by Shona Husk
He let Silke set the pace. Each stroke was slow and a little deeper than the last, as though she was getting used to the feel of him. Around him she was tight and wet. She bit her lip and almost closed her eyes.
He wanted to undo her bun and let her hair tumble around her. Flip her over and drive into her … not this time. He let her lead this dance, even though his balls were tight and he wanted to let go. He started trying to remember exactly how the Meijer Jump Engines worked, as a distraction.
It didn’t work. Watching her move was too much. He circled her clit, but she covered his hand with hers to stop him.
As she moved faster he knew he wasn’t going to last. Damn it. He thrust into her hard. She gasped but met him thrust for thrust. He groaned as he came, his fingers pressing into her hips as he held her there. He was such a dumb ass. He should’ve gone down on her first. That would’ve gotten her there.
Then she started playing with herself, her body still moving just a little. He let his fingers join hers in caressing her clit. It was hard and slick and after a couple of seconds she clenched around him as she came. Her hips ground against him and she jerked again with a moan on her lips. Then she was still, her breasts lifting with each breath.
Her gaze refocused on him. “Takes forever by hand before. After …” She snapped her fingers to make the point.
“Good to know.” How many guys actually cared once they were done? “What do you do alone?”
Her eyebrows lifted.
“Too personal?”
“I take my time. But I didn’t want you to spend half the night trying when I knew a shortcut. I’m not that mean.” The half-smile suggested that she could be.
She could’ve laid back and said nothing and made him work for it. But that wouldn’t have been as much fun for either of them. He drew her closer for a kiss, enjoying that intimate moment for just after a little longer before he slid from her body.
“Thank you for showing me the shortcut.”
“My pleasure.” Her tongue flicked against his. “How long have you been thinking about this?”
“A while.” His fingers traced shapes on her back. “You?”
“A while.” She grinned and he knew he wasn’t going to get a straight answer. “I thought about asking you at one point, but I didn’t want it to come across as though I was using you for sex.”
He laughed. “I’m sure I would’ve got over it.” He was pretty sure any guy she asked would’ve gladly been used. But he also understood why she’d been careful. The wrong guy might think it gave him some kind of claim. The wrong guy could also talk too much, and he knew how fast gossip spread on the ship.
“You were one of the few guys who never made a pass. I liked that we could talk without that.” The smile left her lips, but her fingers still traced shapes on his chest.
“And now I’ve busted it.” They could never go back to the way it was. They could only move forward. He needed to be honest with her. “I’m thinking of becoming a civvie on Solitaire.”
That was almost honest. The paperwork was done. This was his last flight, then he was out.
She propped herself up. “Why would you do that?”
“I wanted to make sure I didn’t get stuck on Earth.”
She blinked, as if not understanding what he was implying.
“I like you and I want to keep seeing you.”
“I thought this was just sex. Temporary sex.” She pulled away and got off the bed.
He missed the warmth of her body immediately. “Isn’t it better that there’s a chance this could be more?”
She pulled on her clothes and he wished he hadn’t said anything. She paused in her singlet and underwear, then looked straight at him. “This wasn’t about sex at all. What was your business arrangement?”
Shit. He’d thought she’d forgotten about that. He sat up and reached for his clothing. Any reason not to look at her.
“Marriage.”
“Marriage?” She crossed her arms, managing to look fierce in her underwear.
“I want a wife. You’re smart and we get on well. I thought that you might want something similar.” His lips curved. “You were keen to jump into my bed.”
“Because I thought it was temporary.”
That hurt. A lot. More than it should. It took a moment for him to be able to breathe again. She shouldn’t be able to wound him like that.
Her face softened as if she realized the damage she’d caused. “That came out harsher than I intended.”
“Did it?” He was pretty sure she’d intended to make a point. He was good enough for sex, but not good enough to marry. Leo dragged on his pants and she finished dressing.
With a sigh she turned to face him. “I like you, but I don’t want to marry.”
He should accept that and move on. He was sure there was another smart, funny, and beautiful woman on board. But he didn’t want anyone else. “Why?”
“Because I don’t.” She shrugged, then sighed. “It really isn’t you. I know women are in short supply and I don’t want to feel like I have to marry to breed for the colony.”
She made it sound so … so businesslike. Which is exactly what he’d wanted. He’d been thinking compatibility, but she was thinking practicality. The women would be expected to have babies once the birth control wore off. No babies, no colony. Did she not want children? He hadn’t even thought that far into the future. That was five years away. A lot could happen in a new colony in five years.
“I don’t expect you to breed. I just wanted companionship and sometimes sex.” It didn’t seem like too much to ask. Surely she’d want the same? What else was she going to do? Be celibate for the rest of her life?
She shook her head but the anger was gone. If anything, she looked sad. “You don’t know enough about me to want to marry me.”
He didn’t need to know more. He’d read her bio and had been talking to her for most of the trip. He’d seen how she treated the people she worked with, and that was enough for him. “Don’t you want to give this a chance?”
