by Laine Watson
“You’ve been busy.” He places his salad down on the coffee table and gets his pasta bowl. He swirls the fork around, taking a spool of his pasta, and pushes it in his mouth. I stare at him. He’s casual, as he should be, probably contemplating when and where we’re going to have sex.
I can’t think about sex; I can’t even think about eating the rest of my food. My toes wiggle as questions linger on my tongue. I chew slowly, watching Haru. Maybe my stares are too heavy because he glances up mid-chew. He finishes chewing with suspicion in his eyes and swallows.
“Got something on your mind, princess?” He sets his plate down on the table.
I rub my hands together nervously. “Can we just talk?”
“Talk?’
I sigh softly.
“Sounds like you have something in mind.” He wipes his hands together, staring me down and cleaning his teeth with his tongue. He observes me a little longer, then he nods. “Okay. I said we could do anything you wanted to. I’m a man of my word.” He fans his hand as if to give me the floor. “So, talk.”
“Okay.” I sigh nervously, pursing my lips. “I was talking to Hayden the other day... He said you lived with him for a while.”
“I told you that—not specifically—but I told you I was couch-surfing for a few years.”
He’s getting annoyed already. He definitely was only thinking about having sex tonight.
I inhale deeply and let it out quietly. “I was just wondering how different you were back then. Since you pretty much know everything about me, I thought you could tell me a little more about you—those years in between us meeting. What did you do? Who did you hangout with? I stare at him. “What kind of girls did you like?”
His upper lip raises, and a slightly mocking “Heh” comes from his lips.
Immediately, I tense up. “You said we could talk; we could do whatever I wanted.” I defend.
He purses his lips with a deep swallow and closes his eyes. “Right. Whatever you want,” he says begrudgingly.
“And you won’t be mad?”
He leans back. “Yeah, I probably will. I’m annoyed now. After a hard day’s work, I thought I was coming home to my loving fiancé, who I would FUCK,” he says it so strongly, it makes me cringe. “Doesn’t look like we’ll be doing that tonight; you’re asking me about pointless shit. If I don’t feel like chatting about this, are you going to take back your ‘yes’?”
“What? No. I just...” I pause. “It’s not like I want to talk about it all night. I want to know about Max’s mom. She’s the only one I care about. You have a kid with her.”
“You shouldn’t care about her or what she was like. She was like every other chick.”
“The girls you dated—”
“I didn’t date anybody, princess,” he says with aggravation in his tone. “I fucked them, that’s all.”
I get a little flustered, breathing quickly and heavier, trying to stay focused. “Were they different?”
“I don’t fucking know. What are you asking? If I’ve fucked white girls or black girls? Yeah, I did. Whoever wanted it, could get it. If you were bold enough to approach me, you had me. There were no specifics.” He snarls at me.
“Why are you so angry, Haru? I just want to talk.”
“About stupid shit! Who cares about what fucking happened seven or eight years ago?”
“Was she Japanese?” I ask, silencing him.
Shock plasters his face.
She was. She had to be for him to respond like that.
“Why?” he asks through his teeth. “Do you think if she was, that discredits how much I love you? Or that I love you at all because you’re not Japanese? I could say the same thing. When did black women get into Asian guys?”
“No, that’s not it. I don’t love you because you’re Asian, that hasn’t nothing to do with it. I love you because you’re you. Do you love me because I’m a black woman?“
“I love everything you are, period.“
“Right. Sometimes it’s hard when you are from different cultures to know if someone loves you for you. I’m sorry I asked, but it’s been in the back of my mind. It’s not that it would discredit our love. It’s the woman you chose to sleep with—”
“I didn’t choose her.”
“You chose to have a baby with her.”
“No, the fuck, I didn’t. I didn’t even know.”
“You chose not to wear a condom.”
“I probably didn’t have one. There was no planning, princess. I wasn’t exactly the most put together guy back then. I’m still not.”
