“Sounds perfect. You’ll do well. Don’t worry about me.” She leaned and kissed his cheek. He turned and returned it, a sweet, soft kiss that only he could give her. She wanted that stormy man she saw underneath, had seen glimpses of before - but it wasn’t the time. It was never time, it seemed. Every time she got him nearly there in those moments they did manage to have, something came up.
“All right, now come play with me,” Zander demanded, taking her hand. She smiled at Jasper as she let Zander pull her away. Her golden boy was smiling back, looking indulgent and accepting of her being stolen from him. “We made a deal. Morning spars every day to keep our skills sharp.”
As they made it down into the gym, Sawyer began to feel her blood pump, adrenaline already coursing its way through her. She was looking forward to the physical activity. If her body was tired, her mind would hopefully go with it, and not dwell on that dark winter five years before.
“This is going to be a great way to forget everything,” she told him. “I’m glad we do this.”
“I think it helps with our more…argumentative and antagonistic tendencies.” He smirked as he threw his shirt away, leaving her the sight of his inked and ripped lean form.
“You mean your argumentative and antagonistic tendencies,” she corrected, taunting him. “I’m collected, cool.”
“You are hot-tempered as hell and you know it.” He snorted, then beckoned her on the mat. She pulled off her tank and met him on the mat in her sports bra and sweats. “How are you really? Probably took a lot to tell us that this month was going to be hard on you.”
She considered that. It hadn’t been. It had been surprisingly easy. She trusted them. With her pain, with her secrets, with her body, and her soul. There was very little she probably wouldn’t trust them with, and nothing came to mind. “I think, with everything else we’ve gone through, something like this is just a natural progression,” she replied diplomatically. “It had struck me this morning. I didn’t want to talk about it, not really, but…y’all knowing what I’m going through only helps all of us.”
“It does,” he agreed, beginning to stretch. She started as well, pulling her arms over her head and holding it for ten slow breaths. “Want to know a secret?”
“Sure,” she answered, looking back at him when she finished stretching her shoulders and arms. She sat down on the mat and began to stretch her quads.
“I hate Christmas.”
“I know.” She wondered why that was a secret. He’d hated Christmas growing up. He’d never enjoyed the holidays. He didn’t want to celebrate it or anything else. “That’s not something I’ve forgotten. I’ll never forget how you used to lock yourself away and refuse to do any of the holiday stuff at the orphanage.”
“The secret is I’m looking forward to this one.” She looked up and frowned. He was still smiling and shrugged a bit sheepishly. “It’s our first one together in years, since the one before Jasper and I left. And our first one as a couple. Well, in a relationship. I’m not sure if you and I are a couple and you are in several couples, or if we’re all some weird fucking unit.”
“I don’t know the answer to that either, but I’m glad you’re looking forward to this one. I don’t hate the holiday, not really. Just…this month always reminds me of him and everything else. It’s why I focus on the holidays. Something joyful.” She lowered her eyes to the mat, something emotional passing through her chest - a tightness, for a moment. Joyful. That Christmas Eve should have been joyful. The next day should have been presents and pretending everything was okay. She just spent the years after trying to make up for it.
“Come back, Sawyer,” he ordered.
She closed her eyes and nodded before pushing herself back off the mat. She met his eyes and sighed. “Sorry. It’s going to be like this all month. The mood swings, the issues. Everything reminds me of him and that…that sucks, you know?”
“I don’t know,” he admitted, “but I’m sure as hell going to help you anyway.”
“I appreciate the honesty.” It was such a truthful admission from him. He really had no idea what it was like to lose such a precious piece of his life like she had. She was actually grateful that he didn’t pretend to understand. She stood up, ready to force the entire topic off her mind for a moment. “Now let’s do this.”
“Can one more join you?” Elijah’s Southern accent caught her off guard.
