by Kasie West
She smirked. “Okay, you can have Jackson. I’ll deal with Robert.”
She stacked her loose papers and put them in her backpack. “So what actually happened? I thought Jackson annoyed you.”
“He still does sometimes, but he helped me escape school when I needed it and he was really nice about it. That kind of turned things around for us.”
“I can see that.” She looked at my still-lingering smile. “He seems to lighten you up a bit.”
“What’s that mean?”
“You know what it means.”
She was right. I did know. And I did feel light. As light as air.
Twenty-Five
My renewed motivation in trying to figure out Heath Hall’s identity was a nice distraction from the realization I’d had about my brother. The one I wasn’t sure how I was going to fix. How could I get over feeling like he was my enemy when he wasn’t even alive for me to confront? When he’d done nothing wrong.
I plopped myself in front of my computer that night, ready to set some traps for Heath Hall where he would slip into admitting something. I may have been even more motivated to figure out who Heath Hall was because of the possibility that he could be Jackson.
Did this mean . . . ? Was Amelia right? Was I crushing on him?
Our chats online had been fun and meant something to me. And our interactions in person had been . . . great.
Before I even signed into my private messages, I saw Heath Hall had announced another event for this weekend. He didn’t say exactly what would be happening, just an address and time range. That was new.
I moved on to my messages. I had no new ones. That did not disappoint me, I told myself. I analyzed each of the suspects in my mind, trying to decide which trap to lay first before I typed. A thought occurred to me.
Have any fun mental conversations with your dog lately?
Robert had a dog. How had I not thought about that until now? He didn’t respond right away. It was only six o’clock. Had Robert’s track meet gone late? Jackson. Where would he be at six o’clock at night? Eating dinner with his family, maybe.
I began scrolling back through Heath Hall’s wall. The feed went on and on. How long had he been doing this anyway? I clicked on his profile where it showed me when the account was created. I stared at that date for a long time, then subtracted the number in my head three times from the current date to make sure it was right. Five years. This Heath Hall account had existed for five years? How had I not noticed that before? I just assumed it had only been happening for a couple years because that’s when I remembered learning about it. But I was in elementary school five years ago. So were Robert and Jackson, for that matter. There was no way either of them would’ve thought of something this elaborate five years ago.
My computer dinged with a new message.
My dog is mad that I’ve been so busy. He’s sending me death glares right now but refusing to speak.
Busy? Doing what?
You know, scaling buildings, saving lives, being awesome. The usual.
Five years ago? So did that mean it wasn’t Robert or Jackson? Was he someone a little older? Robert said I knew who Heath Hall was. Had he been lying? Maybe I didn’t know him at all. Maybe he was some senior. I didn’t know many seniors very well. Mainly the ones on the swim team. I tried to think of each one, match him up with the clues and facts I knew about Heath Hall. Suddenly and with a jolt of fear, I remembered the one person I knew quite well who was actually out of high school.
DJ.
He would’ve been in the eighth grade when this account was made. And he was a smart guy, a huge reader. He could’ve thought of something like this at thirteen. Plus, he was a little closer to the guy I’d always imagined Heath Hall was: shy, kept to himself more. This didn’t totally confirm it but I was getting a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. A bit of guilt coursed through me at how I had acted around DJ at the pool the other day. And another worry burrowed its way into my mind as well. Whoever Heath Hall was, I felt a connection with him. What if it turned out to be DJ? What if it turned out to be none of the above? Someone I didn’t know at all?
What about you? he asked.
Nope, I don’t have a dog to get mad at me.
Are you not an animal fan?
How did Heath Hall always turn everything back to me? After reading through our conversations, I realized there wasn’t much he’d said about himself. Just general things. And he was doing it again.
What is going on tomorrow night? Why the vague announcement?
Are you going to come?
I don’t know yet.
You should. You missed the last one.
You noticed?
Doesn’t everybody notice you?
My fingers froze on the keyboard. Amelia may have claimed I wouldn’t know what flirting was if it slapped me in the face, but I knew that was flirting. Had my flirting with DJ in real life encouraged him to flirt with me now?
Did I scare you away? he asked.
No . . . it’s just weird because you know me and I don’t know you.
You know me.
I know a lot of people.
You soaked me and my sweater the other day.
The blood rushed from my face, leaving it numb. He just told me who he was. I couldn’t believe he just told me who he was. He was DJ . . . or Jackson. Was he talking about soaking him with pool water or tears?
Crap.
I was supposed to react now. He knew it was a big deal to tell me, and it was. And now he wanted me to react. But depending on which one of those it was, my reaction would be completely different. I mean, I really wanted it to be Jackson. I liked Jackson and I wanted him to match up with the online conversations I’d had with Heath Hall. But if I was being truthful, the masked version didn’t fit the Jackson I’d come to know. Jackson needing to put on a mask to face all of his fears, Jackson telling his fears to suck it, Jackson shaking like a leaf after showing people his painting didn’t make sense.
