“Okay.”
“Good night, Maddie. Get some sleep.”
“I will.” I hung up.
She helped to calm me down a little bit, but it was easy to get worked up again. All I had to think about were the twins sleeping peacefully in the room nearby and the idea that they’d no longer be in that room if things went badly.
It made it so hard that I couldn’t go into their room and snuggle with them. I really needed it, but I’d promised Dr. Adam, and promises were important to me.
“It’s okay. I’m okay. They’re okay. They’re okay. They’re okay.”
I kept going like that, throwing in a yawn between the ranting. Growing frustrated with myself, hating that I needed that reassurance, I flicked off the lights and forced myself into my bed. It felt like I’d put myself in timeout.
My chest ached. My lungs burned. My heart beat too hard. Breathing became difficult. I was at the start of a panic attack. I needed to be with them. What if they stopped breathing? What if they had a nightmare? What if they really weren’t in that room and they were already taken away? I needed to be there.
But I needed to leave them alone.
I snuggled into my blanket and wrapped my body around one of the big body pillows. Burying my head underneath the pillow, I hoped morning would come faster.
Chapter Five
The lawyer’s firm was in Newton, in a similar house as my therapist’s office. I managed to find parking on the street. Burrowing myself into my coat, I made a mad dash for the front door. On the porch, I paused and stared at the Halloween decorations.
I blinked, my mind trying to connect dots that hadn’t been there before. It took a moment before realization dawned on me, and I felt like a complete idiot.
Oh shoot. End of October. Halloween.
I pulled out my phone and glanced at the date. One week. One more week until Halloween, and the boys hadn’t even said anything. Normally, we’d have had their costumes already picked out and had been planning where we were going to go. After pulling up my calendar app, I looked at what was coming up.
The boys were going to have their first karate lesson on Friday after school, then dinner with Olivia. But other than that, the weekend was free. I could take them around to some Halloween shops, make a whole day out of it. We needed a Fun Day. I put in a reminder to get their costumes and then headed inside, my nerves threatening to go into a full-blown panic attack.
Inside was set up with warm colors and a lot of wood. Wooden floorboards, huge wooden desks. Even the furniture in the waiting room had wood incorporated into it. The design made the place cozy. I almost felt like I’d walked into a cabin rather than a house. Right at the entrance sat an older woman, reaching retirement age. She had peppered gray and white hair, the lines in her soft, round face telling the story of her long happy life.
She turned that smile to me when I stopped in front of her. Seeing it, I couldn’t help but grin back with a silly one.
“Hello, honey. How may I help you?”
“Hi.” I reached down and played with my dress as nerves danced in my stomach. “I’m here to meet a Mr. Koen Weiss.”
“Oh, are you Madison Daniels?”
“Please, Maddie,” I corrected. “But yes, I am.”
“He’ll be right out.” She looked me over slowly, taking in my coat and the skirt poofing out from it. She couldn’t see since the dress was too long, but I had black combat boots underneath. I loved walking around in them. They made me feel powerful. After yesterday, I needed all the strength I could gather.
“Would you like a cookie?”
My mood instantly brightened. “You have some?” I practically jumped closer to her desk and peeked around.
She laughed and opened a drawer, pulling out a Tupperware. When she opened it and held it out, I was practically salivating.
“Are those macadamia nut cookies?”
“They are. Go ahead, take one.”
“Don’t have to ask me twice,” I said and carefully grabbed a cookie. They looked so fluffy and delicious. “Thank you very much,” I said, barely remembering my manners.
She chuckled.
When I took a bite and moaned, she smiled proudly. “Good, right?”
I nodded, my neck aching from the enthusiastic movement.
“I tried something new to help keep them from drying out. I’m glad it worked.”
She talked animatedly about her baking, and while I wasn’t a baker, or much of a cook in general, I liked eating food. So I listened, asked questions, and she got more excited to talk about something she loved doing.
“Is this why my client hasn’t come in yet?” a smooth voice asked.
“Oh, sorry.” The woman laughed, looking behind me. “I hadn’t been able to talk like this about my baking in so long that time got away from me.”
I straightened from leaning toward her and turned.
I nearly drooled as his sharp honey brown eyes focused on me. He was clean shaven, but he offset his seriousness with his hair that was a blend of dyed blond and brown hair. His dark blue suit covered his wide shoulders and slimmed down his lean frame. Koen Weiss was a man deserving a second glance. And a third. Definitely a fourth.
“H-hi,” I stuttered, holding out my hand, my awkwardness coming out to play.
He smiled kindly, his eyes quickly taking me in.
“Hello.” His large hand wrapped around mine as we shook, and when he let go, I missed his touch. It was gentle, none of that squeezing machoness that people tended to do with a handshake. He wasn’t out to prove that he was a badass by breaking bones in hands. Was it because he already knew he was? He looked like he knew how to kick ass. And his name, Koen Weiss—definitely a badass name, perfect for a badass lawyer. Dayton made a good choice. I should give him a hug when I saw him again. Mr. Weiss broke me from my thoughts when he said, “Let’s talk in my office and see what we can do for you. Today is more for formalities, and if you decide you want me to represent you, doors will open for me, and I’ll be able to make some inquiries for you.”
