by Ireland Gill
“The haps, huh?” I poked at Luka. “Well, Elka seems to think I need training in order to master the art of....whatever this is.” I rolled my eyes as I plopped down next to him on the couch.
Luka nodded. “Blondie's right, kiddo. And who better to know that than the angel who can foresee natural disaster?” He laughed heartily.
I sighed. “So, what do you think about it?”
“My thoughts?” Luka grinned at me. “I think it's a bad-ass gift, Evigreen, and I can't wait to see what becomes of it,” his grin turned devious, “other than your getting everything wet.”
We all laughed at that comment.
“Listen, Luka,” Hayden said as he sat down. “Speaking of hot topics, I was wondering if you heard of any changes as far as the dark minions go?”
“Drones?” Luka inquired. “Not that I know of. Why?”
“Because they haven't shown up anywhere since we left Ohio. It's like they don't even exist anymore. Those things should be coming at us left and right, and they're nowhere.”
“And you're complaining?” Luka challenged.
“Not at all. But don't you find it odd? Like there is some ulterior motive behind it?” Hayden sounded concerned. “It's unnerving, to say the least.”
There was silence for a few seconds as Luka was digesting Hayden's words. “I can see if the Council has any word on the matter, but for now, we should just enjoy the peace we're getting at the moment,” Luka said. “Embrace it. Maybe we've just slid under the radar.”
Silence again. I considered Luka's suggestion.
“Has this ever happened before?” I asked him.
“Nope.” His lips popped on the P. “I don't recall it ever happening before.”
Hayden looked over at me, as if reluctant to say what he wanted to say, but he gave in, knowing that I hated the secrets anymore. “Well, I don't like it,” he admitted, “and I wish we knew what this was about.”
That was all that was said about the subject. I looked back at Hayden and felt a worry in me, the worry that grew into a fear, which only added to the mounds of it that I already had. He was right. We hadn't seen a Drone in Georgia at all. Surely, they would have found us by now. Something was up. And even though I was happy not to have to deal with any of those monsters around, it seemed more bothersome that they weren't around at all. It was obvious that Hayden saw a danger in that fact.
“So!” Hayden broke the silence. “How about we go bowling?”
“Great!” Luka jumped up. “Let's get this soldier out for a while.”
“And before you even wonder about it, yes, Evika, you can have a beer or two.”
Luka and I exchanged a glance at each other and mouthed the word “wow.”
I stood and prowled up to Hayden, holding a smile from ear to ear. “Hey, what was that cracking noise?” I asked him.
“Cracking noise?” he looked confused.
“Oh,” I tapped his nose lightly, “never mind. That was the sound of you breaking,” I said facetiously.
Luka doubled over in laughter. “You two are the epitome of entertainment. Hands down.”
Hayden cocked an eyebrow at me, but I could see that smile breaking through.
6
Outlet
“Again,” Elka demanded.
I dropped my shoulders dramatically and let my head fall forward. “Elka, I'm tired,” I whined. “We've been at this for two hours already. I don't need any more practice.”
She and I had gone down to the shoreline to practice my “rain skills.” It wouldn't have been so bad except we had to do it in the middle of the night when no one would be around and we had to be sure it was done over the ocean so it would go somewhat unnoticed. Hayden had invested in a used speedboat for me to use so my practicing could be done far from shore.
“Just once more?” she persuaded me, batting her perfect lashes.
I stood still and huffed, muttering, “That's what you said last time.” But, nonetheless, I endured it. For her, for him, and maybe a little for me. By the end of the week, I'd managed to control the rain I'd produced, starting and stopping the rainfall, and I didn't even need Elka all over Hayden in order to get me to make it happen. I guess what kept me going was thinking of my mother. I could feel her there, watching me. At least, I'd hoped she was. I sensed her presence as I closed my eyes and listened to the waves crashing. As long as Elka wasn't talking, and I could concentrate. I learned to use the memories of my mother, good and bad, to control it. And when I couldn't search for that one memory that I needed to get me to stop the rain and to calm down, I thought of my angel's arms embracing me, just like he had the first time I was able to make it stop willingly.
Between the memories and the reality of my life, the practice with Elka was paying off. She'd instruct me when to start and when to stop, how hard to make the rain fall, and where to make it happen. The hardest part in all of it was the boundaries. I was able to expand the diameter of the rain circle once I realized I was using clouds to change their shapes and positions in the sky. Once I'd discovered I had control over those, I knew where to direct my focus. I became a bit more confident once the elements of the sky were listening to me, to my thoughts. And for more effect, I'd raise my arms, directing, commanding.
Control, it seemed to be what I needed to feel the most, and that was what I had over the rain on Earth, to an extent, anyway. The weather still did what it wanted to do, so the rain wasn't always mine. But, like Hayden said, rain was so “me.” Most people ran away to take cover, but I'd be out dancing in it. There was a certain security I felt when I let the rain fall upon me. Exposure to it was liberating for me. And to have control of it, I guess I was starting to see the positive side. I didn't know what the hell it meant as to why I had the gift of cloud and rain control, but I managed to see the bright side, which was rather hard for me to do anymore.
