by M. Robinson
Not to mention, every movie she had a role in. Anything that pertained to her, I avoided like the goddamn plague. It didn’t help that she was probably one of the most famous people in all the world. Only making it that much harder to stay away from seeing or hearing shit about her.
Case and point, what the fuck was happening right now.
“Now, of course.” The reporter appeared back up on the screen. “This is all hearsay, her team has yet to confirm any allegations. Although, our team and several other reporters caught up with her longtime manager/agent, Keith Kayes in the Hollywood Hills.”
The fucking snake appeared on the screen, pushing cameras out of his way.
“Keith, is it true Miss. Bell has checked into a rehab facility?”
“Keith, are the allegations that drugs played a major role to why she’s in rehab?
“Keith, is it true she almost overdosed filming the last scene in her upcoming movie?”
These questions the reporters were hounding him with, only reminded me of how much I fucking hated her life. They were vultures, firing question after question as Keith tried to wade his way through them with men I recognized as Skyler’s bodyguards, shoving them out of the way.
Shouting, “No comment!”
“This just in,” Ryan exclaimed, once again taking over the screen. “Her team has just announced there will be a press conference later today at eight P.M PST. Concerning the mental and physical state of Skyler Bell. As always E News will be live streaming the coverage and I will be there along with an endless list of media attention for Hollywood’s shining star. If the young celebrity has taken a turn down the rabbit hole of Hollywood, it would be such a shame. She wouldn’t be the first or the last celebrity to allow Hollywood’s demons to outshine her obvious God-given talent, especially with that powerhouse of a voice she has.”
One of her songs started playing in the background, her vocals almost bringing me to my fucking knees.
“Toxic me, hmm hmm… toxic you, hmm hmm… wild me, wild you, hmm hmm… am I hiding my light from you… or are you hiding yours from me, hmm hmm…”
I recognized the song immediately, she was writing it the night I found her in the living room with her guitar in Chicago. Dragging me back to another place and time.
When nothing was right with our worlds, except that we were together.
“We will keep following this story as it develops,” Ryan added. “And, Skyler Bell, if you are listening, you’re in our thoughts and prayers. As always you heard it here first on E News live. Back to you, Kat.”
“Oh no…” I heard Ma mutter from behind me.
“I’m so sorry, honey. When was the last time you talked to her?” she asked, jerking me away from the screen.
Narrowing my eyes at her, confused. “What?”
“Skyler, honey. When was the last time you talked to her?”
“Ma, how do you know I knew Skyler?” I grabbed the remote, muting the television.
“You mean, aside from the fact that anytime we’re together and you see a photo of her, you lose all sense of everything. Your whole body tenses, your jaw clenches, even your eyes and the expression on your face gives you away, Noah. Pretty much like they are now.”
“Damn.” I was blown away from one thing to another. “Why haven’t ya ever said anythin’ then?”
“Why haven’t you?”
I shrugged not know what to say, my mind couldn’t process all of this fast enough.
“My baby boy.” She lovingly smiled, sitting next to me on the couch. “There’s so much I wish I could change in your life. So much I wish I’d done differently. I’ll never forgive myself for everything I put you through. I love you more than anything in this world, Noah Jameson. You and I have always had this special bond. From the first moment I held you in my arms, I felt it.” Holding my chin in her hand, she used her thumb to caress the side of my face. “But, Noah, you have always been so stubborn and hardheaded. Always thinking you were right when you were wrong, always fighting to feel… I can’t tell you how many pairs of bloodstained clothes I’ve washed when you were a child, because you couldn’t express yourself with a few simple words instead of your fists.”
Blatantly unaware that old habits never died.
“When you first came back to Southport, I knew whatever you were running away from was destroying you. As much as you pretended to have yourself together, I knew it couldn’t have been further from the truth. I let you be, simply because things were finally settled between you and Creed. You quickly became a partner at his motorcycle shop which you boys and Diesel are making a killing at restoring bikes, doing something you love. You’re VP of his MC, End of The Road. Godfather and the best uncle to their baby girl, Harley. She adores you, Noah.”
Despite how I felt inside, I smiled. Knowing she was right. Creed and I would probably never see eye-to-eye on a lot of things, but at the end of the day we were brothers, blood, fucking family. He had his faults and I had mine. He was happy, living the life he always wanted.
With her.
And as the years flew by, I realized we were more alike than I ever cared to admit. Particularity when it came to our taste in women, his wife had always reminded me so much of Skyler. Since. Day. One.
From her pouty little lips…
To her round face…
To her light eyes and petite frame…
They both even had that saucy fucking mouth on them. Knowing all along, why I loved his wife to begin with.
For the first time in a long fucking time though, I was happy for him. He deserved it, and they deserved each other. No matter what we all went through together.
“I know you and Creed are in a good place, and I couldn’t be happier about that, but baby, I still know a part of you blames him and especially yourself for Maddie… but honey, she just wasn’t meant to be.”
Pulling my chin out of her grasp, I coaxed, “We ain’t talkin’ ’bout Maddie, Ma.”
