by Hart, Eve R.
He took two more steps, stopping right in front of my bed. Then he turned, giving me his back. I peeked up through my lashes and the anguish and pain were clear as day on his face in the reflection of the TV.
“Everything is so fucking screwed up,” he said. “I know you’re not a kid. I haven’t thought of you as one, really. Yeah, at first, there was so much going on and I didn’t really notice you. It’s shit to say, but it’s the truth. But then one day, you were giving Dade hell and it was like you stepped out of the shadows. I can’t even tell you what the two of you were fighting about.”
He sighed and his chin dropped to his chest.
I whispered his name but he just shook his head.
“I tried to ignore it,” he said and I sat there and listened. “You’re Dade’s sister and I didn’t want to cause a rift in the club. I’m no good for you and I knew Dade would see it too. So I hid everything. Then one day I was like fuck it, you know. I was going to talk to him and tell him everything. In my mind, I figured he’d kick my ass and if I was lucky, he’d tell me he was okay with it.”
My heart was beating out of control. I didn’t have a clue about any of this. That he liked me. That he thought about me. That he wanted something with me, maybe?
“So what happened?” I asked tentatively. The answer to that question was swimming around in my stomach. I had an idea what happened but maybe I needed him to say it.
“He died,” Charming whispered and the pain was straining his voice.
A tear slipped down my cheek, and then another one.
“I tried to save him. There was so much blood and I kept trying. The whole time I’m screaming at God to bring him back even though I knew better.” With every word he spoke, more tears slid down my face. “I failed him. I failed you. I failed my club. Don’t you see it? I don’t deserve you and I’ve been trying to ride this thin line of being there for you and keeping my feelings at bay.”
“What if I don’t want you to?” I asked and hesitantly slid off the end of the bed.
“I can’t, Abigail. It doesn’t feel right.”
“As sad as I am, and as painful as it is to say, Dade is gone. He’s not coming back. That’s not your fault. It’s not Iron’s. It’s not this club’s. I don’t blame any of that and you shouldn’t either. You did what you could, but it was just too late.”
He let out a heavy sigh, his body visibly rising and falling with the sound. I wasn’t sure if he really heard me or if he believed the words I’d said. The guilt was crushing him and I had no idea about any of it. I didn’t know that he blamed himself. And it made my chest hurt knowing that he’d been living with it all this time.
I tiptoed around him, moving until I could see his face. When his eyes met mine, I smiled softly. He gave me a small, sad one back.
“You kissed Blade,” he said low and with a dark edge to his tone.
I cringed.
“Yeah, can we just forget about that part?”
“You liked it?”
“Yes, it was pretty great,” I said and then my eyes went wide because I, sure as heck, didn’t mean to say that out loud. “I mean, no. Kiss? I don’t even remember it.”
He huffed out a laugh.
“I was kind of jealous.”
“Only kind of?” I said and drifted closer to him.
“No, I was really fucking jealous.” Something in his voice told me it wasn’t necessarily a jealousy that he minded though. I wasn’t sure what that meant.
“I’d like to tell you that you’re better, but I wouldn’t know,” I teased with a smile. I was two seconds away from pulling out the bad girl hidden inside and doing the exact same thing I’d done to Blade to Charming.
“Fuck it,” he breathed out and before I could blink, his lips were on mine.
This kiss was different from the one with Blade. Was it wrong that I was comparing the two? Blade hadn’t been my first, but his definitely made me forget all of the others. Not that there had been many. Two, before him. Yep, it was crazy that I was doubling my kissing numbers in one day. That should have been a little wrong, right?
Okay, I was clearly thinking too much.
But it was hard not to.
While I had really liked Blade’s kiss, there was something about it that didn’t give me butterflies and fireworks. I knew he’d held back and didn’t give me the full-Blade-Frenchie, but I could tell the talent there. It made me feel heated, yes, but I didn’t feel it all the way down to my toes.
But Charming’s kiss.
Holy rocket ships!
There wasn’t a single part of my body that wasn’t tingling.
