“Ishwar… I… I lo-”
Whatever words he was going to speak were drowned out by a strange sound emitting from Ishwar’s throat, his eyes widening with something beyond arousal. It was unlike anything Ravi had heard from him. Or from anyone.
Barely a moment later, the thrust of Ishwar’s body and the burning heat inside him sent Ravi bursting forth, writhing as wetness spilled over his belly, stronger than any orgasm he’d ever experienced before.
Ishwar’s cries turned from strange and animalistic to lustful and desperate as Ravi clenched around him and he combusted, his velvet dick thrusting into Ravi a final time, his entire body contorting.
They both stayed that way for a long time afterwards, panting as the night air cooled the blazing heat which had consumed their bodies. Ravi closed his eyes, his body still held tight to Ishwar’s cock, refusing to release it despite the pain which now permeated him. He didn’t want this to end. He didn’t want to open his eyes and return to the world yet. For he already knew what that cry had been. It was what he’d been waiting and hoping for all these weeks, yet now wished to never hear.
He wanted to be selfish just for one moment longer. To let himself belong only to Ishwar for just a few more seconds before the wave of their shared orgasm passed and they would have to face reality once again.
The twitch of Ishwar’s cock inside him finally broke him from his reverie. He opened his eyes and let his muscles unclench and let go of his cock, which slipped out of him just as easily as it had slipped in, this time covered in ribbons of cum, more than Ravi had ever seen from him. To think he had brought the man such a release.
His gaze drifted to Ishwar’s, who looked to him from underneath the mass of hair which covered his face. It seemed that he felt the same way. Knowing he had to speak the words, yet reluctant to end the magic spell which had been cast over the two of them.
It was Ravi who finally broke the silence.
“Did you see…” he asked, his voice choking, hoping beyond hope that perhaps it wouldn’t be what he thought.
“Yes,” Ishwar confirmed, rolling off Ravi’s body, leaving him cold and shivering in the night air. He clearly didn’t wish to speak the words either, yet they still spilled out of him despite his reluctance. “I have seen your destiny.”
Chapter Seven
Ravi hovered on the edge of the bed, his eyes fixed on the floor. Ishwar sat before him, just as reluctant to look him in the eye. This wasn’t how it usually went between them after sex. They usually lay panting for a while before looking into each other’s eyes, smiling, kissing, and lying in each other’s arms as they recovered.
During those long lazy hours as they waited for their strength to return so they could make love again, they had spoken about many things; stories the old ladies in the village told to the children, how Ravi used to sneak out of his most boring lessons, how angry his father had been when he’d found out. The sound of Ishwar’s laughter was even sweeter to Ravi than the passionate moans from their lovemaking. Many nights they had completely forgotten about sex and simply talked until they fell asleep. Those were the nights Ravi loved the most.
But those were all over now. The lovemaking, the late-night talks, even gazing adoringly into each other’s eyes.
When they had both found their breath again after the most intense sex either of them had ever experienced, they’d simply rolled off the bed, cleaned themselves up, and put on their loin cloths. Somehow, it seemed inappropriate to remain naked during this conversation, as comfortable as they were with each other’s bodies.
Ravi gripped the glass of water Ishwar had offered him. Even now, he took care of all his needs before his own. He took a deep breath, and finally asked the question he least wanted to hear the answer to.
“What did you see?”
Ishwar took a long drink of his own. This was likely going to be a long conversation, Ravi already suspected. Or perhaps he also needed a moment to calm himself before he made this revelation. Finally, he spoke.
“The Jade Empire isn’t going to attack Raegaryn.”
“What?” Ravi finally looked up, utterly confused. Was he so washed up in the afterglow of his climax and the pain of the revelation that he could no longer hear correctly?
“They aren’t going to attack,” Ishwar repeated. “They have spread rumours of the size and power of their military to scare countries like ours. But the truth is that they have fought so many wars and lost so many to build their empire that their military is weak and fractured. It isn’t strong enough to take Raegaryn, as small as our country is compared to theirs.”
