by A. B. Medley
What the hell? I glance back at the sleeping form of my best friend. My heart squeezes a little at the thought she’s going through something that’s obviously bad enough she doesn’t want to tell me, and now this psycho is trying to use it against her.
A terrible thought comes to mind. Did I cause this by bringing her into all my secrets? Now they want to torture her too to get to me? I put a hand to my forehead. I decide to text back.
Me: Leave her alone. She has nothing to do with this bullshit game you’re trying to play with me.
Unknown number: Poor naive girl. I’ll play this game however I want. I know more about your life than you do. Lucy’s very much a part of it. You’ll see.
I slam my phone down on the nightstand, unsure what to make of this. I lie back down and toss and turn the rest of the night.
Morning rolls around. I wake up early and wait for Lucy to wake. About eight o’clock, she stirs. She opens her eyes and looks through her lashes lazily. “Hey honey. What’s up? It’s kind of creepy to wake up with you staring at me.”
“I got a message late last night. I don’t know what to think about it.” I chew my lip nervously.
Lucy sits up, waiting for me to continue. “What was it?”
“It’s from the same psycho. They said you’re hiding something from me. I don’t want to push, but it worries me that this freak knows what you’re keeping from me.” I glance at her.
She visibly pales. Her lips fold in on themselves. A look passes behind her eyes, but I don’t know what. Fear? Anger?
“Is there something I need to know Lucy? Is there more to this than just something you’re going through?” I hold my breath, waiting for her to answer.
“Ivie, I can’t. I have to go.” She gets up and starts putting her clothes back on from the night before. I can’t explain it, but I feel a little piece of my heart break. Lucy’s hiding something. And it’s something important for her to be reacting this way.
I don’t try to stop her. I just watch as she gets her things and leaves my room. I hear her footsteps trail down the hall and to the front door followed by her opening and closing it. I get up and look out my window to the driveway and see her get in her car. I can tell she’s crying again.
Guilt and worry wash over me like a summer rain. But this isn’t the calm kind. It’s the stormy kind. I go to my closet and grab a T-shirt and jeans, then throw my hair up into a messy bun in the bathroom after washing my face and brushing my teeth on muscle memory alone. I grab a coat on my way out. I’ve got to talk to Sterling about this.
I’ve already had two cups coffee, so I walk to the barn to see what Tate’s doing. He’s just walking out of the barn as I reach it. “I think you had fun on your date last night.”
He shoots me a look meant to slice through me. “I don’t date, Sterling. That was all for you and Ivie.” His eyebrows slam together.
“If you ask me, I think y’all hit it off.”
“It’s a good thing I didn’t ask you then, isn’t it?” he pops back.
I hold my hands up in surrender, laughing as I step back. “Have it your way, Tate. I won’t say anything else.”
Tate’s looking over my shoulder, and I turn to see Briella walking toward us. “Thanks for making enough coffee for me, Sterling.” She lifts her mug up before taking a sip. My sister has my dark brown eyes, but her hair is a lot blonder. She has it pulled up in some kind of messy bun. She’s a beauty, I realize, and I groan inside, thinking of the day she’ll seriously date instead of chasing in my footsteps. I’m no fool, I know she dates. I’m sure there’s a lot she does. I just don’t want to know about it. In my eyes there isn’t anyone good enough for my little sister.
I smile at her. “You know I have to keep coffee around all day, sis.” She returns my smile with a lazy one.
“And here I thought you were doing me a favor.” She winks at me. “Is there anything I can help with today? The case with Ivie or on the ranch?” She lifts an eyebrow at both of us.
Tate gives her a look. “I think I got the ranch covered. Thanks, though.”
“Suit yourself. How about you, Sterling?” she asks.
“You won’t take no for an answer, will you?” I ask her.
“You catch on real quick, brother dear.” She clucks her tongue at me.
I shake my head as she walks off. “She’s going to give me gray hair earlier than I should have gray hair,” I say to Tate. He chuckles. “Probably so. Don’t know how to help you there.”
