by R L Burgess
“Um, yes.”
“Why, exactly?”
“I don’t know what to do.”
“As in sex-wise? What are you telling me, Zoe?”
“No!” Zoe exclaimed, almost blushing down the phone. “It’s not that. It’s just that I don’t think I really like her that way. You know, like like her.”
“I’m sorry, did we just fall backward through time into high school and I didn’t notice? What do you mean you don’t know if you like like her? We are talking about the same Jessica Myers, right? Even I know who Jessica Myers is and we’ve both agreed she’s a picture of absolute loveliness crowned with the intellect of a Rhodes scholar. What’s going on here, Cavendish?”
Zoe sighed, tucking the receiver under her ear as she crawled into bed and pulled the sheet up under her chin.
“I don’t know. She is pretty amazing and it seems like she’s into me, but I’m not really feeling it.”
“Are you okay? You sound a bit out of sorts.”
“I kissed Reyna.”
“You what?!”
“I kissed Reyna, and now everything’s all screwed up.”
“Okay. Tell me everything. Start from the beginning and leave nothing out.”
Zoe filled her in. She told her about the bike ride, the slippery shoes, the sunrise, the kiss. She told her about the awkward conversations afterward, the attention from Jessica. Ten minutes later she sighed and said, “so that’s everything.”
There was silence down the phone.
“Mel? You there?”
“Yep. Look, I think you might be overthinking things.”
“Why? What do you mean?”
“I know that it feels huge to you that you kissed Reyna, but that’s just it. You kissed Reyna. It doesn’t really mean anything, and it sounds like it really hasn’t changed anything. You were lucky she didn’t fire you, but apart from that, it sounds like she’s just trying to move forward, business as usual.”
“I guess.”
“And now someone’s come along who sounds like she totally fancies you and she’s just what the doctor ordered. She’s smart, she’s fun, she’s good-looking and she’s into you. What would your psychologist say?”
Zoe blew out another sigh, feeling like an old balloon. She had already considered Dr. Singh’s opinion. She had heard her quiet, considered voice clearly in her head whenever she stopped to think. “She’d say I’m avoiding Jessica and investing in Reyna because I know it’s impossible and I won’t have to actually get involved.”
“And do you think that’s what’s happening?”
“Maybe. I don’t know. My mind tells me I really like Reyna.”
“Can your mind be trusted at the moment?”
“Well I bloody hope so, I’ve got my presentation in the morning and a job to hold down.”
“Exactly. So why chase after the unobtainable and fill your life with heartache when there’s someone jumping up and down in front of you saying, ‘pick me, pick me.’”
“I don’t think Jessica is exactly the jumping type.”
“You know what I mean.”
“She’s more the gliding type. And the sexy dancing type.”
“Right. So, she’s sexy dancing in front of you and you’re, like, looking around her going, ‘um, hello, is anybody out there?’”
She knew Mel was right. She was being obstinate and stupid. She had promised herself she would move on from Reyna and she had completely failed at that.
“You know what?” Mel said. “You have your presentation in the morning. Why don’t you go to sleep now and try to forget all this for a day? Focus on yourself for a change. You’ve got great things going on with your career and this conference is a big win for you. Maybe just let the other stuff resolve itself around you.”
Zoe snuggled down under her covers. “I knew there was a reason I chose you for my best friend. You’re so good at the Pep Talk.”
“And I’m incredibly good looking.”
“Right. But that didn’t really figure in my best friend choosing.”
“Whatever. Go to sleep now. Wow them tomorrow. Take yourself off on some kind of cool adventure. Just enjoy it all and come home refreshed. Forget these crazy ladies for a bit.”
“Thanks Mel, I will.”
“Good night, Zoe.”
“Night.”
Zoe put her phone on silent and switched off the reading light next to the bed. She was too tired to read tonight. She slept fitfully, dreaming repeatedly that she had forgotten her PowerPoint file, that she couldn’t find the room she was supposed to be in, and that she kept turning up to give her talk in her pyjamas. When the alarm finally woke her at six thirty a.m., she reached for it groggily, glad to be awake.
