“Cal...” She opened her mouth, and he slipped his finger inside for just a moment, before pulling it back.
She gasped at the intimacy of such boldness. Her gaze flew to his face while he idly traced his thumb around her lips, all the while studying the shifting moods reflected in her eyes.
He was aware of her shock, her surprise, and her grudging acceptance of the situation. But he was also aware of the gradual warming in her voice, in her eyes. The slow awakening of passion.
“I’ve been lying here, watching you sleep. It was a vision that filled me with peace. Having you here, Pearl, and knowing you’re safe, has done more to heal my wounds than any food or medicine.”
He lowered his head and brushed her lips with his in the merest whisper of a kiss. For several moments, they remained so, lips touching, moving apart, then touching again, with the gentleness of a snowflake.
The silence of the morning surrounded them, with only the soft hiss of the fire in the background.
Pearl sighed, and gave herself up to the pleasure of his kiss. But just as she began to relax in his arms, he changed the angle of the kiss and took it deeper. His hands moved along her back, igniting tiny fires along her spine.
She started to pull back, but he was ready for her. His arms tightened, drawing her firmly against him. He nuzzled the sensitive hollow of her throat, until she sighed and arched her neck, giving him easier access.
Her blood was beginning to heat, pulsing through her veins like liquid fire. A fist seemed to close deep inside, causing a different kind of heat, heat that radiated through her body until she felt a burning need to toss aside the covers and cool her heated flesh.
“Cal—” Whatever she’d been about to whisper was cut off by a hard, demanding kiss.
She clutched at him and, as her hands made contact with his skin, her arms slipped naturally around his waist. Their legs tangled. And suddenly she realized that the body pressed to hers was naked. And thoroughly aroused.
“Cal. No. Stop.” Confused, dazed, she pushed against his chest and strained to break free of his embrace.
He lifted his head. “You want this, too, Pearl. You can no longer deny it.”
“No.” She shook her head, then said more firmly, “No.” She took a deep breath, filling her lungs, then sat up, shoving her hair from her eyes. “I can’t think. I...need some time.”
Without giving him a chance to argue, she slipped out from under the covers and began to pull on his pants and shirt and heavy boots. Grabbing up his duster, she flung it over her arm and reached for the pail and the torn petticoat.
In the blink of an eye, she was gone, swallowed up by the mounds of snow outside the cave.
Cal fell back against the blankets, berating himself. How could he have been so callous? Pearl was a lady. A sheltered, innocent young lady who had never been exposed to such treatment. When would he learn? He had no right to even touch her. She had to preserve her honor, to save herself for a man who could offer her a proper courtship. A man who would marry her and provide her with a bright future and the respect she deserved.
He wished with all his heart he could be that man. But he knew he was only fooling himself. All he would ever be was a cowboy. And not even a respectable one. For, despite his success, he was a man with a dark past. A past that still haunted him in the darkest recesses of his mind. And brought him shame.
Pearl sat on the banks of the stream, huddled miserably in the folds of Cal’s duster. The beauty of the day, with the brilliant sunlight glittering like diamonds on the pristine snow, was lost on her. The schools of fish that churned the water, filling the flimsy petticoat netting, barely caught her eye.
All she could think of was Cal. The way he tasted—dark and mysterious. The way he made her feel when he held her—beautiful, alluring, seductive. It didn’t matter to Cal that she felt shy and confused. In Cal’s arms, she became someone new. She was no longer the prim and proper Boston lady, who constantly fretted over the way she looked, the image she presented to the world. With Cal, she could be herself or, if she chose, become someone quite unlike herself. That was his charm. He brought out all the hidden traits she had never even known she possessed.
How she wished she could tell him, show him, how special he was to her. But she was afraid.
“Oh, Daddy,” she said aloud. “I love Cal. But I’m so afraid of these strange new feelings churning inside me. Help me, Daddy. Please help me.”
In her mind’s eye, she could see that day she had walked proudly beside her father on the streets of Boston. As always, she was dressed in her finest gown. Her father, too, looked as fine as any eastern gentleman. But when two men came to blows over an argument, and others in the street stood aside to watch, her father stepped between them, without a thought to his own safety. When the scuffle ended, twelve-year-old Pearl asked, “Aren’t you ever afraid, Daddy?”
She could still hear his words. “The person hasn’t been born who hasn’t had to face down fear, Pearl. But dealing with that fear brings freedom. When you’re older, you will be free to choose the path you will walk. There will be many fears to face along that path. But face them you will. Then, and only then, will you be truly free. Cherish that freedom, Pearl. And know that I will always support your choice. For your freedom to choose is a precious gift.”
Suddenly she gave out a laugh of pure delight and leaped to her feet. With her arms lifted to the heavens, she raised her face to the sunlight. “Oh, Daddy!” she cried. A smile split her lips and brought a fresh new light to her eyes. “How could I have been so blind?”
The answer had been there all along. With Cal, she’d found freedom. The freedom to be, or do, anything she chose.
She strode into the frigid waters and gathered up the ends of the petticoat, dumping the wriggling fish into the bucket of water. With a light heart and a spring to her steps, she picked up the bucket and headed back to the cave.