For a moment Ravi’s heart felt heavy, fearing that he had wasted over a month for nothing. Then instantly, his heart lightened again. If there was nothing to fear from the Empire, he wouldn’t have to fight a war. He wouldn’t have to marry one of the Emperor’s daughters.
He wouldn’t have to leave Ishwar.
“But they will still try to take Raegaryn another way,” Ishwar continued.
The flicker of hope within Ravi was instantly extinguished, and he chastised himself for even allowing himself to feel it.
“How?” he asked, his voice cracking.
“On the night of the next waning crescent moon, they will arrive at your father’s palace for a peace talk. At least, they will make it seem like a peace talk. Their true intention is to offer your father one of these plants as a symbol of peace between our nations, and to brew him a tea made from its berries,” Ishwar rose and fetched something from his work bench, holding it out to Ravi.
“Goldenglow,” Ravi said, feeling bile rising in is stomach. The plant which had almost killed a small girl before his eyes. The daughter of a man he called his friend.
“It will be much more potent and will kill almost instantly.”
“Nobody in the palace knows that it’s poisonous. If I didn’t know, there’s no way anybody else could know.”
“Yes. By poisoning your father and setting you on the throne, Raegaryn will be weakened,” Ishwar continued. “Don’t confuse my words. I know you will do whatever you can for the Kingdom, but-”
“I’m not ready yet,” Ravi finished for him. “I’m too young. Too inexperienced. And they know that.”
“Yes. That is why sitting you on the throne will do more for them than simply facing our army in battle. They will feign ignorance, of course. But it won’t matter even if your palace guards kill them there and then. It will still spark a war. A war we cannot hope to win,” Ishwar said, his voice breaking in a way which made Ravi’s heart stir with both affection and pain. “They will take our Kingdom as part of their Empire and subjugate every one of us to their rule. Even all the way out here, we won’t be safe.”
Ravi stayed silent for a long moment, turning the goldenglow leaf over and over in his hand. It looked so beautiful. Even its berries did look tantalising. It was difficult to believe that it held such destructive power. That it could destroy an entire Kingdom.
He thought of his father, his brothers and sisters, all of his friends choking in the same way Priya had. It was too horrible for him to even imagine.
“Destiny can be changed,” he spoke the words Ishwar had told him over a month ago. It seemed like so long ago now. Like he’d been a different person back then.
“Yes,” Ishwar said, stepping forward and taking hold of Ravi’s hands. He finally looked into the other man’s eyes, finding them brimming with fire. “What I told you about having the will to change your destiny is true.”
“I just have to knock the tea out of his hands to stop him from drinking it. I can tell everyone that it’s a trap. That will prevent everything you saw from happening,” Ravi said, to which Ishwar nodded.
“Whatever you do to prevent your father from taking that poison, I know it will work. I believe in you.”
Ravi so badly wanted to kiss him. To thank him for everything. Not just for telling him all he needed to know to save the Kingdom. Just for believing in him. That was al
l he needed, for he rarely believed in himself.
But he couldn’t. All he could do was ask, “You said it was to be the night of the waning crescent moon?”
Ishwar nodded and Ravi looked to the sky.
“I’ll have to leave immediately, then, if I want to get there on time,” he said, making to rise, only to feel Ishwar force him back down, firmly but still gently.
“You’ll be no good to anyone if you don’t rest before your journey,” he said.
“That’s true,” Ravi said. He had finally learnt not to question Ishwar’s wisdom.
Ishwar placed a hand on his chest and lowered him to the bed.
“Rest,” he said, pulling the blanket up to Ravi’s chin before slipping into the bed next to him. “You still have time. Don’t worry. Don’t worry about a single thing,” Ishwar whispered, his gentle voice calming Ravi. Even now he was taking time to soothe him so he could sleep. He truly was selfless. It only made Ravi sadder to be leaving him once the sun rose.
But he had to, he knew. He told himself over and over again. It was his duty to serve the entire Kingdom, not just one person. Even if that one person did deserve it more than anyone else.
