by Amy Pennza
She stood and shook out her skirts. Her cheeks flushed a becoming pink. “I’m going to sing you a song.”
“Yes. I know.”
I closed my eyes as she sang the first few lines.
Ash and oak and willow, three
Which one shall my dearest be?
Oh, ash with leaves the first to fall
And ancient oak, its branches tall . . .
I squeezed the mirror until my palm throbbed. It didn’t matter what I said. I could have told her the castle exploded into a million tiny bats, and she still would have offered me a dreamy smile and then asked to sing. Over the years, I’d poured my heart out when we spoke. I’d choked back tears when Harald banished me from the dining room for dropping mashed potatoes on the tablecloth. In hushed, nervous tones, I’d confessed sleeping with Nils in the barn. I’d sobbed uncontrollably, my words incoherent, the night Fiona died.
But my mother’s response was always the same. She was as steady and certain as the sun. And as indifferent.
She continued singing, her voice pure and sweet.
And empty.
I opened my eyes and brought the mirror to my face. “Will you shut up? Why can’t you ever just listen!”
She stopped mid-verse. Then a shy smile appeared on her face. “Well? Did you like it?”
A harsh laugh ripped from my throat. “No. I fucking hate it!” My voice rose. “Why can’t you be real? Why can’t you be here?”
Her delicate eyebrows pulled together, and she blushed. “It sounds better in Gaelic . . .”
But I barely heard her. My heart was racing. Why can’t she be here?
She could. She could be here.
I could bring her back.
All I had to do was help Hauk defeat Radegast . . . and then get the Eternity Stone. He’d said it could make the owner immortal—or bring someone back from the dead.
“Look at me,” my mother said, a laugh in her voice. She brushed leaves from her gown. “Such a mess.”
Excitement hummed in my veins. I could do it. I could pull her from the mirror and make her real. Not a three-dimensional recording. She’d been a living, breathing, flesh and blood being.
“I wouldn’t be alone,” I said.
She looked up, smiling. “What?”
“Nothing.” I stood. “I have to go. I’ll see you soon.” My heart skipped a beat. “I’ll really see you soon.”
“Oh, I hope so.” She clasped her hands together again. “I miss you so much when you’re away, Elin.”
“Me too.”
She smiled.
I brushed a fingertip over the mirror, then folded it shut. A sudden thought occurred to me.
What if Hauk already left to take on Radegast?
Shit.
Heart racing, I tossed the mirror in my duffel, zipped it shut, and threw the strap over my shoulder. After a cursory glance around the room, I went to the door and yanked it open.
Nils nearly crashed through the opening.
I jumped back. “What the—”
“Elin!” He caught himself against the jamb, then straightened. His gaze went to the duffel. “You’re going with him,” he said flatly.
Surprise flared in my mind. How did he know about Hauk? Oh no. If he knew, Harald probably did, too. My heart thumped faster.
He must have seen my panic. “It’s all right. I’m alone.”
Relief coursed through me. Then confusion took its place. “What are you doing here?”
“I opened a portal. I had to see you.”
“You opened a portal?” What the hell? Was I the only person who couldn’t manage one?
He frowned. “Of course. How else would I get all the way to Bjørneskalle?”
“Train. Bus. Airplane. Horse.”
He rolled his eyes. “Within this century.”
“Does Harald know you’re here?”
His cheeks went ruddy. “No. I, uh . . . I came alone. Like I said, I had to see you.”
Unease crept down my spine, but I shook it off. Whatever he wanted, it would have to wait. I hefted the duffel higher on my shoulder. “Look, Nils, I’d love to chat, but I’m kind of in a hurry here.”
“I know.” His face turned abruptly serious. He glanced around, then lowered his voice. “I know what you’re planning. You’re going to run off with Sigridsson. Elin, I can’t let you do that.”
My guard went up. Let me? He couldn’t let me go with Hauk? “How do you know what I’m doing?”
