Where I’m Going
Parker Elliot
Contents
Also by Parker Elliot
Copyright
Introduction
Prologue
1. Benji
2. Reign
3. Benji
4. Reign
5. Benji
6. Reign
7. Benji
8. Reign
9. Benji
10. Reign
11. Benji
12. Reign
13. Benji
14. Reign
15. Benji
16. Reign
17. Benji
18. Reign
19. Benji
20. Reign
21. Benji
22. Reign
23. Benji
24. Reign
25. Benji
26. Reign
27. Benji
28. Reign
About the Author
Afterword
Also by Parker Elliot
Carhart Brothers
Where I Found You (Book One)
Where I Belong (Book Two)
* * *
Other books by Parker Elliot
24 Hour Husband
Manny Overboard
Recipe For Romance
Copyright © 2017 by Parker Elliot
All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
Introduction
Thank you for purchasing my book Where I’m Going, the third and final book in the Carhart Brothers series. All books in the Carhart Brothers series can be read on their own but of course, are better together.
I hope you enjoy Benji and Reign’s story as much as I loved writing it.
-Parker
Prologue
BENJI
As Benji looked around the glittering, glamorous ballroom, he realized he seemed to be the only person there who wasn’t happy. Not really happy, anyway. Sure, he was excited for his brother, Chase, but that was different. Benji had spent the previous forty-eight hours—and the previous six months before that—making sure everything was in place, and that every detail of his brother’s wedding was in order.
It was a role that Benji excelled at, and one he’d always enjoyed. Over the years, his life had become focused on steering Chase in the right direction, and Benji could objectively say that he’d done a good job of it. A damn good job, in fact. But it was impossible to ignore the fact that Benji’s role in Chase’s life had changed the instant Chase had exchanged rings and vows with Jackson.
And so, even though Benji was technically happy for Chase, and even though he wished the newlyweds nothing but lifelong happiness and love, the entire process had left Benji feeling… empty. Alone. Pushed aside and left behind.
It left a knot in his stomach that had been getting tighter and more uncomfortable as the days had passed, and even though he knew that it was selfish to be thinking about his own future at his brother’s wedding reception, he couldn’t help it.
Everywhere he looked, there were couples laughing and dancing to the loud, upbeat music—Chase and Jackson, Riley and Hollis, even Benji’s parents seemed to have forgotten all of their cares and worries.
“Get your ass out here and dance, bro,” Riley called from the middle of the dancefloor.
Benji smiled a hollow smile and lifted his glass. “I’m busy, but you guys are doing well enough without me.”
Riley rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to his husband and the music, and Benji took another sip of champagne. What he’d said to Riley could have summed up his entire life up to that point. For as long as he could remember, he’d been busy making sure other people were doing okay. Mainly Chase, of course, but if he was being honest, he had to admit that he felt a certain responsibility for his entire family’s well-being.
Benji was the one everyone seemed to turn to when they found themselves in a jam. He’d been the one to make sure his parents were comfortable and that bills were getting paid when his dad had been unable to work. He’d been the one who’d encouraged Riley to get the discipline and direction he’d needed as a young man by joining the military.
And now, after a decade of spending all of his time and energy getting everyone else over the finish line, he couldn’t help but wonder what was supposed to happen next—for himself.
Clearly, he had a lot to think about. Fortunately—or maybe unfortunately—he had nearly two weeks left on the island to think about it. It would be his first real vacation, and he had to admit that there were a lot worse places it could have been than a luxury resort in Anguilla. At least he’d have some nice scenery while he tried to sort out his life.
The flip side was that it meant saying goodbye to Chase, and Benji had done everything in his power to avoid that fast-approaching reality. He hadn’t told Chase how he was feeling, of course. It was Chase’s wedding, and the last thing Benji had wanted was to weigh his brother down with his fears and insecurities.
Benji stood up and plastered a smile on his face. Fuck it. He was about to spend a lot of time alone, for the first time in his life. He had no direction, and nothing that needed to be done. It was a new, foreign feeling that he absolutely hated. But at that moment, he was surrounded by family, by the handful of people on the planet who knew him and loved him unconditionally.
If he couldn’t be as happy and carefree as the rest of them, he’d do his best to fake it, at least for the night. He would drink, and dance, and soak up the love, for their sake as much as for his own.
And then, in the morning, he’d watch and wave as they all left him behind.
REIGN
If someone had told Reign Forester two days ago that he’d be sitting at his dining room table while his boyfriend—ex-boyfriend—Toby cleared out his belongings, he would’ve laughed out loud. He would’ve said that their relationship was strong and stable. He would’ve said they were in love, that they were going to get married in a few short months.
He would’ve been wrong on all counts.
Toby walked by with another box and disappeared out the door. They’d barely spoken all day, even though Reign still had so much he wanted to say, so many questions that were still unanswered between them.
