CHAPTER NINETEEN
‘You’re going to get yourself killed,’ Quinn fumes at me. She’s spent the last twenty minutes pacing up and down the small space in our room, throwing her arms in the air and muttering to herself. So while it’s not what I want to be hearing, I’m kind of glad she’s at least talking now.
‘Seriously Elle, are you crazy? We have absolutely no idea what happens to the tainted when they’re taken. I won’t have you risking your life!’
I sit and allow her to vent, knowing eventually she has to run out of steam.
‘I mean, Sebastian could already be dead. Do you really want to follow him to the grave?’ I continue to calmly watch her. Anything I might say will only add fuel to her already raging fire.
For the first time since Sebastian was taken I finally have clarity and resolve. I know what I need to do and Quinn will eventually see that.
‘How do you suppose you’ll even get taken? You can’t just walk up to the hospital and tell them you’d like to leave now.’
‘I’m not certain, but what if I can somehow fake the blood test?’ I say.
‘Oh well done. Brilliant plan Elle. That should definitely work.’ Quinn’s tone of voice is completely sarcastic.
‘I didn’t say it was perfect. I just think that’s going to be the best way,’ I respond.
‘What if they do something to you? For all we know the tainted could be tested on. They could be placed somewhere to slowly allow their mutations to take over and kill them. They could actually just kill them! I know you don’t want to hear this, but there’s a possibility Sebastian is already dead, and if you follow him you may end up the same.’
‘That’s a risk I’m willing to take,’ I say, as confidently as I can.
She looks completely unconvinced. ‘What if they send the tainted up to the surface? Ditch them outside, shut the doors behind them and leave them to fend for themselves. You would have no chance of survival. It would be a cold, slow death, completely alone. You would be stupid not to be afraid.’
‘We don’t know what they do,’ I say. ‘But I’m more afraid of the regret I will feel for the rest of my life if I don’t at least try.’
‘You don’t have enough information. We don’t even know what blood type you are—’
‘O positive,’ I mutter. She blatantly ignores this and continues.
‘The thought of you attempting to leave makes me sick to my stomach. I don’t want you to do this.’
‘But…’
‘I can’t support this! It’s crazy. I don’t want you getting hurt.’
She bends down to pick up her bag, slings it over her shoulder and walks to the door.
‘I never thought I’d see the day when I’d have to say this, but I won’t help you. You’re on your own.’
Quinn doesn’t come back for hours. As it gets later I begin to worry I’ve really done it this time. I shouldn’t have told her. I’d been crazy to think she’d support this, let alone that she’d help me do it.
A knock raps on the door and I feel a rush of relief as I get up to answer it. She’s come back.
I’m startled when I open the door to find Adam Scott standing in the doorway. His face is heavy with exhaustion, like he hasn’t slept in years.
‘Hi Elle. How’re you doing?’ His voice is just as weary as his face.
‘Yeah, okay,’ I say. ‘Sorry I ran off the other night. It was just, you know ... a lot.’ He nods in agreement, he obviously understands.
We stand there in awkward silence for a moment. ‘Oh, did you want to come in?’ I ask, opening the door further.
‘No, I’m fine. I just came by to give you something.’ He glances down at the tablet he clutches firmly to his chest.
‘I’m not sure if you know this, but once someone is taken they’re allowed to record a goodbye. They gave this to me the other day.’ He reluctantly passes the tablet over to me. ‘Towards the end of the recording, Sebastian left a goodbye to you,’ he says. ‘It’s about seven minutes in. I’ll leave it here with you, but if you wouldn’t mind returning it when you’re done? It’s all I have left…’
‘Of course,’ I murmur. I don’t really know what else to say. I had no idea. I guess Adam didn’t want to unnecessarily upset me when April was taken and that’s why I never saw hers?
‘Well, that was all.’ He looks down the hallway as though to leave, but then turns back to me. ‘I’m sorry things never ended up the way we’d hoped. It was never the same once you left too—n-not that I blame you!’ He scratches his head as if frustrated and I get the impression his words aren’t coming out how he means them. ‘I just want you to know that if you ever need to talk or just want to visit … my door’s always open.’
I step forward and give him a hug.
‘I’m here for you too Adam,’ I say. The words feel like a lie though, and a lump of guilt develops in the pit of my stomach. If I succeed in what I’m planning I won’t be here for long.
Once Adam has left I take a seat on my bed and stare down at the black screen, almost scared to turn it on. We’d left so much unsaid…
The home screen is empty except for the movie file labelled Sebastian Scott. I double tap the file, hardly able to believe I get to see his face again.
The video file opens and shows Sebastian sitting in a plain grey room. He looks tired and his face is drawn, but he doesn’t look particularly unhappy. He looks up and into the camera, attempting to put on a brave face.
‘Hi Dad,’ he says. The sound of his voice wrenches my gut. ‘Damn! I really didn’t see this one coming,’ he mutters.
