by Emma Davies
Esme doubles back to where I’m standing before the mirror in the hallway.
‘Won’t be a sec,’ I say, through a mouthful of hair grips.
She stares at me for a moment, before tutting in the exasperated way that children reserve only for their parents. ‘Just leave it down,’ she says, studying me. ‘Actually, do leave it down, it looks great.’
‘Really?’
I grin as I see her eyes raise heavenward. ‘Okay, okay, I’ll leave it down. Right, I’m ready, we can go.’
‘I don’t know why you don’t believe me,’ she says. ‘It isn’t as if I’ve never told you before. I’ve always preferred your hair curly and I don’t know why you straighten it, just because Dad says so.’
‘That isn’t why, I just… It was easier for work, that’s all.’
‘Yes, but you’re not at work now, are you?’ she replies.
‘No, I’m not. Good point.’
Despite the early hour, Theo is already waiting in the car park when we arrive at The Green Room. He hurries over to the car.
‘Oh, thank God,’ he says as Esme opens her door. He ducks his head down to wave at me. ‘Morning, Mrs Robinson.’
‘Alys!’ I correct.
He grins, ducking back out. ‘I was hoping you were going to be in early today. Mum isn’t going to be in until later and she’s left me a list of things to do as long as your arm.’ He pulls a face. ‘Which ordinarily would be fine except that I met up with a few mates last night and it turned into a bit of a session. My coordination is shot to pieces, look.’ He holds his hand out as if to prove that they’re shaking. They’re not, they’re rock steady. ‘I need help…’ he pleads. ‘Besides, I’ve forgotten my bloody keys.’
Esme grins but then her face falls. ‘Oh, I’m supposed to have my first driving lesson this afternoon. I can cancel it though, I didn’t know—’
‘No, you won’t, I’m just being pathetic. Anyway, Mum hasn’t forgotten and she won’t be long. She’ll be back way before you have your lesson.’
‘Come on then,’ Esme replies, fishing her keys out of her bag and jingling them at him. ‘Let’s go and get some coffee on. I’ve got some paracetamol in my bag too if you need some.’ She turns back to wave. ‘Bye, Mum, see you later.’
‘Good luck with your lesson,’ I call, smiling as I pull away, anxious not to take too much more time. I know exactly why Nancy won’t be at work until later, because she’s meeting me. And that’s what’s making me nervous.
She arrives at the house about ten minutes after I do, giving the front door a jolly series of knocks. Nancy always looks full of energy and, despite the early hour, it’s almost brimming over this morning as she stands on the threshold grinning at me.
‘Oh, this is so exciting,’ she says, coming forward to kiss both my cheeks. ‘I’ve never had a dress-fitting before. Well, tuxedo-fitting…’
I’ve spent the last few minutes frantically trying to clear the kitchen of all the clutter that has mysteriously appeared overnight. But if Nancy notices the mess she shows no sign of it.
‘Have a seat,’ I say, pointing to the table where my patterns are already laid out, along with a tape measure, notebook and my laptop. ‘I’ve had a few ideas, but it will be great to see what you think. Can I get you a coffee before we start?’
‘Please… and if you can make it so that the spoon stands up in it, so much the better. I did not want to get up this morning.’
Blimey, if that’s the case then I’d hate to see how she looks when she’s not tired. But I know how she feels. A fizzing ball of anxiety in my stomach has kept me awake for most of the night and it isn’t because I’m worried about Nancy’s outfit.
She plonks down her handbag on the table and rummages in it for a second before pulling out a paper bag.
‘Elevenses,’ she says, looking at her watch pointedly. It’s only half past eight. ‘Or breakfast, if that’s more appropriate. I wasn’t sure what you’d prefer, so I brought plain ones, chocolate ones and almond.’ She grins as she hands over the bag. ‘Although they’re only little, so you could have one of each.’
I peer inside, releasing the most mouth-watering aroma. Croissants, and freshly baked ones too. My heart sinks a little. Nancy is so lovely and I feel awful knowing that I’m probably about to ruin her day. But I smile, inhaling deeply to show my appreciation.