In fact, the presentation was a huge success. The room had been full, no mean feat in itself when there were competing program items, and people had asked insightful questions, using up her entire allotted timeslot with still more hands raised.
“I’m sorry I haven’t gotten a chance to address all your queries,” she said when the MC, who was sitting side of stage, tapped her watch, giving her the wind-it-up signal. “But I will be around for the rest of the week, so if anyone wants to chat further about the program I’d be happy to.”
She left the stage and joined the crowd in the room who were taking a chance to stand up and stretch and chat before the next presentation began.
A shoulder gently bumped her own. “Nice work, Zoe.”
She turned to see Stacey standing next to her, with Meryl and Reyna behind her. Zoe had spotted the three of them during her presentation, seated together about halfway down the room, and acknowledged them with a smile and nod.
“Yes, well done,” Reyna agreed. She smiled politely at Zoe, her eyes giving nothing away. “You handled yourself extremely well.”
“It was excellent,” Meryl enthused. “They were eating out of the palm of your hand! I hope ours goes that well, Stace.”
“Thanks, guys,” Zoe replied. “You’ll be great. You’re old hats at this.”
“Looks like there’s still a couple of people who want to speak with you,” Stacey murmured, gesturing behind Zoe.
Zoe turned to see a man and a woman hovering behind her. Both were wearing lanyards indicating they were from Financial Literacy Australia.
“Do you have a sec?” the man asked. “We’d love to catch up with you about how you integrated your program with your local council. We’re thinking this kind of thing would work really well with some of the programs we’re looking at.”
“Would you like to grab a cuppa with us?” the woman asked. “It’s not quite morning tea time but we could get a jump on the crowds. Unless you’re heading to another presentation?”
Zoe found herself turning to Reyna, a question in her eyes. Would Reyna think she was somehow shirking her responsibilities if she didn’t attend the next presentation?
“Of course, go.” Reyna gave her a nod. “You’re entitled to an hour off after what you’ve just done.”
“Thanks.” She knew she had done well and she was pleased with herself, but she wished she could see it reflected back at her through Reyna’s dark eyes. Reyna seemed even more untouchable than usual, her gaze now focused on her conference booklet as if she were already moved onto the next thing. Her dark hair fell over her cheek and Zoe felt a sharp pull in her heart, wishing she could reach out and smooth it away. She gave herself a mental shake, firmly pushing the thought away.
“Lead the way,” she said to the pair.
They talked the whole way through morning tea and right up to lunchtime, the pair asking her question after question about how she had gotten her program off the ground, discussing the issues particularly of relevance to them, grilling Zoe about the demographics and the roll out.
“We’re all about promoting financial literacy across the board,” the woman who had introduced herself as Evie said. “We’re focusing on programs for women, for children, for prison offenders, for pe
ople with intellectual disabilities. Basically, if they’re a vulnerable cohort, we’re interested in providing programs. The difficulty is getting access to these cohorts. The bridge you built with council interests us. We really need more of this kind of thing in the community.”
“I’m surprised you’re at a conference like this,” Zoe said. “I would have thought it’s too…” She searched for the right word. “Corporate?”
“I know what you mean,” the man, Graeme, said, rubbing a hand across his stubbly chin. “When we looked at the agenda we were also a bit worried about that, but there’s actually been quite a bit of activism. Your presentation, for example, was one of the reasons we were interested in coming.”
“Wow, I’m so glad. Tell me more about what you guys are doing.”
They talked on and as the crowd rolled out of the conference rooms to gather in the dining room for lunch, Evie looked suddenly guilty.
“Oh my gosh, we’ve kept you for ages. Thanks so much for your time, Zoe.”
“No worries at all. I’ve really enjoyed speaking with you both.”
“I know you have a fancy finance job and everything,” Graeme said with a grin, “but you could really make a difference to the world with this kind of stuff. Here’s my card. If you ever want to get a bit more involved in the community side of things, give us a call.”
