Why couldn’t she remember? Chris curled her hands into fists and hit her own head, digging her knuckles into her temples, but Tom grabbed her wrists and held them in a firm grip. “Please don’t do that.”
“What did the doctor say?”
“That with time and patience you’d get better.” Tom smiled reassuringly. “And you have.” He let go of her wrists and waited. Seemingly satisfied that she wasn’t going to hurt herself again, he shuffled to the cupboard next to the sink and opened it. “Baked beans or chickpeas?”
Chris’ stomach grumbled, and she laid her hand on it. The cacophony in her mind had died down again, and she wondered what it would take to make the voices go away for good.
“Beans,” she mumbled, because she had to eat something, and her belly was rumbling again, louder this time.
Tom opened the tin and held it over some tea lights with his gloved hand. The smell of baked beans filled the air, and Chris drew in a deep breath. It was a comforting scent, one that reminded her of Lester. Beans on toast had been his favourite breakfast, one that she’d prepared for him almost every Sunday morning.
Chris sat up and Tom fluffed up her pillows before handing her a bowl of warm beans and a spoon.
“Thank you, but I don’t mind eating them straight out of the tin next time.”
He smiled, walked back to the sofa and let himself fall into the cushions. Smoothing his hair down, he grabbed his book and opened it.
Chris ate slowly, savouring each bite. She watched Tom read, pride filling her chest at the sight.
She’d protected him, had killed for him and lost herself along the way.
She’d made mistakes, but she was human. All humans made mistakes.
Tom sat with his legs crossed, one hand holding the book, the other absentmindedly rubbing his temple.
He’d stuck with her, hadn’t abandoned her. He’d probably wanted to, but he was her son, and he still hoped she would get better.
And she would, and then she’d gradually regain his trust.
All was not lost.
3
The fire crackled and spat as they sat around it in Bob and Sue’s garden eating warm, crusty bread with Rachel’s apple jam.
“If we had a cow, we could learn how to make butter,” Sue said thoughtfully around a mouthful of bread. She was stewing rabbit meat in two large casserole dishes for later that evening. “Don’t tell Bob, but I’m sick of eating rabbit.”
Rachel raised an eyebrow. “Butter isn’t going to help with that.”
“I know.” Sue sighed. “It’s just—” She made a vague gesture in the direction of her vegetable garden before taking another bite of her still steaming bread. “Bread, cabbage and potatoes…”
Anna didn’t mind the repetition as much, and she loved the scent of freshly baked bread. Inhaling deeply, she closed her eyes and smiled, savouring each bite.
“What are we going to do about Pyro Neil?” Rose asked.
“We need to know if he’s a threat,” Graham said. “Someone needs to confront him.”
Anna heard Sarah curse under her breath. Her sister didn’t like confrontation, preferred not to deal with problems at all if possible.
A long silence followed and Anna opened her eyes. Graham had placed his hand on Rose’s knee. He scratched his smooth chin with his other hand and shrugged. “You know I’m right.”
“Is it possible that Neil was afraid? That he thought the men were there to take his food?” Anna asked, thinking of Luke’s words.
Sue balanced her slice of bread on her knee and put on her oven mitts. She lifted one of the casserole lids and inspected the stewing rabbit meat with narrowed eyes. “I don’t mind talking to him.”
“What if he tries to hurt you?” Rachel asked.
Before Sue could reply, the gate creaked open, and Bob entered the garden. Sue lowered the lid and welcomed her husband with a relieved smile. Oreo trotted over and sniffed Bob’s legs as if making sure he wasn’t a stranger.
Bob gave them a wave before latching the gate. He approached the fire, opened his backpack and showed the contents to Sue. “That’s enough meat for the next week.” A satisfied smile played on his lips. “But I swear those creatures are learning to evade my traps. It might be time for me to change my route.”
“Just be careful,” Rachel said. “My sister is worried about you enough as it is.”
Bob kissed the top of Sue’s head and grinned. “That’s not necessary.” He patted the gun holstered at his hip. “I’m always careful.”
