by Sarah Dessen
‘Hi,’ she said when I looked up to find her standing in the half-open doorway. She had on a white eyelet sundress and orange flip-flops, her hair pulled back at her neck, and was holding a pricing gun. ‘Got a minute?’
I nodded, and she glanced back out at the store before taking a step inside, then clearing a stack of catalogs off a nearby chair and sitting down.
She didn’t say anything, and neither did I. All I could hear was a pop song, playing from the sales floor. Something about roller coasters and sweet tangy kisses.
‘So, look,’ she began. ‘About you and Eli.’
This wasn’t a question. Or even a statement. It was a fragment, and this was my justification for not responding. How can there even be a whole answer to a part of something?
‘I know you guys have been hanging out all night, like, every night,’ she continued. ‘And it’s not exactly my business, but…’
‘How?’ I said.
She blinked at me. ‘How is it not my business?’
‘How do you know?’
‘I just do.’
‘What, you’re all-knowing and all-seeing now?’ I asked. ‘Who are you, Big Brother?’
‘This is a small town, Auden. In many ways, minuscule. Word gets around.’ She sighed, looking down at the gun. ‘Look, the thing is, I’ve known Eli a long time. I don’t want to see him get hurt.’
I’d honestly had no idea what she was getting at. None. But when I heard this, I felt like a fool for not having seen it coming. ‘You think I’m going to hurt Eli?’
She shrugged. ‘I don’t know. After what happened with Jake…’
‘That was totally different,’ I said.
‘See, but I don’t know that.’ She sat back, folding her legs. ‘All I have to go on is what I’ve seen. And while the thing with Jake pissed me off because I was jealous, it was also somewhat karmic. He had it coming. Eli doesn’t.’
‘We’re just…’ I trailed off, not sure how much I wanted to explain this. ‘We’re friends.’
‘Maybe so.’ She looked down at the gun again, turning it in her lap. ‘But we both know you’re the reason he showed up at the party the other night. I heard you call him.’
I raised my eyebrows. ‘You are like Big Brother.’
‘I was in the bathroom. The walls are so thin there! I sometimes can’t even pee if anyone’s in the kitchen.’ She waved her hand. ‘Anyway, then there’s the bike thing, and the fact that you threw beans at him and he didn’t completely go ballistic –’
‘It was just a food fight.’
‘You don’t understand, though,’ she said. ‘Eli hasn’t done anything since Abe died. No parties, no hanging out, hardly even any conversation. Definitely no food fights. He’s been under this cloud. And then suddenly you show up, and all that changes. Which is great.’
‘But,’ I said, because there is always a but.
‘But,’ she continued, ‘if you are just jerking his chain and playing around, he might not just bounce back like Jake did. There’s more at stake here, and I just wasn’t sure you knew that. So I wanted to tell you. Because that’s what friends do.’
I considered this as the music outside changed to something slower, more dreamy-sounding. ‘Well,’ I said, ‘I guess he’s lucky he has you. As a friend, I mean.’
‘I wasn’t talking about Eli.’
I looked up at her. ‘What?’
‘We’re friends,’ she said, moving her hand back and forth between us. ‘And friends are honest with each other. Even if the truth hurts. Right?’
I would have agreed with this, but my own truth was that I really didn’t know. All of this was new to me. So instead, I said, ‘You don’t have to worry. Nobody’s getting hurt. We’re just… we’re hanging out. Nothing more.’
She nodded slowly. ‘Okay, then. That’s all I need to know.’
There was a beep from the sales floor, signaling a customer entering. Maggie got to her feet, then stuck her head out the door. ‘Hi,’ she called out. ‘I’ll be right with you!’
‘No worries,’ a voice I recognized replied. ‘Just tell Auden to get her butt out here!’
Maggie turned to look at me. ‘My brother,’ I explained, pushing my chair back.
‘You have a brother?’
‘Come and see for yourself.’
When we got out to the floor, Hollis was standing by a box of half-off swimsuits, examining a purple thong bikini.
‘Not your size,’ I said as I approached. ‘Or color, either.’
‘Too bad,’ he replied. ‘I think it would look boss on me, don’t you?’