“You said you don’t remember her. I have a hard time believing that.”
“I—I know her face. I’m not lying, princess. She wasn’t special or anything. I know I had sex with her, but if I wouldn’t have seen a picture of her, I could have passed by her on the street and never noticed.”
“You said you didn’t remember having sex with her.”
Haru nods, full of contempt.
“What was her name?” I ask, point blank.
He closes his eyes and furrows his eyebrows. “Are you really going to do this?”
“What was it? You want me to be your wife, right?”
“You already said yes. Is this a threat or something? I don’t take kindly to threats.”
“Answer the question, Haru.”
He glances up in distress, choking on whatever words he wants to say. He licks his lips and anxiously shakes his head. “I don’t remember, Anika, Erika, something like that.”
“You really don’t remember?”
“No.” He pauses. “Princess, you don’t need to worry about this. We had sex once—one time. You’re the only person I’ve slept with more than twice. You’re the only woman who has met my family. Why does this matter at all?”
“Why do you get so angry when I want to know more about you?”
“This isn’t more about me. This is some insecure shit you’ve got going on because your mom’s a bitch. You got to let that go. We’re getting married, did you forget that? Did you forget that fucking ring on your finger? You’re the only one who has had that. Why are you bringing up shit that has no relevance? What you should be doing is planning a wedding, trying to work shit out with your cougar-ass mom and not worrying about this petty, little girl bullshit.”
My lip quivers. “Sometimes,” I peep, holding back my tears, “you’re mean, Haru.” I stomp off down the hall. My tears finally fall as I rush to the bed, cuddle up in a ball, and letting it all out.
Why is he so mad if he doesn’t remember? Why is wanting to know about Max’s mom a childish request? I lie in bed for a while, sobbing, wishing I had said nothing to Haru about his past. Haru and I have had fights, but he’s never been this mean.
Some time goes by, my tears have dried, and I’m cuddled up in the bed under the covers. Haru slowly comes into the room. I avoid looking into his semi-apologetic face. He sits at the edge of the bed. I turn over to face away from him.
“I’m sorry.” He offers. “I shouldn’t have said all that. I don’t know... These questions, all of a sudden, made me think you were having cold feet. I was angry because it scared me, like if you don’t like my answers, you’re not going to be with me, be with us.”
I don’t answer him; I’m still hurt.
“Okay, you win.” He sighs. “Her name was Emi.”
“So nothing like Anika or Erica?” I peep, not turning over to face him. I’m mad at him now.
“No, but I didn’t lie to you. I didn’t remember, but I thought about it. It’s something I don’t want to think about. We only had sex once. It’s a sore subject because she was my buddy’s girlfriend. He was a good friend. I wasn’t. We worked together.”
I think back immediately to the conversation Hayden and I had as Haru continues talking.
“They broke up, and she had a baby. We didn’t know. Then, out of nowhere, here’s Max.”
I turn over and sit up; the covers slide off me. “You
had sex with your friend’s girlfriend while they were together?”
He nods, tightening his lips with a shameful shake of his head. “Not my finest moment... Princess, I don’t want you to know that guy. He was reckless and stupid, childish and careless. I never want to be him again. Since you came into my life, I’ve been trying so hard not to turn back into him—for Max, for you. When you said you would come here with me and accepted my proposal, I felt like I could be a good guy and have a regular life—be in love. When you started asking these questions, I felt like those possibilities might slip through my fingers.”
“Yeah, but you don’t have to erase who you were. I’m not going to take back my answer. That guy is a part of what makes you who you are today. He’s important.”
“No, you’re important. I feel like we keep having this same conversation. My life didn’t start until Max, and I didn’t start living until you. Before I was going to school and working, I didn’t have a life, and then I had a sex-filled careless life. Now, somehow, I’ve found balance. I finally feel like there’s a reason I’m here, that I’m alive.”
I listen to him, my heart beating so rapidly with love for him.