Still, he snaked his arms around Ishwar and let him do the same. He was so warm and comforting. He wished to stay in the warmth and safety of those arms forever. He would even give up his claim to the throne for it, if he could.
He let Ishwar stroke his back and whisper calming words to him as he drifted off to sleep. Even though he knew he needed it desperately, he didn’t want to sleep. He wanted to stay in Ishwar’s arms for just a few more hours.
But even if it was only for a few more minutes, he wanted to be selfish. Before he lost what he held most dear, he wanted to be selfish just for one moment longer, then he never would again.
Abhi arrived early the next morning to escort Ravi to the jungle’s edge. Ishwar had sent a message to him in the night with one of the birds he’d befriended.
Ishwar shook Ravi from sleep early, the first time in over a month that he hadn’t woken of his own accord. He took only the briefest of moments to savour the warmth of the bed, the lingering scent of their lovemaking, and the peaceful bird calls symphonising through the jungle before he rose to dress and devour the breakfast Ishwar had prepared for him. He’d also found his belongings prepared, his clothes cleaned, and enough food and water for his journey packed and ready. He’d sighed when he’d seen them, hoping that Ishwar hadn’t been awake the entire night for his sake yet again.
Now his breakfast was eaten, his pack was on his shoulder, and Abhi lingered at the bottom of the staircase waiting for him. He’d been cordial enough to give Ravi and Ishwar a moment alone before they left. For that, Ravi would have to thank him later.
“Well, this is it,” Ravi said, turning at the threshold to face Ishwar. “I just wanted to… to thank you. For everything. I wish there was something I could give you to show you how thankful I truly am,” he stuttered. He found it difficult to look at Ishwar, even though he knew this was the last time he would ever see him. He wanted to preserve this memory and let it sustain him during his long years of pain and loneliness.
Despite all his hopeful wishes, he’d come to accept that he couldn’t return here when his deed was done. His duties were too important. Even if he prevented the Jade Empire from taking over this time, they would simply try again. So would other nations. He couldn’t leave that burden to one of his siblings or nephews simply so he could indulge in his own pleasure.
Besides which, there were other people who needed Ishwar’s help. The people in the village, and the people who came to him to know their own destiny. He tried not to think of others sharing Ishwar’s body the way he had. He desperately tried not to think of them sleeping in Ishwar’s bed, where he had slept. He didn’t want that jealousy on top of all the other bitter emotions spinning inside him at that moment.
“You don’t have to thank me. And you don’t have to give me anything,” Ishwar said, placing a hand on Ravi’s cheek. Perhaps it was just his hopeful imagination, but Ravi almost thought he saw him holding in tears of his own. “I was happy to do all this for you. You are… You are unlike any other man I’ve ever met.”
“I could say the same thing about you,” Ravi half-chuckled, placing his own hand over Ishwar’s, trying to preserve the memory of the heat of his body on his own. “But I really do have to thank you. Raegaryn will be safe because of you.”
“And because of you. I know you can save your father. You can save Raegaryn,” Ishwar said, stroking Ravi’s cheek.
He knew he shouldn’t have. It would only make the pain worse. But Ravi still took the final step forward and kissed him, one last time. It was unlike any kiss they had shared in the heat of passion or the cool afterglow. It was soft, yet somehow more intimate than anything else they’d shared together. It sent everything that had been growing between the two of them over the past month, everything they were too afraid to say to each other even now, spilling out between them. He dared to tangle his fingers into Ishwar’s hair and pull him forward, as he had done many times before, to draw him in closer, just for a second. Just for one last blissful moment. Ishwar placed his other hand on Ravi’s cheek, as if to feel his warmth for a final time.
All too soon, it was over. Their lips drew apart and they looked into each other’s eyes again. Already it hit Ravi that they would never feel those blissful kisses again, and already it stung at his heart.
“I…” Ravi muttered, the words catching in his throat.
