by A. B. Medley
“Sterling, I need to tell you…”
He stops me. “Shh. The doctor said you shouldn’t be talking because of your throat. Listen, I know your mom will want to see you, so I won’t stay long. I just had to see you with my own eyes. I had to know you were okay.” He looks at me a moment longer, and I can’t tell what he’s thinking. My heart starts to pound with fear. If he knows about the baby, why isn’t he saying anything?
“I’ll check on you later. You need to get some rest.” He leans over and places a kiss on my forehead this time. Then he turns and leaves and doesn’t look back. I’m left feeling confused and upended.
Just as quick as he left, my mom comes rushing in.
“Ivie! Baby! You scared us half to death. I know what Dr. Boyd said about your condition and I’ve heard bits and pieces from your dad and Sterling while we were waiting, but what really happened tonight? They were mostly tight-lipped. And poor Lucy has been waiting with us even though she’s terribly banged up and should be lying in a hospital bed herself,” she asks, wide-eyed.
I whisper. “It was all Jade, Mom. I’ll have to tell you about it in a few days once I can talk.”
“Of course, sweetie. Your dad says he needs to talk to me too. I know it’s about something big and it will probably hurt, but I don’t want you to worry about it, or anything else for that matter.” She is holding my hand with tears in her eyes.
“You just rest and get better. Everything else will work out and be just fine, I promise.”
I smile at her weakly and close my eyes. I pray she’s right. I need Sterling. I need our baby to be okay. I need him to know how much I love him, and that I want to spend my life with him. I can’t be without him anymore. I can only hope he feels the same. It’s not just me and him now. We have to get on the same page, and quick.
Bree drove my car to the hospital from the scene. After I saw Ivie, we—meaning me, Bree, and Tate—loaded up and went back home. I pulled up and got out without saying a word. As I walked to the house, I heard Bree and Tate behind me. I unlocked the door, and we went in.
“Sterling, are you okay?” Bree asks.
I take off my jacket and sling it over the back of the couch in the living room. I let out a sigh as I look up to meet her expectant stare. “I think I should be the one asking if you’re okay. You had to shoot someone tonight. So how are you?”
I see a quick flash of something in her eyes, but she recovers quickly. “I’m fine, Sterling. I did what I had to do. Chief told me he would set me up with a counselor next week. No worries.”
Tate’s watching us both like a hawk, but he doesn’t speak. He keeps his lips in a thin line.
I look at them both for a minute and then start walking toward my room. “All right then. I’m off to bed.”
Bree starts after me. “Wait. Don’t you need to be with Ivie? She probably doesn’t want to be alone right now.”
I turn and look at her. “I know you’re trying to help, Bree, but I just need some time to process everything.” I had planned on telling Ivie I love her and never want to be without her. But when I saw her I froze, and the reality I could’ve lost her and another baby paralyzed me. Nothing came out. Maybe it’s better anyway. We have to have trust. I’m not sure we do, no matter how much I love her.
“Sterling, don’t be an idiot. You better be very careful with this. You’ll lose her.”
The composure I had been holding on to snaps, and I whip around so fast she jumps. “Really, Bree? You knew and couldn’t tell me. Why? Ivie obviously doesn’t trust me, and it seems like you don’t either.”
Bree doesn’t back down. “Sterling, you love her. She loves you. Don’t be an ass. You know it wasn’t my place to tell you. I only knew because I followed her and was there when she found out. If I had just saved the life of the person I loved, I wouldn’t be here, I’d be with them. What the hell are you doing? You need to get your head out of your ass.”
“Briella, stay out of it. I need to think. I’ll be a father to my baby no matter what happens between me and Ivie. I’ll support her and be there for whatever she and the baby need. I just don’t know how we have anything together as a couple if we don’t have trust. And as you pointed out a few days ago, when things get tough, she runs. I just have to wrap my head around it all. Just let me process everything, please.”
Tate stays quiet. He takes his jacket off too, revealing his blood-stained shirt. “How’s Lucy?” I ask him.