Sue looked up at him and grimaced. “You stink.”
“I love you, too.” He rolled his eyes. “Is the bucket upstairs full?”
Sue nodded. “The soap is—”
“Drying on the windowsill. Yes, I know.” He leaned towards her to give her another kiss, but she gently pushed him away.
“Go wash yourself first.”
“Have I told you lately how glad I am that you’re with me during the apocalypse? Always so supportive.”
Anna hid a grin behind her hand. Bob handed Sue his backpack, shuffled to the patio and took off his shoes before entering the house.
When Anna turned her attention back to the fire, Sarah had already pulled out her notebook, pen at the ready. “I have a few changes for tomorrow’s schedule. Graham is supposed to…”
Anna blocked out the conversation around her and instead turned her head to look for Luke who was still sitting on the lookout platform. He was chewing on his bread, but Anna noticed that the corners of his lips twitched in amusement as their eyes met.
Your sister’s rigid schedule is a nightmare. She reminds me of an old English teacher I used to have, he’d said. Anna knew those words would have hurt Sarah, but Luke’s teasing tone had been affectionate.
Sarah and Anna had joined the group not long after the EMP. People had still been hoping the lights would come back on. Luke—along with everyone else—was glad they had someone as organised as Sarah, someone who kept track of what jobs needed doing. The settlement wouldn’t run as smoothly without her.
Or at all.
They all brought something to the group, and they all worked hard to do their bit. Even her dog. Oreo was lying at her feet again, his paws stretching towards the sky. Anna leaned forward and scratched his belly.
“About Pyro Neil,” Anna said, which earned her a scowl from Sarah who had obviously still been talking. “Sorry.” Anna bit her lip and gestured for her sister to continue.
Sarah turned her attention back to Sue. “I’d feel more comfortable if Graham came with me.”
Anna tilted her head and frowned, trying to catch up with the conversation.
Sue shrugged. “I don’t mind taking the afternoon watch, but shouldn’t Bob stay home if you two go off foraging? We only have two guns.”
Sarah threw Graham a look. “Do we need a gun? I wasn’t planning on going far, but the blackberries are ripe, and perhaps we can find some chestnuts.”
“I don’t think we need one.”
Rose grabbed his hand and squeezed it. “Are you sure?”
Graham nodded.
“Great. That’s sorted then. Sue takes Graham’s watch tomorrow, and he comes with me. Does everyone else know what they’re doing?” Sarah waited for everyone to nod, then nudged Anna. “What were you going to say about Pyro Neil?”
All heads turned to look at Anna, and she felt herself blushing in response. “We still haven’t decided what to do about him. I’d like to go with Sue. I’ve dealt with angry people on the phone for years as part of my job.”
Sue turned the two casserole dishes to expose the other side to the fire, lifted a lid and poked the meat with a fork. “Sounds like a plan. Now, what are we aiming for? Are we just asking him to leave us alone? Or are we inviting him?”
Graham scowled. “We don’t need any more mouths to feed.”
Sarah nodded. “I don’t like the idea of a stranger joining us.”
“Bob will never reject an
yone looking for a safe place to stay.” Sue closed the lid on the rabbit stew again and took off her oven mitts. She turned to Rachel. “Will you watch our backs from Graham’s garden? Take the gun.”
Rachel opened her mouth as if to say something, then closed it again. She turned to Graham and Rose, clearly looking for help.
“I’m worried he might be a threat,” Rose said softly.
“And you’d never spoken to either of them before…before the EMP?” Anna asked.
Graham shook his head. “I saw his wife sometimes, taking in the shopping from her car or rolling out the bins. He left early every morning, dressed in a suit. She ate alone most nights.”
Rose smoothed her hair down. She reminded Anna of a grey mouse: meek, with curious, alert eyes. Anna hadn’t spoken to her much. She was Graham’s shadow. Wherever he went, she followed. “I approached her once and offered my help, but she declined. She seemed almost afraid, her eyes constantly darting to the house as if she was afraid that he would see us talking.”