‘I don’t think I need an occasion to eat these,’ I reply. ‘In fact, I don’t think I’ll even bother with a plate, they’re not going to last long.’
Nancy sighs as she sits down. ‘You have such a beautiful house, Alys,’ she says, looking around the sunny space. ‘I’m renting at the moment, which is… okay. But I can’t relax, not properly anyway. I am so looking forward to finding a place of my own once The Green Room is up and running and life calms down a little. Somewhere like this would be perfect; a cottage tucked down a little lane, but not too far away from everything you need.’ She gazes out through the patio doors. ‘And a big garden too. I don’t get huge amounts of time, but I do love to grow things, don’t you? Big fat tomatoes, herbs…’
‘I would imagine in your line of work it’s almost a necessity,’ I say. ‘But we do love it here. We moved a few years after we were married and I can’t imagine being anywhere else. That might seem odd to some people but…’
Nancy shakes her head. ‘No, that’s the way to do it, isn’t it? Get the mortgage paid off and then retirement isn’t quite so scary.’ She checks herself. ‘Although you’re far too young for that yet, of course.’
I nod and smile, simultaneously trying to add up the number of years we’ve been here in my head. Nancy’s just made a very good point, and I make a mental note to check something.
‘I’d love to feel that this move will be my last,’ she continues. ‘Time to finally put down some roots. Sam and I moved around a fair bit when we were younger, out of necessity mostly, trying to build up various businesses. It wasn’t until The Green Room was born that things began to settle, but I don’t like London. Neither does he ironically, he splits his time between there and Cornwall now.’
I know. And I almost say it, stopping myself at the last moment and instead painting on an interested expression. I really wish she hadn’t mentioned his name. ‘Well, I’m sure you’ll find somewhere that will suit you perfectly. It’s a lovely part of the country and I’m certainly happy to have my brains picked for information once you start looking.’
‘Deal,’ says Nancy, firmly, turning her attention to the things on the table.
I finish making the coffee and bring the pot over to the table along with the bag of croissants which I rip open. I’m rather enjoying the lack of formality.
‘Right then, shall we have a look?’ I begin. ‘We probably need to decide on a design for your suit first of all, and then we can talk about fabric and embellishments, that kind of thing. I’ll take a few measurements too, if that’s okay?’
It doesn’t take long. Nancy is one of the most decisive people I’ve met and within an alarmingly short amount of time she has not only chosen the style of jacket she wants but the material too. Even the type and quantity of bling that she’d like stitched to it. It rather takes the wind out of my sails – I’d banked on a little more time to work up to things, but now, there is still half a pot of coffee left, some croissants and a torturous conversation to have.
Nancy plonks her mug down, raising a hand. ‘Ah,’ she says. ‘Before I forget, I must give you this.’ She fishes in her bag once more, this time pulling out a lime-green envelope. A lush vine trails its way across one corner. ‘Tah-dah!’ she exclaims, handing it to me. ‘And I jolly well hope you’re going to come.’
‘Oh, is this what I think it is?’ I ask, sliding out a thick piece of card. ‘Esme mentioned that the invitations were on their way.’
‘Our grand opening is only a week away, can you believe it?’ Her face lights up. ‘I am so damned excited about this. So please tell me you can come because Esme is going to shine like the br
ightest of stars, and you have to be there to see it. You and Hugh.’
A sudden welling of emotion hits me and all I can do is nod. Nancy lays her hand on my arm. ‘She’s going to make you very proud.’
‘I already am,’ I manage, seeing my own thoughts reflected back in Nancy’s eyes. ‘And for you too. This is your baby, Nancy, and having Theo with you too, it must be very special.’
‘It is,’ she affirms. ‘For all sorts of reasons. It’s taken a while to get to this point, but now that we’re all here, I couldn’t ask for more and Sam is being an absolute darling. It’s a big thing for us, you know… with all that’s gone on. A new beginning. My new beginning. But he’s genuinely happy for me, I can’t begin to tell you how much that means.’
His name chokes in my throat. ‘I can imagine.’ I’m struggling to say any more, very conscious that Nancy is so close to me.
