I hit the sack earlier than normal. For once, I didn’t go back to the club. I couldn’t leave Mom to do it all and I was in no rush to get a tongue lashing from JP. He was going to go fucking ballistic. I also needed my wits about me for the morning. I had a feeling leaving her to whatever fate awaited her was going to play on my mind enough, without trying to do it still tanked up on last night’s ale.
When I climbed into bed it was like I could feel her presence under the same roof. She’d taken everything I’d thrown at her tonight in her stride and it wasn’t because she was confident and comfortable with strangers; it was because she was terrified and shit out of luck. There came a time when things got so bad that sense had to override pride, and that was where Gigi Livingston was at.
Scared, shit out of luck and on the other side of my childhood bedroom wall.
At nearly 2am I still struggled to find sleep. The moonlight was sneaking through my window drapes, taunting me, and because it was so quiet, I heard the sound of sobbing.
I was powerless to stop myself from checking on her. Every fiber in my body needed to make that stop. Pulling on some long track pants, I went to the spare bedroom door.
“Gigi?” I knocked super light, trying not to wake Mom, and waited for her to answer. She didn’t but the sound of sobbing became muffled. “Gigi, it’s Gears. Do you want me to get my mom?”
“N-n-n-o. Go back to sleep.” I could hear the thickness of emotion in her voice and it was then I knew she was sat behind the bedroom door. I clenched my jaw, contemplating how much time she spent barricaded in places just to feel safe.
“Move back from the door, sweetheart. I’m just going to make sure you’re okay.”
I waited and heard her shuffle back before the door cracked open a little bit at a time. I could see that the drapes in her room were still wide open and the moon was casting its brightness all around. Gigi was crouched with a blanket around her at the bottom of the bed.
“I’m sorry for waking you,” she sniffed.
“Wasn’t asleep anyway. Why aren’t you in bed?” I moved to sit next to her with my knees cocked, hooking my elbows around them so I could clasp my hands. The urge to touch her, hold her, fucking comfort her was immense as she was bundled up like a street beggar on a winter’s night. “Are you scared?”
Gigi didn’t answer.
I sat, thinking the only thing I could do was wait it out beside her until she stopped crying, and offer her someone to talk to. “Shit this floor is cold. Mind if I borrow your quilt?” I shivered.
“Your quilt,” she replied.
I hopped up, grabbed the quilt and all the pillows. “Here, pop this under your butt.” Gigi leant sideways in her blanket burrito enough for me to pop it closer to her and she repositioned herself. I wrapped myself up and got comfy. There was no way I was going to settle until I knew she was asleep and resting. “Wanna talk?”
She shrugged her shoulders and rubbed at her snotty nose with a blanket that my mom had had since I was a kid. Nice.
“You start,” I offered. “Ask me anything.”
I waited again and finally she broke the silence. “Where’s your dad?”
“Fucked off a few years back.”
“Oh,” she responded shyly. “Mine died. Heart attack.”
“My turn. How old are you?”
“Seventeen. Nearly eighteen.”
“Well that’s something,” I laughed. “Maybe I should have asked that before I took you against your will.” I was trying for light humor, but we weren’t there yet.
“I came along willingly. My go. What’s it like being in a motorcycle gang?”
I don’t know where the question came from, but it felt like this was an answer she was desperate for. “Club, darling. We’re a club. And it’s the best kind of family in the world. You know why?”
“No, why?” This time she unfurled her head and spun it my way. Her eyes were so clear from all the tears, and the moonlight bounced off her auburn hair making it look like shining spun gold.
“Because they’re a family you choose, and a family who choose you. That’s real acceptance and brotherhood.”
“Is your club good?”
Damn Sons of Anarchy and their portrayal of MCs.
“The best, baby.”
“Sounds lucky.” She yawned. Finally.
“I’m still just a prospect, but I’d bleed for my brothers and they for me.”
“What’s a prospect?”
“It’s like being an intern. I’m learning the ropes, showing my desire to join and become one of them.”
“Like hazing?”
I laughed. “It’s only hazing if you’re doing pointless shit. What I do has a purpose.” Gigi was flagging. Her head had drooped to rest on my shoulders, and I was able to get some of the quilt around her, too.
“Do you do illegal stuff?” she mumbled.
“Define law breaking?” I laughed.
“Murder… drugs… hurting people?”
“Shit. Don’t hold back on those hard questions, girl. The Sentinels are just a bunch of brothers who repair cars, restore old ones and have a bit of fun. I speed regular on the freeway, but you’re safe with me and my brothers, Gigi.”
Her whole frame relaxed.
“Sweetheart, did he hit you because I picked you up yesterday?” It was a question I’d been asking myself on repeat.
“No. He hit me because... never mind. I don’t really know why.”
“I’m so fucking sorry.”
“It’s not your fault.”
“Yours either.”
Her tired bubble of laughter was lifeless and disbelieving. “He tells me constantly that I’m a whore and a slut. But… well, I’m not. I pray for God to get me out of there, but I can’t leave Momma. So, I pray for God to take him away, but that doesn’t happen, either. Do you believe in God or fate, Gears? Was this the life I was always destined to live?”