His blush deepened. “I eavesdropped.” I must have looked angry, because he rushed on. “I was just trying to protect you! Harald brought me along to tell you about Einar. I guess he thought I might be able to convince you to go along with the marriage.”
I snorted. “He’s insane.”
“Yeah, I know. I didn’t bother telling him you’d never agree.” He stood a little straighter, and his voice wobbled a bit. “But Elin . . . You don’t have to do this—this thing with Radegast. I know you don’t want to.”
Impatience beat at me. I didn’t have time to explain my reasons. “I appreciate you coming here, but I really have to go.”
He didn’t budge. “Elin—”
“Move, Nils.”
“Just hear me out.”
I tried to duck around him, but he blocked my way. “Nils, please.”
“I need to—”
“Nils! Will you please move?”
“No!”
His vehemence shocked me into silence. I tightened my fingers on the duffel strap.
He swallowed a couple times. “Please listen to me. I-I love you, Eely. I always have. You were my first, you know. And it was more than just sex for me.”
Oh no. I really didn’t have time for this. How was I going to get around him without smashing his heart to pieces?
“I’ll take care of you,” he said. He stood a little straighter. “I’m from a good family, even if my father disgraced our name—”
“I don’t care about that, Nils. I never have.”
“Well, I do.” His brow furrowed. “And I vow to you, I’ll never dishonor you like that. If you agree to be my wife, I’ll—”
“Nils.”
“—you’ll never want for anything. I’ll protect you from Harald. You won’t—”
“Nils.”
“—anything you want. I can make you happy if you just give me the—”
“Nils!” I grabbed his arm.
He blinked. “Yeah?”
I bit my lower lip. His gaze went to my mouth, and I quickly released it. Hauk’s voice wound through my head. “You do this little thing where you bite the lower one when you’re thinking or frustrated, and it’s sexy as hell . . .”
Nils gazed into my eyes, love staring out from his. It wasn’t passion, though. I was no expert on relationships, but I knew in my bones that he didn’t love me that way. Not in the way a person should love someone they wanted to be with forever. And forever was a long time for a Mythical.
No, this was puppy love. But his feelings were real, if misguided. I couldn’t just trample over them.
I took a deep breath. “You’re my friend—”
“Don’t.” He closed his eyes on a long blink. When he opened them, pain was already gathered in his gaze. “Don’t give me the friend talk, Elin.”
“I’m not giving you a talk. I love you, too. Part of me always will. And I’m not saying there can’t be something more between us.” I took another deep breath. “But it can’t be right now.’
Anger fired in his eyes. He stepped back, dislodging my hand. “So, what, you’d rather go get yourself killed fighting Sigridsson’s battles for him? He doesn’t care about you. He only wants you with him so you can flaunt your body in front of some pervert high Fae. Weren’t you listening?”
“Well, you obviously were,” I shot back.
He blushed anew. “I know. And I’m sorry for eavesdropping. But I did it because, dammit, somebody has to look out for you. No one ever has.”
My heart flipped over. I lay a palm against his smooth cheek. “I know, Nils. And thank you for caring enough to do it. I do love you, whether you believe me or not. But I have to do this—for me. Not for Hauk. I’m doing this for me.”
He opened his mouth.
“This quest is important,” I said. “If you love me, you won’t stand in my way.”
Pain shone in his eyes. He was silent a moment, obviously grappling with strong emotions. At last he said, “You won’t get yourself killed?”
“I don’t plan on it.”
He sighed. “Okay.”
On impulse, I stood on tiptoe and brushed a kiss over his lips.
He leaned into me, deepening it. One hand stroked down my hair to my waist.
I pulled back and touched his cheek again. “Thank you, Nils. Now go home.”
His expression said he didn’t like it, but he stepped aside.
I brushed past him, my thoughts already focused on what I was going to say to Hauk.
“Elin?”
I turned. “Yes?”
“You can’t trust him.” Nils stood outside my room, his normally open, affable face hard. “No matter what he says, his kind only knows how to use people.”