‘He’ll be at the opening too, loitering in the background somewhere. He doesn’t like the whole party thing… with his scars and everything…’
I nod.
‘But I should introduce the two of you anyway. He doesn’t bite, honestly.’
I smile, but I feel like a rabbit caught in the headlights. I have to say something.
Nancy is watching me. ‘Is everything okay, Alys? You look a bit… anxious.’
Her sentence dangles in the air between us, a line that I’m wriggling on the end of.
‘It’s just that I’ve already met Sam,’ I blurt out. ‘I bumped into him at Scarlett’s wedding and Theo introduced us.’
‘Oh, well then that’s okay.’ She narrows her eyes. ‘What…? It’s not okay?’
‘No it is, it’s fine. But… well, that wasn’t the first time I’ve met Sam. I knew him years ago, actually. Hugh and he… they were friends from uni originally, and I haven’t seen him since, at least not in a very long time. I had no idea he was your husband, you see, because back then his name was Tom…’ It’s as vague as I can make it, but then I remember what it is I really need to say. ‘Actually, Nancy, I—’
But her expression is changing, her eyes widening, the struggle for clarity of thought writing itself large across her face. ‘Oh my God…’ she says slowly. ‘You’re The One.’
She sits back in her chair, staring at me. ‘Of course you are. Oh, I knew it would be someone lovely like you. I don’t believe it, after all this time.’
‘Nancy, I don’t know what to say, it’s—’
But before I can say anything further she leans forward again and pulls me into a warm embrace. ‘Oh, my poor darling,’ she says. ‘This is horrible for you. Are you okay?’
I let myself be hugged, stunned by Nancy’s reaction. Of all the things I’d imagined her saying, that certainly didn’t feature. The One? What on earth does she mean by that?
She pulls away. ‘I can’t imagine how you must be feeling,’ she says. ‘It must have been an incredible shock… You’ve seen him since though, haven’t you? The accident, I mean. You knew how he looked…’
I nod weakly, wondering if Nancy is playing some sort of horrible game with me, but she isn’t, her face is full of sympathy.
‘Sort of,’ I reply. ‘Although there were bandages and… he wasn’t expected to walk.’
She pours me out another mug of coffee. ‘Tell me,’ she says. ‘Or shall I tell you? I can see how confused you are. That’s my trouble, you see, I tend to just open my mouth and jump in… I’m sorry.’
And from nowhere my eyes fill with tears, brought on by the warmth flowing from this woman, a woman who also used to be married to Sam.
‘Could you?’ I reply, not sure I can do as she asks.
Her hand reaches across to give mine a squeeze. ‘Perhaps I ought to tell you a little about my marriage to Sam,’ she says. ‘That might be a good place to start. You see, it hasn’t always been what you might call conventional. We began as friends, funnily enough when he ran over my foot with his wheelchair. It wasn’t the most auspicious of starts – after I’d given him a mouthful of abuse, he retaliated with a self-pitying comment about being in a wheelchair, to which I replied that just because he was in a wheelchair it didn’t mean he wasn’t an arsehole.’ She looks at me and grins sheepishly. ‘I know, he caught me on a really bad day… Anyway, much to my surprise we both burst out laughing and that was the start of it.’
I can’t help but smile; Nancy paints a very vivid picture.
‘We went for a coffee and he told me how godawful his life was and I told him how godawful mine was too but, by the end of it, we were both more than a little surprised to discover that we felt better. A year and a very large number of medical appointments later, we got married. He changed his name just before, saying that his old life was over – although that’s never really the case, is it? You think it is. You might hope that it is. But things never properly laid to rest have an annoying habit of popping back up… Usually when you least expect it.’
She absently breaks off a piece of croissant and pops it in her mouth, chewing thoughtfully.
‘And I knew there’d been someone else. I always knew. Sam wouldn’t speak about it as such, he wouldn’t talk directly about anything to do with his accident, but some of the things he said when we first got together – they could only be said by someone who’d had their heart broken. And the guilt… oh, by the bucketload. But even though I knew all this, I still married him. We were quite open about it, I even used to tease him, saying that one day I would meet her and then what would we do?’