“Sure, man. Having a third means we can do a rotation.” Zander waved him over. “Stretch while Sawyer and I get a round in.” He turned to her, an arrogant smirk on his face. He opened his mouth and she knew a taunt was coming.
She didn’t give him a chance to say anything, sliding into his space, grabbing his extended arm while shoving her shoulder into his chest. Before he could brace for what she was doing, she pushed her back to him and flung him over her to land on the mat.
“Round one to me!” she declared, grinning.
“Fucking cheater,” he growled. “That was uncalled-for.”
“You were about to say something stupid so I stopped you before you could shove that foot in your mouth.” She thought her reasoning was perfectly logical.
“That’s just mean, babe.” Zander rolled onto his stomach then pushed himself up. Once he was standing, he brushed himself off. “That’s not round one. Elijah, think you can call start?”
“Yeah, I can do that,” he called from off the mat as he stretched. She made the mistake of looking over at him. His shirt was off now too, and he was holding an arm over his head to stretch his side and shoulder. All-American beef, that one. He was top shelf in terms of just pure size and physical form. It wasn’t a form he got from just the gym either. He used his body for real labor, real hard work, which gave it a realness that she enjoyed. He caught her staring and threw her a wink. “Go!”
This time she didn’t have the chance to react. She’d been too busy drooling over the bulky, massive body of the cowboy. Zander grappled her to the mat and put her in an ankle hold that had her tapping out in seconds.
“Fuck, let me go!” she snarled, slapping her palm to the mat desperately as he twisted it to the point of near pain.
“Done being a dirty cheater?” he asked. She could hear the laughter in his voice and wanted to strangle him.
“It’s not cheating when you encourage me to fuck the other guy,” she retorted. It was completely off-topic, but it was all she could think of.
“Oh shit!” Elijah laughed as Zander let her go. Zander was barely able to contain his own laughter as he stood up. She got up last, dusting herself off. There was nothing there, but she felt the need to. “She has a mouth this morning,” the cowboy pointed out, chuckling still.
“And the cowboy is in a good mood, outstanding.” She crossed her arms and turned on him. “Unlike this morning.”
“You woke up me with all of that yelling. Sorry.” He said that with an unapologetic air. “You can beat me up for it, though.”
She eyed him carefully then pointed to the mat. Zander wisely left the mat without a word. “If I win, you’re going to tell me what’s going on.”
“No, I don’t think I’m going to make that bet,” he replied, shaking his head as he walked in front of her. “I don’t take bets I know I’m going to lose. Instead, we’ll do what Quinn said. I’ll take you to my favorite restaurant in Atlanta and I’ll hopefully be over my own shitty mood. If I win, you pay. If you win, I’ll pay. How’s that?”
“Is it a date?” She raised an eyebrow at him. They hadn’t touched the subject of them since before the Amazon. Before they all nearly died, before she had gone through his sketchbook, before she was with Quinn. She silently wondered if he was mad at her for any of that. She’d violated his privacy, and then also laid claim to his closest friend and fuck-buddy. This was the natural consequence. The problem was, when she had asked before, he’d outright denied that was the reason for his mood.
“Between friends,” he said firmly. That was shocking, and yet wasn’t
at the same time. It gave her mixed feelings. Rejected, but also happy he still considered them friends. She just nodded in response and got ready, spreading her bare feet shoulder-width apart. She squared her shoulders and pulled her hands up in defensive positions.
“Go!” Zander yelled like a whip. He must have gotten the strange serious undertone to the spar.
Elijah was fast, which she had remembered from their times practicing with weapons. She also knew he was reasonably flexible, for all his bulk. He wasn’t one she normally sparred with hand to hand, though. He always said he didn’t have the skill level to be a partner. He preferred Quinn or Vincent.
He’d been lying to her, something that became obvious very quickly. She should have known better, since she’d once practiced blades with him, a long time ago now.
