by Jessica Park
Julie was now leaning against the back wall of the elevator and holding Celeste’s hand so tightly that, were it not for a good cause, Celeste might have shaken her off.
And the next floor. “I want to drift together.”
On the next floor, Julie laughed through her shock. “I want to give you the slow version. The hot version.”
They were lifted higher. The next floor couldn’t come fast enough for either of them now. Julie read the sign held out for her. “Right now, only one thing scares me. That you’ll get up and walk away from me.” Julie was shaking her head as she made Celeste look at her. ”No, I won’t. I couldn’t. Oh God, where is he? Where is he?”
Celeste wiped Julie’s wet cheeks. “Soon.”
The hum of the elevator echoed around them as they rode to yet another floor. “I think about you all the time, and I can’t get you out of my head.”
They were getting closer to the top. “Julie, right now, today at this hotel, I am asking you to ignore everything you think you know and listen only to your heart, without doubting anything.” Julie’s hands were over her face as she shook, the full impact of what was happening hitting her now.
“You have to look up,” Celeste instructed. “Do not cry so much that you cannot read. You are going to want to pay particular attention to this next one.”
The doors parted and Julie let out a beautiful sob. “Will you marry me?”
Celeste was in awe. How could she not be? She was in the middle of life–changing bravery. Julie leaned into her, and Celeste put an arm around the friend who had once saved her. It felt remarkable to finally be able to repay—even if just a bit—what Julie had done.
And then—at long last and many years overdue—the final floor.
The elevator doors slide apart. And Julie nearly collapsed.
Matt, in a full suit and tie, was down on one knee. And in one hand he held a ring.
“Julie.” He radiated relief. And love. “You… You stayed through every floor.”
“Of course I did,” she said through tears. She flew forward, and he stood, catching her in his arms. Matt held her, his body trembling because he was back with the person he belonged to and who belonged to him.
Now, through her tears, Julie reflected back more words that Matt had written to her. “And then you kiss me. Matt, then you kiss me, and make me feel everything that you feel.”
So he did.
Celeste slipped out from the elevator and moved off to the side, watching from the edge of the waiting area. She didn’t want to miss a moment. With her hands clasped with excitement, she welled with pure happiness for her brother and for Julie. They were going to get their happy ending.
But the kissing went on and on until Celeste was tapping her foot with impatience, and she couldn’t hold it in any longer. “You must respond to his question, Julie! You must say yes, or it is not official!”
Julie dropped from her tiptoes, but kept her hands in Matt’s hair as she moved her mouth from his just enough to respond. “I have to check something first.”
“You do, do you?” Matt asked, so deliriously in love that Celeste almost didn’t recognize him.
“This hotel is not you, but it’s very me. And these clothes are not you, but they are very me. And I appreciate those things, I really do. But I just need to make sure…” Julie nodded mischievously and slowly slid her hands to the top of his shirt and began undoing the top buttons.
Matt raised his eyebrows. “Look, I seriously can’t wait either, but to be completely honest, you shouldn’t have high expectations because it’s been a while, so the phrase ‘eternal voyage’ may not come to your mind when—”
“Matt!” Julie laughed, but continued undoing a few buttons and pulled open his shirt. She sighed with happiness. “Good. You’re still my superhero under these dress clothes. You have on your Nietzsche is My Homeboy shirt. As handsome as you look in this suit, now I really know that everything is as it should be.” She started to kiss him again.
Celeste tossed up her hands. “ANSWER THE QUESTION!”
This time Matt pulled away. “Yeah, let’s hear it.” He bunched his shirt closed. “No answer, no Nietzsche!”
Julie pulled open his shirt again. “I say yes to Nietzsche and yes to my favorite homeboy.” She looked up at Matt. “That’s you. Yes, yes, yes. I will marry you, Matthew Watkins.”
Celeste jumped up and down and cheered as Matt slid the beautiful ring onto Julie’s finger. It was not, as engagement rings often were, a diamond, but rather a purple stone much the color of one that Matt had given Julie years before. It was the perfect ring. Celeste could not stop clapping and celebrating. Not that Matt and Julie noticed at the moment due to the resumption of the kissing. And the groping. Granted, it was a little creepy watching her brother make out with someone so passionately, but she did know what it felt like to love someone so much that—
Oh no.
She couldn’t do this now.
Or could she? Maybe it was the perfect time. Maybe there was a lesson here.
Celeste backed down into the hallway and walked the corridor to her room. Her suitcase sat on the bed, and very slowly she unzipped it. It was time. She rooted through her belongings until she located what she was after. Then she walked to the window that took up most of the far wall and sat down in the chair that faced Sunset Boulevard.
In her hands was the box from the Christmas tree. She’d felt compelled to toss it into her luggage, and now she knew why. She lifted off the top and took out the two pieces of paper, slightly water damaged and wrinkled, but still intact.
She reread hers first.
Live the life you’ve dreamed.
It was a quote from Thoreau. The sentiment had been her intention. That night she’d been at the top of the tree, so filled with the hope and the delight that came with Justin’s romantic gesture, and she had meant with all her heart to do just that: to make the dreams she’d only just started to allow herself to have to become her reality. But instead, just when they were falling into place, she became filled with terror. That was when she should have known that she was on the brink of great change. That was when she should have bitten the bullet and continued on.