“I want you to open up a little more sometimes, even if it’s hard to.”
“I can try, princess.” He sighs. “So, we’re good?”
“Yeah.” I smile.
Chapter Nine: Max’s Incredible Sundae
It’s Sunday, and we’ve spent much of the day on a hunt for sugary treats. Max has taken us all over the city to find the perfect ingredients to make sundaes together.
Max runs ahead of us as we head into the house. I’m carrying a plain yellow cake with no frosting in a paper bag from the small bakery we just came from. Haru is holding bags from the grocery store. Max has two enormous tubs of frozen custard in a white paper bag we got from the creamery down the street. Max places the ice cream cartons on the island counter.
“Okay, we’re almost ready for our ‘chill’ party.” Max gleams.
“You keep calling it that. What exactly are we doing, buddy?” Haru asks.
“We’re going to chill,” Max says proudly.
“I think you’re too young to chill.” Haru furrows his eyebrows.
“No, Dad. Hang out. Like you and Mom just put on some house clothes. Me too. We’ll have some pizza and watch movies, make my incredible sundaes.”
Haru smirks. “You have incredible sundaes?”
“Yeah, I was going to make it a surprise, but you ruined the surprise, Dad.”
“I think it’ll be awesome.” I smile.
“It is! Okay. I’ll be right back.” Max darts up the stairs.
“This is your fault.” Haru places the plastic bags on the table, eyeing me.
I can’t help but smile.
“We could have been having crazy, nasty, naked sex, all weekend—need I remind you we didn’t have sex last night either—now we’re stuck making sugar-coma cups and watching kiddy movies.”
“Ah, whatever. You love it.”
“I would have loved to...”
“Okay. I’m ready!” Max jumps off the last few stairs.
I cover my mouth to shield my quiet laugh. Haru has turned bright red.
“You should watch your mouth. Imagine the conversation if Max heard what you were about to say,” I whisper to Haru.
Max dances around the kitchen, heading over to the island. “Wait.” He stops, hands in the air, mid-move. “I forgot something.” He darts back up the stairs.
I put the ice cream cartons in the freezer. “He’s hyper today.”
“I’m going to be hyper too, all this energy.” Haru kisses me as I close the freezer. Our eyes lock, his sweet stare captivates me. “I’m sorry about being an ass last night.”
“That’s okay, you made up for it. We talked about a lot of stuff. Thanks for letting me in a little more.”
“So, what we talked about? The wedding...”
“Yes, Haru, I’m thinking about a date.”
“Any date is fine with me. Just choose it, and I’ll be there.”
“You’re not helping me plan it?”
“What? No.” He scoffs. “They have people you pay to do that shit for you. When are we going to have time to do it? You’re in school, doing an internship, being a mom, and shit, then there’s all your wifely duties you have to perform for me. You won’t have time for that shit. And I’m not doing it, so don’t even ask.” He chuckles.
“Fine, I’ll interview some wedding planners.”
“Now, that sounds like a great idea.”
“Pizza time!” Max shouts.
“Pizza sounds delicious. Mostly because I don’t have to cook,” I say.
Haru arches his neck. “I thought you enjoyed cooking.”
“I do. I also like when I don’t have to.”
“Fair enough.”
“Where are we getting it from?” I ask.
“The pizzeria. Can we get that big gigantic one on the window? I bet I can eat half of it,” Max exclaims.
“Or we’ll be eating pizza all next week.” I laugh.
“Huge window pizza it is!” Haru agrees.
I call the pizzeria to place the order for delivery. While I’m on the phone, Max and Haru chat.
“Dad, can we watch movies on the floor in the den while we eat?”
“Yeah, we can do that.”
“Can we watch a scary movie later?”
“Sure.”
“With the lights off?”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah. I’m not scared anymore. I’m almost eight!”
“You’ll be seven this year, buddy.” Haru chuckled.
“I know, and that’s almost eight.” Max grinned.
