Virtual Mode

by Piers Anthony

  "I guess you're right. This is about midday now; let's see if there is any rise to the level of the surface north or south." She meant to the left or right, because their progress was generally eastward. "Maybe an island, at least. But which direction do we go? It would be a shame if there is a perfect island north, and we go south and fail to find it and have to give up and go back." She tried to make it sound cheery, but knew that her dark forebodings were coming through clearly to the horse.

  Perhaps we could explore both directions, one going north, the other south, and double our chances. We may discover another beacon.

  "Seqiro, you're a genius!" she exclaimed. "And we can stay in mental contact, so the other will have the news first thing."

  They did it. Colene went north. She tried to suppress her belief that they were wasting time and energy, because even if they found an island and were able to cross the boundary, they would still have virtually impassable water to cross. These barren realities were an awful barrier!

  She came to a rise, but it was followed by a depression. She saw a mountain in the distance, which should be an island, but it was to the northeast, in the territory of another reality, impossible to reach from here.

  "How about you?" she asked, thinking at Seqiro.

  I may have found an island. But I can not find an ascent.

  "Keep looking!" she exclaimed. "I have nothing here; I'll come join you."

  She hurried south, now trying to suppress unreasonable hope. "Have you found a path up yet, Seqiro?"

  No. I fear I am lost. I am caught in an endless trench.

  "I'll watch out for it!" Suddenly she thought how much worse it would be if her companion got trapped, and she had to choose between staying with him or saving herself. Even if she had no choice, if something happened to him, how could she go on alone? His marvelous mind had become her main emotional support.

  Thank you. But away from you I am just a horse.

  "You're so much more than a horse!" she protested. "But a horse is good enough."

  In due course she reached the mountain. It did seem to rise high enough to be an island, depending on how high the surface of the water in the other reality was. But between her and it was a deep channel, as if the mountain had sunk down in the semi-molten floor eons ago, making a depression. This must be Seqiro's endless trench.

  She found a place where she could safely drop down into it, the drop not so far that she couldn't scramble back. "I'm in the channel, Seqiro. Where are you?"

  Not far from you. I shall wait.

  Soon she caught up with him. He was standing, breathing hard, the sweat rolling off his hide. "Why, Seqiro! What happened to you? You're steaming hot!"

  I'm afraid I panicked. I galloped, but found no end to the channel. I recognized landmarks I had passed before, and realized that I was trapped.

  "You ran all the way around the mountain!" she exclaimed. "Oh, Seqiro, you wasted valuable energy and are losing water in your sweat. Didn't you know better?"

  I did not.

  "But you're so smart!"

  No. Away from you I am not. I maintained contact with you, but only your thoughts came through, not your underlying power of mind.

  She realized that he had meant it literally when he warned her about that before. So, alone, he had reverted to his underlying nature, and spooked when unable to figure out how to escape the channel.

  Then she realized something else. "You couldn't have run around the mountain! Half of it's in the other reality, under the water!"

  True. I realize that now. The loop evidently is completed on this side.

  "Well, let's get you out of this and climb that mountain," she said. "Now that you're smart again, did you see a good way for you to do that?"

  Yes. There is a navigable slope to a dead-end path.

  They walked back to it. Sure enough, it was possible for a horse to climb up on the mountainside, but then the path ended as it seemed about to cross over the top of the channel, which was deep and narrow here. It was as if there had once been a bridge here.

  And there, in an adjacent reality beyond the trench, was another stick-ball beacon. This was certainly the right place!

  But I will do better with your help.

  "Sure! What do you need from me?"

  Tell me when my front feet are about to land just before the bridge. I am unable to see them when my head is up.

  "Okay."

  Seqiro got up speed and galloped toward the brink. "Now!" she cried as his front feet came down. He brought his hind feet up close to them, then heaved up his forefeet and leaped over the gap. He recovered his balance and slowed to a stop. He was out.

  "I guess maybe we should stay together after this," she said. "I really didn't like being apart from you anyway, Seqiro. I worried—"

  I understand. And of course he did, for he could read the complex of her emotions as she spoke.

  They explored the mountain from outside the channel, and found a likely ascent. But it was a narrow ledge in places. "Um, will you be able to turn around there? I mean, if—?"

  Perhaps you should explore ahead, and I will rejoin you when you come across a turning place.

  "Okay. But let's just not separate any farther than we absolutely have to, okay?"

  Agreed.

  So she ran and hurdled the trench and mounted the twisty steep path, catching handholds on the carved stone abutments to help haul herself up. She found a kind of landing, and thought its description to Seqiro, who then followed her up. They continued similarly, by stages, their progress complicated by the wall of cold water. When the best path crossed that boundary, they had to back off and find an alternate path. Thus it was evening by the time they reached the top, and they were tired. They had seen no other beacons or signs of life.

  "You know, if this doesn't give us some way to move on rapidly, we're sunk," she said. "It will be all we can do to get down the mountain and back to the last habitable reality."

  I shall be disappointed for you in that event. But perhaps Darius will find a way to cross from the other side, and you will still be unified.