He wanted to say more, but if he did, he risked sounding desperate. He was many things, but desperate wasn’t one of them. He was practical, thorough, dedicated … all words that had been used on his file when recommending him for promotion. Probably not the best words to describe a relationship.
Did she want more than business? Love?
But love was so … dangerous and unpredictable. He didn’t want to get burned. Again.
She hesitated, and for a moment he thought he was in with a chance of at least seeing her again. “No.”
Then she walked out of his room, dragging his flaming heart with her.
Damn it. His heart had been involved for months. He’d just been too dumb to see it. Now it was too late.
Chapter Four
Silke hadn’t slept well, and in the morning she was still … well, not fuming—that had worn off in his room, along with the shock—but perplexed at Leo’s offer.
Marriage? Leo didn’t know what he was asking. He certainly wouldn’t be asking for anything from her if he knew why she was here. People like him didn’t appreciate what she’d done.
Even her father had asked what she’d been thinking, risking everything to help a few people.
She’d been thinking that if she didn’t do the emergency C-section the woman would’ve died. That if she hadn’t reset the leg the child would’ve been crippled. Or those families would’ve gone to hospital and then been faced with debts they could never work off. Then someone would’ve had to go to prison—which would have pushed them even further.
With a sigh she finished doling out feed to the goats and gave them a scratch before moving on to the guinea pigs. There was no Vance to help her, as it was his day off. It was also student day. Which she was dreading, after her run-in with Robert. Now there was a tower-bred, attitude-filled prat. He acted like people should jump when he spoke. She’d seen the glint in his eyes when she’d told him no. It was obvi
ously something he wasn’t used to hearing. He probably had no idea what life was like outside the secluded world of the towers.
She didn’t understand why people had let it get so bad. It wasn’t like that in the Scandinavian Conglomerate. People and businesses paid taxes, and education and health were virtually free.
It wasn’t a perfect system. Countries had been forced to join together to create a big enough economy after the European collapse of 2058. Like most countries, though, they were feeling the pinch of pollution. Too many developing countries and big manufacturers had been able to get away with too much for too long. By the time the governments had acted, it had been too late.
None of that was her problem anymore. Her father had told her to make the best of this new start and to keep her head down and follow the rules.
She’d tried. She’d been good for six months, but she was lonely. Being with Leo had reinforced that. Her skin remembered his touch and the way he’d felt beneath her. The way he smiled and kissed. Why couldn’t he have been happy with sex?
She’d have been perfectly happy with sex.
Could she lie to him? Lie by omission? Maybe her past would never come up in conversation … no, her luck wasn’t that good. It would only take one person to realize that her father was Olaf Rask and then people would connect the dots. So far no one had said anything, but then, she’d done nothing to warrant scrutiny.
A knock rang on the hatch. Very few people had the clearance on their implanted ID chips to enter the barn. The livestock was too precious. None of the students did. None would, until they qualified.
She sighed and wished it was Vance, instead of the students arriving. Then they could’ve talked. But what exactly would she have said? “Hey, I slept with Leo but I knocked back his proposal even though it had merit.”
That was the most annoying thing. Leo’s offer was actually a good one, and it made sense in every way. They got on, they would both have good positions in the new colony, and there was certainly a spark of lust. Was that enough? He seemed to think it was.
She opened the hatch with a quick swipe of her chip. Robert smiled at her like they’d never spoken in the mess.
He was one of those people whose family had made sure he had a ticket on the first ship. Their donation and him volunteering as trainee vet staff had ensured his place.
He was everything she hated. While his money might have mattered on Earth, here it was more about what you could contribute. So far, he wasn’t contributing much.
She set the students to work cleaning the pens and feeding the rest of the animals while she went through the class notes. It was time for a pop practical assessment. She already had a fair idea of who was going to struggle. She smiled as her mood improved. For a few hours she was able to push Leo out of her mind.
* * *
“Did I miss anything exciting yesterday?” Vance poured food for the goats. He didn’t enjoy his day off the way he should. He missed the animals and being with Silke. And he didn’t like the idea that someone else was doing his job, even if other people needed the experience. How long until he was no longer needed?
“Nope. I made the students do health checks on the goats. Most of the goats behaved.” She didn’t smile and didn’t elaborate. It had been several days since their kiss, so he knew that wasn’t what was on her mind.
“And the students?”
“Most of them behaved too.” Silke still didn’t meet his gaze. Something had happened. Before the kiss he wouldn’t have hesitated to ask … now, though? Something had changed between them, even if they’d vowed that the kiss didn’t matter and would never happen again. She sighed. “Robert was his usual lazy self.”
Robert was a prick who always used Vance’s number, not his name, and who tried to boss him around. Silke had made it clear she was the only one who gave orders, and Robert hadn’t liked that much.
They worked in silence for a bit before Vance dusted off his hands, leaving marks on his whites. Working in the barn meant there were always stains on his clothes. He’d once joked before that by the end of the trip it would look like he was wearing camouflage. He was sure the cons in the laundry loved getting his filthy bundle.