My body swayed and his arms were wrapping around my waist to hold me steady.
“No, no, no,” I mumbled as he started to pull away.
I kept my eyes closed but I felt his lips curve up against mine. But it was only for a second before his soft lips pressed against mine again, this time the hesitation was gone. Thank goodness. And also, I was so not ready for it. I thought it was wonderful before, but now, as his mouth opened, causing mine to do the same, I melted.
His tongue swiped over mine. And again. It was like a snake charmer, calling mine out to play. Like a little hussy, my tongue obeyed.
It didn’t last nearly as long as I’d hoped, though. He softly pulled away and when I blinked my eyes open, he was giving me that ridiculous half-smile. I wanted to roll my eyes at it. I also wanted to lick it.
“You taste like meat and cheese,” he whispered.
“Oh, no,” I said as I whipped around and covered my mouth. His laugh didn’t help ease my embarrassment. I used my tongue to feel around hoping that I didn’t have little bits of turkey chunks floating around.
“Hey, I like meat and cheese.”
“That is so not attractive,” I said refusing to face him again.
His phone went off and a moment later, the happy little jingle was silenced.
“I have to go,” he told me and I could hear the disappointment in his tone.
“Oh, yeah, sure, okay.” I turned then with the intention of walking him to the door.
“I have a shift today.”
“Work, right. People do that and stuff,” I said lamely.
“So, um, was it good?” he asked, his hand rising and moving behind his head. Then it was moving back and forth as he rubbed the back of his neck. I was mesmerized by his flexing muscles.
“Huh?” I asked trying to figure out what he was talking about.
“The kiss, good?”
“Oh, yeah. It was great,” I told him with a sly smile.
“Better than Blade?”
My head fell back and I laughed. He wasn’t jealous, I could tell. But I liked the way he eased the situation.
“I don’t know. It’s been a while since I kissed Blade. I might have to do a side-by-side comparison to be able to make a true decision.”
His brow raised like he wasn’t quite sure if I was joking or not. And because I was in a fun mood, I let him go on wondering about it.
His mouth opened, then closed. His brows pinched together as he shook his head.
“I need more time than I have now,” he told me and I gave him a knowing nod. He loved his job and took it seriously. There was no way I’d ever get in between that. Not even now when there were clearly things we needed to figure out. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Have a good shift,” I called out lamely as he walked to the stairs.
I closed the door and collapsed against it.
Yes, there were things to figure out.
But maybe I was okay with not having all the answers for now.
Oh, how quickly I had gone from no attention in years to kissing not one, but two men in a day.
I felt a little dirty, but in a good way.
Nope, I didn’t hate it at all.
And I sure as heck didn’t think about what that meant too much.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Charming
Normally, I loved my jo
b. But the shift today seemed too damn long and I felt like I was a little out of it. That wasn’t good. People depended on me and I couldn’t allow myself to be distracted. It could cost someone their life.
Needless to say, by the end of shift I was definitely ready for a beer.
But first, I needed a damn shower.
I made it back to the compound and jogged up the stairs to my room. As I passed by Blade’s door, it popped open like he’d been waiting for me. I shook my head and kept walking, Biscuit hot on my heels. I opened my door, which was only a few steps away from his, and let it swing wide as I flicked on the light.
I heard Blade walk in as I made my way to the bathroom.
“I need a shower. If you are going to say shit, say it while I’m scrubbing,” I told him and stripped out of my shirt then tossed it into the hamper. I did the same with my pants and boxer-briefs.
I grabbed a fresh towel and then started the shower.
Damn the water felt good.
“You know what that was about earlier?” he asked from the other side of the threshold to the bathroom.
“Which part?”
“All of it.”
“Honestly, I think she has a thing for both of us. And maybe she’s tired of feeling like no one sees her for who she really is,” I answered as I ran body wash all over myself.
“You talk to her about what happened?” he asked.
“No,” I answered with a sigh. I don’t think I could if I tried.
It wasn’t something I ever wanted her to see. I couldn’t imagine seeing me with another woman sat great in her mind. Not to mention that Blade was also there.