On the other side, the masked Heath Hall fit more with the DJ I knew in real life. He was vulnerable and shy. He was more the type that would want to hide his face when facing fears, to not draw attention to himself but the fear, as if it were everyone’s to own. Plus, the timeline made more sense. And now I’d flirted with him both online and in real life but Amelia had all but claimed him. Which was fine. I wanted her to. I didn’t like DJ like that. Sure I enjoyed the conversations we’d had online and I felt comfortable with him as a friend. I put my forehead to my keyboard. It was him and I so didn’t want it to be.
My computer dinged. You’re disappointed. It wasn’t a question.
No, I responded back, but that was all I had the chance to type before there was a knock at my door. I was glad for the interruption. I needed to think.
“Come in.”
My mom opened the door and sat down on the edge of my bed. She looked frazzled, upset. For a minute I thought she had discovered my award under my bed and wanted to apologize for missing the ceremony. But then she started talking. “A friend in Las Vegas called. Her co-organizer came down with the flu and had to go to the hospital because she couldn’t hold anything down for several days.”
I had no idea who or what she was talking about, but I figured it would all eventually make sense. “I’m sorry. Is there anything we can do?”
“The race is Saturday. As in the day after tomorrow. You know how crazy race days can be, and she just needs some experienced hands there helping things run smoothly.”
Now I understood. Mom to the rescue. “So you’re going out of town this weekend?”
“I wouldn’t because your father has business down south this weekend too, and I hate to leave you alone. But . . .”
“It’s fine, Mom. It’s two nights. I think I can survive.”
“Dad will be home late Saturday night.”
“Well, see, it’s just one night, then.”
She let out a breath of relief. “I figured you’d be fine but I just wante
d to make sure. You think you could stay at Amelia’s for the weekend? That would make me feel better.”
“Sure. That sounds like fun.” I actually wasn’t sure. Her aunt was still in town, extending her stay like aunts sometimes do. But a weekend alone sounded nice. If my parents weren’t here, I didn’t have to think about our issues.
My computer dinged and I felt guilty that I hadn’t responded better.
My mom glanced at the computer. “Well, thank you. Be safe this weekend. No wild parties or anything.”
I laughed. “Okay.”
She tousled my hair, then left the room.
I turned my attention back to the computer, where the new message awaited.
I thought you’d already figured it out on your own.
Was he referring to the conversation about his dog we had out by the pool? He thought I’d figured it out and that’s why he told me? I felt sick. How was I supposed to tell him that all my flirting online wasn’t directed at him? How could I tell him that when I’d been flirting in real life too? I couldn’t tell him over the computer. Even though that’s how we’d been communicating half the time, it seemed so impersonal.
I’m not disappointed. Just overwhelmed. We’ll talk tomorrow, yes?
So you’re coming tomorrow night?
To the vague event with the address?
Yes.
I’ll be there.
Twenty-Six
I dreaded getting in the car the next morning with Amelia. I had no idea what to say. A conversation with her could wait until after I’d had one with DJ. There was nothing wrong with that. When I got into her car, I immediately felt bad.
And of course, the first thing she asked was, “So did Heath Hall slip up at all last night?” She eased out of my driveway.
“No. I’m still not sure who he is.” That was sort of true. I was maybe 10 percent not sure.
She smiled. “Well, I spent an hour talking to Robert yesterday after school.”
“After school you drove me home.”
“I came back and met him after track practice.”
“Oh yeah? What did he say?”
“He was like a vault, but I think he knows something. He got this sly smile when I mentioned that truth quote you said about the sun and the moon.”
“He did? So you think it’s him?” As much as I hadn’t wanted it to be him the day before, now anyone other than DJ would be welcome news.
“I think it could be him. Did you talk to Jackson?”
“No, I didn’t get a chance.”
We pulled in to the parking lot and I claimed I had to talk to a teacher before the bell rang. But DJ wasn’t in the coach’s office. Why did he pick today of all days to really not-work? Didn’t he want to talk to me before tonight? Before I had to see him again with that mask on. Was I supposed to pretend I didn’t know him?
A growl escaped my throat and I headed for my first-period class.
“Moore!” The call must’ve been loud because I heard it through my music. I clicked the off button and turned.
Jackson was heading my way at a slow jog. My heart gave a little leap.
“Hey, Holt.”
He had his mischief-making smile on. “You’re not the only one who can figure things out.”
I stopped in the middle of the hall. “What?”
He held up the Styrofoam cup I hadn’t seen until then. “Norman’s. I don’t believe you went to that seedy shop for me.”
“Oh. Right. You found it.” If that had been Jackson last night online, he’d mention it now, wouldn’t he? I stared at him, willing him to say something. He just had his easy smile on.
“You no longer own me.” He took a sip, then met my eyes. “Unless you want to.”
My heart thudded twice. I wasn’t sure if he was just being his jokester self right now or if he was being serious. “I . . .”
The bell rang. “We’ll talk later, Moore,” he said, then held up his cup again. “To heaven in a cup.” Then he turned and jogged away. No, that boy did not need to put on a mask to speak his mind. There was no way he was Heath Hall.
Only we didn’t talk later. And DJ never showed up at school, so I couldn’t talk to him. Now I was facing the night, the Heath Hall event, blind. My shoulders were acting up. I needed some aspirin. Amelia dropped her bag in the middle of my bedroom floor. “Due to the vagueness of tonight’s event, I had no idea what to wear. What are you wearing?”
