by Rachel Angel
The two of us looked at the concierge, who was still standing there. “Here you go,” Ian said, reaching into his pocket to hand him a five spot. Then the guy left and we looked at each other, rolled our eyes, and started laughing. Something about the Hawaiian air made everything that Ian and I did funny to me, fun and lively and flirtatious—dangerous temptations about someone I couldn’t have ,which, knowing me, likely made me want him more.
Once we were up by our rooms, I paused, feeling like I didn’t want Ian out of my sight. “It’s great that our suites are right by each other,” I said. “Too bad we don’t have one huge balcony, huh?”
“Too bad,” Ian said.
“Well, give me an hour?” I asked.
“No problem, Anabelle.”
And an hour later, Ian was knocking on the door, which I was expecting because he’d played a drum medley on the wall first, making me laugh and want to rock out to my air guitar.
“So, you ready to get your butt kicked by me with some video games,” I said as I walked out into the hallway.
“Don’t think you can trash talk me just because you’re so much older than me,” he replied, laughing and stepping back before I could swat him.
“You’re going to pay for that,” I said.
“Remember, I’m a minor,” he said.
“Only for one more night.” I glanced at my watch. “In four hours and thirty-two minutes, you’ll be an adult—fair game.”
“Hm,” he said.
“Hm what?” I asked.
He just smiled, not saying another word.
Down in the restaurant, we took a seat closest to all the games and ordered some food and began to have a Fast and Furious car driving game tourney. I was determined to kick his butt. We chose a course that looked like it might weave around a Hawaiian island.
Both of us going neck to neck, I crashed into him, sending him smashing into the side of the mountain.
“That’s your game, huh?” Ian said. Before I could do anything else, he swerved out to the right and sent me flying over a cliff and into the water.
“No!” I shouted.
“I guess there’s no doubt about which of us is the better driver,” he said casually.
I wasn’t going to settle for the loss, though, and I reached over and quickly jerked his steering wheel, sending him flying straight off a cliff and into the reef’s below.
“What a cheater!” he said, shaking his head.
“Not my fault you weren’t focused,” I countered.
We went back and forth, having so much fun that I’d never felt more alive. My face literally hurt from the joy that I couldn’t even remove from it. And underneath every word was this hot, intense energy that made everything we were doing with each other feel like foreplay, the tease before the dance. Unfortunately, I was destined to be a wallflower, which sucked. I knew that I could have a lot of guys, if I wanted them, so why did I feel this huge desire to have the one that was taboo—my stepbrother. No, we weren’t related by blood, but the sound of it was worthy of a tabloid headline.
Deciding that our eyes were bugging out from video games, we took advantage of ordering some hot fudge sundaes, the perfect follow-up to the Hawaiian pizza, and listened to a local band set up to start playing for the evening. More adults were coming into the restaurant now, ready to drink their tropical libations and get the party started. I could have cared less about having an alcoholic drink, but I was having the time of my life with Ian. It was so needed! More than I had realized before seeing him. And hitting on him, I thought. Thank God he thought I was playing around. Now to convince myself that I was. He was just so hot…not at all the fourteen year old guy I’d first met, the one that looked like an innocent cherub more than a rugged, do-me-anywhere-you-want type of guy.
“Let’s go dance,” Ian said, putting his hand on my arm.
“Those hula lessons got you in the dancing mood, huh?” I asked, leaning in so he could hear me over the loud music.
He turned his head so quickly and our lips were within a half inch of each other, leaving for an awkward feeling—the debate whether to let them brush against each other or to back away. We both backed away; for me, my mind was slammed with the reality that he was my stepbrother—again—but it was more urgent. The rest of me just thought of him as a hot, great guy that I was really interested in.
On the dance floor, we had so much fun moving around and enjoying the Reggae beat of the songs that made everyone feel lively and festive. Ian placed his hands on my hips, encouraging me to dance, but it made me wish how our hips could suddenly collide, and I could feel his muscular body pressing against mine. Yeah, I’d given up on the friendly distance thing. He felt good, and I was having fun, and I was going to go with it. Why not? I didn’t think I had anything to lose.
