So all I needed to rid myself of my creative block was a bit of sex, Fei thought.
Kuja snorted. ‘I seem to recall you being quite capable of handling sex on your own. I know what you were doing all those times in my hut while I was away.’
‘Mmm,’ Fei agreed, lifting her head to show him her dreamy smile. ‘But there are some things that just work better with someone else.’ When all she received in response was a burst of strangled thoughts, she leaned her elbows on his chest and hovered her face over his. ‘Kuja? What’s wrong?’
He gripped her hands, pinning them against him. ‘Fei. I have no right to ask this, given that I abandoned you as so many others have before me…’
White sparks darted over Fei’s vision. ‘Kuja, just ask me. You know my answer. You’ve always known it.’
‘Well, I…’ Kuja floundered.
Fei laughed. ‘Yes, Kuja. Yes. I will be your wife. I’m pretty sure we were meant to be together or we’d never have formed this…whatever it’s called. There must be a word for it.’
‘Bond?’ Kuja suggested.
Fei beamed at him. ‘Bond, I like that. I like being bound to you.’
Kuja’s expression grew hooded and mysterious and his mind suddenly became closed off to her. She hadn’t realised how much she’d relied on being able to touch his thoughts until the door had slammed shut between them. Fei drew back, hurt.
‘I’m sorry,’ he murmured.
‘Say that enough times and it’ll lose its meaning,’ she warned. She winced when she felt panic cut through Kuja’s mental shielding. ‘But it’s okay, Kuja. We have years, decades even, to figure this out. So just…take your time. I’m not going anywhere.’
He sat up slowly, carefully dislodging her, his eyes glinting like emeralds. ‘Fei, do you want to get married right now?’
‘Oh, we can ask the village headman to act as our witness — I think he has the authority to do that, doesn’t he? — then upload the files onto the Galactic Database as soon as…’ Fei trailed off, blinking. ‘Or, um, did you mean something else? You did mean something else. But we haven’t got any clothes on! Shouldn’t I make myself look pretty first?’
‘You are perfect as you are,’ Kuja told her, smiling as he knelt before her.
Heart racing, Fei copied his posture until they were facing each other, his knees pressed against hers. Moisture beaded along his chest and Fei wanted to swoop over and lick it away, but he caught the mental images tempting her and chuckled, shaking his head. ‘Focus, Fei.’
‘Give me something to focus on then,’ she challenged.
His breath escaped him in a tortured staccato. ‘Alright. There is a custom in my family, a way to wed without involving legalities or the Database.’
‘I like the sound of that. Legalities never stopped my father leaving.’
‘Do you trust me?’ Kuja asked, taking Fei’s hands in his.
Goosebumps rose on her skin, spreading out from where he was touching her. Fei skirted the edges of his mind and found a giddiness inside him that matched her own.
‘Yes,’ she said softly.
‘Close your eyes,’ he instructed. ‘And don’t open them, no matter what happens. I warn you, this will hurt, but it will make our bond last for eternity.’
Fei shivered at how resolute he sounded, as if this really was for the rest of time and not just the rest of their lives. But she still closed her eyes, just as he’d told her to, and when his palms pressed urgently against hers, she threaded her fingers between the gaps in his. The boom of the waterfall, so loud and clear before now, dropped away until she felt like she was floating in a void. Her entire focus was tunnelled in on him.
‘Kuja?’ she prompted.
‘Well, the wording doesn’t really matter,’ he muttered, ‘but I wanted this to sound nice.’
‘Take your time,’ she said, repeating her earlier words.
Kuja’s lips briefly touched her forehead. ‘You have no idea what that means to me. Alright. I, Kuja Rforine, bind myself to you. I was always yours — you never lost me and you never will. My love for you will last forever.’
Fei smiled and tipped her head to the side, keeping her eyes sealed. ‘That’s really sweet. Um. Give me a moment and I’ll be able to respond with something equally as…um…’
His chuckle warmed the air, but he neither said nor did anything to discourage her.
