Work flies by. Despite my lack of sleep, I am full of energy. Chatting with the guests, laughing at their jokes, nothing is too much trouble this morning. Bea smiles at me, a question in her eyes. I just smile back.
Julie is frosty with me but I bluff right over that. We’ve both annoyed each other and I know I need to talk to her but it’s going to have to wait. I have bigger fish to fry. I take orders to her, say thank you, give feedback from guests, even return a plate of bacon twice as it is not crispy enough and then it is too crispy. She rolls her eyes and I can’t help rolling mine too. Then we smile. She sends back the exact same plate of food, having wiped some of the bean sauce and rearranged the fried potatoes, and the gentleman is quite satisfied this time.
I can feel a thawing between us and, after Julie has dished up my scrambled eggs and grilled tomatoes, she sits down next to me, a cup of coffee in each hand. She slides one over to me. “Peace offering,” she suggests.
“Looks like coffee to me.”
“Peace coffee, then.”
“Lovely. Thanks, mate.”
“No problem, mate.”
We sip in silence, then at the same time say, “Sorry.”
Then, “Jinx.”
Then, “I Jinxed first.”
We have to play Rock, Paper Scissors to determine the winner. I lose; my paper to Julie’s scissors. I sit in silence.
“Ha!” she says. “Now you have to listen to me. You can’t speak until I say your full name.”
I pretend to zip my mouth shut.
“That’s better. OK, here goes. I’m sorry, Alice, for being a crap friend.” I open my mouth, to respond but, “No! You’re not allowed to speak. I have been a crap friend to you. I got you to quit your job, and I dragged you down here, and then I abandoned you on nights out and now I’ve abandoned you for Luke.” She takes another sip of her coffee. I look at her. “Ahh,” she sighs, grinning. “I quite like this. But really, Alice, I know I’ve not been great, and I know exactly why you’re worried about me being with Luke. Maybe I shouldn’t have just jumped into it, head-on, but I have, and he needs me. And he makes me feel good. You may now speak.”
I sit in silence.
“OK, you knob… Alice Emily Griffiths.”
“A Jinx is a Jinx, as you well know. OK. Let me answer. Look, I don’t mind being on my own a lot of the time. You know that. I don’t feel exactly abandoned, but I would quite like to see you a bit more, with or without Luke. You know I think he’s great, too. I’m happy to hang out with you both. And you haven’t ‘dragged me’ down here. I am so happy that I’m here. I love it. I don’t want to leave. So you don’t need to worry about that. It’s not like I’m longing to be back selling paper clips and printer cartridges.”
“OK…”
“And yes, I can’t deny I’m worried about you and Luke, a bit. And I also know it’s none of my business. But I don’t want either of you to be hurt – and most of all, believe it or not, it’s you that I’m worried about. You and Gabe were so happy. You were going to marry him, have kids, rent an art studio, open a café. You had plans. I just don’t want you to regret giving all that up.”
Julie looks thoughtful. “He called last night, you know.”
“Who, Gabe? What did he want?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t answer. He’s left a message, I’ll listen to it after work.” Julie checks the clock. “Uh-oh, you’ve got about three minutes now. Best gobble that lot up and transform yourself into Reception Woman. The other thing I haven’t said is that I’m sorry for what I said about Sam, and Geoff. I worry about you, too. I admire your restraint and your self-reliance, but I hope that you don’t miss out on chances of happiness because you’re too scared of losing control. You can have both, you know. Not every bloke is a Geoff.”
“I know,” I say through a hurried mouthful of scrambled egg and toast. “And I can see that it looks quite mad that I am still hung up on the boy I was with when I was eighteen but… well, I’ll tell you later…”
“What?” she asks, “You can’t just say that.”
“No, sorry, got to go,” I laugh meanly and push my plate towards her. “Thanks for breakfast.”
“You’re going to tell me,” she says.
“We’ll see,” I practically skip out of the kitchen, so relieved that Julie and I are on good terms again.
