by Laine Watson
“My... world?” My eyes widened with curiosity.
“Yeah. You can scrap it if you don’t like it. We could even come up with something together, but... I was thinking.” She pursed her lips, a tranquil smile appearing on her lips, as if she could see her concept right before her eyes. “You’ll be the goddess of summer, and Arima will be the god of spring.”
“What?” My eyebrows furrow, and my stomach flutters a bit. Just hearing such a thing tightens my chest. Immediately, whatever it entails, I love it. God of spring?
“Yeah, I did some research. ‘Haru’ means ‘spring’ in Japanese.”
“Really? Are you sure?”
“Yeah, pretty sure.”
I smile girlishly, my eyes verging on tearing up. I glance up at the ceiling with a quivering sigh. “I didn’t know that. It’s almost like it was always meant to be.”
“I thought that too, but that’s way too mushy to be true.”
I wonder if it is, though. The more I know him, the deeper in love with him I fall. Making love with him has always been amazing, but now, it’s surpassed even my wildest dreams.
“What are you thinking about? You have this unbelievably happy yet concerned stare in your eyes.
“I’m thinking about Haru and me.”
“What about you guys?”
“I don’t know why, but every time Haru and I are around each other lately, I feel so... easily persuaded.” I dart my eyes to the floor and then toward the door.
“Heh. I think you mean, submissive.” She smirks, tilting her head to the right a little.
A slight gasp slips from my lips as I arrow my eyes over at her.
“Maybe that’s your role,” Darby says.
“It’s my role to do whatever he says?” I snap.
“No.” She giggles, waving her hand in the air. “When you say, ‘easily persuaded’ you mean regarding intimacy, right?”
“Yeah, I think so. It’s strange talking about it with you, or anyone really.” I arrow my eyes in a different direction, inhaling sharply as I shift, my bent leg hitting the edge of the table.
“Don’t be weirded out, it’s fine.” She rolls her eyes at me with a frown. “You have to talk to someone. I wish we talked more about your life.” The tiniest gasp slips past her lips as if maybe she didn’t mean to say that. Her gaze shifts to the pillows on the floor.
Her somber expression raises concern in me.
“I wish we’d spend more time together.” She twiddles her fingers as her shoulders uncomfortably shift. “I’m really happy you asked me to do this. I want it to be the most amazing experience of your life. Plus, we have an excuse for us to hang out.” She smiles nostalgically.
“I’m glad I asked you too.” I sniff the air. “Is being submissive bad?”
“What I meant by that is—okay. Do you ever like, want him to take you right then and do naughty, naughty things to you?” She giggles mischievously.
My cheeks burn. “Pretty much. And I want him to call me princess or make me call him ‘Daddy.’”
“He makes you call him that?” She laughs goofily.
I nod, my cheeks burning as I try to contain my smile. “Sex is new; it’s not like it used to be. So, I think about it a lot.”
“Of course it’s not like it used to be. You were a virgin, right? He’s probably ready to take the training wheels off.”
I gulp, my cheeks burn, my chest tightens, and my heart sinks deep into my stomach. Training wheels?
“Well, you look like you hadn’t considered he might, up to this point, have been holding back.”
“You think so?” I say, a little less embarrassed and a lot more curious.
“More than likely, but that’s a good thing.”
I close my eyes slowly and take a deep breath. “Yeah, it is.”
“I’m sure he wants to explore new ways of making love with you. You just have to be open to it. Maybe you should be submissive or ‘easily persuaded’. Maybe that will let him know you’re ready for more without you having to say it.”
Our eyes lock.
“Yeah.” I lower my head. “It would suck to have to tell him I want more. I do, though.” I gather up the courage to look her in her eyes and really talk to her about what I’m feeling, “What is more?”
“He’ll show you.” She smiles, naughtily.
“I can’t show him anything.” I frown.
“I think you’ve shown him a lot.” She pauses and I stare at her earnestly. “You’ve given him something I don’t think he’s ever known—that’s what it seems like. So let him give you something you’ve never known.”
