by Amanda Aksel
Jake takes a step closer and looks into my eyes. “If you really believe that you’re done with me, then be done with me. I’ll leave you alone, I promise. But we both know it isn’t over between us.”
Kyle steps ahead of Jake. “I love you too, Natalie. I know that I can make you happy. But you have to let him go. I can’t keep fighting for us if you won’t fight for us too.”
T he Jake I knew and fell in love with is gone. How could I not have known? He was supposed to be my soul mate. The one who would find my future fine lines and wrinkles charming. How could I have believed him on our wedding day when he promised to be loving, loyal . . . then I remember the last line, above all things, fun. Yes, he definitely put drinking and gambling above everything else. I’m sure he had a blast too.
I think back to the day at the new construction listing. The way I felt when he took his shirt off in the water. The way he kissed me with wet lips in the pool. It was exhilarating. And that’s what I loved about being with Jake. We were always on some kind of adventure—an adventure that led us to love, a home, a family. I thought losing the babies was the worst thing that could ever happen to us. But that was just the beginning of the end. Maybe if I hadn’t given up so easily on trying for another baby. If I had kept that possibility alive would Jake have gone off the deep end? Then again, he’s clearly susceptible to addiction. I’m sure that part of him would have reared its ugly head eventually anyway.
It’s been two days since I asked Jake to move out. He complied, but he hasn’t stopped calling me. I can’t bring myself to answer. So when my doorbell rings, I’m almost sure it’s Jake. But it isn’t. It’s Kyle.
“Hi,” he says with a soft smile.
“Hi.” Part of me wants to send him away because he just reminds me of Jake, while the other part of me is comforted by his presence.
“Can I come in?” he asks.
“Sure.”
“I’m so sorry, Natalie. I had no idea he was that far gone.”
I lower my eyes. “Yeah, neither did I. So I guess he’s staying with you.”
Kyle shakes his head. “No, he’s staying at Dave’s house for now.”
I nod, wondering if Jake’s finally feeling all the pain I’ve felt for months. “So why did you come here, Kyle? You’ve hardly said anything to me for months.”
He steps cautiously closer. “I know. I’m sorry. I thought it would be best to back off after what happened with Jake. I didn’t want to come between you two.” That’s probably for the best. There’s no point in making a bad situation worse. “But now that you two are separated, I want you to know that I’m here if you need anything.”
I take a deep breath. I know it was my decision, but the word separated still hits me like a ton of bricks. “Listen, I really appreciate all of your support when Jake was in Vegas. But you’re his best friend. You should be there for him. So . . .”
He wrinkles his brow. “So what are you saying?”
“I’m saying that I can’t lean on you.”
“Okay.” He nods slowly, and I’m sure he’ll be turning to leave any second. But he doesn’t. “I understand where you’re coming from. If you want me to leave and not come back, then I will. But I’d hate myself if I didn’t at least try to be here for you.”
Sometimes you just know when someone has feelings for you. Kyle may or may not be honest with himself, but I need to speak the truth.
I swallow hard. “Kyle, you know nothing could ever happen between us, right?”
His expression eases along with his shoulders. “Natalie, just let me be your friend.”
EPISODE FOURTEEN
Surprise! Now you get to choose for Natalie. Are you Team Jake or Team Kyle?
Click here for Jake
Click here for Kyle
W hat do you say when the two men you love just threw themselves over the rail of a cruise ship and confessed their undying love?
Water drips from Jake’s dark hair into his puppy dog eyes. I want to say something, give him something. But then I look at Kyle whose expression is beaten and bruised. I’ve hurt my husband enough for one day. Maybe even enough for a lifetime.
So I say the only thing that makes sense, because that’s the only way to handle a nonsensical situation.
“Kyle, of course, I want to fight for you,” I say. Jake lowers his head, and I know I’m hurting him too. But I can’t stop. “You’re my husband.”