“No one should suffer like you do, baby, and I don’t know much about the Bible, but I always kinda liked the ‘eye for an eye’ bit.”
“Hmm,” she mumbled. I knew now she’d given up fighting sleep.
I waited for her slumber to deepen and then stayed beside her, gently wrapping my arms around her.
If she never had this again, I wanted her to feel safe tonight in the arms of someone who would never harm her.
I was too scared of waking her to try to put her back in the bed, so I held her close until I felt myself drifting off to sleep beside her and then I knew it was time to leave. She hadn’t just fled one situation to end up in another one she had no control over. With more care than I’d ever shown another human, I rearranged her pillows and covered her in the blankets. It wasn’t a bed, but it was comfy, safe and a darn sight warmer than the woodshed.
The next morning, Mom was a trooper. She fed Gigi as much as she could get down her without busting her guts wide open from gluttony. She’d also laundered her clothes ready for me to take her back. It hit me then that I was going to have to return her to the woodshed, or at least the vicinity, and carry her because she had no shoes.
Mom was nervous about something and I couldn’t figure out what it was. In the end, I just growled, “Spit it out, Ma.”
Gigi jumped, and I felt awful.
Mom jumped, too, but with action.
She returned with her cell phone and charger. “I don’t know how else to help you right now, so take this. Keep it safe. I’ve removed all the numbers apart from the house here, the autoshop, JP, Griffin’s boss and MC president, and of course Griffin. You must call or text if you need help, a place to sleep or something… anything.”
I was floored.
“I can’t take your phone. I have no way of paying the cell plan.”
“You can take it and you will. Leave the cell charges up to me. I need to know you have options. This is how we do that. Griffin will sort me out a replacement and new number, and I will let you have that number, too.”
�
��But,” she tried again, looking teary. I knew she was going to hand it back.
“How about you keep it for a few days until things settle down?” I tried. I was so desperate for her to take it at this point, I’d try anything.
“Okay, but it’s just a loan.”
“Of course.” Mom smiled, happy to have won that battle. “My door is always open, Gigi.”
Wave appeared in the same way he had yesterday—in his truck, ready to do battle, shirtless. Mom hugged Gigi goodbye, and told her they’d see each other soon, then slipped a pair of house slippers on Gigi’s feet, the last chance to show love and affection to a girl who’d seen so little of either it was fucking criminal.
The drive to her house was like a march to the gas chamber for me so I had no idea how it felt for her. She seemed calm and collected, handling it like it was normal, because every time she left the house or went to school, she always had to go home at some point and this was just something she was used to. It was only when she leaned between the front two seats of the cab and put a hand on my thigh that I realized she was calming me down and not the other way around.
Wave chatted absolute fucking nonsense for the entire journey, trying to put her at ease and calm my simmering anger that got closer to boiling point with every passing mile.
I didn’t want her to go back into the lion’s den.
It was as simple as that. Wasn’t it?
Wave stopped the car in exactly the same place he had last night and with only the Toyota parked up, I felt the tiniest amount of relief.
I went to go and help her get out. “No. Please stay here. You’ve done enough.”
I hated that she didn’t want to cling to me, the way I had the need to do with her.
I hated that she was stronger than me, even now, faced with what could be waiting for her, and she was strong enough to get on with it.
Wave looked at me in the rear view. Communicating something he knew would kill me. “Your brother, he’ll notice that you’re not locked in the shed.” The words felt like glass in my mouth.”
Her face paled, she knew what I had to do.
I walked her to the shed, every footfall like a step towards my own death. Reluctantly, she climbed in the shed and sat down. I watched her as every millimeter of light was distinguished by my closing of the door. Her breathing changing in time with it.
“You use that cell if you need anything. Keep it on silent. Keep it charged and keep it hidden. I’ll be in touch. Regular. I’ll text the address of the house. Just head there anytime you want.”
“Okay,” I heard her whisper.
“Call me if—”
“He’ll let me out, he always does in the end.”
“I mean it, Gigi. You don’t answer my texts or I get a bad feeling and I’m gonna come looking to make sure you’re okay.”
“Got it.”
Wave appeared, he knew I’d struggle with that final step. He was right. I was on the verge of killing someone.
As we trudged back through the woods, I knew I was in trouble.
I knew I wanted to do more than save this girl.
I wanted her in my life, in whatever capacity she was capable of. I’d never felt a connection with a female before I met her. When I felt the loss of her presence the minute she’d left me, I knew I could fall for her deeply. If someone wasn’t meant to be in your life you wouldn’t feel so lost by their absence. Simple as that.
I was lost in my thoughts when I opened the door of Wave’s idling truck. “Time to face the music, brother.” He shook his head and pulled off in a dusty tire squeal. “Prez is waiting.”
“Did I not say I would look into things, Prospect?”
“You did.”
This was bad.
He was calling me prospect, being all official.