Zoe took the card and tucked it into her laptop bag. “The firm I work for is great. I mean they’re supporting me to do this, for instance, but these programs are definitely something I want to do more of. I’m actually thinking of putting together a training package so our other national offices can easily implement it themselves. Who knows, maybe other organisations will come on board in the future.”
“Another great idea,” Evie acknowledged. “Send it over to us when you’re done okay? We’d love to look over it.”
“Deal.”
Graeme stuck out his hand. “It’s been great meeting you. I think we’d better let you get on with your day now.”
Zoe shook hands with both of them and left the dining room, deciding she had earned a little break in her room. She wanted to change her clothes and take a moment to chill after the intensity of her morning. Besides, she was too jazzed to be hungry.
She had just stepped out of the conference centre when a husky voice said in her ear, “Going somewhere?”
Jessica, looking radiant in a bright yellow skirt with a crisp white shirt, wrapped an arm around her waist.
“Your presentation was a smash.”
“Thanks! I didn’t see you there.”
“I snuck in up the back after you had started. Didn’t want to be stuck in the front row in case you bombed. I needn’t have worried. You totally nailed it.”
“Er, thanks,” she said, unsure if Jessica was joking.
“Hey, I’m just teasing. Where are you going anyway?”
“Back to my room. I need to freshen up.”
“Now, that sounds like something I could get on board with.”
“Jessica, I—”
“Hush, I’ll walk with you.”
They made their way down the cobblestone path together.
“I’m actually flying back to Canberra this afternoon,” Jessica said.
“You’re leaving early?”
“Something’s come up at work and I need to head back. It was always going to be a long shot getting a whole week away from the politicians. The country’s governance is a twenty-four-hour machine. But what can I do? My team needs me.”
“That’s a shame.”
“Is it?” Jessica stopped walking, giving Zoe a searching look. “I get the feeling you won’t be reaching for the Kleenex when I leave town.”
“Oh, no, I really like you, it’s just…” Zoe trailed off, unsure what to say next. Did she like Jessica? Would she be sad when she left? Considering Jessica lived in Canberra, wasn’t this all a bit of a moot point anyway?
“Is there someone else?”
“No.” Zoe looked up at the sky, trying to work out how to phrase her next sentence. “I’m just not sure what I’m ready for, in life, if you know what I mean.”
“I can’t say I entirely do, no.” Jessica started to walk again. “But if you’re talking relationships, that sounds pretty serious. I’m certainly not thinking serious thoughts if that makes you feel any easier.”
They made their way back down the path in silence until Jessica said, “I actually get down to Melbourne quite often. Politics is a national game, you know. In fact, I’ll be down next month with the Prime Minister’s team, assisting with a business briefing.” Jessica reached over and took Zoe’s hand, capturing Zoe’s eyes with her own bright blue irises. “Would you like to meet up for dinner?”
Zoe blinked. Mel would say yes. Enid would say yes, she told herself. Chiara and Travis would be jumping up and down saying yes.
“It’s just dinner, Zoe. We’re friends. It would be fun to catch up again.”
“Okay,” Zoe said.
“Well, that’s great.” Jessica leaned forward and pressed her lips against Zoe’s. “A kiss to seal the deal,” she whispered. “I won’t see you before I leave, but I’ll email you.”
“I haven’t given you my email.”
“It’s in the program.”
“Wow. You’re really on top of everything, aren’t you?”
“Not quite everything,” she said with a suggestive grin. “Yet. Bye, Zoe.” She waved a set of perfectly manicured fingers. “See you in a couple of weeks.”
“See you then.” Zoe watched her walk away, wondering if she had made the right choice. She glanced back down the path and could have sworn she saw Reyna disappearing off the path into her unit.
She walked back to her room feeling uneasy. Had Reyna seen the kiss? Not that it really mattered. She wasn’t breaking any rules. She was a free agent and she could date whoever she liked. Hell, it was almost her duty to date someone like Jessica. Her friends would be pleased, she thought, as she climbed the stairs toward her room. But was she?