Like… why? Why? Why had Toby thrown it all away?
Was life with Reign that bad, that intolerable, that he had to keep another guy on the side? Was it really something that they couldn’t have worked out and overcome before it had to come to that?
And when was Toby going to confess? Had he planned on ever telling Reign? Was he going to wait until they got married?
Had he ever planned on marrying Reign in the first place?
So many questions. And those questions were literally the only thoughts Reign had been able to focus on ever since he’d found Toby in bed with another man the day before.
Reign’s first instinct had been to run, to deny, to pretend like it hadn’t happened—and that’s exactly what he’d done. He’d spent the night in a hotel while another man had been in his bed. But, predictably, he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it, and it hadn’t made the next morning any easier.
This wasn’t one of those things that would go away if he ignored it long enough. It was a Big Deal. A Huge Fucking Deal. And Toby had to go. So Reign had mustered all of the fucks he could possibly give and returned to the house that he’d shared with Toby for nearly five years.
And now, Toby was leaving.
It was the most surreal feeling Reign had ever experienced. On the drive back to his house that m
orning, he’d been seething with anger, ready for a confrontation, almost hoping for a fight that would give him the chance to say something mean and hurtful. But he knew that spreading around the pain in his heart wouldn’t help, even if it might make him feel a little better for a few minutes. And besides, there was nothing he could say that would come close to hurting Toby in the same way Reign had been hurt. There were no words that could ever equal that sense of shock and betrayal.
By the time he actually got to the house, though, all the fight had drained from him. He’d found Toby—alone this time, thankfully—already packing, and he hadn’t seemed interested in fighting, either. So Reign stayed silent, and Toby continued to pack, and that was the way their relationship was going to end.
In a way, it almost made things easier to know that he’d never get a satisfactory answer to all of the questions he had. At some point, he was sure that would probably make it easier to just let it all go. And also, just… what was the point? Nothing Toby could say would change anything, so why did it even matter?
But the inescapable truth was that Reign had actually loved Toby, and trying to find a way to turn those feelings off—literally overnight—was proving to be too much for Reign to handle.
Impossible, actually.
“I think that’s everything,” Toby’s voice pulled Reign from his thoughts.
Reign hadn’t even noticed him standing in the corner of the room, and now that he focused on Toby’s face, it was clear that he looked and sounded just as upset as Reign felt. Reign suspected it might be for different reasons, though. Toby probably hadn’t planned on getting caught, or on having to move out so quickly.
He briefly wondered if the other guy had offered to let Toby stay at his place after Reign had kicked him out. But whatever. Reign didn’t really care, and it didn’t really matter.
“Just leave your key on the table when you leave.” Reign exhaled slowly, glad that he’d at least managed to keep his voice from breaking.
Toby nodded and slowly crossed in front of Reign to set the small silver key on the table in front of him. “I guess that’s it, then.”
The words hung in the air for a few long seconds. Finally, Reign nodded. And that was it. There was nothing left to say, nothing left to do. Toby would leave, and he wouldn’t be back.
Without another word, Toby turned and walked out the door, closing it—and the most important chapter of Reign’s life—quietly behind him. The relationship that Reign had thought would last forever had ended. The happiness he’d thought he’d found had been broken.
Shattered.
Stolen.
He was alone, and he knew that he was going to have to accept that fact at some point. But not today. Today, he was going to let himself feel sorry. He was going to let himself mourn all the things that could have been.
Today, he was going to cry. Tomorrow he was going to try and move on.
1
Benji
“You’re sure you got everything? Did you double-check the suite at the resort?” Benji Carhart had been trying to tamp down his nervous energy all day, but it was a battle he’d been slowly losing.
Now, standing with his brother Chase on the tarmac of the small airstrip, he was beginning to feel desperate to prolong the moment, if only for just a few more minutes.
Chase flashed a knowing grin. “Checked and double-checked. I even had Jackson check again, since I knew you’d ask. Besides, it’s not like we had anything terribly important with us in the room.”
“Except your wedding gifts. What if you missed one? You won’t be coming back to Anguilla anytime soon, you know.”
“Already shipped back home. I’m telling you, Jackson is on top of this stuff. I haven’t had to worry about a thing.”
Benji smiled at the statement, even though he didn’t love the fact that Chase didn’t seem to need him for details like that anymore. Objectively, Chase would still need Benji for business-related things—he was still Chase’s manager, after all—but even that was going to be put on hold for a while, as Chase and Jackson traveled the globe on their honeymoon.
“He does take care of you,” Benji nodded, forcing a smile. “I approve.”
And the truth was that he finally did approve of Jackson, although it had been a long and sometimes bumpy road to get there. But Benji could see that Jackson really did love and cherish Chase, and it was beyond obvious that Chase felt the same way.