“If he’s happy to leave us alone, I don’t mind leaving him alone,” Sarah said.
Rachel narrowed her eyes, but before she could say anything Luke’s voice came from behind them. “As Anna so rightly pointed out to me this morning: that man committed arson. How can we ever be sure that he’s going to leave us alone?”
“We can’t,” Anna said. “And that’s why we need to talk to him.”
Sarah reached down and scratched behind Oreo’s ear. “You should take the dog in case Neil threatens you. Isn’t this exactly what we trained him for?”
“I will.” Anna took the last bite of her bread before brushing the crumbs off her trousers.
An hour later, Sue and Anna stood in front of Neil’s door, exchanging hesitant glances. They’d rehearsed what they were going to say. Anna’s hands were damp with sweat.
Sue drew in a deep breath, her fist hovering inches away from the door. She threw another glance in Anna’s direction, then knocked sharply.
They stepped back so that they were visible from the upstairs windows and Anna held up a torn white shirt that she’d turned into a makeshift flag by wrapping it around a stick.
There was no reply.
Excited chatter could be heard in the distance from Sue’s vegetable garden where Rose and Graham were harvesting potatoes.
Anna’s stomach sank in dread, and she turned around to search the hedge in front of Graham and Rose’s house for any sign of Sarah and Rachel, but she couldn’t see them. They’d promised to keep watch, gun at the ready. Anna swallowed as Sue knocked a second time.
“What do you want?” a grumpy voice called through the letterbox. Anna immediately imagined a withering old man with wispy white hair who’d smoked for decades.
Oreo gave a warning bark.
“It’s Sue. I live across the road in the cottage you torched.” She hesitated, cleared her throat. “We were wondering if—”
“Go away!” He coughed, wheezing as he tried to suck air into his lungs. Another coughing fit followed, then he spat loudly.
He sounded much older than Anna had imagined Neil to be. She grimaced and put on her best customer service voice. “You’re Neil, aren’t you?”
“Who wants to know?”
“My name’s Anna. My sister and I joined Sue and Bob a few weeks ago. Look, we know what you did, but we can look past that. We saw you were back and wanted to help you. We…we’ve got a good thing going on. We have food and medicine, and we have the means to provide you with a hot meal. We were thinking—”
“Why?” He coughed again, making a noise as if trying to dislodge phlegm from his throat.
“Why what?”
“Why would you want to offer me a hot meal after I set your house on fire?” He blew his nose, and this time his cough sounded muffled.
“I don’t know,” Anna said truthfully. “The world is tough, and we prefer helping each other out.”
“Nonsense,” Neil said. “Now, go away. I’d like to go back to my book.”
Sue paled.
“What is it?”
“That’s exactly what he said to Graham before setting our house on fire.”
Anna chewed on her lip, hesitating. Was there anything else she could say? “We just—”
“Go away!”
Sue waved her clenched fist at the door, then turned around and trudged back to the cottage, past Bob who was sitting by the fire, dozing.
Anna followed her, shoulders slumped in defeat.
Bob raised an eyebrow but said nothing.
“Any luck?” Luke called from the lookout platform.
“No, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he set another house on fire. Well, this time we’re prepared.” Sue pressed her lips into a thin line and looked up at the sun, shielding her eyes with her hand. “Are Graham and Rose done picking the potatoes?”
Luke craned his neck, peering over the hedges. “I can’t see Graham, but Rose is there, digging.”
Rachel entered the garden and handed the gun back to Bob before turning to Anna. “What did Neil say to you? You don’t look happy.”
“He told us to go away,” Anna said. “He wasn’t willing to listen.”
“And now?” Rachel asked.
“We leave him be,” Bob said. “There are eight of us. We are armed and have a dog. There is nothing he can do.”
“Where’s Sarah?” Anna asked.
Rachel jerked her thumb in the direction of Graham and Rose’s house.
Anna patted her thigh, and Oreo followed her. She liked the musty smell that greeted her upon entering Graham and Rose’s house through the backdoor. It reminded her of her grandmother.