She narrowly dodged his initial attempt at a grab. She barely got away from his swift kick that would have taken her legs out from underneath her. There was a rule not to use magic when they sparred, so they knew they were doing everything correctly, but she nearly broke that rule as he threw a right hook at her head. She blocked it with her left forearm and landed two quick jabs to his gut. Getting those two hits swung it into her favor and made her the aggressor. She pressed the advantage and finally got him in a hold, his chest on the ground and his arm pinned behind his back. He tapped out, breathing hard.
“You’ve been lying to me,” she accused, not letting him up. She was breathing hard too, trying to catch her breath. “You said you weren’t very good at hand to hand.”
“Well, compared to you and Zander, I’m not.”
She considered that answer and released his arm. She stood up and helped him up, keeping her eyes on his and not his broad chest. “True. You left a major opening for me, something Zander and I don’t do - not often, anyway. You also pushed too hard as the aggressive fighter in the beginning. You need to wear people down, not burn yourself out. One punch from you can end things fairly easily, you just need to pick the right time to try to land it.”
“Good advice,” Zander commented. “Listen to her, Elijah. She knows her shit.”
“That’s why I came down here. I’ve been getting seriously bored and y’all are still down here working, so I wanted to join you and learn something.” He smiled between them. “Y’all really don’t mind, right? I know this is sort of your thing.”
“No, we’re good. Honestly, things get repetitive with just Zander and I. We know each other’s tricks too well. Hard to learn anything when you fight the same person over and over.” She shrugged. “Come down whenever you want.”
With that, they just went back to work. It was refreshing to have someone joining her and Zander, that much was obvious. It gave her a chance to step back and make comments on their form and positioning, and for them to do the same to her. And it kept her thoughts off the dark corner in her mind, begging her to think about it.
They wrapped up sparring two hours later and her body ached with a pleasant soreness that continued to help her mood.
“Same time tomorrow? You two do this every morning, right?” Elijah wiped off his face as he spoke. She was using her discarded tank top, knowing she was going to get a clean one once she was done showering.
“Yeah. We make it down here every morning, no matter what. That includes hungover, right, Sawyer?”
“Yeah, though I’m not really feeling hungover this morning. Got lucky today, I guess.” She had hit the bottle hard with Vincent but it wasn’t killing her. If anything, her very early morning rise helped her get over it before coming down to the gym. “Today you get first shower, right?”
“Yup. Enjoy being sweaty.” He grinned at her as he began to walk out.
“I’m claiming mine,” Elijah said apologetically. “You can ask Quinn. He’s got the private bathroom.”
“I think I might,” she murmured, thinking about that. His bedroom still felt very off-limits to her, but she wanted to see him anyway. Zander didn’t understand what she was going through, but her feral wolf did, or could relate his own pain to it.
She followed the guys up to the main floor and left them to go to Quinn’s door. She didn’t know if he was in there, but she knocked and waited patiently.
After several seconds, there was no answer so she went for the back door.
“I thought I would find you out here,” she said, seeing him on the back porch. He was clothed, and that almost disappointed her. After the warmer months she’d been here, she’d grown used to his shirtless physique as a constant. Now that the chill had come in, he was in the house more, but he was also more dressed.
“I was making sure those three got their exercise.” He pointed out to what he was staring at. She glanced to the field before the woods and saw their animals roughhousing in the melting snow. She could already see mud on them and knew it was going to be an event to get them all clean enough for the house again. “What do you need?” he asked, turning to her.
“Can I borrow your bathroom? Just got done in the gym and Zander claimed ours. Elijah is in the other.”
“Of course. You didn’t need to ask.” He frowned at her, tilting his head as he did. “You can use anything of mine.”
“Of course I need to ask. It’s your personal space. I’m not going to invade it,” she retorted.
“You never invade my personal space,” he murmured, his frown shifting into a smile. He stepped closer to her and leaned so he could nuzzle into her neck. “In fact, I think I invade yours, never the other way around.”