  "Gee, I hope so! It's not that I'm not satisfied with your company, Seqiro, but—"

  You need a human male like Darius, just as I need a mare like Maresy, to complete your life.

  "Yeah." She led the way along the leveling summit, looking for a good place to camp for the night. But the only good one was on the east side of the mountain, beyond the boundary. She knew exactly where that boundary was now, after bumping into it so many times on the way up.

  Then she did a mental doubletake: this was the top. They should be able to cross that boundary now—if they ever could. So she stepped gingerly into it—and passed through.

  It was indeed an island. Ahead it sloped to a rocky shore just a few feet below the level on which she stood. The waves washed against the barren stone, making froth.

  "Seqiro! We're across!"

  I saw it with you. The horse appeared behind her as she looked back, seeming to materialize from nothing. But I fear that this too is impassable.

  "Yeah." Her elation of the moment faded quickly. The surface of the ocean extended to the horizon, featureless. Then she had another thought. "But the beacons pointed this way, so there must be something."

  At least we can wash.

  She forced her mind away from the disappointment. She really hadn't expected any more than this. "Yes, we can both take a good dip, and I can wash my clothes."

  This time Seqiro let her remove his load and harness, and she stripped. Nakedness didn't matter with an animal, and if it did, it wouldn't have mattered with this one. He could see her naked mind.

  They stepped cautiously toward the limited shore, passing through another boundary just at the verge of the water—and stopped short.

  There was a pontoon wharf projecting into the sea. It cut off abruptly about ten feet out, and seemed of recent vintage, with bright paint and gleaming metal chains connecting the floats.
<
br />   But what was the point of a wharf here? Was it waiting for a ship?

  It is a bridge. We can see only what is in this reality.

  Suddenly it made sense. The path hadn't ended; it continued on across the water. But only part of it was in this reality, because it was on the Virtual Mode. "So the beacons did know what they were doing," she breathed. "Well, let's wash, and—maybe we had better spend the night here, and eat and rest, before we start across. We don't know exactly what we may encounter out there."

  True.

  They washed up, finding the water chill but refreshing. Colene felt a special freedom, being naked in the open. Somehow it seemed that if she could be naked all the time, she would never be suicidal.

  She walked out along the bridge, crossing the next boundary. The pontoons continued unbroken. But the appearance was of a ten-foot segment ending before and behind her. It looked far more precarious than it was. There was no doubt now: the bridge was part of the Virtual Mode. Someone from an anchor reality must have set it up. But who?

  We shall discover that when we follow it to its source.

  "But how do we know that source is friendly?" she asked as she toweled herself off, using a dry shirt. She would have preferred to let herself dry naturally, but she was shivering and had to get clothed before she did herself harm.

  I will be able to tell, if I am let into the mind of the anchor person.

  "You can't just peek?"

  I can enter only a willing mind. Once I do, I can communicate freely, regardless of the language of the person, and can control that mind, and therefore the body. But I can not penetrate a hostile mind, or even an indifferent one.

  "But you controlled the minds of those human servants in your reality, so we could escape."

  Not exactly. Our humans have been tamed, in the manner of your horses and other animals, so are receptive. Wild humans would not be receptive, any more than wild horses in your reality allow themselves to be ridden. They had discussed the differences between their two societies as they walked; Seqiro now understood her framework well enough. Even so, particular humans associate with particular horses, and do not allow unfamiliar horses to govern them if their own horses forbid it. In the stress of the moment I was able to strike through, but that was a limited opportunity. "But you and I made immediate connection!"

  Because you are highly receptive.

  "Well, I'm not tame!" she said indignantly.

  But you desired compatible company. You were extremely lonely and nervous. That enabled me not only to join you, but to reach you from a distance, and across realities.

  She nodded, now chewing on cold bread from his supplies, because there was nothing here from which she could make a fire. He was eating a ration of mixed grains. "I was that, for sure! I still am. I need you, Seqiro, I really do! Back when I started getting depressed I did some research, and decided I fit the profile of BPD: borderline personality disorder. I mean, alienation from my parents, sexual betrayal by a date, inability to cope with what I was learning about the evils of the world, and I was son of on a roller-coaster of mood swings with nowhere to go. I really didn't know who I was, yet I hurt something awful with rejection even when maybe it wasn't real. I would get so damn depressed, even when there didn't seem to be any good reason. I didn't dare trust anyone, especially not after that business with Mitzi, even though that worked out okay, in a way. But I couldn't stand being alone either. Even when I was in the middle of people who seemed like friends, I knew it wasn't true, and I just kept cutting'my wrists and hiding them. I kept sort of wanting to tempt men, make them get hot, make them really want my body, but I didn't want sex with them. I knew that was crazy but I couldn't stop. Little Miss Self-destructive, that was me—until I loved Darius. Then I lost him. Then came the Virtual Mode—and you."

  I understand you and need you as you do me, but I have no sexual desire for you.