She crept upstairs and opened the door to the spare room. Heavy curtains blocked out most of the light.
Leaning against the doorframe, she smiled. Her sister had made the room look like her own space despite not having any of the decorations she’d left back home.
Everything about it screamed Sarah.
Glasses filled with rainwater and various plants lined the windowsill and shelves. The room smelled of flowers and blossoms.
They’d always shrivelled up and died in Anna’s care no matter how hard she tried. It didn’t matter whether they were orchids, spider plants or cactuses. If Anna looked after them, they didn’t stand a chance.
With Sarah they grew and blossomed as if her green thumb enticed them to flourish, promising wonderful things if only they stayed alive and thrived.
Sarah stopped folding her washing and looked up. “What is it?”
“Did you keep an eye on us?”
“Of course we did. We were ready to shoot but it looked to me like he didn’t even want to talk.”
“I suppose not.” Anna traced her eyebrow with a finger. “Did you happen to see him?”
Sarah shook her head. “All his curtains are closed. Do you think he’ll bother us?”
Anna shrugged. “I don’t know.”
“We need to make sure there is always someone on that lookout platform.” Biting her lip, Sarah slumped onto the bed. She crossed her legs.
“What is it?” Anna asked.
“Do they like me?”
Anna raised an eyebrow in surprise. “Who?”
“Bob…the others. I keep you on—”
“A short leash?”
Sarah stuck out her tongue. “A tight schedule was what I was going to say.”
“You do, but…” Anna sat down next to Sarah and patted her shoulder. “It’s necessary. We all have our jobs. Yours is to make sure everyone else does theirs.”
Sarah rested her head on Anna’s shoulder and closed her eyes. “I miss Mum.”
“I know. So do I.”
Sarah sighed. “And…”
“I know you miss Dad. You’re allowed to.” Anna smiled. Neither had mentioned their father since the day he’d died. Gus and Nellie withholding his insulin had killed him, but Anna doubted he’d have had long to live regardless. Alcoholics rarely excell
ed at taking care of themselves.
Sarah reached for Anna’s hand and squeezed it. “I’m glad you trusted your instincts and convinced me to come here.”
“So am I.” Do you think it’s possible to spot evil? Bob had asked her, and Anna had told him that she didn’t know.
She still didn’t know, but here, in what Bob lovingly called his tiny settlement, it didn’t matter because they all trusted each other.
And there was no way Neil could cause them harm. Not with them being as prepared as they were.
4
“Where did you say we were?” Chris asked as she leaned her forehead against the windowpane, letting the cold glass soothe her throbbing headache. She massaged her neck, watching red and yellow leaves dance in the wind as they floated down to the forest ground.
Tom looked up from his book. “Hatfield Forest.”
Chris wet her lips. She reached for her bottle of water and took a sip. “I remember you saying that. I hadn’t realised we were right in the middle of it. I thought you meant the outskirts of Takeley.”
She felt slightly dizzy, swaying as she shuffled across the small log cabin. The floor underneath her feet seemed to move, as if she were walking across the deck of a cruise ship.
“We’re a few miles away from Takeley. I was looking for a secluded place, away from people.”
Reaching the bed, Chris sat down and closed her eyes. Hatfield Forest was less than fifteen miles from Harlow. Her grip on the water bottle tightened. She still struggled being upright and exhaustion washed over her. “Did you…did you go home and bury Dad?”
“I’ve thought about it.”
She heard him sigh and opened her eyes. Patting the spot next to her, she invited him to sit with her. He hesitated, then set down his book and walked over. He had grown in the last two months and was now almost as tall as Lester had been. Angry spots dotted his chin where the first hairs sprouted. Chris smiled. Soon he would be four—
No!
She’d missed his birthday.
She let out a strangled sob and swallowed. Tom sat down next to her but left so much space between them that she didn’t dare reach out to touch him.
Darkness Ahead of Us | Book 3 | Darkness Lifting Page 3