Her pulse began to race. With only a few words and a simple affectionate action, the feral Magi had her tied in knots. He planted a soft kiss where her neck and shoulder met and then moved upwards to her jaw.
“I like invading your space,” he whispered as he made it to her ear. “Feel free to invade mine.”
“I probably stink, so I’m going to shower,” she declared.
“You smell like you always do after sex, sweaty, so it’s not something that really bothers me. I think I might enjoy it.” He didn’t back off, and she couldn’t bring herself to move as his arms wrapped around her waist. His ice-blue eyes caught hers. “The shower can wait. No reason to get sweaty twice,” he said with a rough sexuality that made her hot in the cold weather.
“I’ve made a monster,” she teased, hoping it would lighten the now sexually-charged air around them. He was now an unbridled sex god, it seemed. One from her wildest dreams - and that wasn’t what she’d expected when she fell for him.
“No, you just tamed one,” he purred. “But it only makes sense. Like calls to like.”
“We’re good monsters.” She wasn’t sure how this conversation turned to this, but with Quinn, it was an endless game of guessing. He had tricks, that was for sure. Tricks that worked, but she wasn’t going to fall for them this time. She really wanted to get clean, not dirtier. “And this monster wants a long shower.”
He sighed and released her slowly. Waving a hand, he went back to watching their animals. She felt guilty at his resignation so she kissed his cheek quickly.
That’s when she realized this wasn’t a trick; it was just a plain old trap.
Before she could back away, he grabbed her again, growling from his chest, and claimed her mouth in a slow, possessive kiss. It was claiming, and with purpose. It was expertly done as well. She knew he was a fast learner when he enjoyed what he was doing. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she remembered he got his GED in November, breezing through it as if he’d never had a problem to begin with.
He’d applied that same driven and intelligent mind to kissing. It left her knees a little weak.
“Are you sure?” he asked, smiling as he pulled away.
She wasn’t sure, but she nodded anyway, knowing if she gave any other answer, the outcome would be bedsheets. She only wanted a shower and to talk to him. Sex and talking were not the same thing.
“When I’m done, do you want to hang out? Sombra and I are still practicing letting me in her head
and-”
“You must really want that shower,” he noted, going back to nuzzle against her neck.
“I really do, and I want to talk to you after it. To say thank you for what you said this morning at breakfast and other things.”
He froze and looked back at her eyes. She was trapped there.
“We’ll go for a walk when you’re done,” he promised softly.
“Thank you.” She meant it.
3
Jasper
Jasper was sitting in his shared office alone, staring at text that had become blurry. He wasn’t even sure what book he was reading anymore. Maybe it was the quantum mechanics textbook. It could also have been the Magi History in ancient Babylon. He had no idea and it didn’t matter.
He knew everything in it. He was just hiding in the book now.
His mind wandered as he turned the page. Hiding. There was no better term for it. They had come back from the Amazon, and he’d dug in and hid from her. Not that she realized that. They all believed that school was kicking his ass, even though it had never done so before, so he ran with that and just pretended everything was too much.
Now she needed them, having openly admitted this was going to be a rough time for her. That was a big step for her. He never thought he’d see the day when she would just come out at breakfast and say something so personal was bothering her. It had made him feel guilty as shit. Here he was, avoiding her, and she needed him.
No. She needed them, not him. Not just him. She really didn’t need him at all, no matter what she said. Sombra helped her with her nightmares nearly the exact same way he could. She didn’t want his advice about seeking professional help, and she had plenty of guys to go to for a companion. He felt expendable, and it was eating away at him. He didn’t have Zander’s pure sexual charisma, or Vincent’s darkness that seemed to call to her like a moth to flame. He wasn’t unique or special in any way like Quinn. He wasn’t even Elijah, who gave off an easy smile when he wasn’t all messed up in his own head.
An Echo of Darkness (The Redemption Saga Book 4) Page 3