“Jeans and a nice shirt. I think.”
“Good call. An in-between outfit.” She opened her bag and began flinging clothes onto my bed. “I don’t believe your parents left you alone for the weekend.”
“One night.”
“My parents would never trust me enough to leave me home alone. They would think I’d throw a party or something.” She stopped and put her hands on her hips. “We should throw a party. We can invite everyone over after the Heath Hall thing tonight.”
“Probably not a good idea.”
“You’re right. We’ll just invite a few people over.”
I laughed and sifted through the clothes in my closet until I found the green blouse I was looking for. “Nobody over. But that doesn’t mean we can’t stay out late.”
“So true.”
I needed to tell Amelia now before we left. Before we saw Heath Hall. Why was I still calling him that? DJ. Before we saw DJ, I needed to prepare her for who he was. Tell her how I pieced together the clues: how long ago the account was created and how he talked to his dog and I soaked his sweater and how he and the masked man were never in the same room at the same time. And I needed to tell her . . . how he felt about me.
“Do you think tonight is the night that Heath Hall will unmask himself? Maybe that’s why the description was so vague.”
“No. I don’t.” As I said it, I realized I believed that. If he hadn’t done it in five years, why would he do it now? I could still wait to talk to Amelia until after I’d talked to DJ. I hoped that once we talked, things could still work out with him and Amelia. If he knew how I felt and how she felt, it would clear things up. Everything would turn out fine. Yes, that’s what I’d do.
We sat in a small theater in the old town district. The only people there were Heath Hall supporters, and it was a fairly small crowd at that. Twenty? All faces I recognized. Dylan, Brady, even Robert, who I could now officially eliminate as a suspect. Amelia was surprised to see him there after her talk with him the day before. Maybe the numbers were few because this event seemed even more vague than the others.
The heavy velvet green curtain was open and a single spotlight lit a mic on the stage. Whatever DJ was doing involved that mic. Singing? Speaking?
There were empty chairs on either side of us and Amelia kept looking back toward the door like she thought he’d walk in that way. I figured he’d walk in from backstage, so I didn’t bother craning my neck around.
“You think he’ll make us sit here for three hours?”
“I hope not.”
“Maybe he’s waiting for more people to show up.”
“Yeah, maybe.” But right as I said it, footsteps sounded on the hardwood of the stage and Heath Hall appeared from behind the side curtain. He walked to the mic, tapped it twice, then cleared his throat.
“Tonight I have a declaration. A truth I need to speak that I haven’t been able to as myself.”
This was different. But he’d said the mask wasn’t just about expressing fears. That was just one of its purposes. So tonight we got a truth.
“A poem,” he continued. “Declaring truth. Revealing love. In front of all. It’s from my heart. From my soul.”
It took my brain a moment to realize he had already started the poem. He was midpoem. And he was about to say something he couldn’t say in front of anybody but especially not Amelia. He was going to say he liked me. I stood up and screamed, “No!”
He stopped. The microphone issued a screech of feedback.
Amelia tugged on my arm and whispered, “
What are you doing?”
The rest of the room had turned to look at me as well. I was supposed to say something now. Justify why I’d stopped Heath Hall from speaking. I didn’t want to have to tell him that I didn’t feel the same way. I wanted to pull him off the stage and talk privately to him, spare the embarrassment. If he needed a mask to say it, he was already feeling unsure. I wished I didn’t have to do this, but Amelia and her feelings were the most important thing to me right now.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw a movement, someone sitting down next to Amelia. Then I heard that someone whisper, “Sorry I’m late. What did I miss?”
I turned toward that someone, who was now slipping his hand into Amelia’s.
“DJ?”
He smiled up at me. “Hi, Hadley.”
“Oh no.” My eyes whipped back to the stage. Heath Hall still stared at me and appeared to have lost every ounce of the confidence he had when he first got on the stage. I held up my hands. “I’m so sorry. I thought you were someone else.” Why did I say that out loud to the only person possibly left who could be under that mask? The person I had wanted to be under that mask all along. Was it too late for him to finish what he’d started? “Go on. I’m listening. It was really good.” But he was still frozen, now gripping the mic stand. I gave him my pleading eyes. “Please. Finish.”
From behind me someone called out, “You can do it. Keep going.” I recognized that voice. It felt like the world stopped spinning or some other phenomenon that would explain why I was suddenly dizzy and lost my balance. I braced myself on the back of the seat in front of me. I turned toward the voice behind me.
Jackson.
He winked at me. Then it seemed to register to him that I was standing up. That I was the person who had called out to stop Heath Hall from speaking. He gave me a questioning head tilt. My gaze shot from him to DJ to Robert (still sitting a few rows up from us) and finally to the still-silent Heath Hall. Who was he?
“He’s not any of them,” I whispered to Amelia.
“Huh.” She didn’t seem as concerned about this development as I was. “Back to the drawing board, I guess.”
I sidestepped out of the row, Amelia stage-whispering to me the whole time to stay.