He pauses. “She’s fine, I guess. I didn’t talk to her much at the hospital.” I nod.
I turn and head down the hall to my room and shut the door. I strip down to nothing and quickly run through the shower, letting the hot water pelt my muscles to help release tension. I get out and towel off as memories of Ivie assail me. Memories from this very room. Memories from years ago, memories from tonight and seeing her broken.
I throw on some boxer briefs and pick up my wallet from my pants on the floor. I pull out the old black and white picture of her. What am I going to do? I’ve risked my heart with her twice already. Can I do it again? Can I trust her? Will she trust me? I want to. I want her, and the baby.
I put the picture back in my wallet and get in the bed. Then I think about our baby. A baby. I’m going to be a dad. I close my eyes, and all I see is Ivie’s face.
A few days pass as we all finish putting the pieces of the puzzle together and tie up the case in a neat little bow. Lynn will most likely be charged with criminal conspiracy at the very least, maybe more. Jade died from the gunshot wound, but if she hadn’t, she would have been charged with attempted murder for Dean and Ivie’s attacks, not to mention stalking, harassment, assault, and countless other charges.
I still haven’t gone back to see Ivie or talked to her. I started to several times, but I couldn’t. Bree has gone to see her every day. Tate has gone to see her, too. They’re both upset with me for not going, but give me updates on Ivie and the baby. I explained it away as me finishing the case, but I know the truth. I’m scared. Scared to let her in again, no matter how much I want to.
Chief Trudeau stops by my desk. “Hey Brigg. How’s Ivie and the baby?”
“They’re okay. I haven’t been to see her, but Tate and Briella have, and they keep me updated.”
He pulls out the chair across from me and takes a seat. “Let me tell you something. Love is a scary thing. I know what you’re doing, and you’re going to screw it all up. Quit shutting her out because you almost lost her.”
“Chief, she was pregnant with my baby years ago, and she lost it. She didn’t tell me. The only reason I know is because of Jade and her crazy stalking. What she was spreading wasn’t lies. With all the deceit surrounding what we all thought was the truth, most of what Jade shared involved no deception. It was the truth. I was too open with Ivie too fast. Now she’s pregnant again, and she ran just like before. Granted, Jade orchestrated some things to look like something they weren’t, but I just don’t know if the trust is there. Instead of communicating about it, we both assumed the worst. This is just a tangled mess. As you well know, I’ve always been a fool for her. I just need some time to get my head on right and figure out the next move.”
“Hard to put on the brakes when you’re with the person you’re meant to be with. Not to mention, you’ll have a child with her. No denying that truth. You love that girl, Brigg. Anyone can see that.”
“I do, with everything I am. But is that enough? Will that keep both of us from getting hurt again?”
“Brigg, if we don’t risk our hearts for love, then what do we do it for? Life isn’t meant to be lived with your heart in a box. It’s meant to be lived with the ones you love. Nobody is promising you no pain in love. What I can promise you is that the pain is worth the kind of love you have at your fingertips. I hope you see that before it’s too late. You deserve to be happy, so does she. So does the baby that you’re having.”
I just sit in silence. He stands and drums his knuckles on my desk. “Take a little
time off, Sterling. Get things right with Ivie. Fight for her, for your new family.” He says, then tosses over his shoulder, “And that’s an order, not a suggestion.”
I leave the PD to head home for the evening. Part of me wants to run to her now, but the other part is still licking my wounds. I pull up and see Lucy sitting on my front porch, alone. She’s wearing an oversized teal sweatshirt and skinny jeans. Tate must still be finishing up with the ranch for the evening, and Bree has been finishing finals and then said she was going to see Ivie. Bree has made it clear: she now considers Ivie her sister, whether we work through or problems or not. She’s also ecstatic to be an aunt.
I get out and walk to the porch. Her beautiful features, so much like Ivie’s, are still battered and bruised. It’s hard for me to look at her. She’s not swollen like she was, but the bruises look worse, the way they do when they are healing, that yellow and green color. I can still see the stitches at her hairline, close to her temple.
