also walked me home and put a hand gently on my shoulder when I opened the door.
“You should ask Black about his ex-wife, Cas. He’s a good man my brother, but she fucked him up some. Listen to him when he gets back, will you?”
“Okay,” I whispered. “She fucked him up?”
“Some,” Ice said with a shrug. “Guess it’s time someone unfucked him.”
I watched as he turned around and walked off and wondered how it could be that I liked him but wasn’t attracted to him. They were almost identical. Except for the eyes, they looked exactly the same, but there wasn’t anything about Ice that made my skin tingle and pulse quicken.
Then I sat down on the steps to think about what to do and came up with absolutely nothing, so I wasn’t sure what to say to Black when he returned. Instead, I watched in silence when he parked his bike, swung a long leg over the saddle, opened one of the saddlebags and pulled out something wrapped up in a plastic bag.
Without a word, he placed it on my lap and sat down next to me on the steps.
I stared at it, but then a familiar scent reached my nostrils, and I raised the parcel to hold it under my nose.
My eyes started burning, and I turned slowly to look at him.
“You got me pancetta,” I whispered.
“Yeah.”
“Where?”
“Seattle.”
I blinked.
“You’ve been to Seattle.”
“Called a bud who knows someone. He got it and gave it to one of my boys. Eirik got on his bike and met me halfway here.”
“Your son drove for hours just to give you pancetta.”
“I heard your voice, Cassie. In everything that fucking counted, that woman was your mom. I wanted you to be able to cook something she would have made.”
I felt like crying suddenly and swallowed as he pulled a hand over his hair and sighed.
“I really am sorry, Cassandra. I looked at you and made my mind up about who you were. Didn’t see what I should have seen. I thought you... Trusting women isn’t easy for me, but that’s just an excuse. And I’m sorry.”
I stared at him, and he looked down on his hands.
“Einar,” I whispered and waited until he turned his eyes to me. “I put some leftovers in your fridge.”
“You put leftovers in my fridge?” he echoed slowly.
“Yeah. Just in case... You know? I thought you might be hungry.”
“Ah, Cassandra,” he sighed. “You’re killing me.”
“What?”
“I behave like an ass, and you still worry that I’ll be hungry?”
“It was just a tiny ass,” I heard myself say, and winced. “That sounded better in my head. I didn’t mean that your butt is tiny.” I winced again, and mumbled, “Or fat.”
“Cas,” he cut in. “Are you ready for that talk?”
Slowly he put his hand on my cheek and let his thumb slide over me. I leaned into it and felt the calluses, but also how strong it was.
“Yeah,” I whispered and wondered why it felt as if I’d just jumped off a cliff.
“Don’t be afraid.”
Before I could answer, his lips brushed mine in a kiss so brief I wondered if I’d imagined it.
Then he straightened and muttered with a nod toward the bundle I held in my lap, “Will I get some of that with the pasta?”
“That,” I said haughtily, “You can forget.”
“Drove almost six hours in total to get it to you.”
“You’re not eating my pancetta with nuked spaghetti in the middle of the night,” I clarified. “This one I’m saving for a special occasion.”
“I’ll get you some more for when Desiree is coming, baby,” he said and got to his feet.
Then he pulled my hand until I was standing too.
“Desi?”
“Yeah. Special occasion. It’s a few more weeks until she’s back and I don’t think that will be good by then.”
God. For the first time in almost twenty years, I hadn’t thought to include my daughter in my plans. I missed her so much, and we talked or communicated with various apps on my phone somehow every day, but I had started to let go of her.
“Black,” I mumbled.
“Yeah?”
“When we have that talk, will you tell me about your marriage?”
He straightened and narrowed his eyes.
“What did Ice tell you?”
Ah. The brothers knew each other well, but they would of course.
“He said she fucked you up a little.”
“Huh.”
“Said it was time someone unfucked you.”
A strong arm pulled me into his chest so quickly I stumbled, and he squeezed me to him.
“You gonna do that, Cas?”
His body was lean and hard, and I slowly put an arm around his waist and leaned back to look at him.
“Can I?”
“Yeah,” he said hoarsely, but then he grinned crookedly, and it suddenly made him look young and carefree, so I smiled back at him. “Come on, baby. Keep me company while I eat.”
It wasn’t a question, and he wasn’t going to wait for me to agree, but I still pulled out of his arms.
“I’ll put this in my fridge,” I said and waved the bundle of bacon when I skipped up the steps toward my door.
“You could put it in mine.”
I stopped, raised a brow, and drawled, “Do I look stupid to you?”
His face turned serious as he watched me, and a hardness I didn’t understand washed over it.
“No, babe,” he said calmly. “You don’t look stupid at all.”
***
Black
They talked about her ex, and his kids, and her daughter. How he liked to go to his relatives in Norway and how she’d grown up in Tennessee and moved to Colorado. The pasta was good, but he was pretty sure he could have chewed on sliced up cardboard, and it would have been good too.
It was light and easy, and they relaxed, but he still couldn’t forget how she’d looked when she asked him if she looked stupid. She’d meant it as a joke, but it hadn’t been one. Not to him. He was pretty sure he’d never met an
yone like her in his life, and his usual slick moves to get into a woman’s panties seemed rude and stupid. So he kept it light and easy and enjoyed watching her eyes soften while he ate.
“Why did you only have Desi?” he asked. “Why not a few more?”
“There were problems when she was born.”
Shit. How the hell much crap had she had to go through, this woman?
“Ah, shit. Cas, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have –”
“Don’t,” she interrupted. “You wanna know something, just ask, yeah? I don’t want you to tiptoe around me and wonder whatever other messed up thing you might stumble upon. You know most of it, and I have nothing to hide. So, you ask, and I’ll tell you. That’s how it works.”
Something loosened in his gut when he saw her calm gaze, and then she reached for the bottle to pour herself some more wine.
“My ex lied to me,” Black said quietly, winced and added, “Repeatedly.”
“I don’t lie.”
He’d expected sympathy or pity. A soft hand on his fucking cheek, and a lot of questions. Her simple statement cut right through him, and when he saw her open, unguarded eyes, he knew that she meant it.
“I don’t either,” he said. “I can be a jerk sometimes, but I won’t ever lie to you.”
“Okay.”
“Leeanne...” he sighed. “That’s a sad fucking long story. Can we save it for another day?”
“Yeah,” she said.
“Good. So, hit me. What happened when Desi was born?”
Then he sat there and listened while she explained in a few sentences how she’d started bleeding, about the ride in an ambulance, how her goddamned uterus had ruptured which had required an emergency C-section, and a subsequent hysterectomy.
“Jesus,” he breathed out, and to his surprise, he got a quiet giggle in return.
“Don’t look like that, Black. It was a long time ago. I wasn’t too happy about it, but Desi was fine and once I’d healed, so was I.”
She looked calm, and he wondered how the hell she had survived after getting slapped in the face with shit so many times.
He also understood why she’d gone to get her daughter when something was wrong, and why she’d vowed to kill Sheriff White.