Abigail might have said she wasn’t so innocent, but she definitely had never done anything like that before. I knew it even before she started asking questions.
A small chuckle escaped me as I remembered her mouth vomit about the whole thing.
“What’s funny?” Blade asked, snatching me out of my head.
“She started asking all these questions about what she saw. I don’t think she really meant to ask them out loud. But it was kind of funny.”
“I talked to her after it.”
“You did?” I asked and peeked my head out of the shower to look at him. Nope, he wasn’t joking. “What did you say?”
“That I knew she was a woman and there was no need to be embarrassed about seein’ it.”
“Huh,” I said as I pondered how that worked out. I ducked under the spray and rinsed the suds out of my hair.
In a way, I wished that I had the courage to do that. She did seem more at ease around him than she was with me. She didn’t hesitate to kiss him, that was for sure.
“Why didn’t you go after her?” I asked replaying his stern ‘no we don’t’ from that night in my head.
“Because she didn’t need me to. She saw it. It happened. I’m not ashamed and she didn’t need me running after her making a thing about it.”
“How are you better at this than I am?” I asked with a huffed out laugh.
Blade wasn’t all that great with people and yeah, I knew that was no secret. Me, I was, naturally. I was good in stressful situations and I knew how to keep others calm. But something about Abigail caused the protector in me to draw his shield around her. To cover her up in bubble wrap and keep her hidden from the more seedy part of this life.
“I see her differently than you do,” he answered without a hint of anger or smugness in his tone. “But maybe that’s not what she needs from you.”
“What does she need from me?”
“Fuck if I know. You’re going to have to figure that out on your own. I gave her what she needed and got you to snap to. The rest is on you.”
“So, you’re not interested?” I asked because I had been thinking about it for the last few hours. I wasn’t ready to fight a brother and I didn’t like the idea of making Abigail choose. Something about that didn’t sit right with me. But I figured we could take things slow and if she needed to explore things with Blade too, then I wasn’t going to stand in the way.
That said, I might not have been so cool with it had it been anyone else.
“No, brother, I’m not going to get in your way.” I heard him moving away. “Come on, baby.”
I turned the water off just in time to hear the door click closed behind him.
That didn’t exactly answer my question.
It did tell me that he felt something but maybe he wasn’t all that sure of what it was. To everyone else, the feelings I had for Abigail weren’t known. I kept that shit locked up tight. But fucking Blade was always in the background watching and I knew I couldn’t hide things from him. He point-blank asked me about it one day and I stupidly told him the truth. I was kind of glad I did though because he’d given me the courage to talk to Dade. You know, that talk that I never got to have.
I put on some clean clothes and dragged my ass down to the bar. Since the clubhouse wasn’t all that full, I decided to make the journey out front to the club owned bar. I wasn’t in the mood to be social, but then again I wasn’t in the mood to be alone. Yeah, one of those weird kind of nights. I always figured it was best to push myself when I felt like this, not let the darkness settle for too long in my head. The things I’d done, the things I’d seen, yeah, they got to me sometimes. All the people I wasn’t able to save. It made it so much worse when those people were ones you knew. Ones you went through hell with and dug your way back out. Ones you laughed with while hunkered down in abandoned buildings with nothing but dirt for floors.
I was smart enough to know that losing Dade was bringing up old shit. It didn’t matter how long I’d been out— or in, for that matter, I’d seen enough to last a lifetime.
I was one of the lucky ones though, or so I thought on most days. The ghosts, they haunted me, but they didn’t mess with my head to the point that I couldn’t find the line of normalcy. I still had a life and was able to make the best of it.
A heavy hand landed on my shoulder just as Prez’s frame caught my attention out of the corner of my eye. Yep, standing right there at my side and I knew the words that were going to come out of his mouth.
“You doin’ alright?” he asked and because I’d been right, my mouth curled up into a simple smile.
It never seemed to fail the kind of comfort those three words always brought me. That question that he was always asking everyone might have seemed generic but since I knew the man well, I saw the worry in it every single time he asked it.
