by Sirloin Furr
The innards of the hot sauce warehouse were meticulously structured, exhausting the most efficient efforts of production ever produced in the entire history of recorded production. Mad Ted’s Uckin Hot Auce had become an Awful, Ohio icon, proudly presenting itself in every diner, restaurant, and pub in the nation. All of this success garnered attraction and attention. It was a direct result of the unprecedented efficiency that the workers were designed to orchestrate, filtered through the visions of Mad Ted.
Upon the first entrance into the warehouse, workers can be viewed filing in and out of multiple sectors, carrying packages, materials, and pieces of equipment that were necessary to ship and manufacture thousands upon thousands of bottles of hot sauce. There were three divisions in the bottom floor of the warehouse: the brewing division, the packaging division, and the shipping division. Hot sauce would be cooked in the brewing section. Once flawlessly brewed according to Mad Ted’s unknown recipe, it was then transferred to the packaging division where it was then packaged. And once packaged, it was then loaded into the shipping division, where it was shipped out from the docks, and off in the direction of its next destinations.
The workers of the warehouse were dressed in hair nets, jump suits, safety glasses, galoshes, and snorkels. Snorkels were not always mandatory in the dress code until the Disaster of ‘99 occurred in the spring of 1999. There was a severe change in temperature that day, causing the 100,000 gallon drums to crack. Mad Ted’s Uckin’ Hot Auce had flooded the entire floor of the warehouse. The flood was twenty feet high. Workers were unable to swim to the surface because of how thick and tasty the sauce was. Inevitably, those with a craving for spice wouldn’t allow themselves to leave the depth of the tasty oasis. Fourteen members of the workforce died that day. Mad Ted took responsibility for the displeasing occurrence, sponsoring all of their funerals, engraving each headstone with “and here lies (name of the deceased) brought to you buy Mad Ted’s Uckin Hot Auce.”