Kyle’s shoulders ease as if a weight’s been lifted. “You do?”
“Yes, of course. Can you both please drop the charges so we can all go home?”
They each shift their eyes reluctantly toward the other and share some version of an agreeable nod.
“You two are good after that shit? Wow!” The officer says removing their cuffs.
My husbands’ wrists fly free. You’d think this would be the moment that Kyle and I would run into each other’s arms and share in a Hollywood movie-ending kiss. But this doesn’t feel like that kind of moment. It just feels like I kissed my ex and my husband threw him overboard.
Instead, Kyle heads for the boat.
“I don’t think so,” one of the security guards says with his hand up. “You’re not getting back on that ship. You’ve been banned from this cruise line.”
“And what about me?” Jake calls behind us.
“Yeah, you too, buddy.”
“I’ll get our things,” I say hardly looking at Kyle.
I ask the guard who escorted me out here to take me back. I need to get checked off this boat as soon as humanly possible. As we return up the ramp onto the ship, Emily waits near the entrance, tapping her foot with her arms crossed. “What the hell happened?” she demands in the harshest southern drawl I’ve ever heard.
Nothing good. I glance back recalling the whole thing in my mind. “You don’t want to know.”
“Oh, I already know they got into a fight and flew overboard.”
My eyes widen. “You saw it?”
“No, but I was woken up by some rude cruise staff with the news since Jake and I are sharing a room. So what’s happening now? They’ve been arrested?”
“No. They dropped the charges against each other.”
Emily’s arms fling in the air. “Are they out of their minds?” These days, it does seem like it. “And don’t think for a second that I don’t know this is all about you, Natalie! I’ll never understand why they think you’re so special.” She takes a menacing step toward me, red-faced. “Do you have any idea what it’s like to be in love with someone who’s in love with someone else? Do you know how badly that hurts?”
Then I see something in her eyes. Something that’s difficult to confront. Whatever happened between her and Kyle caused real pain. Pain that feels as fresh as it did when it happened years ago. No doubt this is the pain that both my husbands share. Something I clearly know nothing about.
“Yeah, I didn’t think so,” she says. “I guess you and Kyle deserve each other.” Then the angered, heartbroken woman stomps up the hall toward the elevator. And rightly so. Every time her sandal smacks against the concrete floor, I feel something shift. It’s like I can mentally and emotionally pull away, removing myself from the situation, and see the truth. The truth is that pain, when not dealt with, only causes more pain. No matter what I do now, this whole thing is a total shit-show.
And so I go quiet.
My mind races as I quickly pack our bags in the stateroom. After I officially check myself off the boat, I meet Kyle out on the dock. Jake’s already gone. I’m tempted to ask what happened to him, but based on past experiences, this is not the time to say Jake’s name. Kyle takes his suitcase, his silence rivaling mine. Not the cold shoulder silence from this morning, but a more reflective, possibly even a little ashamed kind of silence. All through the cab ride, the flight, and the drive back to our house, we say only what’s necessary.
When we walk inside our house, I leave my suitcase near the door and immediately head for the patio.
“I’ll be out back,” I say.
“Okay,” he says with little emotion.
I kick off my sandals and sit at the edge of the pool, dipping my feet into the cool water. Gliding my legs back and forth, I look out at the backyard. My eyes trace along the white vinyl fence all the way to the loft over the garage. I wonder what Jake’s doing right now. What he must be feeling. I wish I could explain it to him, but deep down I know he gets it. I just hope we can let each other go. Eventually.
I stare down at my wedding ring, gazing into the round diamond . . .
T he papers are signed.
I walk out of my attorney’s office and find Kyle standing next to my car with an elaborate bouquet of flowers.
“So?” he asks with a bright smile.
“It’s done. We’re divorced.”
My heart begins to pound the moment the words leave my mouth. True, I never thought I’d be someone’s wife. But I definitely never thought I’d be someone’s ex-wife either. Divorce. It’s such a heavy word, even if I am one husband lighter.
