by Rachel Angel
“You think, huh?”
“You’re pretty muscular,” I said. “Clearly you work hard at it.”
“Getting there is hard, but maintenance, not so bad, actually.”
“Oh,” I said. My mind flashed back to the hot, but less muscular younger Ian that made passionate and desperate love to me during the cut-way-too-short Hawaiian vacation. That guy was eighteen and amazing, but this Ian was really edgy and sexy in a different sort of way—more manly and experienced in many ways. I couldn’t help myself, but I was practically drooling staring at him.
Ian was staring at me with these intense eyes and I instantly felt myself responding from my quickening pulse, heavier breathing, and this feeling that I was attached to him in such a way that if we were to take a step away from each other, my life would be worse. I’m sure it was written all over my face, but I could do nothing to stop the raw and emotional display from showing itself. It was what I felt and it was strong and overpowering to my logic. I had to look down.
“Ana,” Ian said softly. “Have dinner with me?”
I blinked and then I began to ramble internally. Pedro’s still here.
Ian took a few steps closer to me, which drew me into his amazing blue jeweled eyes even further and he reached out his large hand and gently cupped my cheek before it slid under my chin and forced me to focus on just him, no diversions of my gaze. “I’ve nearly forgotten how tiny you are next to me,” he said, his thumb rubbing my chin. “You’re so full of fight and passion, willing to stand up against guys three times your size, Fighter,” he said, smiling. “I’ll never forget you standing up for me, Ana. I don’t ever beg but I really want to see you tonight. Please, have dinner with me.”
I had to look down again, although my head was tilted up toward Ian. Through my lashes, I sensed his gaze on me. “That’s nice, Ian, but that was long ago. Now you’re big enough to take care of yourself, not to mention likely anyone else who needed help.”
“Of course, I can, Ana,” he said, still moving closer to me. He was officially in my bubble and I was so captivated by it that I felt even my thought shaking with the adrenaline of his touch and presence. His lips were tickling my ear, almost like they were softly kissing it. “I may be big now, but you’re still my protector, my angel.” Then his hands went to my shoulders and he looked me in the eye again. “Please, I need to talk to you. Have dinner with me.”
Use common sense, I thought. Weakly, I began to say, “I’d love to, but I have to call Pedro to let him know I’ll be having dinner with you, Ian. He is expecting me.”
An angry, darker look flickered across Ian’s face. “That man who was at your place?”
“The man whom I’m dating,” I said. “Excuse me a moment, I’ll let him know that I won’t be home for dinner tonight.” Then I stepped away from Ian, glad to have the separation so I could collect my thoughts. It was like his presence was so intoxicating that just being near him made me lose all self-control. I wanted him and wanted to talk to him, but I was also really angry at him and hoped I could finally get some of the answers that had eluded me for far too many years.
“Pedro, hi, I’m just calling to let you know that I won’t be back for dinner tonight,” I said. “Sorry for the short notice.”
“Is something wrong, my love?” Pedro asked, his accent thick and suddenly somber.
“No, I am going to go out to dinner with Ian. I just ran into him and with our schedules, tonight is the only night that works.”
“That stepbrother,” he said with a lot of distaste.
“Yes, that’s him,” I replied.
“I don’t like it. He acted like a jealous lover, not a stepbrother,” Pedro said. I could just imagine his chest puffing out and his fist clenched, trying to sound calm but really pissed off inside.
“You misunderstood, really. It’s okay. I’ll see you in a few hours,” I said.
“Remember, I leave right away in the morning. I was counting on this time together,” Pedro said.
He was guilt tripping me, and maybe it was rightfully so. Could he sense what I was feeling? Hopefully not.
Finished with the call, I walked back to Ian, who was standing there and looking at me. Had he watched me the entire time? If he had, what was my body language saying? These were things I thought of as a reporter and they were second nature to me; however, I don’t know if everyone did.
“Ready,” I said, forcing a smile that would hopefully hide my nerves.