‘God, I love you for that,’ she told him. ‘You were the first one who let me be me. And that’s a big ask. Don’t you dare say it’s not because I know it is. You have the biggest heart in the galaxy, even bigger than Bagara’s. So, um…I, Feiscina — Feiscina Rforine — take your name and bind myself to you. I’m…’ She clenched his hands until the bones in her own ached. ‘I’m not letting you slip through my fingers again.’
I love you, he said in response.
Fei bit her lip, also using her thoughts to communicate with him. Are we done?
Not just yet.
Even though he’d said it would hurt, she wasn’t prepared to feel a red-hot blade being slashed across both her palms. She cried out. Kuja’s mind buzzed with concern, but she gritted her teeth and said, ‘I know, I know — I’m keeping my eyes shut — just get on with it!’
He grunted and then the pain abruptly faded, overwhelmed by the heat that ballooned inside her chest. It felt — it felt wonderful. She could feel so much of him, could even see where to find the secret he was keeping from her. He fled when she came too close.
Let me help you, she said and the spectre of him slowed, turning back to her. Though this wasn’t happening on any physical plane, it still felt intensely real.
Fei conjured an ancient treasure chest in her mind, like the ones she saw in vids set on Old Earth, and erected a firewall that would keep it safe from even the most determined hack. Opening the chest for his inspection, she gestured down at the endless space inside it. Put it in here — that deep dark secret that makes you so afraid and unhappy — and leave it until you’re ready. But you will open this chest with me. Not today. Not tomorrow. But someday.
Fei lowered the lid of the chest, then offered her husband a key that was shaped like a human heart. Pressing it to the lid, his eyes never leaving hers, Kuja locked the chest.
And then they were back at the waterfall, hands clasped once more.
‘Wow,’ Fei said, blinking against the sunshine, confused but exhilarated.
‘I need to show you something,’ Kuja said, rotating her wrists so that she could see her palms. On each of them there was a thin line of scar tissue running from the base of her thumb up towards her pinky finger. If Fei pressed her hands together the scars would match perfectly.
‘Odd,’ she said. She couldn’t see a blade on him, but something must have pieced her skin.
‘Is that it?’ Kuja’s voice was strained. ‘Don’t you want to ask me any questions?’
Fei shook her head. ‘If I ask the wrong question, you won’t answer me.’
Kuja offered her his own hands, also scarred. ‘I’m not going to push you away. This is forever.’
‘You say that now,’ Fei said, Zareth’s face coming to her mind unbidden. ‘I’m sorry. I…he haunts me sometimes. Like an unwanted shadow.’
Kuja hesitated. She could feel that he wanted to say something, but then he nodded and different words escaped him. ‘I know. I can see it.’
‘I wish…’
‘Do you wish I couldn’t?’ he asked.
Fei filled her smile to the brim, until her cheeks hurt, trying to reassure him. ‘I love that you can. I just…have to get used to trusting. Loving. I can’t…it’s not easy to just…you know. No, maybe you don’t know and I…I…oh.’
She refused to hang her head, especially when he was gazing at her like that, his thoughts promising another long, leisurely session of lovemaking, this time inside his hut. Keen to get started, Fei pulled on her clothes and took Kuja’s hand, leading him back to the village.
‘Alright, h
ere’s a safe question,’ Fei said as they walked. ‘Do you want to know how I dealt with GLEA on Yalsa 5 or do you already know?’
Kuja slid a hand around to her hip, cinching her to his side. ‘I’d rather hear it from you.’
‘You better not get that glazed look on your face when I carry on too much.’
‘If I do, I’m sure you can think up an adequate punishment.’
Fei quirked an eyebrow at him. ‘It’s not a punishment if you want it.’
When they entered Bagath, they announced their union and immediately came under attack from knowing smirks and outright congratulations. The village headman offered to officially witness their marriage, but Kuja courteously refused him.
Fei inspected the scars on her hands. It didn’t seem possible that they could look years old when she had only just received them. Was this some sort of ability, given to Kuja’s family by Bagara?
Fei thought of the chest buried deep in the centre of Kuja’s mind. In there lay the answers.