Kyle hands me the flowers, and I inhale the strong scent of deeply red roses. “How do you feel?”
Strange. Relieved. Sad. Unsure of the future, but glad to be out of it alive. “Good.” I nod in a way that I hope convinces us both. “I feel good.”
“Good,” he says and leans in to kiss me like it’s the end of our third date. “I feel good too.”
It’s not our third date, but it is the third month we’ve been officially dating. It was one of those things that felt like it just happened. But when I look back, it was definitely inevitable. He’d just show up at my door and help me with things around the house, just like when Jake was in Vegas. Only this time, we would commiserate about Jake’s issues together. It was like the worse Jake got, the closer Kyle and I became.
Finally, after a very emotional intervention, Jake agreed to go to rehab. While he was in there, a heaviness had lifted. I felt lighter, freer, despite the mess he’d left for me. Maybe it was because I missed being with a man. Or being with a man who is actually considerate and kind. But I think it was much more than that, because there was one night where Kyle and I practically attacked each other at the mouth and made love for hours. Months, or even years, of sexual tension finally released. It was absolutely what I needed.
After that, it was too difficult to keep away from each other, and I could feel myself falling for him every second. It was the first time since my separation that I actually felt hopeful. That my life wasn’t completely ruined.
About three weeks into our relationship, we confessed the “L” word. He said it first, and I’m sure he felt it first. But I felt it too. I’ve had to keep it pretty quiet from my friends and family. Even though they’ve blacklisted Jake, they’re not too keen on me dating his friend either. But I just ignore them. It’s my life after all.
“Let’s go celebrate,” Kyle suggests grinning.
He takes me to this fun little tiki bar on the oceanfront. We sip on piña coladas, eat shrimp tacos, and lie on a double lounge chair on the sand beneath a palm tree as the sun begins to set. It’s the perfect way to spend a post-divorce afternoon.
“C’mon let’s go for a walk.” He takes my drink.
“I’ve had a couple of those, so this walk might be more of a stumble,” I say.
He smiles, taking my hand, and I feel steady again. We walk right along the shoreline, the warm ocean water sliding up over our feet while our toes sink into the soft sand. The sky resembles a mai tai with its mix of orange and yellow hues. We talk about everything and nothing at all while the ocean breeze hits our cheeks.
“Are you happy with me?” he asks.
I look at him, a slightly buzzed grin spreads across my face. “Of course I am.”
“Good, because you make me happy to.”
I slide my arm around his waist, burying my face into the side of his chest as we stroll along. His heart thumps loudly against his rib cage, and his T-shirt does little to muffle it. I look up at him, noticing his uneasy expression.
He stops, taking my hand in his. “I want to tell you something.” His eyes penetrate mine like he wants me to see inside his soul. “I love you, Natalie. I’ve loved you for a long time. And I think . . . no, I know you’re the one for me.” He kneels down onto the wet sand.
What’s happening?
I glance around, half expecting a crowd of people to surround us and shout, “Gotcha!”
But there is no one else. There’s only me, him, and . . . a two-carat, round-cut diamond ring!
Oh my god. He’s going to—
“Natalie Quinn, will you make me the happiest man alive and be my wife?”
I try to breathe in, but I can’t. It’s like the air is caught in my throat. My heart and mind race at lightning speed. There are no words. Literally, I’ve forgotten English! My eyes shift back and forth between his ocean-blue eyes and the overwhelming diamond. I do love Kyle. But would I be crazy to marry again? Marry my ex-husband’s best friend? Of course I would! But he’s a good man, and I know we’ll have a good life together. And when a man like Kyle gets down on one knee and asks you to marry him, you say . . .“Yes.”
He lights up. “Yes?”
I nod with tears in my eyes. “Yes! I’ll marry you.”
His hands shake as he places the ring on my finger. And somehow in the same day, I go from one husband to another.