“My car is in the parking lot around the corner,” Ian said.
We walked, talking about nothing really relevant. I wanted to give my full attention when he talked to me about whatever was on his mind, and wanted him to do the same.
Once we were in the parking lot, he pulled out his key and pressed the unlock button. The lights of a bright yellow Maserati blinked, indicating that it was his car. “Doing well, Ian!” I said. “Wow, that’s a beautiful car.”
“Get in. I’ll take you for a spin and then dinner,” Ian commanded. I was glad to follow.
He opened the door and I slid in, the backs of my thighs enjoying the plush, leather fabric, and I leaned back, feeling like I was in a spa on wheels. It felt so good. Ian’s car was erotic as he was, at least at that moment.
Once Ian was in, he pressed the start button and the engine revved, rumbling so much that it almost felt like I was sitting on a vibrator. Then he pulled out and once he was on The Strip, he took off, weaving in and out of traffic and driving really aggressively, which seemed to perfectly fit this adult personality of Ian’s.
He knew Vegas well from living there and how to navigate its crazy traffic. People drove more aggressively than they did in LA, that was for certain. Then he pulled up to one of the high end casinos and in an instant, a valet came over to my door and opened it while Ian got out from his side and walked around. He extended his hand to mine and I accepted. Once I was up, I looped my arm through his.
“This is where we’re eating?” I asked, curious as to why we were walking past all the restaurants.
“Sort of,” Ian replied.
There was an armed guard by an elevator and Ian walked over to it, further confusing me, and the guard nodded, but pressed the code to open the elevator. We got in. After the elevator ascended up forty floors, the doors opened up and revealed an amazingly gorgeous penthouse. It was stunning and masculine and therefore, very easy to see the personality of its owner.
“Is this where you live?” I asked, my jaw dropping as I took it all in.
“Indeed. This is where we’ll be dining tonight, Ana. Hopefully that’s good with you.”
“It’s fine,” I said as I looked around the penthouse. Wow, Ian had good taste and this place was one of the nicest I’d ever seen.
“Have a seat and I’ll be right back,” Ian said.
I didn’t sit, but I walked over to the large glass windows that made an entire wall and stared down into the city that always had something happening in it. So beautiful, and the mountains and the desert in the distant background were truly incredible. It made me smile as I noticed the Luxur, too, because I almost thought we’d been transported to some ancient, Egyptian palace.
Then Ian walked back in the room. “Dinner is ordered. So, what can I get you to drink, Ana?”
“A white wine, if you have it.”
“I do,” he said, walking over to a bar area that looked like it could be in a five star restaurant.
“Ian, this is an amazing place. You must be doing very well. And by the way, what is it that you do, anyway?” I asked. He’d been so secretive about it, but I knew that my wild scenario from the other day—a stripper—wasn’t the case. His place was way too expensive, even for a highly successful adult entertainer. And from his personality, I doubted that he was an escort. He didn’t seem into playing games, especially other people’s games.
“Thanks. I’ve been here for a couple of years. The view was what really sold me. Makes me feel calm when I need it, kind of
therapeutic.” He handed me a glass of wine.
I noticed that he didn’t answer my question about what he did. Why was he being so mysterious about it?
Then Ian took my elbow and led me over to the sofa. “Why don’t you have a seat? It’s a long story that I have to share with you, Ana.”
Even though my stomach had been grumbling fiercely, I would have put off eating for a year in order to hear this story, at this moment. Ian was quiet for a moment, like he was arranging his thoughts, so I shared the one thought that I’d held for many years. “I thought I would never see you again, Ian,” I said.
The pain of confessing that was intense for me and I had no desire to hide how hurt I’d really felt about it; like I had been abandoned and damn it, it was unfair. “I wondered for years what happened to you, but could never find out. At first, I thought it was your mom that had done it all, but then I started to think that it was likely what you wanted, too. After all, you were an adult and capable of finding me…if you really wanted to.”