Cal had managed a few tentative steps around the cave. He’d located his pouch of tobacco, and lay back amid the blankets, a wreath of smoke curling over his head.
He’d come to a decision. Even though he would have liked a few more days to gather his strength, it was time to head home. They might be heading into another storm, but that was the chance they had to take. Despite a lingering weakness, he could sit a horse. Whatever pain and discomfort he was forced to endure, it would be nothing compared to this. For the truth was, it would be impossible to remain here, trapped in this cave with Pearl, and not touch her. And if he touched her again, they would both be lost.
He forced himself to look away as she entered.
“I’ve caught more fish,” she announced. “I’ll start your breakfast.”
“There’s no rush.” He tossed his cigarette into the fire. “I’m not hungry.”
“That’s not what you said a little while ago.” She turned and started toward him, shedding his duster as she walked. It drifted to the floor of the cave and lay in a heap.
Annoyed that he still hadn’t looked at her, she kicked up a foot, sending a boot flying. It landed across the cave with a thud.
That got his attention.
He watched in amazement as she did the same with the other boot. It bounced off one wall and dropped to the ground.
After watching it fall, he turned his attention to Pearl. But this wasn’t the Pearl he’d known these past few months. Her walk had slowed to a flowing, sensuous dance. Her hips were swaying in a most seductive manner. And there was a gleam in her eye that he’d never seen before.
“I needed time to think,” she announced. “And I’ve come to a decision.”
“So have—”
His words were cut off in midsentence when he saw her wiggling out of his pants. They dropped to the floor of the cave. She stepped out of them and continued moving toward him, wearing nothing but his shirt and a flimsy chemise that barely covered her nakedness.
By the time she was kneeling beside his bedroll, her fingers were already on
the buttons of her shirt.
He reached up and caught her hands, holding them still. “Have you lost your senses?”
Instead of giving him a haughty reply, she merely smiled. In a breathy voice, she whispered, “I think I’ve just found them.”
“I don’t understand.”
He started to release her, but she caught his hands and lifted them to her mouth. The press of her lips against his rough palms was so erotic, he felt as if all the breath had left his lungs.
“I was wrong, Cal. Wrong to run from what you were offering. It’s what I want, too.”
“No.” He shook his head in denial. He wouldn’t listen to this. Couldn’t. “I’m glad you ran. It gave us both time to clear our heads. And I realize now that I was being selfish, Pearl. I would take your virtue, your honor, and would give you nothing in return.”
“Nothing? Oh, Cal, you have so much to offer,” she murmured.
Before she could argue further, he placed a hand over her mouth to stop her “Don’t you see? If I allow this to happen, I’ll be no better than Rollie Ingram.”
“Oh, Cal...”
She spoke the words on a long-drawn-out sigh, and he closed his eyes against the pain. His only consolation was the knowledge that he was doing this for her own good. Whatever embarrassment she was suffering would soon be forgotten.
In the silence that followed, he opened his eyes, only to discover that she had completely unbuttoned the shirt and was slipping it off her shoulders.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?”
She lifted a corner of the blanket and began to crawl in beside him. “I’m going to lie here with you until you get over your shyness.”
“My shyness?” His jaw dropped in surprise.
She nodded and snuggled close. “That’s the only reason I can think of for your sudden bout of conscience.”
He sat bolt upright, holding her at arm’s length. “My sudden bout of conscience, as you call it, is common sense. It appears than one of us needs to be sensible about this.”
“I don’t want to be sensible. All my life I’ve been sensible. I’ve always been blessed, or cursed, with the need to see every side of an issue. In my whole life, I’ve never done anything for the sheer joy of it. Right now, I want to show you how much I love you.”
At the dazed look in his eyes, she laughed. It was a clear, tinkling sound that wrapped itself around his heart and began to squeeze, until he couldn’t breathe.
“You love me, Pearl?”
“Of course, silly. And you love me, whether you care to admit it or not.”
“I do?” He gave her a lopsided grin that sent her heart spiraling out of control. Suddenly he leaned toward her and framed her face with his hands. “Oh, Pearl. I do. Truly I do.”
His admission had tears springing to her eyes. She quickly blinked them back and touched her lips to his. “You see? That wasn’t so hard to admit, was it?”
The first touch of her lips was like the kick of a mule. While he absorbed the shock, he ran his hands down her neck, her shoulders, along the top of her arms.
Soft. She was so incredibly soft. Her skin as pale as that of some imaginary goddess. But she was warm. And real. And his for the taking.
A second shock wave rumbled through him at the realization.
He had no right.
“Pearl.” He drew her a little away, forcing her to meet his eyes. “You don’t know anything about me.”
“I know that you’re a good man. A man my father loved and trusted. A man I love and trust, as well.”
“You don’t know anything.” His voice frosted over. “I wasn’t always good. In fact, until I met your father, I didn’t even know how to be good and decent. I was a man on the run.”
She thought of what Travis had once said at school. I’ve heard that Cal McCabe killed his first man when he was no bigger’n me.
“It doesn’t matter, Cal. What happened before doesn’t mean a thing to me. The only thing that matters is that I love you. And I want to show you how much.”
