by Kasie West
“Remember when you met my dad?”
“Of course.”
“When you left, the first thing my dad said to me was, ‘I’ve never met someone who reminded me more of your brother.’”
He squeezed his eyes shut. “And then you hated me even more.”
“No. You already bugged me. I guess that was when I realized I would’ve hated my brother had I known him. And that made me mad at you, yes.”
“So see, your brother wasn’t perfect. He was an irresponsible goofball with no idea about his future.” He nodded toward the squirt gun, the representation of that playful nature.
“He knew he wasn’t going to have a future.”
Again Jackson squeezed his eyes shut and put the lid back on the box. “Sorry.”
“No, don’t be. Here’s the thing. My whole life, I’ve never felt close to my brother. Never felt like I knew him at all. I knew facts about him but couldn’t picture him. Then you came along in all your annoyingness and my dad put a personality to him. I hated that at first. And if I’m being honest, I kind of reveled in it too because I realized that I wanted to hate him. But now. Now that I know you better, I know that my brother and I would’ve been great friends.” For the first time, maybe ever, I felt my eyes prick with tears over the thought of missing out on that friendship with him. “So I know this is weird, but thank you for that.”
He slowly set the box back on the seat between us. “Great. I just got put in the ‘he’s like a brother to me’ category.”
I laughed. “You’re good for me.”
“How so?”
“Because you can make me laugh.” Especially when I had just been on the verge of tears.
“Oh, did you think that was a joke?”
I laughed again. “See?”
Nirvana came on the radio and Jackson turned up the volume.
Thirty-One
Considering it was only ten thirty, the neighborhood was quiet. The porch light was the only thing that lit the house. All the other windows were dark.
“Where are we?” he asked.
“Amelia’s house.”
“Are we picking up Amelia?”
“Nope. She’s spending the night at my house. And considering she hasn’t texted me to find out where I am, she must still be out with DJ.”
“So we’re going to hang out with Amelia’s parents?”
“Amelia lives four miles from me. A little too far to walk. Without a car, I can’t see my best friend whenever I want to. I have to depend on her driving everywhere. In junior high sometimes I’d ride my bike here but even that took a while.”
“How long have you known Amelia?”
“Since the second grade. She has the most awesome tree house. We’d spend hours back there.”
“Are you going to show it to me?”
“I wasn’t planning on it.”
“You just throw out the words ‘awesome tree house’ and we are going to walk away?”
“Fine. Come on.” As we walked toward her side gate, I said, “It’s been a long time since I’ve been in it. It could’ve been my younger brain that found it awesome and now it will be lame.”
“Backpedaling already?”
We got to the gate and I gestured for him to reach over to undo the latch as I shined my phone for him to see. Soon we were in her backyard. It really had been a while since I’d been back there. But my memory wasn’t wrong. The tree house was awesome. It was built around a giant oak tree in the center of her yard. The back patio light was just bright enough for us to make it out.
“Wow,” he breathed. “You almost didn’t let me see this. There’s a way to get up there, right?”
“There used to be a ladder attached on the back.” I was already walking as I said this, and when I rounded the tree, I saw the ladder still there, waiting to be climbed. I went first, ascending the thirty steps. No wonder Amelia’s mom was always nervous when we were out here: this thing was high. Jackson followed close behind. It was more of a deck than a house. It had no roof, but a railing surrounded the wooden platform. It was dusty and some boards were rotted through, but when Jackson reached the top, he immediately lay on his back, putting his hands behind his head.
“If this were in my backyard, I’d be up here every day.”
And I believed he would. His joy was contagious. I took a spot next to him and stared into the dark twisted branches above us. Last time I’d tried to relax and enjoy a moment of beauty like this, my body wouldn’t let me. This time, I felt like I wanted to stay here forever.
“Do you hear that?” he asked.
I didn’t hear anything at first, but when I listened closely, I could barely make out music coming from another backyard. “Someone is having a party.”
“The song is in Spanish.”
I listened closer and sure enough, the words were in a different language. “Do you know any Spanish?” I asked.
“I’ve taken two years in school. So no.”
I smiled. “I was dumb and took French. We live in California. Who doesn’t take Spanish when you live in California?” I wasn’t sure if I was listening harder or someone turned up the music, but it got a little louder.
“When did you realize you were good at swimming? That it was something you could excel in?”
“Summer before sixth grade I beat a seventh grader in the one-hundred-meter butterfly. It’s a hard stroke for a kid so young and I beat her. That day I made it my goal to be good enough to swim once I got to college.”
“In the sixth grade? You knew what you wanted to do in college in the sixth grade?”
“Yes.”
“And I still don’t have a clue.”
“Not everyone knows what they want to do in college.”
“Everyone I know has at least a small idea.” He rolled onto his side and propped his head on his hand. “At least something they’re good at. At the rate I’m going, I will graduate with a degree in pranking. I do a mean TP job. Can that go on a college application?”
“So you take generals until you figure out what you like.”