He had to tell Ishwar that he loved him. This was his last chance, before he left him forever. It had to be now, otherwise he would never get to say the words. And if Ishwar felt the same way- and he strongly suspected that he did- he would never hear them said back.
Ishwar looked at him with pained longing in his eyes. Ravi wished the man would be selfish for once in his life; that he would beg Ravi to stay and be with him and only him forever. But he knew that Ishwar would never ask something like that, even if he were selfish enough to wish it for himself. That only made Ravi love him more. And made it harder to take that first step away and out of his life forever.
“I… I’d best leave,” he stuttered, chiding himself for his cowardice.
“Yes. You shouldn’t keep Abhi waiting any longer,” Ishwar said, moving his hand from Ravi’s cheek to his shoulder, giving him a small push out the door, almost to force himself rather than Ravi. They both knew that confessing their feelings would be too painful. Best to leave the words unsaid, even if they haunted them for the rest of their lives. “Be safe on your journey.”
“I will,” Ravi said, finally pulling away from Ishwar. Even mere inches apart, he could already feel the pull which drew him back towards him, and the pain of resisting it. “Thank you for everything. Goodbye.”
“Goodbye,” Ishwar spoke his final words to Ravi before he turned and descended the stairs.
“All set?” Abhi asked once he reached the jungle floor, the usual warm smile on his face failing to reach his eyes. It seemed he knew how Ravi and Ishwar felt for each other. Perhaps he saw in the two of them what he felt for his wife.
“I’m ready,” Ravi lied.
“Don’t you worry. I know there’s a long road ahead, but everything will be fine,” Abhi said as he started through the jungle. He was being kind to him, Ravi knew, and for that, he was thankful. But it still didn’t lessen his pain.
He stopped and looked behind to see Ishwar still standing at the door to his hut, watching them disappear into the jungle. Ravi took him in for a final time, finally letting a tear fall from his face as he tried to preserve it to his memory – Ishwar standing tall, proud, and watchful. Sacrificing his own happiness for the sake of the Kingdom. They were alike in that way. Perhaps that was why they felt so strongly for each other. Perhaps that was why they both hurt so much.
He knew that the road ahead was long and difficult and would face him with many challenges. Yet turning away and
following Abhi into the jungle was still the most difficult thing that Ravi ever had to do.
Chapter Eight
Neither Ravi nor Abhi said much as they trekked through the jungle, which Ravi was thankful for. He wasn’t in the mood for Abhi’s usual bright chatter. He tried to focus on avoiding tripping on tree roots or getting a spider’s web in his face. Yet it still wasn’t enough to distract him from his depressive mood, or the thought that each step took him further and further away from the man he loved.
After three days, they reached a small village on a crossroads at the end of the jungle; the place where Ravi had met Abhi and hired him as his guide all those weeks ago.
“Thank you for everything. I can find my way from here,” Ravi said as he slung his refreshed supplies onto his back.
“I would escort you further, but I need to get back to my family,” Abhi said.
“I know. Here, for your trouble,” Ravi said, handing Abhi a bag of coins, even larger than the first one he’d given him. Abhi shook his head as he felt the weight.
“No, Ravi, I can’t. This is too-”
“Take it,” Ravi said, placing a hand on Abhi’s arm and pushing the coins to his chest before he had a chance to hand them back. “You’ve been a big help to me. I never could have made it back here without you. And without you, I never would have found Ishwar in the first place.” He hoped that Abhi didn’t notice how his voice cracked at Ishwar’s name.
“Thank you,” Abhi said, tears prickling at his eyes. “You have no idea how much this will help my family. And the entire village.”
“You deserve it, and don’t convince yourself otherwise. Take care of yourself and your family,” Ravi said before turning to head up the road.
“Ravi,” Abhi stopped him, even knowing he shouldn’t. Ravi turned to face him anyway, even knowing that he couldn’t afford to waste any time. Yet he owed Abhi at least a few more moments. “I… forgive me for being so impertinent, but I know you didn’t go to Ishwar just to learn how to make potions.”
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