I quickly turned my body around so Ian and I were looking right at each other, our hips brushing up against each other, and I allowed his eyes to drink me up, hoping he could read my thoughts. Kiss me, just do it, I know you want to.
Ian smiled at me, making me wonder if he just happened to be thinking about what I was. If he was, we’d practically made love in our fantasies. He seemed to be able to control it a lot better, unfortunately. Then he did it. He leaned in and his lips came toward mine, but they took a sudden turn to the left and he whispered in my ear. “I think we’d better go. It’s getting late.” From the tone of his voice, I knew it wasn’t code talk for him wanting more; he was running away from what he wanted.
After a very restless night’s sleep, I woke up feeling like I’d only slept an hour at most. I walked into the bathroom and saw bags under my eyes that made me look like I’d pulled an all nighter partying. Only I hadn’t; I’d simply tried to sleep and failed. And I had a bit of jet lag.
All thoughts of Ian flooded my mind, confusing me and making me agonize between the choices of right and wrong, keeping boundaries or breaking free of them. He was so precious to me and it shredded me up inside to think that anything might happen that would put a wedge in our relationship. I didn’t want to do something I might regret.
I got a text message and ran over to my phone, hoping to see three letters on my screen to show Ian was the sender. Well, there were three letters, but they spelled out Dad.
Dad: Breakfast?
Me: Sure. Give me 10.
I made my way down to the restaurant, spotting my dad, Evelyn, and Ian at a table in the corner, surrounded by windows that overlooked the ocean.
“Good morning,” I said, trying to hide my exhausted look. Hopefully I did a better job than Ian. He looked like he’d slept less than me.
“Hi honey,” my dad said, standing up and hugging me.
Evelyn remained seated and said, “Anabelle, how wonderful to see you. You look stunning. Doesn’t she, Ian?”
“She does,” he said quietly, more focused on his breakfast than what his mother was saying.
Was it me or was he trying to avoid eye contact with me? Maybe it had been a good thing that we’d ended the night before anything we may regret happened.
The entire breakfast was spent focusing on Ian and me, my dad and Evelyn asking us all kinds of questions about what we’d been up to. They seemed really happy to see us and were almost overly chipper. It made me suspicious and it didn’t take me long to realize that they were a bit distant with each other; not in the way that they had their whole lives to be connected to each other, either. I recognized the signs and I was immediately discouraged. There was an obvious strain on their relationship.
But we still managed to appear as a happy family on vacation.
After a morning helicopter tour over the island, I found a way to get a few minutes alone with Dad, taking advantage of some fun time on the driving range of the resort’s golf course.
“You doing okay? Evelyn and you seemed a bit strained.” I said this with hopes he’d answer with a reassuring note that things were fine.
“No, we’re really not good, kiddo.”
My heart s
ank. “What’s wrong?”
“Well, it looks like this isn’t really going to work out. I’ve tried for the past four years, but I know a lost cause when I see one,” he said.
“And your relationship is a lost cause?” I asked.
He nodded his head and then swung his three wood masterfully, sending a ball flying into a distant flag at the two hundred yard marker.
I took my turn, trying to think of what I wanted to say as I smacked the golf ball. Unfortunately, I didn’t connect soundly and it sliced, making me frown. “I thought things were going great between you two; you’re always off to one place or another.”
“Not really together, not anymore at least. It’s been building up for awhile, but last night we both decided we’d had enough, time to call it quits.” He wouldn’t look me in the eyes and I heard him say, in a much lower voice, “Can’t even stand to be in the same room as her.”
“Well, so much for my hopes of having a normal family—ever,” I said, shaking my head. I couldn’t even hide my disappointment.