“Then, I guess so, but only if you’re not scared.”
“I’m not!” He jumps up and down. “Let me go get the pillows set up!” He speeds off down the hall.
“He’s super excited,” I say, end the call to the pizza place.
“Yeah, he was only at my parents’ one day. You’d think we left him there a month.”
“Well, he was there during that break, and he’s consistently been going every weekend since then. He’s probably just happy to have a weekend with us.”
Haru nods.
“I think I’ll go change too—put on something to lounge in and pretend I’m watching scary movies.”
“He’ll be pretending too. I don’t know why he thinks it’s manly to watch scary movies.”
“I’m sure he’s sleeping with us tonight.”
“Definitely. Which is tragic. I won’t even be able to get any quiet sex or morning sex. Maybe we should go to his room and have sex.”
“NO! Haru.”
“Not on his bed,” he says, in his own defense, as if that’s better.
“I can’t... with you.” I leave him in the kitchen and change clothes.
I head into the den. Max and Haru are sitting on the pillows around the coffee table. The pizza is in the middle of the table, and the disposable plates, forks, knives, and pizza condiments are next to it.
“Wow, this pizza really is huge!” I exclaim.
“Yeah, let’s try to eat as much as we can!” Max insists. “Oh, wait! We can’t! We have to make the sundaes. You know how I’m going to make it, Mom?”
“How?”
“We can cut the cake and put it at the bottom, then we put the ice cream in the middle, sprinkle some cookies on top and the graham crackers, then pour a bunch of hot fudge or caramel, or both on top. It’ll be so awesome.”
“It sounds awesome, I can’t wait,” I enthuse with him.
“Let’s dig in,” Haru suggests, scooting forward.
We each get a slice of pizza and start munching on it. It’s the perfect temperature, just warm enough for the cheese to melt. We moan at the deliciousness.
“Wow, this is great.” Max says, as he tries to balance his sliding cheese on the rest of his slice of pizza.
Haru
gobbles up six slices before I can even finish one. When he leans in for his seventh piece, I try to hold in my laugh as his eyes dart over to me and his cheeks turn red, but I can’t.
Haru still grabs the pizza and takes a big, cheesy bite, then kisses me with his greasy lips.
I squeeze my eyes tight with a bit of a smile. “Gross.” I balance my square slice of pizza as Haru pushes me back a little.
“Dad, I dare you to eat ten slices!” Max licks his greasy fingers. Before Haru can answer, Max reaches for another slice of pizza.
“Max! Go wash your hands! You just licked all over them.” I giggle.
“Oh, right.” He smiles, running to the bathroom.
“I’ll win that bet.” Haru smirks, confidently. We hear the water running from the sink.
The sound quickly disappears. Haru takes another slice of pizza as Max runs back into the den and grabs the piece of pizza he wanted before and sits down on the floor.
“Dad? Did you hear me?”
“I already ate eight slices, Buddy. You sure you want to make that bet?”
“Okay. I bet you can’t eat twenty slices.”
“You’re on!” Haru stuffs the rest of his slice of pizza in his mouth and reaches for another.
“Haru, don’t make yourself sick!” I caution, closing the box before things get out of hand.
He scoffs and turns his lip up playfully, glancing at Max. “She’s such a mom.”
I bat my eyes.
“Aw, a shy smile,” he says, staring back at me.
“Okay, Mom. We’ll eat right.” Max grins and then takes a small bite and chews while trying to smile.
We all laugh and eat a regular amount of pizza. For me, it’s two slices. Max has four and Haru ended up having exactly ten.
After we clean up the den, we head to the kitchen. Max takes a stool out of the pantry and excitedly pulls a tub of ice cream out of the freezer.
“Okay, you guys, go back in the den. I’ll bring you your...” He steps back and dramatically says, “... incredible sundae!”
Haru smirks. “They must be amazing.”
“Nope. They’re incredible,” Max says proudly. “Max’s incredible sundaes.”