“I’m not sure,” I said with a small chuckle. “Ask me after three beers.”
He laughed at my joke, thank God.
“Heard there was quite a scene earlier,” he said as his body lowered down to the stool beside me. “Did Abigail really kiss Blade?”
“Oh, yeah,” I said and both of us laughed. “She was fired up, you know how she can get. Then she marched over to him and planted one right on his lips. I have to admit, I was a little shocked and I kind of wanted to laugh at the same time.”
“What made it great though,” Tripp said from the other side of me as he leaned forward, “was how she yelled out how she wasn’t a kid and stomped off.”
“That the whole point of the thing?” Iron asked. There was something in his tone that told me he was worried about her. It didn’t surprise me. We’d all kind of been keeping an eye on her, some of us more than others, though.
“She just got in one of her moods and went off,” I told him brushing it off.
“I don’t think that was why,” Tripp said as he got to his feet. “But I’d rather be talking to a chick than talking about one, so I’m out.”
With a clap to the back, he took his beer and headed off to the other side of the bar where Sketch and Fire Beard were playing pool. You wanted someone to warm your bed for the night, Sketch was the best one to hang around. Sometimes he had too many bees and not enough honey to go around.
I started in before Iron could even get a word out because I knew it was coming and I was
n’t the type to keep things from my Prez. Besides, it was a matter of time before he figured out what was going on, if he hadn’t already.
“I think she’s a little tired of being treated like a kid.”
“This about sex?” he asked looking a little uncomfortable.
“Yeah,” I said as I blew out a long breath. “So, the other night she walked in on Blade and me.”
He cut his eyes over to me and raised a brow.
“I think she was more curious than anything. It started this whole thing, I won’t give you all the details, but I’m done.”
“Done?”
“Yeah,” I said with a nod. “I’ve fucked up so many times when it comes to her and I’m going for it now. I know the timing is shit and I don’t deserve her. I won’t lie, I’m torn about this. I have been for a while. He’s gone, I can’t change that. But I can honor him by being true to myself, taking life by the balls, and giving her one hell of a future. One where she’s taken care of and loved. I won’t sit here and try to put words in a dead man’s mouth, but I think he’d want that for her.”
It gutted me to say that. Dade was gone. He wasn’t coming back no matter how much it hurt. Some things you just had to accept and try your best to move on from it. A lesson that my younger self had to learn real quick.
Iron didn’t say anything for a long time. I couldn’t tell if he was happy or about to tell me I was making the wrong move. The timing was shit, I realized that. I was never good at these things and maybe I’d rushed in a little too quickly. The kiss, I hadn’t planned it. If I were less of a man, I would say she pushed it on me, but I knew what the hell I was doing. I’d wanted it for too long and once she playfully put it out there, there was only a split second of hesitation from me. A split second where I could have put a halt to it. It might not have seemed like a long time but it was, for me at least. So, yeah, I knew what I was doing. I was in my right mind. And I didn’t regret it at all.
“What, Prez? Got nothing for me? No daddy words of wisdom?” I taunted jokingly. I might have been a little nervous too.
Iron wasn’t a big talker normally. Unless it was a situation like this. He was always spouting off shit that he thought we needed to hear, which was pretty much always spot on. It had me thinking he was trying to figure out a way to shut this whole thing down and tell me that Abigail deserves something better than me and this kind of life. The thing was, if he said that, I wouldn’t really be able to argue. Then again, there was something about her that seemed to just fit in. She got along with everyone. She for damn sure took care of us all and I didn’t even think she realized that she did. Home cooked meals were one of the best kinds of comfort in life to a man. She did it for us every single day. Most of the time twice a day. And she did it with a smile on her face like it was the only thing in the world she wanted to be doing. She’d had many chances to leave and plenty of reasons to, but for some reason, she’d stuck around. It made me think that she felt like she belonged here and if I could give her more of a reason to feel that way, well, I sure as hell wasn’t going to miss that opportunity.