He could see her heart in her eyes when she looked at him, and he felt his own heart responding with a fresh burst of love.
He lifted his hands to her hair and watched as the silken strands sifted through his fingers. And all the while, he watched her eyes, loving the way they warmed and softened as they stared into his.
“Do you know what you’re doing?” he whispered.
She lifted her hands, clutching his wrists. “Oh, Cal. I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life.”
He drew her into his arms and pressed his lips to her temple. “There’ll be no turning back. I’d never find the strength to stop once we’ve started.”
Even though he was offering her one last chance to refuse, he knew it was futile. He would have crawled across these mountains to have her. Or ridden blindly through a hail of bullets. Still, he held his breath, knowing the power she wielded. One word of refusal from her lips and he would be banished forever from paradise.
In reply, she turned her face until their lips were touching. Against his mouth she whispered, “No more protests, Cal. Just love me.”
“Dear God.” The words were less a sigh, and more a savage oath. But then his tone softened as the enormity of her offer began to sink in. He muttered once more, almost like a prayer, “Dear God.”
Chapter Nineteen
For long moments, neither of them moved. Neither spoke. Then, almost against his will, Cal pressed her closer. His mouth moved slowly, lazily over hers, nibbling, tasting, until her lips parted. His tongue tangled with hers, teasing her, tempting her. With a sigh, she gave herself up to the pleasure.
His lips feathered over her face, pressing light kisses to her forehead, her cheeks, her closed eyelids, the tip of her nose.
“Oh, Pearl.” He whispered her name like a caress, and she suddenly knew what it felt like to be cherished.
With his tongue, he traced the curve of her ear, pausing to nibble and tug before darting inside, sending her heartbeat climbing.
She gave a delighted little laugh and clung to him as he ran wet kisses down her throat and across her shoulder. Suddenly her laughter turned to a moan of pleasure as his lips moved lower, to the soft swell of her breast. The thin fabric of her chemise was no barrier as his mouth, his tongue, worked their magic.
He lowered her to the blankets, and she twined her arms around his neck, drawing his head down for another drugging kiss.
Outside, a breeze scattered snow across the walls of the cave, making a sound like sand pebbles. Birds, exiting the shelters they had sought during the storm, began a chorus of song as they snatched food before the next onslaught. But inside the cave, there was only the hiss and snap of a fire. And the muted sound of breathing as two people lost themselves in the wonders of love.
Cal struggled to bank his needs. Needs that had been building until they threatened to overpower him. He was determined to draw out every taste, every touch, every pleasure, in order to make her first time as memorable as possible. It was, after all, the only thing he could give her.
He ran soft butterfly kisses over her face, her neck, her shoulders. His fingers followed suit, tracing every line and curve of her body. And with each touch he felt her grow more tense, her breathing grow more shallow.
He wouldn’t allow himself to think about the future, and what would happen when they returned to the ranch. Nor would he permit himself to brood about what had happened in the past, for it was too late to change it. Instead, he would think only about now. This moment. This woman. And the love he felt for her.
As her blood heated and her body pulsed with need, Pearl shut out all fears, all uncertainties. The world beyond this cave no longer mattered. There was only this man. And the love she felt for him. She wouldn’t think about this momentous thing they were sharing; it was enough to know that she trusted Cal to lead her.
Trust. There had been so little in her life. But she knew that Cal would never betray he
r trust.
He felt the gradual change in her. Before, there had been fear. And so he had moved slowly, easing her fears, leading her, with tender kisses and whispered words of endearment, to a new plateau. But now, as he felt her gradual release, he was free to lead her higher still
His touch unlocked all her inhibitions, allowing her to explore all the passion that had been lying dormant, awaiting this moment. He could see it in her eyes, taste it on her lips. Hot. Hungry. Pulsing with need.
He kept his eyes on hers as he reached for the ribbons of her chemise. As the fabric parted, he allowed his gaze to roam her body.
“Pearl, you’re even more beautiful than I’d dreamed.”
With great tenderness, he bent to her, feasting on her breast until the nipple hardened. Her sigh of pleasure became a moan as he moved from one breast to the other.
He struggled against taking her too high, too fast. But he wondered how much longer he could exert such control. The needs he’d denied for so long were struggling to be free. Soon, he knew, the dam would burst and they would both be swept away by the tide of emotion.
She longed to touch him as he was touching her. She brought her arms around his waist and felt his muscles contract violently at the first touch of her fingertips.
At his moan of pleasure, she grew bolder, tracing her fingers along his body as he had touched her.
His fingers tangled in her hair as he drew her head back and covered her mouth in a savage kiss. For a moment, she stiffened, feeling a flash of fear at the change in him. Then the fear was swept away by her own newly awakened passion.
So this was what he had struggled to keep from her. This dark, passionate side of him that he had kept hidden until now. Exulting in her newly discovered power, she leaned into him, running her lips and fingertips over him, exploring him as he had explored her.
Cal’s body was alive with need. For so long, he had struggled to hold back. But now, with Pearl’s passion unleashed, his own senses burned with an all-consuming desire that could no longer be contained.
Pearl Page 18
