by Claire Angel
Amber started to kiss me back and I think that was the moment I became confused. This wasn't supposed to be happening. I was here to ruin her wedding, not change her mind about what happened between us so long ago.
Desire coursed there in my body in all directions and I was the one that had to pull away. I wasn't supposed to be kissing her. Phillip would never forgive me.
“Sorry, Amber. You just came out of nowhere and caught me off guard.”
“Is that what happened?”
She was toying with her bottom lip and I was unable to keep my eyes off of her.
“Yeah, that's what happened.”
For a moment, we just stared at each other and I finally moved back a little bit to give us each some breathing room. Something had just transpired between us and it felt like a moment that wasn't going to be able to be taken away. I wasn't going to be able to take that back.
I heard Phillip’s words in my mind. ‘Plans change’.
***
“It’s just, why do you have to go out again? You just went out earlier. I thought that we were going to spend time together, Jesse.”
The crappy part was I had actually forgotten all about Mona being at the hotel. Here I was, kissing my best friends’ sister, and I had a girlfriend back at the hotel waiting for me. There was a certain kind of person that would do something like that.
“We are going to spend time together, but you know that I have to do some things with Phillip. That's the whole reason that I came here. You know that I didn't come here for the wedding, not really.”
“I know that you wanted to spend time with Phillip because you guys don't get to see each other that much anymore. I just thought that we would have a little bit of time together too. I was hoping we could go out tonight and get some dinner together.”
It was already late, most restaurants would be closing soon, and I knew that she just wanted to spend some time together. Mona was clinging harder than usual, and I knew that it had to do with the wedding. But women were like that during weddings. They started to think about what was going on in their relationship and how quickly they were going to be in the white dress.
“How about tomorrow night?”
“What about the bachelor party?”
“That is going to be the night before, so Saturday. And that's not going to be much of anything. You should meet this guy. He is a real tool.”
“What does he do?”
That was basically what everybody asked about anybody and I shouldn't have been so defensive about it, but I was. Why was I so against the fact that he was a doctor? Maybe it was just because it made me feel like less of a man. I didn't like the idea of that at all and I can already see the goopy look in my girlfriend's eyes. What the hell was it about doctors?
“Yeah really. I know that you guys have something to say about doctors, but he isn't that dreamy. The guy is kind of a stooge and I'm sure we won't be out long.”
Mona was looking at me a certain way and for a moment, I wasn't sure what she wanted. But then she started to move towards me and made a whimpering sound.
“So, you are really going to leave me here all by myself? In this tiny, nothing to do town?”
“I am sure you can find something to keep yourself entertained Mona. I won't be gone long. I'm just going to go out for a little while.”
“And you're sure that I can't go with you?”
“Not this time baby, later okay?”
I had mentioned to her before that if she didn't want to wait around, she was more than welcome to go home. I knew that was not what she wanted to hear, but at the moment that's how I was feeling. I wanted her to leave because I wanted to see where things were going to go from here. Amber and I had kissed. That meant something.
When I got back down to Phillip and Amber’s house, I knew that I wanted to push this to another level. While Phillip had his own idea of what should happen, I was starting to have my own. Maybe we didn't have to break them up in the way that he suggested. Maybe I could break them up by showing her what other options were there.
I was an option. Now I just had to figure out how that was all supposed to go.
Chapter 6
Amber
“I was still getting over the kiss from Jesse and he was walking back through the door.
“Back again so soon?”
“Your brother and I are planning to go out.”
There was a moment that we just looked at each other like before. I don't know if we were trying to size each other up or what we were doing, but I didn't say anything, and he didn't either. What was there to say? I can still feel his kiss and I could still taste him on my lips. How was I supposed to just act as nothing happened?
“I see that you are making the most of your time together.”
“Do you want to come out with us?”
I wanted to actually if I didn't have a million other things to do and a fiancé that was waiting for me. I wanted to say yes right there, even though I would have to cancel with Steven.
“No, I don't think I should. We're supposed to watch a movie and just kind of chill. It sounds like a nice night.”
He agreed with a nod to his head, but he didn't say anything else. There was another long pause between us and then Phillip started to come in from the other room. Both of us turned away and Jesse greeted my brother. I was instantly reminded of how wrong it was too even entertaining the thoughts that were going through my head. He was my brother's best friend and I was about to get married. This shouldn't happen.
As much as I repeated that to myself over and over again, it was still hard for me to go with it. A couple of glances at Jesse in a way that I shouldn't. They were still so many questions from before. They were never answered and now that the opportunity had appeared again, it made me wonder. What would it be like to be with someone like him?
“So, are you ready to go Phillip?”