Ian put his finger up to my lips and softly said, “Sshh.” I looked at him and saw the same angst in his eyes that I was feeling in my heart at that moment. Saying it out loud made it too real. “I know, I’m so sorry, Ana, and all I can do is hope that you’ll forgive me.”
“Forgive you? That’s it?” I asked, feeling a bit pissed off about it. I deserved more of an explanation, right? “You tell me you love me and then you just drop it, not even trying to get in touch with me after all these years. Someone who loves another would try. I know, because I did.”
Ian tried touching me, but I slid back on the couch, feeling the need for a barrier between us. I didn’t want to be distracted by his physical presence, because I needed to focus on what he had to say for himself.
“You have no idea how much I wanted to seek you out, Ana. Every. Single. Day. I’ve never stopped thinking about you or wanting you.” Then he stood up and walked over to the window to look out at that view that he just said helped relax him when he needed it. Suddenly, our separation seemed like it would be a cop-out for him, making it too easy for him to avoid looking me in the eyes and giving me the answers I deserved.
I got up and went over to the window, taking a sip of wine and choosing to look at Ian over the lovely view. “You say you wanted to reach out to me, but why didn’t you, Ian? Surely you had a choice.” There was a lump in my throat and I had an overwhelming urge to cry. “It wouldn’t have taken much. A text, call, email, anything. I had the same email for years in hopes that you’d use it and send me a message back. And I know yours didn’t change, either, because I never received a response saying it wasn’t active. It was really unfair!”
“I’m sorry,” he said again.
“You have no idea how much I missed you…how much I searched.” Again, my emotions shifted from sadness to something that bordered on rage. I had to admit that he’d chosen whatever else over even letting me know. Even a note saying he’d changed his mind would have been kinder than ignoring me.
“Ana,” Ian said, quickly grabbing me and pulling me into his chest. “You don’t believe me, but I am sorry. If I could let you into my heart, you’d know just how sorry I am. That day, I made the biggest mistake in my life by leaving you and going with my mother. I regret it every day, and it has driven me to become the man I am today. I’ve used that pain to drive me toward success, and I thought that my disappointing you would continue to be the reminder I needed to not let anyone in, not get too involved. I’ve shut myself off from trying to feel any emotions, to feel anything with anyone or for anyone. But then I see you again, and everything I’ve ever felt about you, about people, came rushing back. I see you more beautiful than I’ve ever seen you, and it drives me crazy. You being with another man, drives me crazy. He gets you, gets to kiss and touch your body, the thought of that overwhelms me, Ana. It’s making me come out of my shell, the wall I’ve erected.”
“Why won’t you tell me what happened, Ian?” I looked at him, almost begging him to give me something tangible, something that I could see since I didn’t have access to his heart. His words were laden with pain, but his actions were very clear. Actions speak louder than words, right?
“I was so confused, Ana. Mom, as much as I disagreed with her, needed me.”
“But I needed you, Ian!”
“I know, Ana,” he said with anguish.
“You were all I had to having someone who cared for me outside of my dad, and he didn’t seemed to care for me most of the time, anyways. It was just you, Ian, and you abandoned me. How was I supposed to feel after that? I missed you everyday, tried to find you, tried to contact you, wrote you; but it was like you disappeared off the face of Earth. I was so devastated, Ian, it was a miracle I picked myself off the floor, got up and moved on, went to college, worked my way into my dream job; and met a man, whose lovemaking skills are so…”
Ian pressed me to him so close, that I could feel his heart beating on my chest. “Fuck it, Ana, what I’m going to do, I can’t help myself. You were and will always be my weakness. I want you now, even more than I wanted you then, but I didn’t want to ruin you. My mother, her anger, I just didn’t know how far she’d go, like that restraining order she forged my name on. I didn’t even know she did that until a year ago.”
“We could have taken her on together, Ian,” I countered. “Nothing could stand…”
Ian didn’t answer with words, but with an aggressive kiss to my mouth that forced its acknowledgement. I found my mouth opening up and responding to his tongue, feeling a wave of relief and long overdue excitement flooding me.