‘I think you should stick to trunks,’ I told him.
‘Actually,’ Maggie piped up, ‘in Europe, men often wear a more bikini style. Every summer we have at least one group of German tourists who show up in them.’
‘No way,’ Hollis told her. ‘Over there, you just go to the nude beach. No suit needed, period!’
‘This is Maggie,’ I said to him. ‘Maggie, my brother, Hollis.’
‘You went to a nude beach?’ she asked him. ‘Seriously?’
‘Sure, why not? You know what they say. When in Rome. Or Spain…’ He tossed the thong back into the box. ‘So, Aud, you up for a little very late lunch or super early dinner? Dad says there’s a place with great onion rings I should try.’
‘The Last Chance,’ Maggie told him. ‘End of the boardwalk, on the left. I recommend the tuna melt.’
Hollis sighed. ‘I love a tuna melt. That, you can’t get in Spain. Even if you are naked.’
I glanced back at the office. ‘I actually have a lot of work to do…’
‘Oh, come on! You haven’t seen me in two years.’ Hollis shook his head at Maggie. ‘My sister. She got all the drive in this family, obviously.’
‘Go,’ Maggie said to me. ‘You can just stay later tonight, or something.’
‘Listen to Maggie,’ Hollis said. He said her name casually, like they’d known each other for years. ‘Come on. Let’s go bond.’
Out on the boardwalk, it was that golden time of the afternoon, past the heat of the day but before it began to cool off for evening. Hollis and I fell in behind a group of women with strollers, their wheels clacking across the boards beneath us.
‘So, where’s Laura?’ I asked him. ‘She doesn’t like onion rings?’
‘Loves them,’ he replied, sliding on his sunglasses. ‘But she has work to do. She’s applying for some grant for the spring and has some essays to write for it.’
‘Wow,’ I said. ‘She sounds like the driven one.’
‘No kidding. She’s unstoppable.’
He tipped his head back, looking up as a row of pelicans flew overhead, toward the water, and I watched with him for a moment. Then I said, ‘She seems really nice, Hollis.’
‘She is.’ He smiled at me. ‘She’s not like any of the other girls I’ve dated, huh?’
I wasn’t sure how to answer this. But he was asking, so I said, ‘Not really, no.’
‘You should have heard Mom,’ he said, laughing. ‘For years she’s on me for only dating vapid, mindless drones – her words, of course –’
‘Of course.’
‘– and now I show up with someone smart and amazing, and she totally freaks out. You should have seen her at dinner when Laura was talking about her work. So jealous she was almost sputtering.’
Wow, I thought. Out loud I said, ‘Jealous? You think?’
‘Oh, come on, Aud. You know Mom’s used to being the smartest woman in the room. It’s her thing.’ He reached up, adjusting his sunglasses. ‘She kept pulling me aside, telling me I was making a mistake, that I was too serious about Laura too quickly. Like I’m going to take relationship advice from her, with that grad student lurking outside, sleeping in his car like some kind of stalker.’
‘What?’ I said.
He glanced at me. ‘Oh, you know. She was sleeping with some grad student, he got serious about her and actually wanted something from her, so
she cut him loose, and now he’s hanging around, licking his wounds.’
I had a flash of the guy in the dark-framed glasses, sitting out by the pool with his book. I didn’t even know his name.
‘I felt so bad for the guy,’ Hollis was saying now. ‘Although God knows he should have seen it coming. It’s not like she hasn’t done it before.’
It took me a minute to absorb all this, so I focused on the bike shop, which was coming up ahead. I could see Wallace and Adam on the bench outside, sharing a bag of potato chips. ‘You think she does that a lot?’
‘Oh, God, yes. Since the divorce, anyway.’ He slid his hands in his pockets, then glanced at me. ‘I mean, you knew that, right? You had to.’
‘Sure,’ I said quickly. ‘Absolutely.’
He watched my face for a moment. Then he said, ‘Not that I can say anything, though. Considering I used to be just like her.’
Again, I was speechless. What do you do when you finally hear everything you’ve always thought said aloud? This time, though, I was saved from having to reply, as Adam spotted us. ‘Hey, Auden! Come settle an argument!’