His kind. Apparently, I was the last person to know Hauk’s secrets.
Well, no time like the present to find out what he’d been hiding.
I forced a smile. “Don’t worry. I’m a big girl.” And Hauk’s not using me. I’m using him.
Nils brought his fist to his chest and bowed over it. “Gods protect you.”
I returned the salute. “Goodbye” sounded too final, so I gave him a little wave. “Later.”
A faint smile touched his mouth. “Later.”
With another quick wave, I turned and rushed down the hall, then the short flight of stairs leading to the main corridor. As I picked up speed, all thought of Nils fled my mind. I had to get to Hauk before he left. He’d said he couldn’t turn down a quest, and that he’d already put this one off . . .
Doors and archways flew past. I skirted the Great Hall and took the main steps two at a time, my duffel banging against my hip. A stitch formed in my side, but I ignored it. Hurry, hurry, hurry. The chant ran through my mind, pushing me to go faster.
The statues guarding the headmaster’s tower loomed ahead. I slowed to a brisk walk as I approached them.
Their eyes appeared as blue slits, and the one on the right seemed irritated, as if I’d woken it up.
“Back so soon?” it asked.
“Yeah. I, um, forgot something.”
“It’s late.”
“I know. Sorry.” I darted a look at the stairs. “Look, can I pass? This is probably the last time you’ll have to deal with me.”
Stone ground on stone as the statue looked at its companion. When it turned back to me, it seemed almost amused. Although its helmet made it impossible to know for sure, I got the impression it regarded me with a raised eyebrow.
Then it lifted its arm and put a clenched fist against its breastplate. “Go on, hrafnbarn.”
The statute on the left rumbled. “Quickly.”
I didn’t stop to ponder how they knew my plans, or what the one on the right had called me. If the statue on the left thought I needed to move quickly, there was probably a reason.
“Thanks, guys!” I dashed between them, raced up the steps, and sprinted to the top of the tower. Breathless, I yanked open the door and stumbled inside.
Hauk stood in profile in front of his desk, a rectangle of glowing white between his palms.
“Wait!” I rushed forward, one arm outstretched.
He’d turned when I entered, and now his eyes widened. “Elin?”
“I’m coming with you. If you’ll still have me.”
He held the portal open, his hands shoulder width apart. “Are you kidding me? Of course I’ll have you.”
“I have a couple conditions, though.”
A beat passed. Then he nodded. “All right.”
“I won’t sleep with Radegast.”
“Understood.”
“And . . .” I took a deep breath. “Things between you and me have to stay strictly professional. As far as I’m concerned, this is a business partnership. I’m here to complete my first quest and ditch Harald’s authority; you’re in it to get your immortality. That’s it.”
The portal glowed like a doorframe in front of him. If he wanted to, he could step through it and blip out of the room—leaving me alone and helpless.
But he pinned me with a look. “I agree, but with one caveat.”
I released the breath I hadn’t realized I was holding. Cool, play it cool. I braced my hands on my hips. “I’m listening.”
“We’re partners, but I’m in charge. This quest is the most dangerous I’ve ever undertaken, and I’ve taken on a lot. I need to know you’ll obey my orders.” His eyes glinted, and he dropped his voice. “Without question. Our lives might depend on it.”
Without question. I rolled the words around in my head. Blind obedience wasn’t ordinarily my thing, but I had to concede his point. He was one of the most powerful berserkers in the world. Even if I didn’t know all his exploits, our first meeting was still fresh in my mind. He’d strolled up to me on the training field, taken my power-charged sword from my hand, and casually absorbed a nuclear reactor’s worth of rage into his own body. I could be pissed at him for deceiving me all week, but I had to respect his skill.
I nodded. “Okay. I won’t question your orders.”
“And you’ll obey them. Every time?”
“Fine. Yes.”
“I need you to say the whole thing, Elin.”
Seriously? I held his stare, but he didn’t flinch. After a second, I sighed and, emphasis on each word, said, “I, Elin Berregaard, do solemnly swear that I will obey your orders without question. There. Satisfied?”