“Yeah. Talking to you about it... it’s like you’re saying what I feel, but it’s not bad. It’s like I look at it from a negative light. Somehow you turn it around and make it okay, however I’m feeling.”
“Sometimes it takes the outlook of another person who cares for you, for you to see things. I’ll always be here to be that person to help you see who you are and the things you want are just as important as everyone else’s.”
“I know that or at least I’m starting to know that. With Haru... It’s just not like I thought it would be. I’m like a little girl.” I glance up at her with vulnerable eyes. “He still makes my heart jump. My skin tingles, and my chest caves in for the first few minutes, even when I wake up beside him.”
I long for the lovemaking we had the night he tied my wrists—I dream about it. From time to time, I become immobile with flashbacks and the rush of the atmosphere from that night.
I can’t focus on that, though. I have to be here with Darby. I don’t want her to catch me veering off in thought and make me reveal them to her. I don’t want to say anymore.
“That’s phenomenal. It’s not like a little girl. It’s being in love. I hope someday I can love someone so much. I hope I can continue to be amazed by them, by discovering deeper layers of them. I want that, at least I think I do.” She pauses. “But this isn’t about me, this is about you and marrying the only man who has seen your vagina.” She laughs. “He’s special.”
“He is special.”
Darby reaches for a binder on the table and lays it in front of her. After she opens it, she reaches for a cookie and takes a bite. “Okay, so like I said, I don’t know exactly where the wedding’ll be right now, but I’m still searching for a place that’s like Mount Olympus or at least is close enough and has pillars. That’s the important part—the pillars. Everything else I can improvise and create something beautiful for you. First things first, though, who is your maid of honor, and who are your bridesmaids?”
“Oh, I never thought about it. I guess I only really have two friends. You and Mira.”
“Who’s Mira?”
“She’s my mentor. She’s the one who suggested I intern at the high school.”
“So, you’ll have one maid of honor and one bridesmaid?”
“No, maybe I don’t have a maid of honor, maybe I’ll have two bridesmaids.”
“Okay, that’s easy. We can both have the same dress. Perfect. I accept, even if you didn’t ask me. I know you were going to. So that’s that.” She turns the page and rips out the page behind it. Give this to Arima, he has to have two groomsmen too—only two.”
I giggle. “You’re taking this very seriously.”
“Of course, I am. It’s your wedding. It has to be special. I don’t have whatever qualifications you need to be a wedding planner, but I do qualify as a best friend, so it’s my job to make sure your wedding is something you’ll enjoy, love and cherish for the rest of your life.”
“I’m sure I will.”
“Just give me a few weeks to figure out a destination. Until then, let’s talk engagement party, bridal shower? Oh, do you have any pictures of you when you were a baby or a kid.”
“I don’t have any of when I was a baby, but I have a few from when I was a kid. I think they’re in an old shoebox in the guest room closet.”
“Get them. I need them,” she says
, smartly.
“Okay.” I narrow my eyes at her with a curious stare. I don’t question her, though. I go into the guest room and open the closet and sift through a few old shoe boxes and Christmas popcorn tins. I make it to an orange one with lots of old pictures in them. I search for some of me as a kid. I find a few, none of them with my mother, only of me.
I close the box and push it back to the back underneath some other shoe boxes and take the pictures to Darby.
“You seem off today.” She frowns, slowly tucking the pictures into a sleeve in the book.
“I’m fine.” I force a smile.
“So, the bridal shower and the engagement party?”
“Yeah,” I say, hesitantly. Those are things a mother should attend; she should be my side, not assuming no one could ever love me or want me enough to marry me.
“You sounded uncertain. Don’t you trust me? I wouldn’t do anything or plan anything that would make you uncomfortable.”
“No, no, that’s not it. It’s... my mom. Even though I hate her so much, I really wish she wanted to be here.”
“Your mom is a royal bitch. Still, she’s your mom.”
“Right. She should be helping. Her snide remarks about the house, my choices, and wedding plans shouldn’t be surrounding us and pissing us off. It’s not the same, taking such a big step without her. She’s an annoying bitch, but she’s my annoying bitch.”