“He does,” Chase agreed. “And I’m glad you approve. Although it would be a little late now if you didn’t. I’m just glad you and Riley and Mom and Dad could be here with us.”
Benji snorted at the mention of their parents and younger brother. They’d all flown in for the ceremony, but between Riley’s fear of flying and their mother’s irrational worrying about the fact that it happened to be hurricane season, they hadn’t stayed on the island long after the wedding and reception a couple of nights before.
“Not as glad as they were to touch down back in Georgia,” Benji replied, unable to resist rolling his eyes. “But yeah, it was good to be together as a family, and I know we all wish the two of you the very best. Paris is next on the itinerary, right?”
Asking was just a stalling tactic. Benji knew every leg of their honeymoon trip by heart. And even though he knew that stalling was pointless—just delaying the inevitable boredom and loneliness that would set in after they were gone by a few minutes at best—he couldn’t help it.
“We’ll fly into Miami and spend the night tonight, then off to Paris tomorrow. Then London, Florence, Rome… Jackson said we might even spend a few days in Monte Carlo while we’re in the area.”
Benji could feel his heart fall, and was pretty sure his face reflected his thoughts. “Monte Carlo after three weeks jet-setting across Europe? Aren’t you going to be ready to go home by then?”
Chase tilted his head to the side. “It’s my honeymoon. I’m not too worried about sticking to any particular schedule, to be honest.” Chase smiled, but Benji could see that there was a hint of concern in his eyes. “You’re going to be here for the next week or two anyway, You won’t even notice. Unless there’s something you’re not telling me…”
“No, no,” Benji shook his head and tried to swallow the anxiety that he was feeling. He absolutely didn’t want to give Chase any reason to think about anything besides having an amazing honeymoon. “There’s nothing. You’re right. I’m gonna be here, just… having fun and, um, relaxing.”
“Oh my God,” Chase rolled his eyes. “I know that having fun and relaxing are foreign words to you, but could you at least try? You’ve done your part as my best man—and my best friend—and now it’s time for you to get some rest and relaxation. You’ve earned it, bro.”
Benji knew that Chase was right. In theory, he even agreed. Neither of them had ever really had a real vacation. They’d been on the road pretty much as soon as they were both out of high school. Since then, it had just been the two of them against the world, with Chase being the public face and the voice while Benji handled the business.
Now Chase was starting a new chapter in his life. One that didn’t include Benji—not like before, anyway. Even their wayward younger brother, Riley, had been married the year before. Everyone but Benji seemed to be finding purpose and fulfillment. It used to be work—Chase’s career—that had provided that for Benji, and he knew it eventually would be again, but what to do until then?
“You know I don’t even know how to relax,” Benji said, finally, giving a half-hearted grin to make light of his feelings. “I haven’t had much practice.”
“Benji, you’re in Anguilla. If there’s anywhere in the world where you can learn to take it easy, this is the place. This is your time. Time to practice doing… whatever it is you do when you’re not working.”
The fact that even Chase didn’t know what Benji did in his time off made him grimace. He really did need to take a break, whether he wanted to or not. He was just barely thirty years old, for God�
�s sake—surely he still had some fun years ahead of him.
“Yeah,” Benji nodded, slowly warming to the idea. Or at least not hating it as much. “You’re probably right.”
“I’m definitely right.”
Chase’s husband, Jackson, came around from the other side of the plane. He put his arm around Chase’s shoulder and brought him in for a quick kiss. “Everything is loaded and ready, babe. We’ll need to go soon if we’re going to make our connecting flight to Miami.”
“I’m ready,” Chase said, smiling up at Jackson. “I was just telling Benji to try and enjoy the time off. You know how he is, though.”
Jackson smirked. “Try not to work too hard while you’re out here. Just because there’s wi-fi at the hotel doesn’t mean you have to use it. Go to the beach. Get drunk. If you play your cards right you might find a nice lady to spend some time with.”
Benji rolled his eyes, but nodded in agreement anyway. “I’ve already had the lecture, thanks. But seriously, don’t worry about me. I hope you guys have a great time in Europe.” Then, to Chase, “And do try to call me every once in a while so I can check in with mom. You know she’ll be bugging me every day to ask if I’ve heard from you.”
“I’ll call,” Chase said. “But don’t worry about us. We’re going to have a lot of fun.”
The look he gave Jackson left no doubt in Benji’s mind what kind of fun his brother was planning on having—not a thought he preferred to dwell on.
“O-kay, that’s my cue to say goodbye and let you guys get on your plane.” Benji took a step forward and gave each of them a quick hug. “I’ll see you both back in Georgia in a few weeks. Maybe I’ll even have a tan.”
“Now you’re talking,” Jackson said. “Take care, and don’t do anything we wouldn’t do.”
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