“Lucy, how are you?” I ask, looking down at her on the steps.
“I’ll be okay, but I’m not here for me. I’m here for my sister. And you.” She tilts her chin up at me.
“Lucy, I appreciate that, but really, I don’t want to talk about this.”
She rises and stands on the second step so she can look me in the eye. “I’m not asking, Sterling. I came here to say something, and you will listen.” She has the same determined gleam in her eye that Ivie gets, chin lifted defiantly. Clearly this is inherited sass.
I cross my arms in a defensive stance. “I’m listening.”
“First of all, thank you for saving us. Second, what are you doing, Sterling? Ivie thinks you don’t love her. That you don’t care. I know neither of those things is true. She’s hurting so bad right now. She’s needed you, and she thinks you’ve given her up. Given them up.”
“Lucy, everyone else has been there. I’ve had to finish the case, and Bree and Tate have been updating me.”
“And you think that’s good enough? Sterling, she’s been so scared in that hospital. She’s afraid of losing the baby, just like before. She was alone for that. And yes, I get that she didn’t tell you or anyone then, but this time you’re here, she’s here, and you know about the baby. Yes, we’ve all been there, but it’s you she wants, you that she needs. She’s convinced herself that she’s lost you, that she doesn’t deserve you.”
“She doesn’t even live here, Lucy. My life is here. Hers is two hours away. Where does that leave us? Long distance?”
Lucy shakes her head and pinches the bridge of her nose before speaking again and letting out an annoyed sound. “You don’t know, do you? You haven’t talked to her at all since everything went down that night.”
My eyebrows slam together. “Know what?”
“She isn’t leaving. She’s taking the job here that Jake offered her. She’s not running anymore. And I’m sorry, but you should understand why she left before. She was trying to protect you; she wasn’t running from you, even though it broke her in the process.”
“I didn’t know,” I say quietly.
“You stay in the dark if you don’t seek out the truth sometimes, Sterling. You should know that with your job and all. Listen, you and Ivie have been given a second chance. A real chance. Grab it and don’t let go. She’s always loved you, and you love her, now go do something about it.”
She steps off my porch and walks toward her car. “Has she been released yet?” I shout after her.
She turns to look at me, dark hair blowing behind her, so much like Ivie’s. “She got to go home yesterday. She’s still at home, and hasn’t left her room except to eat a little.” I lift my chin in thanks and she gives me a brief smile as she turns back around and keeps walking.
Tate walks out of the barn and stops when he sees her. She hesitates for a second but then keeps walking, determination in every step. We both watch as she drives away.
Tate walks up to the porch. “What was that about?” He hitches his thumb in the direction Lucy just left in.
“She needed to say something as Ivie’s sister.” I look at the ground.
“I hope she talked some sense into you, because I know Bree and I have tried without it working.” He knocks on my head, demonstrating that I’m hard-headed.
The corner of my lips tilt up in a smirk as I knock his hand out of the way. “I think she did. I’m just not sure how to apologize for being such a dick the last few days. I never wanted to hurt her. I should’ve swallowed my fears and talked to her. Hindsight is always twenty-twenty.”
Tate laughs. “Yeah, well, if I were you, I’d go see her bearing gifts. Big gifts. What you did is a dick move, even though I somewhat understand. Maybe some flowers, like forget-me-nots, or tulips. Don’t be cliché with roses. Be original. Oh, and chocolate. Don’t most women love chocolate?”
I roll my eyes at him. “Why would I take advice on what to give the woman I love, from you, Mister I don’t date, I only do one-night stands?”
“Don’t hate on me, brother. That’s good solid advice. You know I’m right. Besides, I do some gardening in my spare time, and you’ll be interested to know they both have love meanings behind them. I’m just saying, girls like that stuff.” He lifts his hands as he walks back toward the barn.
“You’re just saying what? That you’re really a big softie and not the badass you try to paint yourself as?”
He chuckles. “I’m full of surprises, aren’t I? Just do it, you can thank me later.”