Jesse looked like he was in a rush and I didn't try to stop them. I don't know what was going on in his head, but he had this guilt written across his face that I didn't understand. I didn't understand that happened between me and Jesse. Maybe that was part of the reason I couldn't get him out of my mind. It was like seeing something that you didn't quite understand and continually asking yourself what the hell you had just seen. That's how I felt every time I looked back and thought of Jesse. I was sitting there wondering to myself what the hell had just happened.
The two men left, and I had a strange feeling. I am sort of aggravated at Jesse for popping up all of a sudden. Everything had seemed so cut and dry. and then Jesse I came along and started asking questions. Now those questions were echoing in my own mind and I still don't have an answer. Do I really love Steven?
The answers keep coming back yes, but I think it’s because that's what I was supposed to say. We were getting married in a couple of days and of course, I was supposed to love him. Why else we would be getting married?
But was it the truth? Was that the answer that I wanted to be true, or was it really the truth?
***
I was out on the porch later when I saw my brothers’ truck. He wasn't the one that got out of the driver side though. Jesse got out first and waved over at me.
“Good to see that you're still up. Do you mind giving me a hand?”
I didn't even have to ask what it was that he needed help with. My brother used to be a very good drinker and he still thought he was. He thought that he could drink shot after shot, but Phillip always ended up needing to be carried home. It was a good thing that he didn't drink by himself or there would be a lot more to worry about.
“You know this doesn't look very good on you Jesse.”
“In what way?”
“Well I mean you two have been back around each other for a couple of days and now he's being dragged into the house drunk. You're lucky that our parents aren't around to see it anymore.
“You know how your brother is. He never has been able to hold his liquor.”
I sighed out loud and agreed with him. “Yeah and he never realized how to say no either.”
I went around to the other side of the truck and helped Jesse get him out. Phillip was almost no help whatsoever, even though he was semi-conscious.
“How much did he have to drink?”
“I don't know. Quite a bit. You know how he is.”
It was a line that I had heard many times before and there was really no answer to it. Phillip was going to do, what he wanted to do, one way or another. He was a sensitive soul, but he hid that the tenderness and vulnerability with violence and drinking. It certainly wasn't the best way to handle it, but that's how Phillip chose to do it.
“Is he upset about something?”
“He is having girl trouble, but I don't think this has anything to do with that. He really does not like his future brother-in-law.”
“Did he tell you that?”
Jesse agreed.
“I can't believe that you guys are talking about me.”
“Why do you think I'm here Amber?”
“Because my brother wants to ruin my wedding.”
“Well, that is what I'm supposed to say anyway.”
He sounded strange and he was moving close to me again like he had before in the kitchen. This time I sidestepped him so that I wouldn't get trapped so close. Being too close to Jesse was never good for my health.
“What is the truth, Jesse?”
“You already know the truth, Amber. I am here for you and when I heard that you were getting married, I knew that I have run out of time. I thought we would have more time.”
Chapter 7
Jesse
As I told her the truth of why I was actually here for her wedding, I knew that I was going to have to put myself in a position that I did not want to. I don't want to be weak and I certainly don't want to feel vulnerable. But there was no other way. Her brother was my best friend and it has stopped me from being truthful about my feelings for a long time. So, if I was going to do this and cause so much inner turmoil for everyone else, I was going to make sure that it was worth it. I did not want to leave anything out or hold anything back.
“I don't know what to say, Jesse. This is kind of weird for you to say that. I know that you have always had a crush on me, but that's just a crush. I'm about to get married. Phillip told me you have your girlfriend here with you. What was her name?”
Amber asking about Mona was a slap in the face. I knew that she was asking, only because she already knew the truth about her and she wanted me to know that I was aware of that as well.
“Yeah, I brought Mona with me. She wanted to come, and I don't think I would be able to leave her home.”
“So why did you kiss me before?”
It took me a minute to understand what she was really asking me. Because at that moment in my brain, those two things did not connect in any way, shape or form. How was I supposed to explain to Amber that she and Mona were not even in the same ballpark? It did not matter that I have been with Mona for over a year. At the end of the day, I don't think I was ever going to be able to feel an ounce of what I felt for Amber, with Mona. No matter how hard I wanted to try and make it work, it never would, because we were just not meant to be together.
“It really looked like you needed a kiss.”
“And now?”
“You look the same way, but what we were talking about, I figured that it would not end well.”
“Well, at least you have wizened up a little bit.”
Was that a hint of disappointment that I saw on her face? Or was that merely what I wanted to see?
“Yes, I guess I have, but that doesn’t change anything. I won’t kiss you again, but I want to. I want you to come over here and initiate it. Then I wouldn’t feel as bad about it as I did before.”
She snickered a little bit and told me that I was incorrigible.
“Likely.”