“Evika, you're really doing great.” Elka smiled as she swam toward me in the ocean water; she'd often jump into the water for a late night swim while I stayed in the boat. Sometimes, she'd spread her pink wings and use them as a raft.
“I better be doing great after all of this practice,” I stated, unable to contain a yawn.
She hurled herself into the boat. “Come on, Rainmaker,” she said, pointing toward the shore. “Let's get you home.”
I let out the biggest sigh of relief once she finally said that. I was so ready for bed. Sleeping was something I actually looked forward to once the dreams became pleasant after Jericho's visit.
After the boat ride back to the dock, the walk was definitely not far back to the house, but I always insisted that we take my vehicle since I was thoroughly exhausted after practicing. The first day was brutal for me. Physically, emotionally, and mentally. It took more than just thoughts to get things to happen. Granted, I'd made it rain harder than rocks prior to that, but the anger always brought it on. After exerting energy into controlling the elements of the sky, it took more out of me than just the normal amounts of force. Elka assured me it was just like exercising, and that once you do it for a while, your body gets used to it. How she knew this, I did not know. I just tried to believe her.
Elka plopped into the passenger side of the pony, still wrapped in her towel. “Hey Ev, can I ask you something?” she inquired in a serious tone.
I looked over at her curiously as I started the engine. “Sure, Elka. You can ask me anything.”
She took a deep breath, which sort of made me nervous. I'd wondered what she could possibly be so nervous to ask me.
Elka turned in her seat to look me straight in the eye. “If you had the choice to put things back to normal, like before your First Death, or to keep things the way they are now, which would you choose?”
She asked the question as if she'd been planning on asking me that very question for quite some time. I looked at her inquisitively for a few seconds and wondered why she'd inquire about something like that. Some thoughts ran through my mind as to the reason. First, I th
ought maybe she was fishing to get me to spill my guts about how I felt about Hayden, or even maybe that he could have put her up to it. But then I thought a little harder and realized that I hadn't really been myself all week. I'd gone through the motions of my new life, along with the nightly practices with Elka. She may not have known me long, but I was beginning to see that I wasn't the hardest person to read. I concluded that she was just concerned, but also a little curious.
To have the chance to change my life back to what it was should have been appealing to me. But, the reality was, my prior life was missing something huge. That something, or someone rather, was Hayden. Even though I hated the people I was saving, hated that I had been cursed for the remainder of my life to see the actions that placed them in their own little hell....I would endure it over and over again, just for him, just to know him.
I looked at Elka confidently to give her an answer. “If I had the choice? I would keep things as they are.”
Elka studied me for a moment, a peaceful moment. “For him,” she finally said, as if she'd heard my final thought on the matter.
I knew that I didn't need to confirm it for her, but I did anyway. I nodded slightly. “Yes, for him.” Her perfect, pink lips curled into a genuine smile. “The heart sure knows what it wants, doesn't it?” she asked me solemnly.
I breathed a laugh, looking down intently, as if waiting for my heart to jump out of my chest to agree with her. “It's been known to steer me wrong here and there,” I said.
“But not this time,” Elka assured me. “You'll see.” She winked at me.
I just smiled at her as I put the pony into gear to drive back to the house, hoping she was right.
After getting home, I tiptoed past Hayden's room to pick up Beau to come stay with me in my room for the rest of the night I always liked his company after returning home from a practice. I recalled the harmless argument that Hayden and Elka had the first night she took me out to practice my skills. She figured it would be good to have “girl time” and that he didn't need to be there. She'd convinced him that I was safe with her, which he, of course, already knew. I could tell he was getting used to the idea that he didn't always have to be there with me as long as another Guardian was with me when he'd finally started to go to bed before Elka brought me home.
As I entered Hayden's room, my dog was laying on the floor next to the angel's bed. He'd been waiting for me. As I watched him rise to all fours and waited for him to leave the room, my eyes glanced to the face of my angel lit by the ray of light from the hallway. I smiled at the object of my affection, who was lying on his stomach, an arm draped over the side of the bed. Even in his sleep he was perfect, with his dark hair all messy and the smooth curvatures of his bare back and arms. I watched him lift his arm up and under his pillow, and my breathing shallowed. I shook my head wildly, as if to knock out the impure thoughts that were starting to invade.
Though I was exhausted and spent after practice with Elka, I'd felt the urge to get some things off of my chest, things that I just wanted to write down. An outlet. It was the first time I'd picked up a pen since my birthday when I wrote the prose for my mother. However, it felt like home when the pen was in my hand, and I lay on the bed with my journal and the light of my neon-green lava lamp while my loyal dog lay next to me. It still felt surreal to have Beau back again, but it felt right. Everything was in its place.
I thought about all of the things I'd taken for granted and about all of the things that I cherished the most. I thought about all of the things that I'd lost and wanted back again, things I never got the chance to do and wanted to, just to say I did them. I wondered if I was going to be okay, if life would ever get a little easier, happier. It was then that I realized that the only thing that was truly keeping me content and grounded was him, my angel. I guess I was looking for something to make me bawl my eyes out. I needed a good cry. I'd spent so much time shedding tears over losing my mother that I really didn't know how to cry about anything else.