What are you so afraid of? she wondered. Kuja froze in the doorway of his hut, his eyes beseeching her. Fei shook her head. I can’t help thinking what I think. You don’t need to answer me. Not yet.
He pressed his smile against hers. Then, by all means, keep thinking.
I’d rather you stop me thinking for the rest of the afternoon, Fei said with a wink.
Kuja was most obliging.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
Seated in the passenger section of a starship that looked about as bloated as she felt this close to the end of her pregnancy, Fei watched as a pair of children tore off their safety restraints and pressed their noses against the plexiglass at the front of the compartment. Harried parents arrived a moment later to carry them off, but that didn’t stop them from staring at the viewport in awe.
Gerasnin was a startling sight the moment it ballooned from pinprick into planet. Large swathes of its hemispheres sparkled because of the world’s expansive sapphire oceans and every limited patch of ground was covered in glinting white marble, even the streets. Gerasnin’s quarry had yielded its last slab of stone centuries ago, but there were plenty of worlds the Chippers could source their favoured building material from — and Fei was willing to bet most of it was donated instead of bought.
I may have spent my teenage years on Gerasnin but I never belonged here, she thought, frowning.
As a student she’d talked too much and asked too many questions, so the local education system had granted her mother the use of a Websphere. Being encased in that ball for hours, connected to her classmates by vidcams alone, should have been a dismal, lonely experience. But Fei had loved it and had spent most of her lessons learning how to code instead. Ironically, that was the only skill she had used once she’d graduated.
Fei closed her eyes and recalled the worried expression that Kuja had worn when he’d bade her farewell at Bagaran’s spaceport — it was more of a glorified field, though it was paved over and strewn with lights. Kuja had wanted to come with her to visit her parents but even Fei had felt the irresistible tug that stopped him from boarding the ship. He had been needed somewhere. Urgently. She no longer asked what mysterious duty he had to devote his whole being to, even though it was straining at the lock of the treasure chest buried inside his mind. His secret was hurting him. She wished he would let her help carry his burden.
Fei fiddled with the communicator attached to her belt. She’d bought Kuja a similar device and could call him anytime, he’d promised, but she didn’t need the device to know he was alright — busy, but alright. Even across the galaxy she could feel him, like a warm hand beneath her shirt, resting over her heart. Fei opened her eyes, now able to face Gerasnin as it loomed before her, filling the viewport and blocking out the blackness of space.
Beside her, a man with a chip in his temple murmured, ‘Ah, it’s good to be home.’
Fei bit her lip until she could think of something pleasant to say to the Chipper. ‘Yes, it’s always good to return home.’
Except her home was a hut in the middle of a rainforest, surrounded by trees, waterfalls and people who had willingly shared their religion, not forced it on her. Fei also frequently called Yalsa 5 home, because there were times when Bock required her to be physically present.
On those occasions, Kuja insisted that Fei wear gloves, to cover the scars on her hands. Fei had agreed and found a fingerless variant that didn’t restrict her work, but her curiosity had increased to painful levels, especially since her husband had asked her not to mention him or their binding to Bock and Ala. Fei got the feeling that Kuja was trying to stop her employers from exposing him somehow. It rankled that they clearly knew something about Kuja that she didn’t, but she’d promised to wait him out. Even if it drove her half insane to do so.
Fei had managed to create her first simulation based on her own software just before taking maternity leave; the final test suite had yielded no errors, to her immense relief. But the actual terraforming would have to wait until Bock’s growing cohort of scientists and engineers completed addressing the more physical issues, such as ensuring that the machines correctly duplicated their on-board seed and soil samples — and in enough quantities to cover the area Bock wanted to transform. Other scientists were rapidly growing animals that would be released into the future rainforest, making sure to equip them with essential genetic memory so that they could survive and reproduce without assistance.
But this was a problem for other people, not someone trying to distract themselves from the inevitable.
Gerasnin drew ever closer.
Fei tried not to hold her breath.
• • •
‘Sandsa!’ Kuja called.