I don’t know what to say. She’s speaking in such a matter-of-fact way, but her words are heavy with meaning. And, as yet, I have no idea how this makes me feel.
She smiles then, as if she knows what I’m thinking. ‘But you mustn’t be sad about it. We always loved one another and we had a good marriage, it’s just that we both knew that it also gave us a place to hide – from the outside world, but from ourselves too. Just as we knew that there would come a time when that arrangement would no longer serve its purpose. For me I guess that’s come a little earlier than it has for Sam.’ She stops for a moment, looking at me, not with anger, but with something I can’t quite define. ‘That was you, wasn’t it? The one who broke his heart.’
I shake my head. ‘No,’ I whisper. ‘He broke mine.’
And even though I’m sitting in my kitchen with Sam’s wife, in a house I share with Hugh, the trappings of our life together all around me, I can remember it like it was yesterday.
‘He was Hugh’s friend,’ I say. ‘And I almost didn’t meet him at all. I’d started work at Harringtons and I met him, not surprisingly, in the canteen.’ I smile at the memory. ‘He told me not to have the fish because the colleague who had cooked it had no finesse. Said I should have his pie instead because it would warm my soul. The next day he went to work in a small restaurant that had just opened. My first day, his last, and that, as they say, would have been the end of it, had I not bumped into him a couple of weeks later. Our courtship was swift and… intense. We married soon after and I truly thought my life couldn’t get any better. Until, of course, his accident changed all that.’
‘I don’t even know what happened,’ says Nancy. ‘Only that he was involved in a car crash.’
‘No one really knows. It was New Year’s Eve and Sam had been working. The restaurant where he worked was late in closing and he was driving home afterwards. Either he or someone else ran a red light at a crossroads. A lorry ploughed into him and his car was crushed against a wall.’ I pause to clear my throat. ‘He wasn’t expected to live.’
The image of a face floats in front of me. Even now my memory of it is so clear; the young policeman whose duty it had been to come and tell me the news. He must have cut himself shaving that morning and during the day a small spot of blood had dried on his face. I remember telling myself to stop staring at it and concentrate on what he was saying, but I couldn’t, I was transfixed. It was the shock; I know that now.
‘It was days before we even knew that
Sam would live but, in my stupidity, I thought knowing he was going to make it would be the end of everything. Instead, it was just the beginning. I think Sam knew what was ahead of him. I’m sure the doctors had spelled it out and Sam, being Sam, decided that he couldn’t bear to put me through what was coming. So he chose not to, sending me away…’
‘And he broke your heart,’ says Nancy quietly.
‘Yes, he broke my heart. I didn’t understand it at the time. I thought love could conquer everything… but now…’ I look up at Nancy’s soft expression. ‘Now, I think I might understand.’
I look down at the table as a silence stretches out between us. The bag of croissants, the mugs of coffee, my notebook and pen – it all seems so ordinary, and yet the day has turned into anything but.
‘You must hate me,’ says Nancy.
I look up in horror at her words. ‘No! How could I hate you? Not when it was you that helped Sam through it all. I always hoped there would be someone, even if it couldn’t be me.’ I take her hand as a tear trickles down my cheek. I don’t even know where it has come from. ‘I thought you might hate me.’
Nancy looks confused. ‘But you’ve done nothing wrong. And all this must have come as a horrible shock; meeting him under such circumstances.’
The breath catches in my throat. ‘It did rather, for both of us, I think, and—’
‘Have you spoken to him yet?’ she asks, but then almost immediately she nods. ‘Ah yes… Sam met up with an old work friend the other day. That was you, wasn’t it?’
‘I probably should have told you, I’m sorry.’ I pause, struggling for a way to explain. ‘But there was nothing clandestine about it, Nancy. I think Sam was just trying to be circumspect and I… well, I wasn’t really sure what to say to you. It’s rather a hard subject to broach.’
‘Perhaps… But I suspect that’s more down to how you feel about it than anything.’ She smiles. ‘I’m not Sam’s keeper, Alys, and if I ever was I’m certainly not now. Besides, I’d be a fool if I couldn’t see that you two have things you need to talk about, should talk about actually, for both your sakes.’