“So, call her.”
“I already called her and tried to get her to help, but it was just like every other time. She doesn’t think he can love me.” My shoulders slump as I lower my chin into my chest.
“Invite her. If she comes, then cool. If she doesn’t, at least you know she’s still a bitch.”
“I don’t know.”
“Take it slow. Let’s finish planning out the engagement party and bridal shower and then ask her if she’ll come to the engagement party. If she says no, then wait a while and ask her if she’ll come to the bridal shower.”
I take a deep breath. “I could try.”
“Worst-case scenario, she actually shows up. If you keep asking, I’m sure eventually she’ll come around.”
“Maybe.”
“So...” She shuffles some papers around after pushing the last of her cookie in her mouth.
I take a sip of milk. As she talks, I grab another cookie.
“The engagement party, I was thinking about having it at that revolving restaurant. We get a few reserved tables—”
“If Haru is okay with the restaurant, okay. But I don’t want to invite a bunch of people.”
“You don’t know a bunch of people to invite.”
“I do too. I have lots of people who I could invite,” I defend myself. “The counselors at the school, Max’s teacher, some parents from Max’s playdates.” While I’m saying all this, Darby writes something. “What are you writing?”
“Everything you said. I knew if I asked you to tell me who you wanted to invite, you’d say something like no one, or only the wedding party. Bullshit. We’re inviting all those people—”
“But—”
“To the wedding and bridal shower. I’ll give you the engagement party. Just you and Haru and whoever he wants to invite, plus the wedding party. Deal?”
“Deal,” I huff.
“You invite your mother.”
“Okay.”
“Now.”
“But we don’t—”
“Whatever you’re going to say, we do! It’ll be at the revolving restaurant, on... on...” She scrambles through the planner. “Two Fridays from this Friday. Call her now and invite her.”’
“What time?”
“Seven. I’ll get the invitations out as soon as I find a location. So don’t worry.”
Hesitantly, I take my phone out and send pouty eyes across the room at Darby as I hold my phone in my hand.
“Call her already!”
I unlock my phone screen and call my mother, putting the phone to my ear.
“Speakerphone!” Darby demands.
I place it on speakerphone and hold it between us. The rings are loud, almost echoing. She’s not going to answer.
“Hello, Summer,” my mother says.
“Uh. Hi, Mom. Are you—Are you still mad at me?”
“Disappointed, not mad.”
“Why were you—”
“Sh-sh-sh!” Darby corrects me with quiet, forceful, angry, shushing sounds. “Stay focused. You’re calling to ask about the engagement party.” She whispered.
“Right.” I sigh. “Well, we still haven’t exactly picked a date, but we’re planning the wedding. The engagement party is in a few weeks. I was wondering if you wanted to come to it.” I gulp.
First, there is silence. I glance up at Darby; our eyes stare intensely at one another.
And then a mocking laugh comes from the phone.
“I told you already. Whenever you’re ready to stop pretending to be in a relationship with a grown man and playing house and come to your senses, you can come home.”
I roll my eyes, then plant them back on Darby, who is quiet now.
“I’m not playing house; we’re getting married,” I say through my teeth, still trying to maintain some niceties. “And I’d very much like it if you’d come to our engagement party.”
“If it’s so legit, then why are you rushing.”
“We’re not rushing.”
“It takes months and months to plan a wedding, sometimes years.”
“It’s just the engagement party, Mom. Will you please come?”
“No!”
“Why?” I say and lose the niceness and my mature stance. “Why can’t you accept he loves me?”
“Because he’s a grown ass man with pubic hair older than you.”
Gross. He doesn’t have pubes he’s—what am I talking about? “Mom! He loves me!”
“Maybe he thinks he does. Maybe he’s going through an early mid-life crisis. That means when he goes through his real mid-life crisis in ten years, he’ll leave you for a twenty-two-year-old who isn’t as sheltered as you with bigger boobs and less brain.”