I yell after him, “This sudden change of heart wouldn’t have anything to do with Lucy McCree now, would it?”
He keeps walking back toward the barn but flips me off in the process, without stopping or looking back.
I shake my head laughing and head into the house to change. Tate and Lucy are right. I need to go talk to her. I just hope I’m not too late.
I sit up on the couch at my parent’s house as my phone rings. I look at the screen and see Jake’s number and I answer on the third ring. “What can I do for you, Jake?” I ask, trying not to sound sarcastic.
“I’m just calling to check in on my newest employee. We still need to finalize all your paperwork. I know you’re still healing, but I thought we could get all this done while you’re down for a few weeks so that when you feel better, you can start, even if it’s from home.”
I roll my eyes, even though I know he’s right and just being logical. I’m very sore and bruised, but I’m able to talk now without too much pain. I’m just taking it easy. Everything is still okay with the baby, and I intend to keep it that way. “If you could come out to my parent’s house sometime over the next few days, that’d be great. It would be nice to try to work from home for a bit, until I heal completely. I’m still moving slow, and I’ll be starting physical therapy for my hip next week.”
“You got it. Whatever you need. I told you I’ve been wanting you on my team for a long time, and I’ll do what it takes to keep you happy. You’re one hell of a writer. I know how skilled and talented you are. I may swing by in the next day or two, but I’ll call first.”
“Okay, that sounds good, Jake. I’ll talk to you soon.” I hang up, feeling a little better having that resolved. It’s been over a week since I told him I was coming to work for him, and then I got shot. I got to come home yesterday, and Mom and Dad have been hovering. Lucy has been here. Bree too. Tate came to see me in the hospital, and so did Dean. But the one person I wanted, the one person I needed more than anyone, didn’t come.
My heart is broken. His absence is confirmation he doesn’t want me. There’re too many things that are screwed up between us. I push back the tears, though my eyes burn at that thought. I just need to accept the way things are and find a way to co-parent with Sterling successfully for the baby.
Bree keeps telling me not to give up. I should give him time. He told me he loved me. I didn’t have to tell him about the baby this time—he overheard Jade in her crazy fit of hate for me.
Lucy
comes in the living room, interrupting my thoughts. She’s holding a bag in her hand. “Hey, I got you and me a couple of burgers from Frank’s Diner, and I stopped to get you chocolate pudding and raspberries, since you like to mix them together.” She smiles as she puts a tray table next to the couch and starts getting the food out.
“You know me too well, Lucy.” I grab her hand and squeeze it. She’s been with me pretty much nonstop, but we still haven’t really talked about us being sisters and why she didn’t tell me. We get our burgers out and eat in silence, and then I try to get up from the couch so I can get us bowls for the pudding and raspberries.
Lucy puts her hand on my shoulder. “Let me. You’re wanting bowls, right?” She stands as I nod, and she goes into the kitchen and pulls out a couple of bowls and spoons and brings them back to the couch. She opens the tub of chocolate pudding and divides it up between the bowls and grabs a handful of raspberries, one for each bowl.
Without looking at her I ask, “Why didn’t you tell me, Lucy? Is this what was bothering you that night when you were here?”
She puts her spoon back in her bowl and sits it on the coffee table in front of us. She turns to look at me. “I have a lot going on right now, Ivie. There’re still some things I need to deal with on my own, but you’re right, this was one of them. I was scared how you’d react. I didn’t want to lose you, because as it turns out, you aren’t just my best friend, you’re my sister. I didn’t know how you’d react to that knowledge. Knowing what your dad did to your mom, I thought you might hate me. I’m a product of that betrayal.” She looks down again as a single tear rolls down her bruised face.
“Lucy, I could never hate you. I wish you would’ve felt like you could come to me with this, but I get it. I may be disappointed that Dad cheated on Mom, but without that one-time occurrence, you wouldn’t be here. I can’t be mad about that. It was meant to happen, because you’re meant to be. I love you. You’re not only my sister, but you’re also my best friend. I’ll always need you in my life. You’re a part of my soul, forever.”