On our way back to the flat, I ask her what she’s doing for the rest of the day.
“I don’t know,” she says, and I can tell she doesn’t really want to answer. “Do you want to do something?”
“I’d love to if you haven’t already got anything planned.”
“Well, Luke said he’d like to do something this afternoon,” she says apologetically, “but I can always cancel him…”
“No, no, that’s fine.” I really don’t want her to feel bad and I need to ask her a favour, which involves Luke.
“… I think he might need some company, though. It’s today that they’re moving May into the hospice.”
“Really, it’s fine, I promise,” I hasten to reply. Now I feel bad. “Actually, Julie, I wondered if you – and Luke – could do something for me.”
“Oh yeah?” she turns her green eyes on me, narrowing them slightly.
“Yeah. I, well, I forgot to tell you I saw Sam the other day.” Julie says nothing so I stumble on, “I kind of… bumped into him… anyway, we had a bit of a chat and I said I’d get him a beer sometime, but I don’t know how to get in touch with him. I don’t know where he lives now and I don’t have his phone number.”
“I wondered how long it would take you to tell me,” Julie laughs.
“What?”
“About Sam! I know you saw him, you idiot. He told Luke.”
“He did?”
“Yes!”
“Have you seen him?”
“No, not yet. I can’t believe it’s taken you this long to mention it, though!”
“Well, you were out…” I say, half-embarrassed, feeling like I’ve been punishing her for being with her boyfriend.
“Yes I was, wasn’t I? And then we fell out. Sorry,” she says sheepishly. “So what was it like? Was it love at second sight?”
I tell her what happened; how I came skidding out of the undergrowth and practically fell at his feet.
“Ha! So he saw you coming down from your little cottage. The place where you first…”
My cheeks grow hot. “Oh my god, you’re right. I can’t believe I hadn’t thought of that before. He must have known where I’d been, that I was…”
“… revisiting your past?” supplies Julie.
I laugh. “Oh, don’t I look like a twat? I was going to ask you to see if Luke will pass on his number. But I don’t think I can face him now! I’m acting like a fifteen-year-old.”
“Don’t be daft. I’m sure he was flattered. He didn’t mention any of that to Luke, I don’t think. Luke didn’t mention it, anyway. He just said that Sam was really happy he’d seen you.”
“Did he?”
“Yes, he did. And so he should be! Listen, Luke’s coming round about half-two. Why don’t you ask him for Sam’s number then?”
“I can’t!”
“Yes, you can. Now you really are acting like a fifteen-year-old. You said you’d buy Sam a beer. You can just text him: ‘what about that beer’, or something like that.”
Can I? I suppose I can. “OK. Thanks, Julie.”
“No worries. Now, let’s stop at the deli, get some olives and cheese, and we can have a nice salad for lunch, out in David’s garden.”
Julie makes lunch while I sit and rest my ankle, soaking up the rays in David’s suntrap. The carefully tended flowers and plants emit a subtle sweetness. I sit on the wooden bench, my legs stretched along it, and I close my eyes for a moment or two. So Sam’s mentioned me to Luke, and if he didn’t want to see me, surely Luke would have said something to Julie. To try and put me off. In an hour or so, I could have Sam’s number, I could be texting him,
we could be arranging a date.
Not a date, I quickly tell myself; a meeting. A catch-up. Two old friends filling each other in on what they’ve been doing for the last ten years.
Who am I kidding?
“Here we go.” The tray Julie puts on the table holds two beautiful salads, a bottle of water, and two glasses. I probably wouldn’t have gone to all the trouble she has to make lunch, but this looks delicious. There are fresh green leaves: rocket, spinach, and some kind of red lettuce; olives and sliced apple and cucumber; salted tomatoes and a sprinkle of cheese, walnuts and chilli. I’m very grateful that she’s such a great chef, and also that she’s a bit more weight-conscious than me as I’d probably have just rustled up a cheese and tomato sandwich and some crisps.
She pours us both a glass of water and raises hers to mine. “Cheers.”