Hollis glanced over at him and Wallace. ‘Friends of yours?’
‘Yeah,’ I said as Adam waved us over. Hollis looked surprised, which I tried not to take personally. ‘Come on.’
When we got over to them, I introduced my brother as Adam hopped off the bench, landing in front of us. ‘Okay,’ he said, holding up his hands. ‘We’re finally on the brink of a new name for the shop.’
‘Which is to say,’ Wallace piped in from behind him, his mouth full of chips, ‘that we’ve narrowed the list of possibilities to ten.’
‘Ten?’ I said.
‘But only five are any good,’ Adam added. ‘So we’re taking an informal poll to see who likes which ones.’
Hollis, always game, looked up at the bare awning. ‘What’s it called now?’
‘The Bike Shop,’ Wallace told him. Hollis raised his eyebrows. ‘It’s temporary.’
‘For the last three years,’ Adam said. ‘So, okay. The list in no particular order, is as follows: Overdrive Bikes, the Chain Gang, Colby Cycles…’
I was distracted temporarily as Eli came out of the shop, pushing a small pink bike with training wheels. He had a helmet in his free hand, and a couple with a little girl in tow were right behind him.
‘… the Crankshaft and Pedal to the Metal Bikes,’ Adam finished. ‘What do you think?’
Hollis thought for a second. ‘The Chain Gang or the Crankshaft,’ he said. ‘Overdrive is boring, Colby Cycles too corporate…’
‘That’s what I said!’ Wallace said, pointing at him.
‘And Pedal to the Metal… I don’t even know what to say about that.’
Adam sighed. ‘Everyone hates it. The only reason it’s still on the list is that it’s my favorite. Auden, what do you think?’
I was still watching Eli, though, as he bent over the pink bike, adjusting one of the pedals. The little girl for whom it was clearly intended, a redhead wearing blue shorts and a T-shirt with a giraffe on it, stood holding her mom’s hand, looking apprehensive.
‘Like I said,’ he was saying, ‘this is a really good starter bike.’
‘She wants to learn,’ her mom was saying, running a hand over her daughter’s head. ‘But she’s kind of nervous.’
‘Nothing to be nervous about.’ Eli stood up, then looked at the girl. ‘The training wheels will keep you up until you get the hang of it. And then one day, you just won’t need them anymore.’
‘How long does it usually take, though?’ the father, who had on a baseball cap and leather sandals, asked. ‘What’s the norm?’
‘Different for everyone,’ Eli told him. ‘When she’s ready, she’ll know.’
‘What do you say, honey?’ the woman asked. ‘Want to try it out?’
The girl nodded slowly, then stepped forward. I watched as Eli held out his hand, helping her onto the bike, then strapped the helmet on her head. She reached for the handlebars, carefully stretching her fingers over them.
‘All right, sweetie,’ her dad said. ‘Just pedal, like you do on your trike.’
The girl put her feet down, tentatively pushing on the pedals, and moved about a half an inch forward. She glanced back at her parents, who smiled at her, then tried again. After another incremental budge, I watched as Eli put his hand on the back of the bike, nudging it forward just slightly. She was still pedaling and didn’t even notice. But when she really began to move, she looked back at him, grinning.
‘Auden?’
I turned my head to see Adam looking at me, his face expectant. ‘Um,’ I said, ‘I don’t really like any of them that much. To be honest.’
His face fell. ‘Not even the Crankshaft?’
I shook my head. ‘Not really.’
‘I told you they all sucked,’ Wallace said.
‘He liked two of them!’ Adam shot back.
‘Not that much,’ Hollis said.
Adam sighed, flopping back down on the bench, and I waved good-bye as Hollis and I started walking again toward the Last Chance. After a few steps, though, I looked back at that little girl again. After that initial push, she’d gotten going for real, and now had passed two storefronts and was almost at Clementine’s. Her mom was trailing behind her, close but not too close, as she slowly made her way, all on her own.
The Last Chance was empty for once, and we got a booth right by the window without having to wait. As Hollis perused the menu, I looked out on to the boardwalk, watching the people walk by.