“Isn’t that basically what I’m doing now? Taking generals. And I like nothing.”
I wasn’t sure what to say to him. It was obvious he had been beating himself up over this for who knew how long. I rolled onto my side too and put my hand on his arm. “You’ll figure it out.”
“Everyone keeps telling me that, but what if I don’t?”
This was his fear. I could see it in his eyes and I wished I could grab that Heath Hall mask and it could somehow work its magic on him too. But I knew it wasn’t that simple. Nobody’s fears were. Mine weren’t. When tonight was over, I’d still have to figure out a way to face my parents.
“I know,” he said, and rolled onto his back, my hand dropping into the space between us. “I’m not as fun when I’m serious.” He jumped to his feet before I could tell him otherwise and quickly pulled me up to mine.
“Dance with me.”
“What?”
“This is my favorite song.”
The music was still in Spanish. I laughed as he pulled me into his arms and began swaying us to the beat.
“Really? Your favorite?”
“Yes. Listen.”
For a second I thought he was serious. He sounded so serious. So I stopped talking and listened to the words . . . that I couldn’t understand.
He gave a breathy laugh and I hit his chest, narrowing my eyes at him.
He continued to sway us and started singing quietly in English as though he were translating it for me. “Her stare can crash cars, fall trees, break hearts.”
I tried to hold my narrow eyes, but I couldn’t help but laugh.
“Her laugh can crash cars, fall trees . . .” He leaned in close, his lips next to my ear. “Break hearts.”
I closed my eyes, tingles spreading down my spine as his breath touched my neck. Then my stomach growled loudly and he said, just as softly, “You think you could eat half a pie?”
I pulled back. “What?”
He released me from his arms. “Half a pie. Do you want to eat one?”
“Like a pizza or the fruit variety?”
“Are we from New York? Of course I mean a pie as in apple or pumpkin or berry.”
“Do they still refer to pizzas as pies in New York or is that only in the movies?”
“I don’t know, but this is a competition, Moore. Can you eat half a pie or can’t you?”
“I can eat it faster than you, that’s for sure.”
“That’s what I thought. I’m going to take you—well, have you take me—to the best place for pie that exists in this town at eleven o’clock at night. You can only get to it by car, so it completely goes with the theme of your night.”
“Okay, Holt. Let’s go have a competition.”
“Denny’s?” I asked, staring at the sign.
“It’s eleven o’clock at night. What did you expect, my grandma’s kitchen?”
“I expected a secret location.”
“Well, in twelve hours I can take you to a secret pie location, but this is the best I have right now.”
We got out of the truck and walked to the glowing building. “Do you really know a secret pie location?”
“No, but I love that you thought I did.”
“I didn’t.”
“You totally did.”
The apple pie was at our table in ten minutes as most pies that have probably been sitting in the freezer for a couple days can be. Jackson cut the pie in half, being careful to measure it just right, then scooped one section onto his plate and another onto mine.
“That’s a lot of pie.”
“Are you already giving up?”
My stomach rumbled, and he laughed.
“Is it a timed event or are we just seeing who can eat the most?” I asked.
“Of course it’s a timed event. Can you call something an event if it isn’t timed?” He picked up his fork.
“Oh, we get to use utensils?”
He raised his eyebrows. “You don’t want to use utensils?”
“I do. I just thought you couldn’t call something a pie-eating competition unless utensils weren’t involved.”
“Okay, crazy. No utensils.” He put his fork down along with his phone, where he’d pulled up the timer app. “Ready?” he asked, raising his eyebrows at me.
I nodded.
“Go!”
He dug his face in the pie while I sat there and watched. I hadn’t even been tempted to compete with him, which wasn’t like me. Maybe things were happening tonight. Good things.
I wondered how long it would take before he realized I wasn’t doing it. I picked up my fork and had a few bites. It was pretty good. I didn’t think I could eat the whole thing anyway. That much sugar in one night after so many months off it would not feel good.
“Did you just prank me?” he asked after about ten seconds. His mouth was surrounded by pie filling. “That was good. I did not think you were going to do that. Now I look like an idiot.”
“Isn’t that your favorite?”
He picked up a chunk of pie with his hand and threw it at me. It stuck in my hair.
“Gross.” I was trying to get it out when he came around the table to my bench and went in for a hug.
I scooted back against the wall. “Don’t you dare.”
“I can’t kiss you on the cheek?”
I picked up a napkin off the table and swiped it across his mouth. He took over the job, wiping his mouth clean, his eyes lit up in that happy way they did that made me warm inside.
“Can I take you somewhere?” I asked suddenly.
He looked at his phone. I did too. It was eleven thirty.
“You have to go. Never mind,” I said. “Another night.”
“You can take me somewhere. I can be a little late.”
“Your parents won’t get mad?”
“They might, but I’m willing to risk a possible grounding.”
“I’ll probably be grounded for the rest of my life anyway, so it’s not like you’ll get to go out anytime soon.” I realized what I just said and amended it with, “I mean, with me. You can obviously go out with other people.”