“I thought she’d bring that, kiddo, I really did,” Dad began, “but she can’t stand kids; barely wants anything to do with her own, much less you. Sorry to sound harsh, but it’s the reality.”
I wasn’t worried about me, but I was worried about Ian. Perhaps I was lucky to have no mother at all, because that was surely better than someone like that who was a mother by title only, not by action.
“Poor Ian,” I mumbled.
“What?” Dad asked.
“Just thinking about Ian and how he’ll handle the news,” I said.
“He’s a young man; he’ll be fine. I’m sure he knows his mother’s game, Anabelle.”
“Well, if she’s talking to him right now, she’s certainly doing a lousy job of bringing in his eighteenth birthday.”
“Typical Evelyn,” he responded.
Then he began to swing again, silently and swiftly, taking out whatever frustration was in his mind on the golf balls. It was a good idea, and I followed suit.
Hours later, standing in front of his door and knocking, I yelled out, “Ian,” a few times. There was no answer. Maybe he was on his balcony. I went into my suite and yelled for him from there, probably looking a bit crazy to anyone else who heard, but I didn’t care. But there was no luck there, either.
I looked for him all day, shocked to find that I was spending my vacation all alone, not with my Dad, not with Evelyn, and not even with Ian any longer. Where was he? Did he check out and not even say goodbye? That thought stung me and it didn’t seem like something he’d do, but if he was hurt and angry, maybe it was his best solution—a defense move that made it so he didn’t have to show his frustrations to anyone.
Finally, after an entire day of sulking and seeking and finding nothing, I decided to go take a swim. And that’s where I found Ian. He was doing lap after lap, mostly underwater and only coming up for a breath when necessary. I could see that he was into what he was doing so I sat down on the edge, just watching and waiting for him to be done.
I had no idea how long he’d been going for before I’d gotten there, but he didn’t stop for an entire half hour after I’d sat down. I watched him get out of the pool in one graceful swoop on the side, not bothering with the stairs, and I couldn’t tell if he saw me or not. He began walking around the pool, making his way toward me and back into the hotel. He just slightly turned his head and said, “Hey, follow me.”
“Can we talk?” I asked. “I have something to tell you.” I got up and ran up next to him.
Then he looked at me and I saw it in his blue eyes, they’d turned stormy and he knew the same news that I’d found out that day—that our parents were through.
I didn’t want to cry, but tears streamed down my eyes. I was crying for the fact that I’d never have a normal family, I cried for my dad, who seemed genuinely hurt, and I also cried because I feared that I’d never see Ian again. We didn’t live by each other and what would our excuse be? It was heartbreaking. I was shattered.
“Stop crying,” he said. His voice was a bit harsh, but his eyes were tender. “This isn’t our fault, it’s my mother’s fault.”
“My dad doesn’t have a great track record, either,” I said. “I’m so worried that…that…” He stopped and I touched his arm softly. “I’m worried that I’ll never see you again.”
“That’s what I’m thinking about, too,” he said.
“I can’t say that I understand why completely, Ian, but the thought just kills me, makes me feel more alone than I’ve ever felt before. I can’t stand it.”
He didn’t say a word, but he pulled me in tightly, hugging me so close that I could hear his heart beating and feel his chest moving in and out as he breathed. We were frozen and I didn’t want to let go of him. Then I remembered…his birthday. It made me feel even worse.
“And your birthday, Ian, I feel so horrible. What a lousy way to spend it.”
“It’s typical. I’ve never had a party for my birthday, or even seen my mother on the day of my birthday since I was four, until today. I could’ve done without that.”
“Well, it’s still your birthday and I’m going to take it upon myself to make it a spectacular one. What do you say?”
Ian looked down at me and gave me a closed mouth smile. “You’ve had a rough day; you don’t have to do that.”
“I don’t have to, but I want to. The way I look at it, we have to count on each other more than ever. We don’t have anyone else we can really rely on, do we?”
“No, not really,” he agreed.
“I love you and don’t want to let you down,” I said. I felt crazy saying it, but I meant it at that moment and I wanted him to know.