She nodded, understanding. Being the only person who ever did. “I know, baby… I know. I lost a child too. Trust me, it kills you inside and I spent years trying to kill myself at the bottom of a liquor bottle, when I should have been taking care of you. Instead of you trying to take care of me.”
“I’d do it again if I had to.”
She beamed, her whole face lighting up. “I know. You saved me, Noah. More times than I even remember. You and Aiden. I will forever be grateful to that man and his wife Bailey for being there for you when your own parents weren’t. So please, tell me. It’s my turn to try to save you. When was the last time you talked to her?”
“Before I came back home.”
“Ah. So I was right. You were with her the entire time you disappeared on us?”
“Somethin’ like that.”
“What happened?”
I took a deep breath and stated the truth, “I wish I knew, Ma. There was so much bullshit between Skyler and I. There’s always been so much bullshit between us.”
“She’s a lovely girl, and she loves you so much, Noah. And I could see that within the first few seconds of meeting her.”
“Meetin’ her?” I snapped, caught off guard. “When did ya meet her?”
“She never told you?”
“No.”
“Oh gosh, it was such a long time ago… I was barely staying sober for a few months back then. But I guess it was maybe sometime before you turned eighteen. I only remember that because she told me you guys had the same birthday. What are the odds of that, huh?”
“Ma,” I warned, my patience slipping with each second that past.
“It was really late when she knocked on the door, looking for you. But the poor thing appeared to be exhausted, like she hadn’t slept in days. Her eyes were red and swollen, and I more than recognized that look. She’d definitely been crying for just as long. I couldn’t help but invite her to come inside. Try to do my best to console her, she was just so sad.”
My mind instantly shifte
d to the night she was remembering. Thinking the same exact thing when I woke up and saw Skyler hovering above me. I may have chased away her demons the night before she left me behind, but over five years later, when it was my turn to do the same, they ended up chasing me away as well.
The irony was not fucking lost on me.
“After I made us some tea,” Ma added, once again tearing me away from my persecuting thoughts. “We sat right here and she told me all about her moving to L.A. How you were her best friend and how much she’d miss you. Wishing you could just understand. Saying something about how there was so much she needed to tell you, but truly didn’t know how. I don’t know, baby, she was mostly just rambling incessant thoughts. I could literally see her mind spinning the entire time she was talking to me, and all I did was try to listen to her. Feeling like there weren’t many people in her life who did. I mean, I may not have known firsthand the pressure of Hollywood, but the things they put these kids through is heartbreaking. I just felt bad for her, Noah. She reminded me so much of you. I could see why you gravitated toward each other. And I truly believe God was responsible for that. It was obvious she needed you as much as you needed her.”
“Jesus,” I breathed out, shaking my head. “She never told me she met you, let alone talked to you ’bout all this.”
“I’m sorry, honey. I thought you knew. When I hugged the poor girl, she hugged me back like I was her family and not someone she just met. Like I was her—”
“Mother?”
“Yeah. Just like that.”
Breaking my fucking heart a little more.
“Anyways, I told her you’d been staying on your boat, and she took off shortly after. That was the only time I ever saw her. Although, I have kept up with her career over the years. She’s made quite a name for herself, but I can only imagine what she’s had to give up in order to accomplish all that.”
“Well, you can see for yourself, Ma. I’m here, aren’t I? And she’s what? In rehab for exhaustion? Fuckin’ Keith,” I growled, abruptly standing. Wanting now more than ever to put him to ground. “I knew it.” I started pacing. “I fuckin’ knew it. I coulda stopped this from happenin’ to her.” Resisting the uncontrollable urge to go fight, and take my frustrations out on someone’s face. Like I had for as long as I could remember.
Itching to call Vlad, even though I had a new brawl in a few days in Miami. Nothing had changed with Vlad and I’s relationship, if anything I fought more to fuckin’ feel less. Making him a very rich man in the process. I was to this day, undefeated. Obviously, since I was still fucking breathing.
No one knew I was fighting.
I’d become an expert on how to hide that too.
“Maybe you should try to reach out to her. I’m sure she’d love to hear from you. Especially with what she seems to be going through right now.”
I swear to fucking God it didn’t matter how many years had gone by. One wasn’t enough, two wasn’t enough, three wasn’t enough, and now we were at four years, and I could still say it wasn’t enough.
The old saying about time healing all pain, was filled with nothing but fucking bullshit and lies.
“I have, Ma. Several times. Her numbers changed, her email too. The letters I’ve written and the gifts I’ve sent on our birthdays, get returned every single time. There’s no way I could even try to get to her at this point. Keith wouldn’t allow it, and he sure as shit is behind everythin’ I just said as well. He’d have my ass thrown in jail before I’d step off the plane to see her.”
“Keith? Her manager?”
“Yeah.”
“Honey, are you sure? She spoke so highly of him. Saying he was her only family until she met you.”
“Of course she did. He was only part of our problems. The son of a bitch has her wrapped around his manipulative finger. She doesn’t see it, it’s like her mind is protectin’ her from the truth of who the man she’s always seen as a father-figure really is. The only thing he wants from her, is control. And she willingly hands it to him. Havin’ blind faith he loves her and has her best interest at heart. He feeds her drugs, Ma. And she don’t question it cuz everyone in that Godforsaken industry is doin’ the same thing. L.A. is filled wit’ empty people, who only care ’bout what they look like and the almighty dollar. It’s disgustin’.”