I jump forward to the seven-minute mark on the recording. I don’t want to pry. Especially when it’s so obvious how much Adam cherishes this video.
I press play for the second time. Sebastian is in the middle of a sentence. ‘…so you won’t have to worry about me,’ he says. ‘Just know I love you Dad and everything is going to be okay!’
I’ve never seen the softer side of Sebastian and Adam’s relationship. They never really talked much and I’d always assumed it was more of an unspoken bond. It’s nice to see how much he cared.
‘So if you wouldn’t mind passing this along Dad? I’d like to say something to Elle now.’ He sits slightly straighter and the look in his eyes makes my heart pound faster.
‘Hey Elle,’ he begins. ‘Bet you’re really pissed at me right about now. Hell, I’m really pissed at me right about now, so that makes two of us.’ For once he’s wrong, I’m not pissed off at him. I’m pissed off at pretty much anyone but him at this point.
‘I don’t really know where to begin. There are so many things I want to say to you. I guess I’ll just go for the important stuff.’ He laughs before he continues. ‘And I can pretty much say whatever I want because I’m never going to see you again.’ A frown crosses his forehead as he says that. He takes a deep breath and looks up at the camera timidly. He looks like he might be blushing or maybe he’s just nervous, I can’t tell which.
‘I’m … well I’m annoyed I never told you how I feel about you. You’re the best friend I could ever hope for and I’m fairly certain I’m going to regret not being brave enough to come after you at the dance the other night for the rest of my life. However long that may be.’ He mutters the last sentence and then his eyes flick apprehensively off camera before slowly returning back to it.
‘But that isn’t what’s important. What’s important is I want more than anything for you to be happy. I don’t want you to worry about me or to try and come find me. I want you to be safe, just like we always talked about.’
I am physically shaking at this point and I can feel my eyes glistening with unshed tears. More than ever, I can’t believe he’s gone.
‘Well, that’s my time up. Please stay safe Elle.’
The recording stops and the home screen returns. I stare at it blankly, uncertain how to react. I hadn’t expected to see his face or hear his voice again. Now I have, it feels impos
sible to let him go.
I open up the recording and watch it again, then again. I am just in the middle of re-watching for about the fifth time when Quinn comes back into the room. I quickly pause it as she enters.
She walks directly to her bed with her head firmly turned away, as though she intends to ignore me, but she notices the way I clutch the tablet and asks, ‘What have you got there?’
‘A message from Sebastian.’
‘What do you mean?’ She cocks her head and looks curiously at the tablet.
‘They let him record a message when he was taken. His dad just gave it to me.’
‘Really?’ she says, surprised.
‘You didn’t know?’
She shakes her head. ‘No. I’ve never received one… How was it?’
‘Good… Well, okay… Actually it was really confusing,’ I admit. ‘We’d said we’d come for each other if one of us were taken. Then he goes and tells me he doesn’t want me to. Does he really not want me to come after him?’
She walks over to the bed and sits down next to me. ‘Maybe when it came down to it, he didn’t want to risk you getting hurt. Maybe he knows now how dangerous it is? He probably has a point you know. You shouldn’t be risking yourself for him.’
I look at her uncertainly. I’d felt so confident about trying to go after him. How am I supposed to drop that? Could he really not want me to follow?
‘Would you like me to watch it? Get a second opinion?’ Quinn asks.
I clutch the tablet closer to my chest, feeling a sudden protectiveness over its contents. I feel possessive and irrational about it, like a two-year-old being asked to share her favourite toy.
‘Do you want me to watch it?’ she repeats calmly.
‘Yes,’ I say, shaking off my unreasonable attachment and passing over the tablet.
Quinn takes it and watches the entire recording in silence. As she watches her face is a placid mask, no emotions showing her thoughts on what Sebastian says. When it stops she is quiet for several minutes and then she slowly begins talking.
‘Well it sounds like he doesn’t want you risking yourself to come after him,’ she says sadly—she’s probably loving this. ‘Maybe you should reconsider whether following after him is a good idea?’
I look at the blank screen, perplexed. That can’t be right. It just doesn’t make sense. We both agreed we’d come for each other. I know he wouldn’t change his mind. There has to be another explanation.
‘These recordings … why do they do them?’ I ask, as though hoping it will explain Sebastian’s change of heart.
‘So they can say goodbye?’ Quinn shrugs.
I huff out a breath and look away at the far wall. ‘Yeah, they say goodbye, but it’s not just goodbye is it? It’s almost a reassurance they’re going to be okay.’ I put my head in my hands confused. ‘Why would they do that?’ I ask myself.
‘To stop people from coming after them,’ Quinn responds quietly. My head snaps up to look at her.
‘Elle this is a bad idea,’ she says, shaking her head. ‘This isn’t funny anymore—’
‘It was never a joke.’
‘You don’t know what you could be getting yourself into…’
‘Well I think it’s about time I found out.’
Tainted Page 19