JP had pulled the shutters down on the auto shop in the middle of the day and all of the brothers were stood around in a circle watching me accept whatever he decided to dish out. His young, sort of adopted daughter, Angel, had been banished from the garage while this was being worked out. So, yeah, he was taking this really seriously. I’d pay for that later, too. Angel was a friend. We’d connected because we were roughly the same age, so not only did her dad know something she didn’t, she knew I now did, too.
“Wave, tell me, because I am at a loss. How the fuck do I proceed?” I tilted my head to the side to look at my brother as he contemplated JP’s question. Wave helped me get her to safety last night and neither of us had any idea how this was going to go down.
“We could congratulate the cocky fucker, make him a brother earlier than scheduled for finding his ball sack and principles.” His words surprised me and irritated the fuck out of JP. “I mean, he helped that girl out. Her situation is fucked up.”
“Not fucking helping,” our president growled. “I was thinking of extending his time as a prospect.”
That was like a knife to my heart. All I ever wanted was to be a full blood brother.
“Or we could rally the wagons, drive out there and bury that cunt Livingston. Help him get one step closer to Santa Muerta.”
We all spun in yet another direction at the words that had come from Shorty, a brother who was anything but. He was a guy who kept himself to himself and that usually included his opinions. He had a no-nonsense attitude to bullshit, possibly because he was tall enough to use your body as the target in game of whack-a-mole. Him wading into this was surprising to us all, especially JP. “Fuck.”
“Santa Muerta?” I queried
“Yes, dumbass. The Hermanos worship the Mexican Saint of Death. Her brother is a Hermano, which makes her a fucking Hermano, and we are not taking on the fucking Mexicans,” he finished, pointing at Shorty.
“And we are not giving him his fucking patch early.” He pointed at Wave.
“Shit, fuck. And it looks like no one will vote with me to extend your prospect time, either.” He looked at me and my once sunken heart soared again. “You need to leave this girl alone.” He looked at me hopefully. “You’re not going to leave her alone, are you?”
“Not sure I can, Prez,” I admitted, and while that annoyed the fuck out of him, I also saw I’d earned his admiration.
“This is going to get ugly, brothers. We’re tangling with the devil and that’s before we get close to the fucking Saint of Death. Gears, I’m warning you now, I do not want my girl on the radar of those motherfuckers. Ginny, whatever the fuck her name is, Gigi fucking Livingston does not exist for Angel. They do not become girls who hang. Your brothers and I will have your back, but do not make our task harder by antagonizing the Hermanos. Be smart. And I repeat, if Angel gets sucked into this there will be no extending your time as a prospect, because there will be no fucking need. Understand? Clear?”
“Crystal,” I told him.
There was no doubting his words.
He had a good relationship with the other MCs, because they left the murders, girls, drugs and guns up to them. Hell, we helped them earn a better reputation in the local counties, but when he used Angel as part of his reasoning, bargaining or even mentioned her in club business, it was not to be dismissed.
Gigi
I guarded the cell phone like it was my lifeline.
I treasured everything that Gears and his mom gave me.
The robe and slippers, which I hid. The clothes she washed for me that even smelled like their home, fresh and clean.
The memories, though, they were the best.
To be somewhere you felt wanted and safe. To be able to go back and think about the times both of them had held me in their arms was precious.
Like before, Edward never knew where I spent the night. Only a monster wouldn’t be bothered whether I had somewhere to stay or how I’d fared against the elements overnight.
Momma, though, she knew something was different. She smelled the fresh laundry powder on my clothes, and the different shampoo and soap that clung to my skin. It was my own fault for going to see her as s
oon as I got back. I told myself I wanted to see if she was any better, but really I was checking to make sure she was in one piece after being alone with Edward for a night. I’d spent a good chunk of my night feeling guilty for escaping, but I needn’t have bothered. She was the same as when I left her—listless in bed. Edward hadn’t bothered with her as usual. It was as if she didn’t exist for him anymore. Momma was in her own pit of suffering. She posed no threat and wasn’t going anywhere in her condition. She wasn’t going to fight back and for him there was no fun in that.
School had been everything to me, but I was relived to have a few days off. I don’t think I would have been able to concentrate anyway. Gears and his mom were consuming my thoughts and restoring my faith in human nature.
The first time I went to send a text, I think I typed it out at least twenty times and deleted it. It started out with just the word ‘thanks’, but that didn’t feel like enough. How did you put enough emotion behind one word? I knew had to send something. Gears said he’d come looking for me to check if I didn’t. I settled on
I replaced the phone back in my hidey hole, too scared to carry it around, and then continued to check it for hours and hours until I received a reply. It was a simple reply, too.
I kept out of Edward’s way as much as possible. Limiting our interaction together seemed to be the best way to survive him at the moment. His mood swings were sporadic and as long as I kept him fed and didn’t remind him that he had a sick mother in bed, he tolerated me.
Never had I been so thankful to be simply tolerated.
The weird thing was, from the time I’d heard the motorcycles pull up to the barn that one time in the woodshed, I was now attuned to them. They came at all times throughout the night and it was bizarre to think I’d missed it in the past.
Gigi: A Black Sentinels MC Novel Page 10