“Cheers,” I agree. “I’m glad we’re friends again.”
“We were never not friends, you idiot.”
“I know.”
“This garden’s lush, isn’t it?” she says, sighing.
“Yeah, I think the only thing that’s missing is a sea view.” The walls around the yard are painted white. It feels very calm and sets off the multi-coloured flowers that David has so carefully cultivated. There is a wooden door, painted midnight-blue, which leads out onto a set of steep steps down to the town.
Above, the house peers down at us, under the bright blue sky. A few sparrows twitter from the gutter, keeping an eye out for crumbs, and a gull I’m pretty sure is the same one as last time I was out here lands on the back wall, strutting along it and pretending not to be looking at our plates.
“Are you enjoying it as much as the first time?” Julie asks.
“What, being here?”
“Yes.”
“I think so. I don’t know. It’s totally different, isn’t it? I suppose I knew all along that it would be. We’re ten years older. We’ve experienced working, and paying rent, and arranging mortgages. Last time, we were just beginning to enjoy our freedom. Coming down here was such an adventure. It’s a different kind of adventure now.”
She nods. “I listened to Gabe’s message when I was making lunch.”
“What did he say?”
“That he’s sorry, that he had been taking me for granted, that he’s missing me. That he wants to come down.”
“Oh.”
“Yes, oh.”
“What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know.”
“Shit.”
“Precisely.”
We discuss Julie’s options and can’t really come up with a good idea. Gabe has no idea about Luke, of course, although Luke knows about him.
“I wonder what he wants,” she says.
“I think that’s obvious. He wants to get back together with you.”
“I know,” she sighs. “It is obvious.”
“And how do you feel about that?”
“I don’t know. I don’t want to think about it. I’m happy here, I’m having fun with Luke, and I really feel like I’m good for him, without wanting to sound big-headed.”
“I’m sure,” I say. “He’s having an awful time and you’ve come along and given him the chance for some happiness. Maybe it’s not possible to take his mind off his mum, but you’re something else to think about. But how do you feel about him?”
“He’s so lovely!” she says. “And he makes me feel great. And he’s pretty hot, and a successful businessman.”
These aren’t necessarily the right answers, I think, at least from Luke’s point of view.
“And what did you feel like when you heard Gabe say those things – that he’s sorry? Could you imagine being back together with him?”
“Oh god, I don’t know,” Julie says. “I just want to enjoy this summer. I feel like coming down here is a holiday – even though I’m working – but a holiday from life, do you know what I mean?”
“Yes, I do. I do, exactly. But the problem is, life is still going on. And Gabe is still in your home, still going to work, so for him he’s still living life as normal – the only difference is you are not there. And Luke is here, dealing with his mum’s illness, and clearly falling for you. And I’m not judging, I promise. I just don’t think that it’s possible to have a holiday from life.”
Julie’s face seems to close in on itself, her long-lashed eyelids downcast, then she looks at me. “I know. You’re right. But I don’t know what to do.”
Then the doorbell goes, and we look at each other.
“That’ll be Luke,” I say.
“I’d better answer it.”
Julie rubs her forehead and gets up.
I hear her move through the house, and greet Luke brightly. “We’re sitting outside,” she says, “in David’s garden. It’s lush, come and see.”
“Hi Alice,” Luke’s large frame seems to fill the doorway, then the yard. I smile at him and he leans over to kiss me on the cheek. “How’s the ankle?”
“Oh, much, much better, thank you. How are you? How’s your mum?”
“She’s OK. Well, obviously she’s not OK. She’s dying.” He speaks matter-of-factly. “But she likes the hospice, and the people there are just amazing. They see it every day, of course, but they manage to make you feel special, cared for, and they try to make sure it feels as much like home as possible. There’s a lady who has her dogs come in to see her every day and I’ve heard they brought somebody’s horse in to say bye to them! It’s lovely, for a place where there’s so much sadness. Mum will be happy there, she says.” He looks away, and I don’t say anything.