Chapter 15
I couldn’t resist Ian’s hot, inviting kiss that seared my mouth. It was filled with pain, anguish, yet promise. The kiss connected us emotionally and physically, bringing all of our pent up feelings for each other back to the surface as fresh as yesterday. We were both in the same universe, either ready to collide and become one wonderful thing, or crash and bust ourselves into a million broken pieces.
I felt the goose bumps on my arms burst through despite the warm temperature and Ian’s hands moved up and down my arms, as if he was reading Braille on my body. If he was, he knew what I was thinking—oh gawd, I don’t want you to stop. Then the doorbell rang and with its alert, came the realization that I shouldn’t be doing this with Ian, especially when I was with Pedro or at least I thought he thought I was with him. I was still unclear with Pedro’s relationship with me, and how fast he moved in to become someone close to me so soon.
“Must be the food,” Ian said, slowly moving away. I saw him check me out to see if I was okay.
I watched Ian walk over to the door and open it up. Just to create a safe bit of distance between us, I went over to the kitchen table, feeling an urgency to create a distance so not to be drawn into him again. “Where are your plates, I’ll get them,” I called out to Ian, who was already walking back to me, carrying two brown bags with handles. I could smell something amazing.
“Have a seat, you’re my guest,” he said.
“Two bags of food, you really must have thought my stomach growl meant I was starving,” I said, laughing it off. I was trying to distract my thoughts from anything sexual related. It was the only way I stood a chance. I regret saying yes to this now, I thought.
“Well, I have a pretty healthy appetite after a workout, have to keep up the proteins so I don’t crash,” he said.
“And I’m exhausted from watching people work out.” I chuckled and then added, “It would have been great to see you do your workout. Probably every bit as intensive as the MMA guys.”
“I try to emulate what they do,” he said, smiling at me and tilting his head.
Why was he doing that? Stop being so damn sexy and start eating like a caveman, or something.
“I got some Hawaiian BBQ. And some of your favorite dishes that I remembered you writing me about, loving, and feasting on at that luau.”
“You remember that?” I asked. Shame
fully, I probably wouldn’t remember those things about him.
“Of course,” he said. “How could I not? It was the best time in my life, Ana, being with you.”
I smiled, sitting down and waiting for Ian to wait on me. It was nice and I realized how spoiled I was by the men in my life. Pedro did the exact same thing. Man in my life, I corrected. Ian is a friend—nothing more.
It took a few minutes for Ian to set the table and then he sat down. As he did his work, I just looked around, still in awe at how amazing his place was. Masculine and strong, yet rich and elegant. “When did you get all swanky?” I asked. “Something you grew into?”
“I like to pride myself on having good taste,” Ian said to me.
“Undoubtedly, but I’m just remembering the Ian who was all into sports and getting into shape, and going into medicine. This,” I said, extending my hand out to his penthouse as a whole, “is a big adjustment in a relatively short amount of time.”
“Well, medical school didn’t work out. Mom squandered every cent we had…doing what she does, and I had to find a way to make money, right away, enough to support the two of us, which is not that easy—from her side of things, anyway. It’s almost like I’m the new husband, in a way.” Ian laughed softly after that, but his smile didn’t reach his eyes. He was clearly making the most out of a situation that he didn’t care for.
“So, she never married after Dad?”
“No, she didn’t. Not sure why. She dated some, but it never worked out.”
“Did she marry my father because he was a meal ticket?” I asked. It was a pretty unfair question to ask a son, but flaws and all, my dad was a good guy and I always knew he tried. But he hadn’t married again after Evelyn, either. Perhaps the two had exhausted each other completely.
Ian shook his head back and forth while grabbing a spoon and putting some seasoned rice on my plate, and then on his. “You know, I thought she did at first, but it turned out she really did care for him. She wanted it to work out so much that she thought putting me in boarding school and having me out of the way would be the way to keep her marriage with your father, but she was wrong.”