“We’ll probably be here all day. I’m going to try to look closer over the case. If you need us or just want to hang out while I work, you know where to find me.”
“Sounds good, brother. I’m going to ride and check the fence we fixed the other day. Might see you around later.”
I turn and head to the house. Maybe it’ll be good to pick Briella’s brain, get another set of eyes and ears. When I reach my home office, she has already planted herself at my desk. “Make yourself at home, Bree.”
“Thanks, I am. Tell me what’s really happening, Sterling. Why are you working a case for Rhett Davis and Ivie?”
I let out a puff of air and run my hand over the stubble on my face. “Bree, there’s so much you don’t know. I don’t even know where to start.”
She shrugs her shoulders. “That’s easy, start from the beginning. You can trust me, I’m your sister. I would never jeopardize a case for you, and I sure as hell wouldn’t betray your trust. So, start talking.”
“Okay. Listen, you can’t freak out the next time you see Ivie.” She looks at me with no discernable expression.
“Promise me, Bree.”
She rolls her eyes animatedly. “I don’t know why you have to make me promise when you know I won’t do anything you wouldn’t want me to.”
“It’s important, Bree. It’s not just about her. It’s about me.”
Briella’s eyes soften. “I promise, Sterling.”
I pull a chair beside her, propping my elbows on my knees and hanging my head. Before I begin, I take a deep breath trying to let the stress out. “When Dean was attacked, Ivie and I, we slept together. I was comforting her, and one thing led to another. The only reason I hadn’t pursued her sooner was Dean, because he’s my best friend and I didn’t want to hurt him. But he was cheating on her. And honestly, she admitted she was going to break up with him anyway, but she didn’t know how. She said they had drifted apart. When she left, I thought she must’ve regretted what we did and couldn’t face me. So, I let her leave even though I was in love with her.”
“That’s exactly what it looked like, Sterling, that she regretted it. So, what changed your mind to make you think that she didn’t?”
“She was attacked. I’m sure you remember some of that.”
“Of course I do. It was brutal. So was Dean’s.”
“She was attacked while waiting to meet me. To…to tell me something I needed to know. Something important. I was hurt when she left. I didn’t fight for her. But I am now. I won’t let her go again. I need you to understand that.”
She narrows her eyes at me. “Why? Sterling? What’s different now?”
“I know the truth about why she left, and what she’s been living with, alone. I thought she was happy until a package was delivered to me. Someone’s been stalking her, threatening to destroy her and Rhett. This person has stumbled onto some big secrets. We know some, others we don’t.”
“Okay, and what are these magical secrets you do know? Why did she leave you in the dust?”
“She left because the person who attacked her caused her to lose her baby. And we think it was intentional.” I look at my hands and feel the tears sting my eyes as I try to hold them back.
Briella grabs my hand and makes me look at her. “She was pregnant? Who was the father?” she whispers.
I feel a tear drop and fall down my cheek. “The baby was mine, Bree.”
Briella swallows as tears fall from her eyes. She grabs me and hugs me, and I
let her for a few moments.
“I’m so sorry, Sterling. I know you both were young, but I also know what kind of dad you would be. The best. When did you find out?”
“I found out when she came back to town with me. This asshole stalker told me in a pretty nasty way. I’ll leave it at that. She didn’t tell me because this person threatened me after they had attacked her and Dean, and killed our baby. She didn’t want to take any more chances and thought by leaving it would stop. And it did, for a few years. Now something triggered them again. I think it’s because of Rhett’s retirement. They have something on him, too. They knew Ivie would be here for his retirement party. What better time to strike? To lay their cards out?”
“I agree, but what are they planning to do? Do you have any theories? Any leads? The party is in just a few days.”
“Trust me, I know. And yes, I did. But they mostly turned into dead ends. I can’t shake the feeling in my gut that Lucy McCree’s dad, Steve, is a part of this. I can’t prove it, but my instinct tells me I’m right. I’ve had a couple other interesting things pop up, but nothing that makes a lot of sense.”