Julie touches his arm, “Do you want a cup of tea?”
“If you’re making one.” Luke sits heavily on the chair next to the bench.
“I am.” She smiles. “Alice had something to ask you, didn’t you, Alice?”
I glare at her and Luke looks at me, “Oh yeah?”
As Julie makes herself scarce I say, “Yeah, well the thing is, I saw Sam – well, you know that – the other day.”
“He did mention something about it.”
“OK,” I smile, wishing Luke would be more forthcoming, and make this easier for me. “Well, I said I’d get him a beer, to say thank you for looking after me…”
“Of course.” Luke is smiling at me.
“The thing is, I don’t have his number. Do you think it would be OK if you gave it to me? I mean, don’t worry if you don’t feel comfortable, I know you can’t just go round giving out your friends’ numbers to just anyone.”
“Alice,” Luke says, “it’s fine. Sam actually asked me to give it to you.”
“He did?”
“Yes! He said you could decide then whether you wanted to get in touch or not. I know he’d like to see you again.”
“Oh, right.” Now I don’t know what to say.
“So do you want his number then?” Luke has his phone out, and is scrolling through his contacts.
“Oh, yes, yes of course.” I scrabble in my bag and pull out my phone.
“Sent it to you,” Luke says, and a contact card pings onto my screen.
Sam Branvall.
A shiver of excitement runs through me to see that name on my screen. There is also a message from Casey, by the looks of it.
“Thanks, Luke.”
“No worries.”
“There was something else I wanted to ask,” I say, feeling suddenly brave now that I know Sam does want me to get in touch.
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah, well, it’s a bit weird, really. But David – you know, who owns this place.”
“I know David, yes.”
“Well… he said that the year we met, you know, after the summer and I was at uni and had… lost touch with Sam, he saw him, and Sam knew about the guy I was seeing.”
“Yep, I remember. After the car crash.”
“Yes!” I exclaim. “What happened? I had no idea he’d had an accident.”
“You didn’t know?”
> “No, not till David told me. How could I? I only had Sam’s number, which went dead, and his address here, of course. I tried phoning again and again but I thought he’d changed his number.”
“OK,” Luke says thoughtfully, “well I think probably you ought to speak to Sam about all that.”
At that moment, Julie comes outside, with a pot of tea, a jug of milk and three mugs, on an Alfred Wallis tray. “Sorted?” She looks at me.
“Yep,” I smile, tapping my phone.
“Great. You texted him yet?”
“No! I’ve only just got his number.”
“Well, what are you waiting for? Get on with it, girl.”
I suppose I probably should. Julie pulls her chair next to Luke’s and he puts his arm round her. They are both grinning at me.
“Oh stop it, would you? I’m going inside to do it.”
I walk into David’s kitchen, where I tap in about twelve variations of the same message. In the end I settle on:
I owe you a beer. Are you free tonight? Alice
I think it sounds quite cool; not too cheesy, not too suggestive, but fairly confident. I press ‘send’ and experience anther little shiver of excitement, then head back out to the garden, shoving my phone deep into my pocket. I will sit and drink my cup of tea and I WILL NOT check for a response until afterwards. I remember I have a message from Casey but I think that can wait, too. If I pull my phone out now to read it, Julie and Luke will just think I’m desperate to hear back from Sam. Which, of course, I am.
Chapter Fifteen
The next thirty minutes are some of the longest I’ve ever experienced. I mean, obviously they’re not as they’re exactly the same length as all of the other minutes I’ve lived through. However, they feel longer. OK?
We talk about Luke’s mum, which does take my mind off the Sam situation. The doctors have not said how long she has left but Luke is sure that it can’t be long. He says she is no longer really herself, anyway. But the hospice staff actively encourage visits from him and his dad and sister, and May’s friends, to sit with her, read to her, play music. Luke says that it’s a really peaceful place. I can’t imagine a hospice being anything other than unbearably sad but he says it’s not like that.
A Second Chance Summer Page 11