Phillip made a sound and once again, I was forgetting about important activities and people in my life. I don’t know why I was acting this way. I knew it was because of Amber, but I could never really understand quite what it was that she did to me. It was harder to explain.
“So, we should probably get your brother in. I feel bad leaving him out here.”
We picked him back up after he’d slumped over, and I wondered again how he hadn’t killed himself off yet. He was really drunk, or I wouldn’t be able to have that sort of conversation with his sister in front of him.
“Are we putting a pin in this conversation?”
She smiled at me and I could see that Amber was thinking about it. She wasn’t as hard to see through as I would have thought. There was a lightness about her, and I wanted that moment to stay with me.
“What conversation?”
“You know.”
Amber looked confused and I motioned with my head, over to her drunk brother that we were half-dragging to the door. Nothing but dead weight at the moment, but still.
“Say it. In front of Phillip if you want to talk about it.”
I sighed out loud, blowing a breath out a few more times.
“You’re still scared.”
That’s what she’d said before and I didn’t like to hear that at all. I knew that there was a lot that could of or should have been said before, but I didn’t want to get into with Phillip. He was my best friend. Amber was a hot chick, but now, she had grown more.
“Why do you insist on starting chaos wherever you go?”
“Just a gift I guess.”
“Some gift.”
Amber giggled. “You used to be so much fun, Jesse. You used to be more spontaneous and freer. But even then, you had rules. I was off-limits to you then, but I am still off-limits to you, aren’t I? You would never tell Phillip what was really going on between us.”
I was getting called out and I knew that I was most likely going to pay for what I did next, but she made me. Amber taunted me until I set her brother down, not too gently, and took her into my arms. I had just said that I would not kiss her again, but she had made a liar out of me in more ways than one. There was nothing that I could do about it. Something came over me and all I could think about was possessing her.
Amber gasped for a second before I pulled her to me, and she immediately kissed me back. There were no moments to wonder if she wanted it as much as I did. All I knew for certain was this was about to happen. I had to have her, now.
My hands were quickly molding over her body and it felt ripe for the taking. The little sounds that lodged in her throat got cut off from our kiss, only made me want her more. I was impossibly hard, and I kept telling myself that I was going to pull myself together.
Then Amber whimpered again, and I about came unglued. Before I knew what, I was doing, I had pulled her down onto the grass in front of her house, and my hips were grinding against her.
It all happened so fast that I only started to let reality set in after several moments of kissing her on the ground. The reality of it was the fact that I was only a couple of feet next to Phillip. He was looking our way with unseeing eyes and I pushed off her quickly.
What the hell was I doing?
She called to me, but I wasn’t able to speak. I was disgusted with myself and even though I had to struggle with Phillip, I knew that I had to get him inside. I couldn’t ask her for help, because I didn’t trust myself around her.
“Don’t, just walk away Jesse.”
“I need to get him in Amber. I can’t do this right now.”
She huffed at me and I was frustrated with her. She was pushing the issue all over again and I had backed out. Again. Fuck.
Chapter 8
Amber
I was still on the ground, panting uncontrollably and Jesse was walking away. He had Phillip underneath his arm and I knew that I should help, but I didn’t offer. I could hardly move, and I was trying to figure out what just happened.
He was out of sight and I sighed, laying back onto th
e lawn. What was I doing? I was supposed to marry Steven in a couple of days.
I was already adding ‘supposed to’ in front of the sentence. That couldn’t be good. Jesse hadn’t been in town long at all, before I was ready to turn my life upside down. And again, he had wimped out in the end. It was disheartening, even as that particular muscle was still rapid because of the kiss.
The kiss. God, how had I forgotten how he kissed? We had stolen a few from time to time, and now that I think about it, they were much like the more recent ones were. Jesse would get so turn-on, that he would just sort of attack me randomly and I was still smiling.
I knew that laying here in the grass was getting me nowhere, so I brushed myself off and got up. If I waited for Jesse to come back out, I may be waiting for a long time. He tended to make me wait and I didn't like it.
A part of me knew that the best course of action was to just leave it alone. I was getting married in a couple of days and then Jesse would go back to his life. We didn't have to see each other again. It could be just like it had been like before.
That's what I should do. That's what I should have thought, but the heart wants, what the heart wants. So instead of doing things the right way, I went to track him down. I wanted to hash that out right there, before that turned to a bigger mess.
At first, I didn't find Jesse in the living room. I figured he had put Phillip to bed by now and should have been out, but he was lingering in the background. I wanted to know what they were talking about, but I wasn't that brash. I also wasn't stupid. I knew that what we had done outside in the yard, was not something that needed to be repeated. I wanted Phillip to know about us. If there was an us. I just didn't want to rub his nose in it. That did not seem fair.