“Sterling, are you sure Ivie’s told you everything she knows? Can you trust her?”
“I trust her, Bree. I love her. We’re in this together. I’ll do everything in my power to protect her.”
“I understand you want to, but the only reason you found out about the baby is from this sick creep. It doesn’t look like she ever planned to tell you. How can you trust her after that? Trust her with your heart?”
Before I can answer, I look up to see Ivie standing at the door to my office with tears streaming down her beautiful face. She rushes out just as I start toward her. “Ivie, wait!”
“Ivie, please stop!” Sterling’s hot on my heels as I run to my Jeep. He reaches me before I can open my door.
“Why, Sterling? You don’t know if you can trust me. And you told her about my baby?” I shout as I let the sobs bubble up from the depths of my being.
He looks torn and ready to spit nails at the same time. “Our baby, Ivie. I told her about our baby.”
“What gives you the right to do that, Sterling? What makes you think that’s okay to betray my trust like that?”
He steps to where I can see his pupils dilating, and he grits his teeth. “I don’t need permission to tell my sister about our baby. You may have known all this time and grieved longer, but this grief is not yours alone. My sister would never tell anyone. I haven’t had time to fully let it sink in that we were going to have a baby, and that it was ripped away from us. Do you not know how much that rips my heart out? I feel a loss so deep for something I didn’t even know I had. I’m trying to make sense of that.”
He’s letting his own tears fall now. My heart shatters into a million tiny pieces, and I don’t know if I can put back together.
“I only told her because we were talking about the case. She was going to look over things with me, get a fresh pair of eyes.”
He waits a few seconds and then asks, “Were you ever going to tell me about the baby, Ivie? If all this hadn’t happened?”
I swallow another lump in my throat. “I don’t know. I’m not ready to talk about the baby.”
“Briella won’t say a word. Trust me.” He hangs his head.
“Should I, Sterling? Do you even trust me?” I whisper.
“I love you, Ivie.” He gently pushes his body into mine until we’re against my Jeep, as if just our bodies touching will fix everything.
“That’s not what I asked you. I asked you if you trust me. If we don’t trust each other, we don’t have a damn thing.”
He just stares into my eyes. Silent tears continue to slide down my cheeks, and I put my hand on his chest and gently push him back.
“I need to go.” I reach for my door.
“What were you here for, Ivie? Did something happen?” he asks trying to regain his composure.
“It doesn’t matter. You and Briella can look over the information you have. Y’all are the ones who should be working it anyway. I’m just a writer. You have all the information about my life that I know. Knock yourselves out.”
I get in my Jeep and before I can shut the door, he grabs it. “Don’t leave like this, please.”
“I don’t have another choice.”
“Yes, you do. Stay and talk this out with me, for us. Stop running from me.”
“I’m not running. I’m driving. I love you, Sterling, but right now I think we need to have a little space. If I don’t talk to you before the party Friday, I’ll see you there.”
I don’t wait on an answer. I pull my door shut and back up to leave. When I chance a look in my rearview, he’s still standing where I left him. My tears fall with a vengeance, blurring my vision. I let my innermost pain take me over, threatening to suffocate me.
I turn onto the road, and I don’t know where I’m going. I just need to be away from here. I drive until I find myself at the outlook. I park and get out of my Jeep. This place. This is the place that holds my best memory and my worst. I stand there for a minute and let my pain course through every part of my soul. It’s so heavy it brings me to my knees. I feel my scar throbbing and my heart aching. I put a hand over my chest, as if I can stop the pain. No such luck.
This pain is worse than when I lost the baby, because not only have I lost my baby, but I feel like I’ve lost Sterling, too. He’s the last piece of my heart. If I lose him, I’ll lose the last piece of myself. Between this sick creep and my own insecurities, we don’t stand much of a chance. I’m a fool for thinking we could make it. There are too many odds stacked against us.