‘So, Aud,’ he said after a moment. ‘I gotta say, I’m really happy you did this.’
I looked over at him. ‘Did what?’
‘This,’ he said, gesturing around the restaurant. ‘Coming here for the summer, hanging out, making friends. I was worried you’d spend this summer like all the others.’
‘Like all the others,’ I repeated.
‘You know.’ He picked up his water, taking a sip. ‘Hanging out at the house with Mom, refilling wineglasses at her little superior get-togethers, studying for classes that haven’t even started yet.’
I felt myself stiffen. ‘I never refilled wineglasses.’
‘You get the idea.’ He smiled at me, clearly unaware that he might have offended me. Or at least hurt my feelings. ‘My point is, you’re different here.’
‘Hollis, I’ve only been here for a month.’
‘A lot can happen in a month,’ he replied. ‘Shoot, in two weeks I met my future wife, changed my entire life’s trajectory, and bought my first tie.’
‘You bought a tie?’ I asked. Because honestly, this was almost the most shocking part.
‘Yup.’ He laughed. ‘Seriously, though. Seeing you here, with your friends… it just really makes me happy.’
‘Hollis,’ I said. Now I was uncomfortable again, but for different reasons. My family was a lot of things – and changing daily, or so it seemed – but sentimental was not one of them. ‘Come on.’
‘I’m serious!’ He looked down at his menu again, then up at me. ‘Look, Aud. I know the divorce was hard for you. And living with Mom afterward had to be even harder. She’s not exactly kid-friendly.’
‘I wasn’t a kid,’ I told him. ‘I was sixteen.’
‘You’re always a kid around your parents,’ he replied. ‘Unless they’re acting like children. Then you don’t get the chance. You know what I’m saying?’
I realized, suddenly, that I did. Just about the same time that it hit me why my brother had stayed gone for so long, careful to keep an ocean and a telephone line between us and him. It was the reverse of most families: to be a kid, you had to leave home. It was returning that made you grow up, once and for all.
Just as I thought this, Adam and Wallace whizzed by on a pair of bikes, zigzagging through the pedestrians. Hollis said, ‘Speaking of which, it’s not too late.’
‘Too late for what?’
‘To learn to ride a bike.’ He nod
ded back at the shop. ‘I bet your friends could teach you.’
‘I can ride a bike,’ I said.
‘Yeah? When did you learn?’
I just looked at him. ‘When I was six,’ I said. ‘In the driveway.’
He thought for a moment. ‘You sure about that?’
‘Of course I am.’
‘Because all I remember,’ he said, ‘is you getting a bike, falling off it right away, and then it sitting in the garage and slowly rusting until Dad gave it away.’
‘That,’ I said, ‘is not what happened. I rode all over the driveway.’
‘Did you?’ He squinted, thinking hard. ‘Well, you’re probably right. God knows I’ve killed a few brain cells in the last few years.’
This was the truth: between the two of us, there was no question whose memory was more reliable. And wouldn’t I know my own history better than anyone else? Still, even as we ordered, I couldn’t stop thinking about what he’d said. He was going on about Laura, and Europe, but I was only half listening as I thought back, back, to that day in the driveway. It was all so clear: climbing on, pushing down on the pedals, rolling forward, it had to be true. Didn’t it?
Chapter
TWELVE
‘So the word on the street,’ my mother said in her formal, cool way, ‘is that you’ve changed.’
I took my toothbrush out of my mouth, already wary. ‘Changed?’
These days, she always called around five, when I was waking up and she was ending her workday. I wanted to believe it was because she missed me, or had realized how important our connection really was to her. But I knew that really, she just needed someone to vent to about Hollis, who was back under her roof, still madly in love with Laura, and completely on her nerves.
‘For the better, if that’s what you’re asking,’ she said now, although her tone suggested she was not entirely convinced. ‘I believe the exact word your brother used was blossomed.’
I looked at myself in the mirror: my hair was uncombed, I had toothpaste on my lips and was still wearing the scoop-necked tee I’d had on last night at the bowling alley, which reeked of smoke. Not exactly flowery. ‘Well,’ I said, ‘that’s nice, I guess.’