Then it hit me; Elka had asked me if I'd want to go back to the way things were. I imagined a life without Hayden in it at all, a life that was mine where I'd known him, and then he was suddenly gone forever. My chest tightened and my head ached. Tears fell as I imagined a life without him; it killed me inside.
The pen hit the paper, and I wrote the words to a new melody:
Save Me
I can't face this world for one day without you
When you walked away, you left me here in the dark
I keep searching for the light around me
But when I close my eyes, the nightmares begin
Save me. Save me. Save me
From this darkness
A world without you isn't worth living in
Save me. Save me. Save me
From this darkness
I'm afraid of what I'll become
Without you...now that you're gone.
I hear your voice
But I can't find you
I see your face
But only in my dreams
You promised the pain
Would fade away
But I lie here
Breaking into pieces
Look at me
I'm breaking
Can't you see?
I'm fading
The darkness is waiting to devour me
There's no mending me now
Unless you come back to me
When will this stop?
When will this end?
My sadness falls deeper
My heart grows weaker
No one can take my pain away
It's killing me slowly; not having you here
The darkness is folding
Without you near
Make this hurt go away
Just come back to me now
I keep telling myself just to breath
But the moment won't pass.
Come back, so I can dream again
Come back, so I can breath again
Come back, so I can live again
My heart is breaking
Each moment that you're gone
Save me. Please, save me.
I read the written words once more after finishing and wondered if I'd ever have the guts to show it to Hayden one day. I knew he wouldn't think I was crazy for writing something like that, a written nightmare where he was gone, but I thought I was going crazy. My head hurt with so many thoughts. All I wanted to do was run to him for comfort so I could feel okay again, but I didn't want him worrying for no good reason. It was my own damn fault for working myself up the way I did. I knew I was just being irrational, which seemed to be more of common thing for me anymore. I felt like I was losing the ground beneath me sometimes, and it was more than just my strong aversion to the Seekers. It was that thing inside me that came around when I wasn't near Hayden, the force of something that didn't feel good to me at all. It was a darkness I'd never invited. I was still too afraid to talk to him about it, even though I'd made a promise to him that I wouldn't shut him out anymore.
I breathed deep, wiping the tears away from my face and curling up next to Beau. He looked at me curiously and offered a few licks to my cheeks to rid them of the salty tears.
“I have to stop being so afraid, Beau,” I whispered to my dog.My arms wrapped around his furry neck as he laid his head over my shoulder. We slept like that until morning.
7
Masquerade
“So, are you ready yet?” I heard Hayden call to me from downstairs. “Dinner is supposed to start in fifteen minutes and we still have to drive there, Pony-girl.”
I grunted, tying the last bow on the back of my dress. “Please, Hayden,” I called out of the bathroom, half-laughing and half-huffing, “haven't you learned by now that I'm never on time?”
“That's impossible to forget.” I could hear him mutter with a low laugh.
I checked myself in the mirror, touching up my eye liner and neutral eyeshadow before adding a dark re
d gloss to my lips. I'd found a local seamstress to fix an old bridesmaid dress I found on sale to wear for my Halloween costume. It was an apple-red, strapless dress out of which I had her remove the zipper in the back to put eyelets all the way down and replace it with a black ribbon that laced all the way down.
The black angel wings I'd gotten with Elka at the mall were my own project. I'd gotten white, battery-operated mini-lights to string along the top of them and covered the wire up with more black feathers. They were complimented well by the black lacing down the back of the dress.
The final touch was the elegant, black, beaded choker that I put on last. I hooked it in the back, bringing my arms to my sides and observing my hair one last time. I'd curled it and put it completely up with a few twists in the front, and left a couple of curls to hang by my ears, bobby-pinning my silver halo to the top. I'd sprayed it all stiff with hairspray, something of which I despised, but this night called for perfection as I knew I wanted to look flawless and I would nothing to come out of place. I needed to have a good time and to worry about nothing but the fun I would have with my angel.
I slid on my black, silk gloves that came to the elbow and released a nervous sigh. “Here it goes,” I whispered to myself as I left the bathroom, flicking off the light and heading to the stairs. I scanned the lengthy stairwell all the way down, lifting up the bottom of my dress and happy that I'd decided to wear my black combat boots. My pace slowed when my eyes stopped at the sight of Hayden at the landing.
He stood proud in a black silk, long-sleeved button-up tucked into his white dress pants and black dress shoes. I saw him remove his hands from his pockets and drop his jaw as I descended the stairs. His reaction was clear, and I was relieved.
“Wow,” he said, hardly audibly. I blushed at the sight of his awestruck expression. “Evika, you...look....” he paused, and my mind wouldn't stop wondering what he was trying to say. Great? Beautiful? Overdressed for the occasion? WHAT!? “You look absolutely breathtaking.”