I stay on my knees softly crying for a while until I hear the rumble of an engine followed by the crunch of footsteps in gravel. My breath hitches from my hiding place as I search for anything I can use as a weapon. Coming up with just my keys, I place them between my knuckles and ball my fist. Then I call out in hope or defeat—I’m not quite sure which— “Sterling?”
The footsteps stop then start again and round my Jeep to where I am. “Sorry to disappoint you, but it’s just me.” It’s Dean. I sag in relief.
He walks over to where I am and offers me his hand, a look of concern on his handsome face. “Oh, baby, what did he do to you?” I take his hand and stand up. He pulls me into an embrace as fresh tears track my already stained face.
“Shh.” He whispers into my ear as he holds me close to him and rubs small circles on my back.
He lets me cry for a few minutes. “What’s going on, V? You can tell me.”
“I really can’t, Dean.” I pull back and look in his eyes. I can see that he cares. If I didn’t love Sterling, I would entertain giving him another chance. But I do love Sterling. Dean brushes his thumbs under my eyes and wipes away my tears. He kisses me on my forehead.
“If he did something to hurt you, I’ll go beat his ass right now. I don’t care if he’s a cop.”
“It’s not that simple, Dean. I hurt him, too.” I admit.
“What do you mean, Ivie? What happened?” he asks, sounding genuinely concerned.
“Dean there’s so much you don’t know. Please trust me when I tell you that this hurt is a two-way street.” I offer him a small, bitter smile.
“Sweetie, if you’re already crying like this before you’ve even really started, I honestly don’t think that’s a good sign. I’m not just saying that because I want another chance with you. I’m saying that because I don’t want to see you this way. Hell, I’ve never seen you this upset. I wish you’d tell me what happened.”
“If I told you, you’d never look at me the same way. You’d never forgive me, Dean.”
He guffaws. “I find that very hard to believe. Try me.”
I think this over very carefully. Maybe I should tell him. Maybe this is a step toward healing— being honest and asking for forgiveness. Harboring secrets is toxic.
“You need to promise me you won’t freak out and that you’ll listen,” I start.
“Okay,” he says, unsure.
He doesn’t realize what he’s asking of me. Guilt surfaces.
“We should go sit.” We walk to the edge of the outlook and sit on a bench that’s been there forever. Most of the time this is a happy place, peaceful. Right now, not so much.
“Dean, I don’t know how else to say this, so I’ll just say it. Sterling and I slept together when you were in the hospital, after your attack, and I got pregnant. Then I was attacked, and I lost the baby.”
He looks ashen, like I’ve kicked him in the gut and took the air from his lungs. He rubs a hand down his face. “Fuck, Ivie! I want to go beat that jerk into the ground right now. I probably would, too, except I can’t hold that over you. Either one of you, really. I mean, damn, that hurts, more than you can imagine, but the truth is, I was cheating on you back then with Jade. It was only a few times. I don’t know what I was thinking. I had come to my senses, and was putting a stop to it because I didn’t want to lose you. I never loved her; it was always you. Sterling knew about it. He told me I was a fool. He was right, and I led you right into his arms.” He hangs his head.
“I’m sorry, Dean. I never meant to hurt you. Sterling didn’t either. We both were tortured by it. He cares about you.”
“I can’t believe you were pregnant. I know it shouldn’t hurt like this after all this time, and I wasn’t faithful to you either, but it does. Maybe it’s because you’re the only girl I’ve ever really loved, and it was with my best friend. That’s double burn.” He laughs without humor.
“I know, and again, I’m sorry, Dean. That’s why I told you my dating life is complicated.”
“I get it. I guess he was a proud daddy even if it was only a short time.” He smiles at me sadly.
“Dean, I left without telling him. He didn’t find out about the baby until recently. I left after my attack because this creep killed my baby, they had hurt you, and they threatened to kill Sterling. I wasn’t going to take any chances after what happened. I’m so sorry about your attack.”