Justin’s paper was folded into a small square, and she slowly pulled apart the paper, careful not to tear it. Celeste inhaled sharply and held her breath. He’d also written down a quote. Of course he had. They were both quote people. His was an Emerson quote. One she knew well, but had never thought to apply to herself. But Justin had thought to.
To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.
Celeste stood, paper in hand, and walked to the window. Justin believed in her. She touched her forehead to the glass and looked down at the street. Out there, there were characters, and personalities, and interesting people. Some would be wonderful and magical; some would be awful and cruel.
And some, she understood, would not only love her, but would teach her to love herself.
THE POWER OF CELESTE
CELESTE POUNDED ON Matt’s hotel room door. Well, Matt and Julie’s door. “I am terribly sorry to disturb you. Really, terribly, horribly, mightily sorry, but this is of an urgent nature!”
“Are you on fire?” Matt called after a minute.
“Well… no.” Celeste admitted. “Not in a literal sense, but figuratively and emotionally, I am very much on fire!”
If this hotel had crickets, their chirping would be ricocheting off the walls.
“Matthew!” She hammered her hand on the door. “Julie! I am fully aware that I am interrupting you both, but in the name of love, I am begging you to open the door!”
She heard scuffling sounds, and Matt whipped open the door. “I do not see any figurative or emotional flames shooting from your head.”
Celeste kicked her foot between the door and the doorjamb before he could shut it. “Julie!”
Julie laughed. “Matt, let her in.”
>
He sighed and grandly gestured for her to enter. She covered her eyes and slithered past him. “I do not wish to witness anything I should not witness. I am simply here to retrieve the car keys.”
“Where you going?” Julie asked.
Celeste paused. “I am going to San Diego.”
Matt pulled her hand from her face. She loved the adoring look he gave her. “Are you really?”
She held up a hand, palm out, to partially block her view.
“What are you doing?” he asked.
“Shielding my eyes. You do not have on a shirt and we are not at the beach.”
“Well, don’t come knocking on the door an hour after a guy proposes marriage. And it’s not my upper half you should be hiding from.”
“Matthew, gross! I realize this is an inopportune time, but you’ll have plenty of chance for that after I am gone. And for the rest of your lives. I need the car keys!”
“You’re really going to San Diego?”
She held up the piece of paper with the quotes and waved it frantically at him. “I found my hinge, Matty.”
He nodded. “Okay.” Matt turned to Julie. “We gotta go.”
“On it.” She was thankfully still dressed, and immediately hopped off the bed and picked up her shoes from the floor.
“No.” Celeste stopped them. “I want to do this alone. I need to. You two must remain here and allow me to handle this myself.”
“I know you can handle it,” Matt said. “We both do. We just want to support you. Besides, you drive like a damn maniac, and you should arrive there in one piece, not eighty-seven.”
She put her hands on her hips. “You will drive fast, though?”
“Yes,” he agreed.
“Very, very fast?”
“For you, yes.”
“We have that outrageous Tesla sports car that you insisted on, so you best not attempt to blame the car for any inability to break speed limits. I need to be there by sunset and that is at six minutes after seven.”
“Understood.”
“Drive as though your life depended on it,” she ordered.
He shrunk back exaggeratedly. “Based on the look you’re giving me, my life does depend on it.”
“Suck it up.” Julie appeared next to Matt and tossed his geeky T-shirt at him. “Let’s go get her man.”
Matt did as he promised, and he drove them to San Diego with the speedometer well over the legal limit. Granted, it would be difficult for anyone not to make good use of the car’s capabilities.
Except for the music blaring from the speakers, the car was silent. Julie kept her hand on Matt’s shoulder for the entire ride, occasionally running her fingers up into his hair and back down. They were both whole again.
Celeste needed to think.
Actually, what she needed to do was feel. The words that Julie read out loud today rang through her head. Ignore everything you think you know and listen only to your heart, without doubting anything.
Matt had it right, but she would not wait years to implement what she saw so clearly was the truth. She would act now. But she would need help.
Celeste started to text Michelle, Justin’s roommate’s girlfriend, whom she’d met that day at Barton. Then she stopped. A text was safe and impersonal. This called for a phone call. So she dialed her number. Michelle was surprised to hear from her, but friendlier than Celeste would have expected given what had happened.
“Michelle, I realize hearing from me may be odd, but I am throwing myself on your mercy.”
Michelle’s voice immediately soared. “Are you calling for the reason I think you’re calling?”
“I am. I need your help, if there is any chance that you are willing.”
“If you are going to restore order to my world, then I’m all yours.”
“I am going to do my best.” Celeste hesitated. “Thank you. Thank you so much. It means a tremendous amount that you are agreeing to facilitate this.”
“We all screw up. We all run from stuff when we shouldn’t. It’s okay, Celeste. I get it. Maybe not exactly what you’re going through, but I get it still. Everybody runs from something good sometime. Tell me what you need.”