“Sounds great.”
His smile widened as he rested his hand on my lower back and applied just enough pressure to let me know that he wanted me to go ahead of him.
An office told a lot about a person, about their personalities and preferences. One look at the office, and I knew two things instantly: one, he was practical, and two, he was OCD.
He was a minimalist, not holding on to much. He didn’t have anything in the office but what he needed to function. A large desk with a computer, a bookshelf with big tomes threatening to break the shelves, and no clutter. Everything had a place in his space. I was tempted to go around and move stuff. Maybe tilt his degree hanging on the wall or mess up his piles of papers. Would he notice if I rearranged his books?
“Please, have a seat.” He went over to the seating area of his office, claiming the chair as his while leaving me the sofa. I sat across from him and almost giggled when the sofa sunk in. It was so comfortable with a little oomph to it.
I jumped a couple of times, enjoying the way I bounced. When I realized what I was doing, I froze and slowly met Koen’s eyes, my cheeks burning with embarrassment. Did I really just act like a three-year-old? Koen surprised me though. I had been expecting to see disgust or scorn or at least that disappointed frown that had often graced my father’s lips in Koen’s expression hen he looked at me. Instead, his eyes were wide, one brow slightly raised and there was a small, nearly impossible to see upturn of his lip. Amused. He was amused.
“Sorry,” I said.
“Well, as long as you’re enjoying yourself.” Humor tinged his response, and I grinned back. He cleared his throat and leaned back. “How about you fill me in on what’s going on and we can go over your options?”
I nodded and went into the story of my life. Talking to a lawyer was almost like talking to Dr. Adam. He listened, asked questions, but overall let me ramble on about my life and issues. The only difference was
that while I normally jumped from topic to topic when I talked to Dr. Adam, with Koen, I kept it to the relevant circumstances. Not that that stopped me. I had a lot to say about my stepmother and the whole situation. I tried to hide my fear and bitterness, but I failed.
While talking, I had taken off my coat, and so my hands were squeezing the soft fabric hard. When I finished, my mouth clanked shut a little too hard, and I winced. Koen leaned forward and rested his hand on top of mine. I froze at the simple touch and blinked wide eyes at him. Then I dragged my gaze down his arm to his large hand over mine. It was a soft touch, one of support. It said so much, but it was a simple move to show he was there for me.
He had my back, it said.
The knot of fear that had been gnawing at me since that stupid phone call with that stupid lawyer loosened.
Koen was a good listener, taking in my history with my so-called parents. He asked questions, verified points, but for the most part, he listened, and that was bonus points in my book. I liked him for that alone. When I talked about some of my history, he didn’t judge; he never looked at me with pity or disgust or disappointment. He made me feel like we had a winning chance.
My throat was dry, my tongue sore from talking. It was never sore from talking so much. Koen wrote down his notes.
“I know the lawyer you’re talking about. I’ve gone up against him a few times in court.”
“Oh?” I asked, leaning forward. “And the results?”
Koen’s lip twisted up into a smile. “If one of us were to keep score, it’d be seven to four.”
“You’re the seven?”
He nodded. “I’m the seven.”
He was more of a ten, but I wasn’t going to correct him on that. Then again, I was thinking along the lines of a different scale.
“Do you believe we have a chance?” I asked.
“There are two big questions that are asked in cases like these.” Koen held one finger. “Do you have a suitable living arrangement?” He held up a second. “Are you able to provide the emotional support the twins need? We have to prepare the arguments around that. From what you told me of your family and what I know from having to work in that group of people, your mother will do what she can to tear you down and make you look inadequate.”
Koen leaned forward, honey-brown eyes penetrating. His face was blank, and I swallowed, feeling something big was about to be asked. The way his gaze looked into me, my spine straightened, wanting to make sure he saw me as me.
“Miss Madison Daniels, do you feel adequate?”
I blinked at his question, my mouth popping open. I never expected that question. He waited for my response, his patience showing no bounds. His expression gave nothing away. He was waiting for something from me, and I wished I knew the right answer. Did I feel adequate? No, never. But it seemed wrong to answer like that.
I took in a deep breath, my chest rising up and then deflating as I blew out a breath, steeling my resolve. “I’m good enough,” I responded with steel in my voice. “I helped raise those boys, and I refuse to let anyone take them away from me. They’re mine and my world revolves around them. Do I mess up? Yes. But I learn. I’ve always been a good learner, and like any mother, I’m willing to grow with them.”
He smirked and leaned back. “Good answer. You see yourself as their mother. That’s all I wanted to know. I’m willing to represent you, if you’ll have me. Since you were referred to by Dayton, you’re eligible for a discount of my rates.” He slid a paper toward me.
I barely spared them a glance, not caring how much it would cost to have a kickass lawyer. My kids were worth the price.
“Yes, please represent me.”
His smile widened. “My receptionist, Denise, has all the paperwork you’ll need to fill out. Please take your time reading through, and after you fill it out, you can fax it back to us.”
“Thank you,” I replied.
“Once you send in the forms, we’ll set up another time to meet. For now, think about people you would want as witnesses.”