“Yep.”
Despite my irritation, a little thrill zipped through me. We were really doing this. I’m really doing this.
He shot me a look. “Not to spoil the moment or anything, but it’s a bitch trying to hold this.”
The portal. Right. I gripped my duffel strap. “We’re leaving now?”
“No time like the present.” He grinned. “You in?”
I couldn’t help my small huff. “Is that an order?”
“It’s an invitation,” he said, his tone deliberate. Then he looked at the portal’s edges and grimaced. “Before my arms fall off.”
Was I ready for this? When I’d left my room, my only goal had been to convince him to take me on the quest. I hadn’t really planned what came after. Now the quest was upon me. All I had to do is walk through the door.
Literally.
Goosebumps prickled my skin.
Hauk moved his hands farther apart. The portal widened, its edges glowing a bright white that stung my eyes.
As if in a trance, I walked forward. Then I was by his side. Up close, the portal’s interior was a deep, inky black. The center seemed to swirl, the void shifting and reforming like a dark cloud.
“Ready?” Hauk murmured.
Gaze on the portal, I took a deep breath. “Ready.”
“Take my arm and don’t let go. We enter on the count of three.”
I linked my arm with his as if he was a Victorian gentleman taking me on a stroll.
My heart thudded against my chest.
“Now,” he said, his voice calm and reassuring. “One . . . two . . . three.”
We stepped forward, into the abyss.
10
Wind rushed by my head, ripping at my hair and clothes. At my side, Hauk’s body seemed to blur, as if the wind was smearing him.
I gritted my teeth and leaned forward. The wind howled, driving a thousand tiny needles into my eyes.
Can’t see. It was too much. Travel by portal had never felt like this. Most caused minor discomfort, like driving fast through a tunnel or hitting an air pocket on an airplane. This was like standing
in a hurricane.
The screaming in my ears intensified. A curious squeezing sensation gripped me—like my body was too big for the space.
Then it stopped.
The loss of pressure was so abrupt, I lost my balance. I fell to my knees, and my palms hit . . . grass?
I opened my eyes. Green spread before me like an endless sea. Wherever we were, it was twilight. The sky at the horizon was a soft purple, and everything had a faint glow to it, like the whole scene was illuminated by a giant night light. The grass under my hands was cool and soft.
“Elin, you okay?”
Hauk knelt at my side, his eyes worried.
“Yeah.” My voice was like gravel, and my throat felt like it had been scoured with sandpaper. One hand braced on the ground, I lowered my head and coughed.
He patted my back, then rubbed small circles between my shoulder blades. “I’m sorry that was rough. I should have warned you.”
I swallowed a couple times. Would kill for a Gatorade right now. “That was the worst portal ever. I’m never flying Hauk Airlines again.”
Faint amusement laced his tone. “It’s not my fault, although I’m willing to accept the blame. It always feels like that when you travel to Faerie.”
That brought my head up. “Faerie?”
“Underhill. Realm of the Sidhe or Aos Sí. The lands of the Tuatha Dé Danann, although my father has never counted himself one of them.”
Shock held me speechless for a moment. At the same time, puzzle pieces fell into place. Maja had claimed he was too good for me. “Ask him to tell you about his father,” she’d said.
I looked into his eyes. They really were a gorgeous blue.
An otherworldly blue.
“Tell me about your father,” I said. “Who is he?”
“Crom Cruach.”
It was a good thing I was already on the ground. Otherwise, I probably would have fainted. As it was, it took me a couple tries to form a response.
“Your . . . father is the Irish god of human sacrifice?”
“I told you he isn’t a pleasant guy.”
That was the understatement of the century. Crom Cruach was a Faerie supervillain. Whereas most high Fae downplayed their bad past conduct, he seemed to relish his evil reputation. Rumors had swirled about him for centuries, even up to modern times. There was the occasional kidnapping—something Hauk’s mother’s story seemed to confirm.