The afternoon shot past in a blur and Zoe joined an evening tour group to Desert Park. It was an amazing chance to see a whole bunch of native animals at twilight and she was blown away by the experience. As a city girl, she rarely got up close with nature. She had never, for instance, seen a real thorny devil. She couldn’t believe her eyes as she watched the strange little creature, covered in thorns and spikes, scooping up ants on the dark red, desert sand. The rest of the group were headed out to a restaurant in town and then presumably a big night of partying, but Zoe opted for a quiet night in her room. Tomorrow would be the last day of the conference and the word was to expect a fairly raucous party that night. She had also signed up for a tour out to a nearby waterhole at the conclusion of the conference, so tomorrow would be a big day. It was best to get some rest now while she could.
Chapter Sixteen
Reyna (Friday, p.m.)
The bus out to Ellery Big Hole bumped and skittered over a rutted track, shaking the teeth in Reyna’s head. Most of the drive had been smooth, down a long, thin, barely tarred road that weaved between mountains glowing red, purple, and brown in the afternoon light. It was dry and the clumps of grasses by the roadside looked spiky and yellow.
“Nearly there folks,” the bus driver announced over the loudspeaker. “You might want to hang on to the seat in front for this last bump.”
Reyna reached out, grabbing the seat in front of her just as the bus skirted around a large boulder and rolled over a hefty rut, causing Reyna’s bum to lift out of its seat and thwack back down. She laughed as the people around her all groaned in unison.
“Jeeze,” Meryl complained from her seat across the aisle. “We’re gonna be black and blue by the time we get there.”
“I wouldn’t worry,” Stacey said, placing her hand on Meryl’s knee. “I think you’ve got plenty of coverage.”
“Oi.” Meryl playfully swatted Stacey and they laughed together.
I want so
mething like that, Reyna thought, staring past the empty seat next to her out of the window. But it was futile to think that way. Ridiculous to torture herself so. She had had plenty of chances to make a lasting relationship but she had chosen work instead. And now life had chosen Holden for her and that was that. No room left at the inn. The bus pulled into a car park and the doors swung open with a hiss.
“Right-oh,” the bus driver announced. “Take your hats and your sunnies and your towels. We’re here for two hours. Plenty of time for a swim and a sunbathe. Just a word: please don’t use sunscreen because it comes off in the water and is bad for the wildlife.”
Reyna raised her eyebrows. She had never thought of that. She was glad she had opted to put her sunscreen on when she got down here, and not before they left. She could easily cover up with a shirt instead if it got too hot.
She filed off the bus with the group and followed along as they made their way down a sandy track, snaking in between slim gum trees, until they reached an opening. Through the trees Reyna saw a large body of silvery water filling the canyon between two craggy cliff faces. It was so majestic and unexpected. For a moment all she could do was stand still and try to take it all in.
“Over here, Reyna,” Meryl called, breaking into her reverie.
She set her towel down on a sandy patch under a shady gum with Stacey and Meryl and sat, pulling her hat from her bag. The water’s edge was less than a meter away. There were no waves, like at the beach or a big lake, just still, dark water glistening against the bright blue of the sky. It was late afternoon but the sun was still high, flooding the canyon with warmth and light. She glanced away as Zoe walked past, chatting animatedly with a group of people Reyna did not know.
“Zoe!” Meryl hollered, waving enthusiastically. Reyna winced. “Over here.”
Reyna hid her frown. Meryl, it seemed, was intent on gathering them all together. Zoe broke away from the group she was with and joined them, spreading a large watermelon-shaped towel next to Stacey. Reyna nodded politely, determined to keep her distance.
She had been on the verge of making a giant fool out of herself when she had suggested a late-night swim with Zoe, and she had realised it not a moment too soon. When Jessica had turned up at Zoe’s room, interrupting their plan, Reyna had only just escaped with her dignity intact. She had studiously avoided Zoe since, making sure to grab a seat at the back of the room for the remaining presentations, ordering meals in her room. It was easier that way. Of course, if she’d thought about it for a minute, she would have realised Zoe would be on this trip, but she had agreed to come at the last minute, with Meryl and Stacey convincing her she wouldn’t want to miss out.