I frowned. “Witnesses for what?”
“They’d be character witnesses, people who can vouch for your personality, who you are, what you do, and how you interact with the twins. You need to think hard and choose carefully. They’re there to act as your backup, and the other side is going to come in strong and try to pick apart what they have to say. Usually, we only require a letter from them, but if this goes to court, it’d be great if they can be present.”
“Okay, I can do that.”
“We’ll do everything we can to keep the twins with you. But you’ll need to be ready for a fight. Olivia Hansen is not a woman who makes anything easy, and she’s going to come at us with everything she can.”
I grinned big. “Then we have to toss everything she sends our way back at her. She doesn’t get to pretend to suddenly be a caring and concerned grandmother. I’m not going to let her. Even if she’s attempting to be a part of their life now.”
“What do you mean?”
“She called before I knew about the custody thing. She asked to have dinner with the twins.” I frowned and looked down at my hands. “I guess I know why now.”
“She’s trying to build a relationship with them, potentially get them on her side. And you can’t exactly say no because then she’ll use that against you, saying you’re keeping them from her.”
“Exactly. But she can try all she wants. They don’t know her, and Mandy taught them well. They’ll meet her, get to know her, but I won’t let her run the show and do what she wants.”
He nodded. “Good. Keep those thoughts. Hold them close. And remember, you are a mom. You may not feel like it, but you are. From what you told me, and because Dayton referred me, it tells me everything I need to know. He wouldn’t have stepped up if you didn’t care about the twins. He saw that, and I trust his sense of your character. You need to remember that.”
If I’d known him better, I would have hugged him. Instead, I flashed him my biggest smile, the relief flooding me. I felt like I had a chance.
Denise gave me the paperwork I needed, explaining everything, and even gave me another cookie before I left. When I stepped outside into the cold, I took in a deep breath, my lungs clearing, and for the first time since that lawyer called me, I could draw in a full breath. Something was happening now instead of just a threat hovering over me.
I was almost back to my apartment when my phone rang. After glancing at the screen and seeing the familiar name, I moaned. The evil stepmother. As it rang again, I contemplated what would happen if I ignored her phone call. She’d try to find some way to twist it around as an attack against her. If I were to attack her, I’d be more upfront about it instead of just ignoring a stupid phone call.
Sighing, I answered, the Bluetooth on so her voice came through the speaker. If I didn’t answer now, she’d make a trip here, and I did not want her in Boston. She currently lived in New York—the city—so it’d be a short trip for her to get here.
“So nice of you to finally answer,” Olivia’s voice filtered through. Her voice reflected her high standing in society with the uppity tone that always made me feel small when she talked.
“You act like you call often and I never pick up,” I replied.
“Don’t get mad at me just because I want to check in on my grandchildren.”
“It’s morning on a weekday,” I said. “They’re in school.”
“So, I’m sure you know how they’re doing. You do know, don’t you?”
I scoffed. “Are you serious right now?” I asked and blew out a breath. “You know what, I’m not doing this, Olivia.”
“Doing what?” She had the gall to sound confused.
“You called me asking to have dinner with the twins. You knew. You knew exactly what was going on. You made me think you actually cared about the boys, that you truly wanted to get to know them. Not take them away from me.”
“Don’t speak to me like that, Madison. I do want to ge
t to know them.”
“No. You don’t. You just can’t go in front of a judge and ask to care for children you’ve never met before. That’d be embarrassing and a huge strike against you. I’m not going to play this game with you, Olivia. You’ll have your dinner but nothing else after that. Not until I know you’re approaching these kids with the right intentions. I don’t want them getting their hopes up, to get to want to know you, but then have you disappear on them. They can’t handle that right now. I just finished talking with my lawyer. Anything related to the custody case will have to go through him. You get to meet them, talk to them, get to know them, but you are not allowed to even hint at the custody case. Do I make myself clear?”
She was quiet for a moment. “You have a lawyer?” She laughed as if the idea of me having a lawyer to fight against her was ridiculous.
“I do,” I said through my clenched teeth. Of course that’d be the only thing she’d focus on. She was obnoxious enough to not believe in my threat. “You don’t get those kids. Mandy didn’t want them with you for a reason, and I’m going to fight like hell to keep them with me. They are mine. They deserve the world and I’m going to give them it.”
“And you think I can’t provide more for them than you?” she asked in a cold voice. “They are my grandchildren. I have every right to them. They are my daughter’s children. You can’t even take care of yourself. What are you supposed to do with two children?”
“Love them,” I snapped back. “I can give them the love that they need right now. The support. The patience. I’ll see you Friday.” Before she could reply, I reached over and hit the button to hang up on her. As I drove, I enjoyed the feeling of triumph in standing up for myself against that woman. When was the last time I’d stood up against my stepmother? My whole life had always been stepping around on pins and needles. She did whatever she could to belittle me and make me feel disposable. In her eyes, I challenged her by merely existing.
No more, though. I was going to stand up for myself and for those kids. They deserved no less. Mandy had left them with me for a reason. I needed to remember that. To her, I was enough for them, and I wanted to make not only her proud, but Lawson and Lee too.
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