“What are you talking about, Mom? Why would you say that? You’re such a bitch!”
“Call me a bitch one more time, and I’ll come straight to Missouri and slap the shit out of you. I know you haven’t lost your mind enough to forget who you’re talking to. Don’t let that man get you an ass beating.”
“You’re threatening me? All I want is for you to be a part of the most important day of my life.”
“Marrying someone who considers you the maid for hire, and screwable? I’m sorry, no, I won’t. I taught you better than that.”
“You don’t know who he considers me to be! So, which is it Mom? Am I pretending this is an actual relationship or am I his early mid-life crisis?”
“Probably both. Either way, I won’t be taking off work to come see that bullshit.”
I screech at the top of my lungs; Darby is quiet, and I barely notice her. “Why?! Would you at least come to the bridal shower? The wedding?”
“I already said I wasn’t coming to the wedding, Summer. So why the hell would I come to the festivities leading up to it? Don’t call me with this nonsense.”
“Mom!”
“When you’re ready to come back home and continue your studies...”
“Mom! Listen!”
“And you’re done pretending to be in a relationship, being a mother—you don’t know how to be a mother or take care of a man. You’ll ruin all of your lives with this petty self-righteousness.”
“Mom!”
“Watch your tone, little girl! You don’t talk to me like that. You keep all that disrespect and lashing out right in Missouri. If you get the urge to call me again, wondering if I’d like to participate in your bullshit-ass life, I’ll have the same words to say to you: bring your ass home and do what you’re supposed to do. You’re not supposed to be marrying a man with a child, being fast, and letting a man rule
over you when he doesn’t even want you.”
“He does want me!” I say, unable to keep myself from crying.
“Goodbye, Summer! No one can ever tell you anything. When this all comes crashing down on top of you, I can say I told you so!”
“It’s not—” I pause. “Mom?” I whimper, “Mom...
The call ends, and the phone falls out of my hand. I sniffle and fall to the sofa cushions. I hold the temples of my head and scream through my sobs, “She won’t even listen to me.”
Darby sits next to me and wraps her arms around me, “I’m sorry. Maybe you shouldn’t have called her.”
“It’s not your fault. I wanted to.” I sniffle. “I want her to be happy for me—to view me as valuable.”
“I don’t know what to say, Summer.”
I lay my head on Darby’s shoulder and cry. “She thinks Haru is out of my league, she thinks he’s in hers or something. Like I could never get him. Why is he so much better than me in her eyes? Why can’t she see that we’re equal? It doesn’t matter how much education he has or how much money, or even that he has a child. I’m just as significant to him as he is to me. She’ll never be able to see that.”
“She might be. But it might be too late.” Darby sighs, “I think maybe Haru’s parents don’t come to the engagement party either.”
I sniffle and sit up, smiling sadly. “That will alleviate my having to uncomfortably stumble through explaining why my mom isn’t there?”
She laughs and places her hand on my shoulder. “Precisely.”
“I’m sure they know she didn’t give us her blessing with how she acted at their house—so embarrassing. I can’t believe she did it in front of Max.” I sighed. “They haven’t said anything about it, though.”
“Don’t worry. It’s your big day. I know you want your mom there, but if she isn’t, you’ll still marry the man you love. It’ll be okay.”
“Yeah.”
Chapter Twelve: Look at Them
After the chat with my mother, I assume there is no way we’ll ever be on good terms. Part of me wants to contact her and try to explain things to her. I don’t know why my happiness isn’t enough for her to at least be supportive.
In the weeks between that time and the engagement party, I have homework. I have to find a wedding dress I like and go over the thirty theme-based dresses Darby chooses for the bridesmaids. All of them are being handmade by a boutique. I end up liking one of the thirty bridesmaids’ dresses and not one of the actual wedding gowns. Darby says she’ll ‘goddess’ it up for me. I choose my bridesmaids’ dresses. Haru also has homework, and he gets it done with no problem, in just a few days. I take all two weeks to make my decisions. After they take our measurements, we just have to wait for the fittings.