The silence grew. It was odd and it made him uncomfortable. Silke was upset about something, and he couldn’t let it fester. He needed to know. “Got something on your mind?”
For a moment he thought she wasn’t going to share. Then she shoved her hands into her pockets. “Guess who teaches sock knitting?”
Obviously someone he knew. Given that most of the people he knew were cons or guards, that limited the options. “Grady?”
She nodded. “And you were right about him. He asked me out the other day.”
Oh. He hadn’t actually expected Grady to do anything about it; after all, he hadn’t in the last six months. “Did you say yes?”
He hoped she had, even though the idea of her kissing Grady was like swallowing razors—it cut all the way down. He didn’t want to think that they may have done more than kiss. He knew he would’ve if he was able to date Silke. While he knew some prisoners, and even a fellow white like him, had successfully married, it was different when your lover was your boss.
Although the kiss was making him wonder if he was doing the right thing. He wanted her and she wanted him. It should be that easy. But it wasn’t, and there was no way he was going to risk this job just to have Silke as a lover. He’d rather keep Silke as a friend and his boss. Which meant he also wanted her to be happy. Even if it was with someone else.
“You could do a lot worse.” Like me. “Grady is all right.”
You could tell a lot about a man by the way he treated the cons on the ship. Grady had been distrustful at first—which was to be expected, given the white of his uniform—but now they got on fine.
“He’s from tower elite.”
“That doesn’t make him evil.” He couldn’t believe he’d just said that. His mother would’ve washed his mouth out.
The rich lived in a totally different world to the rest of the population, and they usually acted like they deserved special treatment. Maybe Grady’s years in space had cured him of the attitude. After all, possible death by asphyxiation was a great equalizer. Plus, there was nowhere to spend all that money he’d been born into. Vance tried to imagine the size of the bank account. He’d never had a bank account, he’d always considered himself lucky if he had a couple of dollars in his pocket. These days he earned tokens, not money. But there wasn’t much he could spend his tokens on. Fruit or sex, basically. So far, he’d always chosen the former.
She wrinkled her nose as though she didn’t believe that. “You want to know something I’ve never told anyone else?”
The ground seemed to shift beneath him. It became fragile and he wasn’t sure if he should take another step forward, although he wasn’t sure that turning around and running would be any better. “Sure.”
“I have more in common with you than with him. I’m pretty sure that if he knew the truth, he wouldn’t be interested. None of them would be.” This was about more than just Grady.
“I doubt you have much in common with me.” She hadn’t been raised in the slums, and she hadn’t killed.
“The ranch where I worked, most of the staff couldn’t afford health care, so I treated them.” She glanced at him, as if to gauge his reaction.
Silke may not be a doctor, but he could imagine how grateful the people would have been. He knew how hard it was to see a doctor. Even in the slum hospital, care was hit and miss, and dependent on how much money you had. He’d known people to skip hospital to avoid leaving their families in debt. His sister’s medical care had left them in debt … the fuckers who’d put her in hospital hadn’t cared. Slum girls were an expendable resource, there for their fun. The anger was still there, but it didn’t burn like acid anymore.
When he didn’t say anything, she went on. “I got caught and charged.”
“They charged you? With what? Sav
ing lives?” He couldn’t see the problem. She probably didn’t expect payment from the people she was helping. That the ranch didn’t pay enough that people could afford healthcare didn’t surprise him. Most places didn’t. If someone got sick, there were ten more willing to take their place, and they’d work for half the amount.
“Practicing without a license. I was operating and everything.” She shook her head. “The only reason I’m not here in yellow is because my father is a diplomat. He hushed it all up. The only condition was that I join the trip as they were having trouble getting vets and doctors, apparently.”
Well, of course they were. Why would someone give up a nice, safe Earth-based job to risk life on a colony? Vets and doctors were well paid on Earth and usually made up of tower elite who could afford the expensive education required. He’d received a better education in prison than he had in the slums, and had received more opportunities to better his life, too. While he knew he was fortunate, it was also a sad indictment on society.
“And you can be both.” He grinned at her, but she didn’t return his smile.
“I doubt the new citizens of Solitaire would be thrilled to find that the head vet is technically a criminal.”
Vance shrugged. “But you aren’t. The charges were obviously dropped, and like everyone else, you get a second chance.”
She didn’t look convinced, yet she trusted him enough to share the secret. Who was going to believe him anyway? He touched her arm. “I’m pretty sure Grady wouldn’t care.”
He didn’t care. It made him like her that little bit more. The more he thought about it, the more he wanted to be a detour on her path. He knew he’d be temporary, but after several nights alone in his cell, thinking about the kiss, he was okay with that. His resolve to just work had melted into just be friends, into just kiss her once, into who cares, take what you can get and enjoy it. She was right, this placement could be taken away at any time, so instead of waiting for the end he needed to enjoy it. Usually he was really good at that, but for some reason being on the ship had made him more cautious.