T he sliding door opens, and Kyle steps out onto the patio. “Hey. What are you thinking about out here?” He sits next to me and drags his bare feet in the water.
I twist my lips. “Nothing. Everything.”
He places his hand on top of mine. “You know what I think?”
“What?”
“I think we should just let today be the worst day of our marriage. And then tomorrow, we can start over.”
I let out a long sigh. “I appreciate the sentiment. And I would love that. But I don’t think life works that way.”
“Why not?”
“Because, we tried to do that. We started fresh with each other, and we had the best of intentions. But here we are.”
“How would you feel if we moved?”
I scoff. “Move where?”
He shrugs. “I dunno. Miami, Tampa. Maybe Pensacola.”
“What? We can’t do that. We have businesses here. We have a life here.” I have too many things holding me here.
“I know, but I can do my business elsewhere and come visit clients a few times a year.”
“That’s great for you, but all of my contacts and referrals are here in West Palm.”
He nudges me with his shoulder in a lighthearted way. “Natalie, you’re amazing. You can build a successful business anywhere we go.”
“Thanks for the vote of confidence, but I don’t think moving is going to solve any of our problems.”
“It might. We’d at least be away from . . . you know.”
“Jake?” I look at Kyle, his face is flushed. “It doesn’t matter if we move to India.” I pause, and I can tell he’s struggling to look me in the eye. But I have to say it, even if it hurts. “He’s part of my life, and he’s not going anywhere anytime soon. We have Lily. We have history. And like it or not, he’s part of your life too.”
Kyle takes his hand back. “I know. You’re right. I thought I could handle it. Not let it bother me. But I almost killed myself today, and him, and for what? A wife who won’t commit?”
“I am committed.”
“I don’t want you to just be true to your promise. I want to be the only one. Maybe that’s asking too much from you.”
I shake my head, slouching my shoulders. “No, it’s not. You deserve that. I just don’t think it’s me.” The moment the words come out of my mouth I think of what Emily said. She’s still in love with him. And it gives me comfort knowing that someone still thinks Kyle’s the only one. “I want you to be happy.”
“Yeah, me too.”
“I love you, Kyle. I will al
ways love you. You’ve been amazing to me. But this isn’t fair to either of us. I don’t want to keep dragging you through the mud.”
“So what are you saying?” he asks, and I let the moment hang between us because the words are just too difficult to say.
“Maybe you’re right. Maybe this is the worst day of our marriage.” I take in a deep breath. “Because we both know it’s the last.”
***
Sloan answers the door with a confused stare. “What are you doing here?”
“It’s a really long story,” I pass her, wheeling my suitcase behind me. Lily lets out a bark and rushes over. I kneel down and wrap my arms around her, smelling her familiar scent.
“Hey, I need to tell you something,” she says.
I shake my head. “No, I need to tell you something first. I kissed Jake. On the cruise.”
Her jaw drops. “What?”
“Yeah, he showed up with Kyle’s ex-girlfriend.”
“Is that why you’re back early?”
“Not exactly. When I told Kyle about the kiss, he flipped out and assaulted Jake on the deck, and they both went over the edge.”
“Of the boat?”
“Yes, thank god we were docked. They could’ve died!”
“Is everyone okay? Because—”
“Physically, yes. Emotionally, who the hell knows? They were both standing there in handcuffs, confessing their love for me. And so of course I left with Kyle. And we were home for less than an hour before . . . before . . .”
“Before what?” She grabs my shoulders, shaking me.
“Before we broke up!”
She releases her grip. “So let me get this straight. You kissed Jake on the boat and then Kyle threw him off the boat, and now you’re getting a divorce again?”
I nod. “I know. I’m just glad Jake and Kyle don’t have a third best friend, because I don’t think I can go through this again.”
Ding dong.
I whip my head around to the closed door behind me, and Lily goes berserk. “Who’s that?”