“Oh, wow…”
“It makes me sick just thinkin’ ’bout it, Ma. And she’s at the center of it all. So if she’s in rehab right now, it’s only cuz that piece of shit put her there.”
“Speaking of rehab, let me call my sponsor and tell him I’m not going to make tonight’s meeting.”
“No, Ma. Don’t do that. You’re gettin’ your eight-year sobriety chip. Let’s just go.”
“Baby, you sure? I can get my chip another night. We can rent some movies and I can make you your favorite dinner.”
I shook my head. “Nah, Ma. I wanna be there for ya. I’m proud as all hell of how far you’ve come.”
She smiled. “Thanks, baby. I love you, Noah. I’m will always be here for you. I promise.”
“I know. Come on.”
By the time we walked into her meeting, we were fifteen minutes late. The room was filled with people all sitting in chairs, listening intently as one of the members was talking up at the podium.
Immediately catching my undivided attention.
“I wasn’t always like this, but for over two decades now, I’ve struggled with my own demons. Dragging me under, more and more each day I’ve lived without her.”
I stopped dead in my tracks, tugging Ma back with me.
“What’s wrong?” she whispered.
The room abruptly started closing in on me, making it hard to breathe. A ticking time bomb suddenly taking over every fiber of my being.
Just waiting to go the fuck off.
Tick, tick, tick…
“I want to stay sober, I pray to stay sober. Knowing my wife wouldn’t want this for me. For her. She’s probably rolling around in her grave seeing the man, the father… I’ve become. Or rather lack of.”
My heart began beating its way up to my throat. I could hear it my ears, feel it in my temples.
Three…
“Today was a huge wake-up call for me. After all these years, I finally hit my rock-bottom.”
It all made sense now.
Why she never let me into her house.
Two…
“My daughter, my baby girl I love more than anything in this world. The one I was supposed to protect, take care of, be there through everything. Especially after being the only family she has left. Well now, my baby girl is fighting her own demons. And it’s all my fault. I have no one to blame but myself.”
Why she understood my pain when it came to my mother. Right from the start, when anyone in their right mind would’ve run away, she stuck by my side.
But the answer that made the most sense at this precise moment, was primarily the question I always had.
On why Skyler never introduced me to her old man.
One…
“My name is Daniel Morgan and I’m an alcoholic.”
Motherfucking BOOM.
FORTY-ONE
SKYLER
Keith’s name and face lit up the screen of my phone, as soon as I sat down in the limo, driving me to a Billboard Music Award after party in Miami. Where some filthy rich man hired me to perform for his guests. Saying he’s a big fan and wouldn’t take no for an answer, no matter what it’d cost him.
Before I even said a word, Keith greeted on speaker phone, “That was quite the perform, birthday girl.”
“You had Pepper facetime you?”
“Of course. I had to watch you closing the Billboard Music Awards. Sky, you killed it, and I couldn’t be prouder seeing you up there in your element like a natural shining star, you are. You were the only performer who got a standing ovation tonight. Not to mention you won Best Female Artist. That in itself should tell you something.”
“Yeah. That
I’m beyond exhausted,” I chuckled, leaning my head back against the seat. Wishing it was my bed.
“There’s a vile of cocaine under your seat, consider it your birthday present. I had Pepper leave it there for you.”
I bent down grabbing the small vile, twirling it between my fingers.
“She’s in the SUV behind you, handling your schedule for this week, while you’re still in Miami. She thought you’d want to rest after your performance and have some privacy, so you can clear your mind and gear up for the rest of the night.”
“I appreciate that, but I’m good. I really don’t want to do blow tonight, Keith.” I waited, silently anticipating his lecture on how he knows best. Bringing me back to my time in rehab.
Since I was discharged from the facility in Hawaii over a year ago, I’d been back for another round of treatment five months later. Seeking solace after yet another one of my fucking movies wrapped. I wasn’t surprised in the least when it was leaked to the press both times by who I assumed could only be a money hungry employee. Knowing it was bound to happen, everybody was watching my every move.
It came with the title of being Skyler Bell.
Besides, in the eyes of fame, if you weren’t being gossiped about, you weren’t really famous to begin with. Even the biggest stars in Hollywood with the most private lives, had some sort of gossip reported about them. Rumors were what made this industry stand-out, and so many celebrities start a lot of their own gossip.
If not them, then someone on their team. Purely to have their face on highly publicized tabloid magazines or online media and blogger sites, but most importantly, the goal was to have their name blasted on the television screen. Where the potential to gain an excessive amount of exposure was remarkable and underestimated.
Because there is no such thing as bad publicity.
Though in my circumstance, the media made it out to look like I had a problem with drugs and alcohol. Which wasn’t the case. Sure, I did my fair share of drugs occasionally, but everyone in this industry did. My recreational drug use wasn’t even that bad, compared to most of the celebrities I knew and hung around with.