He gave me a lazy smile. “Let me pay the bill and clean up my face. I’ll meet you in the truck in five.”
Thirty-Two
I parked the truck in the dirt clearing and turned off the engine. The radio went off as well and the silence seemed loud in the cab.
“Where are we?”
He’d probably never come to the lake on this side. The lake wasn’t even visible from where we’d parked. It was my secret little swimming cove. “Come here. I want to show you something.” Before we got out, I pointed to the mask. “Maybe you should put that on.”
He laughed. “I’m good.”
“Wait, have you never worn it before?”
“Do you know how many people have worn that mask? The last girl who wore it was a little sketchy.”
I hit his arm and he laughed.
“I don’t believe you’ve never worn it.”
“There’s a process, a protocol. You have to get nominated and then approved by the keeper. I don’t want to mess with the power of the mask, throw off the fine balance.”
I shook my head and opened the door. “Come on.”
He let me lead him down the dirt path that was so familiar to me. His hand felt nice in mine, like it belonged there. I stopped us at the edge of the path and turned off the light on my phone. Then I took him by the shoulders and faced him toward the lake that I knew was now less than ten steps away. The only thing I could see was a few bright spots in the darkness—the reflection of the stars above on the water. I positioned myself behind him, laying my cheek on his back. I wrapped my arms around him, placing one palm flat on his chest so I could feel his heartbeat.
He took a deep breath in.
“What do you see?” I asked.
“Nothing. Darkness.”
“But you know there’s something there, right?”
“I assume something is there.”
“Just because you can’t see the future, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. You don’t have to see everything clearly or know exactly where you’re going to move forward.”
I slipped out of my shoes and whispered for him to do the same. I felt him shift as he stepped out of his.
“You move forward.” I took a step, which pushed his leg forward and we walked like that until the water and mud seeped between our toes. “And when the future surrounds you, then you know where you are, what the steps you took led you to.”
“Are we at the lake?” he asked. His voice was low and husky.
“I swim here sometimes. If I had a car, I could swim here a lot more.” My cheek was still pressed up against his back, my arms still wrapped around his torso. Last time I had been here, I couldn’t force myself to relax. Now my whole body seemed to lack muscles. It would melt to the ground if I let it. Jackson laid one of his hands on top of mine.
“Jackson?”
“Hmm?”
“I like you just as much when you’re serious.”
It surprised me when he took a shuddering breath.
“You owe me comfort through an emotional breakdown,” he said.
“Yes. I totally do.”
At first I thought he was kidding, being funny, like he seemed to do when things got too heavy. But when he turned in my arms, put his forehead to my shoulder, and held on to me like his life depended on it, I realized he wasn’t. I didn’t think I was a sympathetic crier. I mean, my parents had cried many times and I’d stood there as dry eyed as the Sahara desert. But there was something about holding Jackson that got to me.
I rubbed his back like he had mine until it stilled. Until my feet were numb from the lake. He straightened up, touching his forehead to mine. He was a shadow in the darkness, but I could see his eyes shining. He took my face in his hands and kissed my cheeks where my tears ling
ered. Then he kissed my forehead. My hands held his wrists and I could tell he was going to move away so I tightened my hold. He paused, hesitated, then with a deep breath, kissed me.
My hands went to his hair, pulling him closer. His mouth was warm, his breath hot. I parted my lips and his tongue ran softly along them before it found mine, joining us closer together. He backed us out of the water, gripping my hips now. My hands went to his shoulders so that I didn’t fall.
His mouth tasted of cinnamon. Cinnamon was my new favorite flavor. My back hit a tree and he pressed himself against me.
And then his phone rang.
He groaned. “It must be twelve oh five.”
I tried to catch my breath, unsuccessfully. “If it’s your parents, you should answer so they know you’re safe.”
“I don’t know that I am safe.” He gave me a quick kiss, then picked up the phone.
I turned on my phone as well, shining the light on the ground so I could gather our shoes. I held them with one arm and with my other grabbed his hand and led him back to the truck while he assured whoever was on the phone that he was on his way home and had just lost track of time.
He hung up and kissed me again. “Yep. Totally worth it.”
I smiled.
We both looked at our muddy feet. He opened the truck door, dug the squirt gun out of the Eric box, and sprayed my feet several times. “I thought that would work better,” he said. “Like your brother was looking out for us or something.”
“I’m guessing my brother would find this amusing.”
“Are you once again pointing out that your brother is similar to me? After you were kissing me and everything?”
“Jackson. You are not my brother.”
He squirted my feet one more time. “I think I would’ve liked your brother.”
I hugged him. “I think I would’ve too.”
Thirty-Three
I tried not to register the mud now on the floor mats. I’d clean them up later. I’d put everything back to normal later. It would all be fine.
“I think the seat belt over here is broken,” he said, sliding next to me as I drove away from the lake and toward his house.
My heart seemed to stop. “It is? Can you fix it?”