“Love you, too,” he said. I heard the caution in his voice, debating what type of love I was referring to.
Then I started to sing Happy Birthday to him in my slightly off-pitch voice and took his hands, twirling in a circle and slowly dancing with him right there by the pool. He let me take the lead and I kept going, not wanting to break our connection. It meant too much to me.
When I was done, Ian cupped my cheeks and leaned in to me. This time he didn’t surpass my lips and travel to my ear to whisper something. His lips brushed against mine, making my skin tingle in the chilly night air with a new type of invigoration. I sensed his hesitation and I responded, glad to accept what I’d been wanting ever since I saw him standing by the baggage claim at the airport.
We finally separated and Ian confessed, “I’ve wanted to kiss you for so long, ever since the first day we met. With our parents…and everything else, I just couldn’t act on it, but now, I have nothing to lose. I don’t want to fight it.”
“Me either,” I said. I had no idea that he’d felt that way for so long, but I knew that I felt something amazing, a connection that couldn’t be explained when I saw him yesterday and it meant the world to me. “I’m glad you told me.”
Chapter 8
Making our way to Ian’s room, we just held hands and didn’t say a word. I felt such anticipation, a bit of anxiety mixed with the determination to experience Ian the way my thoughts had longed to. He’d pulled me in and I was stuck there, no way to get out. The silence was my way to not say anything to change what was going to happen, because I wanted it so, so badly.
Once in his room, he shut the door and looked at me, picking me right up and taking me over to his bed, laying me down gently, and leaning over me, his shirt brushing against my chest. He began to kiss me on my lips again, slowly at first and then more urgently. There was no hesitation and the way he moved was masterful. I could tell he had experience and I felt a pang of envy about it, but it quickly faded with the realization that he knew how to make me feel better than I’d ever felt before. The only other man I’d ever been with had never given himself to me the way Ian had already, and we’d only kissed thus far.
Every once in awhile, our eyes locked and it was the confirmation that I needed to assure myself that we’
d be okay. I hoped that he sensed the same thing from me. This was meant to be and it was ours for the taking if we wanted it. And I wanted it.
The way Ian’s lips traveled down my body while his hands slowly untied the straps of my sundress so he could slide it down and off my body was so soft and caring. The way he stroked my body was so intimate, appreciating my body like it was a piece of fine art. The energy from his fingertips transferred through into me, making me grow more wet and urgent, making me wonder if I could even wait for the finale.
My hands went up to his waist and I slid off his swim trunks, which were still wet and felt my body shake at the excitement of feeling our skin pressed against each other—like it was meant to be connected. At that moment, we were meant to seize this moment and express everything to each other that we had a hard time saying. Nothing was taboo.
He was beautiful and hard, making me wet and eager for him. The massive hardness of Ian’s scrumptious bulge brushed against my clit, causing me to moan. As he leaned down and kissed my neck, moving his hips up and down slowly, his fingers squeezed my nipples, making me whisper, “Please, take me. I don’t want to wait for this.”
He smiled as he said, “I love you, Anabelle,” as he slid into me filling me to my most inner places, lighting the fireworks that were ready to explode inside of me. I felt like I was one with him emotionally and physically. We knew each other so well, what the other needed, and sensed what was important.
With each thrust he took, my hips met his, building such momentum, we were fucking for what seemed like hours. Our breathing grew more rapid as our bodies slammed into each other in the most pleasurable sensations. Then, in beautiful harmony, we climaxed together, each delivering the moment we both needed, leaving us content and at home in each other’s arms.
Knock. Knock. Knock. My eyes blinked and I looked around, feeling the warmth of Ian’s arm around me. Then I heard a scream and I jumped up, followed by Ian. Evelyn was staring at us with shock that quickly turned into an evil expression. I quickly pulled the sheet up over my breasts, feeling vulnerable and desperate to say something, but what? I think the scene said it all.