They talked for ten minutes, and then Celeste tucked her hands under her legs and looked out the back window of the car. She shut her eyes. There was no stopping now, and she didn’t want to.
Matt got them to San Diego in under three hours. He made the stop at Starbucks that she requested and continued with the directions from the navigation system until they reached a spot on the coast. Matt and Julie got out of the car.
“It’s going to be dark soon. You okay?” Julie asked.
“I will be, yes. Either way, I will be.” Celeste scanned the area at the top of Sunset Cliffs. They were just past the spot where she had stood a month before. “You can go.”
“What? We don’t get to stay and watch?” Matt stomped his foot and pretended to have a fit. “You interrupted us just as things were about to—“
Julie clapped a hand over his mouth. “Call us if you need us. We’re going to get dinner. And you know what? I’m proud of you. Really, really proud. You’re doing what I couldn’t do.”
“Thank you, Julie. Matt?” She stepped toward her brother. “Matty?”
“You can do this.” He was done joking now. “It’s going to be fine.”
“Okay.”
“You can. You’re the bravest sister anyone could have.”
“Okay.”
“I love you, Celeste.”
She fell against him and let him hug her and rub her back. “I love you, too, Matty. You are going to have a wonderful life.”
“You are going to also.”
“But nothing has happened yet.”
“A ton has happened,” he said.
She squeezed her arms around him. “Yes. You’re right. A ton has happened.” He took the Starbucks coffee cup from Julie and gave it to Celeste. Then he tousled her hair and smiled.
Celeste crossed the street and watched Matt and Julie drive away. But they were riding away together, and that was perfect. She waited only a few minutes. A car pulled up not far from her, stopped by the cliffs, and then drove slowly as it passed. Michelle waved and winked.
Celeste had to compose herself before she could look at the boy who was now less than fifty feet from her. Finally, she lifted her eyes.
Justin stood with his hands in the pockets of his jeans, a backpack slung over his shoulder, his hair blowing in the ocean breeze, and a look on his face that she couldn’t read. It took all of her might, but she walked to him and he to her. They met in the place on the rocks where they had been once before. Her heart clenched when he was before her. Now she could see clearly that Justin’s eyes were wet, his face pained.
Celeste struggled to hold back the immeasurable reaction to seeing him again, but it was impossible. After everything she had been through over these past months, with him and with herself, she couldn’t. So she gave in, sobs erupting from her as she hung her head. She dropped her head as the tears fell.
Justin stepped in and put his hands on her waist. He didn’t say anything, letting her get the worst of it out.
She finally spoke through her heartache. “Hey, Justin?”
He took forever to reply, but finally he said the two words that saved her from collapse. “Hey, Celeste?”
She looked up. This look from him? This one she knew. “I brought you a coffee.” She held out the cup to him.
“Yeah?”
“Yes.” She sniffed hard. “I had to special order it.”
Justin knew what to do. He took off the lid and looked down. When a smile broke through, she knew that he understood. “This is the most beautiful peace sign I’ve ever seen.” Then he read the marker writing on the side, scrawled in wobbly cursive.
Make love, not war.
Now he sniffed. “I told you that you were a pacifist.”
“I won the battles, Justin. And I won the war. And
now there is no more fighting. Now there is peace. You told me to let joy win out, and I am choosing to do that.”
Justin took a deep breath. “This coffee looks, like, totally amazing and delicious, but I really want to kiss you. And for that I need two hands because I’m going to have to hold you up. That’s how hard I’m going to kiss you.”
Without hesitating, Celeste batted the cup from his hands.
He stepped in and immediately wrapped his arms around her waist. “I missed you. I didn’t think you’d come back to me.”
“But I did. And you waited, didn’t you? You didn’t give up.”
“No, I did not.”
“You could have. You likely should have. That would have been fair. I imagine that I hurt you significantly, that you were very angry with me, and for that, I am profoundly sorry. I pushed you away because I thought I needed to protect us, and instead I threw away what was protecting us, what was making us both stronger. Justin, I am so sorry. I will do whatever I can to make things better.”
“Things are already better. You don’t need to apologize, Celeste. I knew, even during that wretched talk on the beach, that what was happening wasn’t really about us. It was about you. So I wasn’t angry. Hurt and sad, yes. My heart shattered, yes. But you had stuff going on that was greater than us, and you had to go deal with that. I didn’t know if that was really going to be the end or not. And when you never picked up the phone, or replied to my emails, or… Well, I really got worried when I texted you the coffee froth picture of the Mad Hatter that I, like, really labored over. Fine, I know that picture sucked, but you must have seen the effort that went into it, because I even used a toothpick and tried to swirl the chocolate into an expressive face, but—”
“I loved it. I absolutely loved it.” Then her mouth was on his, and she drowned in the immeasurable scope of what it meant to be back with him. She touched his face, ran her hands through his hair, felt the skin on the back of his neck in the way that he loved so much.
When Justin stepped back, she almost whimpered, wanting more. Wanting everything. But he turned her to face the ocean. “We can’t miss this sunset.”
So together they followed the sun as it dropped, both imperceptibly and all too fast. Justin stood behind her and held her close, his chin resting on her shoulder.