Only an arid desert wind arrived to answer him. It wound around his ankles then left, clearly dismissing the rainforest god. Kuja slipped onto his knees, digging his hands into the sand and clenching it inside his tightening grip. The grains grew coarse and grated against his scarred palms, but he would not be cowed.
‘I don’t need an apology and nor should I have to keep giving you mine,’ Kuja said, one lone tear eking its way out of his eye. It fell halfway down his cheek before it evaporated. ‘What’s done is done. I’m not asking for the protection you refused me, because I no longer need it — but I would be honoured if you stood with me at my son’s birth. I want to share my joy with you.’
Sandsa’s voice slammed into Kuja’s skull with the force of a log flying down a fast-flowing river. Joy? You call it joy? Lying to the woman you love so she will not leave you?
Kuja winced and rightened himself, a hand on the communicator Fei had given him. Several simultaneous emergencies inside his domain had kept him from boarding the ship to Gerasnin with her. Even though he could now give her his full attention, he couldn’t risk teleporting to her side when Bagara had made it clear to Fei that he would only move mortals between worlds in dire circumstances. A man who simply wanted to be with his wife didn’t qualify.
‘Stark you!’ Kuja gritted his teeth, keeping any further curses trapped behind them. ‘I won’t deny it — it’s killing me, lying to her. But it’s just not…it’s not the right time to tell her.’
She will not forgive you, Sandsa said. Callista lied to me, you know, she made me think I had to choose between my duty and her. I will never forgive her. Not in a thousand years.
‘Fei will forgive me — she has to!’
Will she? A mocking laugh.
Kuja released a hiss of air. ‘Maybe you could…help me? Help me keep it secret for as long as possible?’
You deserve to lose her, liar, Sandsa told him.
‘You’re just saying that because you want me to be as miserable as you!’ Kuja bit back.
Sandsa gave him no answer but the dunes began to shake violently around the Rforine.
‘Please,’ Kuja whispered.
He waited, hoping, even as an immense wave of sand began to crest above him. The Desine was still there, still listening. But just as Kuja
opened his mouth to plead once more, a tornado of fire roared up around his body and stole him away to another planet entirely.
Shaking himself out, Kuja threw an annoyed look at his sister. ‘Finara, stark it — I was getting through to him.’
‘Oh, bullshit,’ Finara said.
Kuja glanced down and saw that they were standing on an impervious plexiglass platform that hovered a little too close to the planet’s volatile surface. Around them, clad in bulky silver coats that insulated them against the intense heat, mortals made sounds of fright and awe as the shield volcano below them belched molten rock. Kuja had heard of this tourist world, but he couldn’t fathom why anyone but the fire goddess would find it entertaining.
Finara held out one of the coats to Kuja. ‘I’ll protect you, but there’s no point in making ourselves look conspicuous.’
Kuja accepted the reflective fabric and pulled it on. ‘Finara, about what I said before…I’m sorry. It was cruel.’
‘Not entirely wrong, though,’ Finara said as she shrugged into a second coat. ‘The mortals don’t really care about me.’
‘That doesn’t excuse the way I said it.’
She looked at him for a long moment, then nodded. ‘Apology accepted. Look, Kuja, Sandsa’s like a toxic cloud of gas. He might love you, but he’ll choke you if you hang around with him too long. You need to leave him be or he will end up lashing out and hurting you, no matter what he promises. There’s no helping some people.’ Her lips twitched. ‘Or gods.’
Kuja hung his head. ‘I know. I’ll miss him. But I just…I just didn’t want this to be the end of his story.’
‘Well, it is,’ the Firine said firmly. ‘And what I’m feeling from you is that you’re ready to move on and enjoy life. Sandsa’s nowhere near that.’
‘You’ve been there for me every time he wasn’t,’ Kuja realised. ‘And I think I’d much rather have you with me in the coming weeks.’
One of the nearby tourists shouted as a jet of lava shot up and arced towards them. All Finara had to do was flick two fingers at it and the beast tumbled back down into its fiery origin.
The Twisted Vine Page 26