  "Yeah. I can parade around naked with you, and it doesn't matter. I thought I just wanted to tease men, but now I think it's something else. I just want my freedom, freedom from what's bugging me, and throwing away my clothes in public makes it seem as if I'm doing that, but it doesn't mean anything with other girls, that happens in the showers anyway, so it has to be men, and when they get hot it sort of proves I'm getting there, I mean I want to be attractive, but it's sort of dangerous too. Like—you know, once I was eating cereal, and it wasn't sweet enough, so I put sugar on it, and it still wasn't sweet enough, so I put more, but no matter how much I put, it wasn't there. Then someone said, 'Try salt', so I put a little salt on it, and suddenly that stuff was so sickly awful sweet I couldn't stand it. I'd been putting on the wrong stuff, not knowing, because it hadn't tasted sweet enough. So with the nakedness and me—I'm looking for salt, but sugar is all I have, so I keep trying but it keeps not quite working. Does that make sense?"

  Yes.

  "And then when I found the salt—Darius—everything sort of came together. But I didn't quite believe him, and—"

  Suddenly she was sobbing. She leaned her forehead against his warm side and the tears flowed down.

  You were afraid of intimacy, both physical and emotional.

  "I guess so," she said into his hide. "Did I ever blow that one!"

  Yet you did what any practical person would have. Magic is not believable in your reality.

  "If I had loved him enough, I would have believed him!"

  Love is not precisely what horses experience, but we have learned something of it from our association with humans. In our judgment, the best love is based on practical considerations. Trust should not follow love; love should follow trust.

  You condemn yourself because you were unable to do it backwards. You should not.

  She lifted her head. "I never thought of that!"

  Because you had no compatible and objective mind to explore it with. You do need me—and with me, you are whole. "With you I am whole," she echoed. "But Seqiro, are you whole with me?"

  Yes. My need for you is primarily physical and mental, for I have neither hands nor intelligence alone, but I had those things in my normal existence. You provide also the emotional factor I need, the quest for new things and new meanings. In this you are my completion, as I am yours.

  "Yes," she breathed. "Yes! We are whole!"

  Then they settled down for sleep, Colene curied against his warm side with a blanket over them both.

  Naturally her own thoughts interrupted it. "Seqiro! If you have to be let into a mind, if it's a wild mind, how come you could handle those mosquitoes?"

  Their minds are comparatively simple. The complex human minds are another matter. Mosquitoes could bar my penetration, had they the wit. But they don't realize that, and I would not advise them of it.

  "So it does make sense, after all."

  Yes. He seemed amused. She snuggled against him and drifted off.

  IN the morning they set out on the pontoon bridge. It was solid enough to support Seqiro's weight, though it did sink somewhat where he stood. Now it was Colene's turn to shore up his confidence. "These things are strong. See, the platform part of it consists of long metallic planks, so even if the pontoon you're over sinks, the others take up the slack, and you'd have to weigh a lot more than you do to make them all sink. In my reality they drive trucks across these things. So it may feel insecure, and look insecure because all we can see is one little segment at a time, but believe me, you're safe."

  Now I have confidence. For he had seen her mental picture of the heavy trucks driving safely across such bridges, and her trust had become his.

  However, she led the way, with a hand lightly touching his nose. This was so that her light body would encounter any possible weakening in the bridge first, and to guide him, because his eyes were not well placed to see the bridge. Her mind and hand became his guidance. Only the lack of a halter on his head would have showed an outsider that this was not a girl leading her horse. It was a girl leading her horse, but the relation between them was di
fferent.

  The surface of the sea continued, but the color of the water shifted as they crossed realities. Life! Seqiro thought. I sense faint life ahead—perhaps very primitive, in the depths of the ocean.

  "Then we're getting somewhere!"

  The signs became stronger. It was as if they were stepping through a paleontological exhibit, tracing the world from its sterile inception through the first suggestions of life and to the first multi-celled organisms. Things started showing in the water, living froth, then tiny jellylike creatures, then swimming crustaceans, and then actual fish.

  And another island. This one had shrubbery on it, or primitive trees. The bridge went right to it, each short segment appearing as they proceeded until one touched the island, and for the first time in hours they set foot on land.

  It was a relief to have the shade of femlike trees, but they decided not to linger, because the pontoon bridge seemed endlessly long on the Virtual Mode despite its shortness in any one reality, and they were limited to the supplies they carried. They could more readily rest after they got safely past this region.

  So with regret they moved out on the bridge again, trusting it to extend itself on through the Virtual Mode, and soon found themselves back in the middle of the placid sea.

  Until Colene stepped through a boundary and found herself in a wind-screaming storm. Big waves rocked the bridge so hard it seemed about to be torn away.

  She ducked back, and the storm cut off abruptly. Her hair was matted across her face and her blouse and jeans were wrinkled. "We've got a problem."

  So I saw. Seqiro had not yet crossed, but his mind had been with her. If it is confined to one reality, we can cross quickly.

  "Maybe so. But suppose it isn't?"

  We can wait for it to subside.

  "We don't know how long these storms last. Maybe it's always stormy in that reality."

  They discussed it, and decided to let Colene cross to the following reality, tied with a rope to Seqiro. The rope was part of his supplies, so would remain firm across the boundaries. If she got washed off the bridge, he would back away and haul her to this calm section. If she found that the following reality was calm, he would move across and rejoin her. They would remain in constant mental touch.