“Mom?” Stephanie called out, stopping them from leaving. “Bring me a decent nightgown when you come back, will you?”
Taylor smiled. “I’ll stop and buy you a new one before I come to visit.”
Lucas guided Taylor past the press to his truck after suggesting Micah drive her car. She offered no arguments. Instead, she huddled against the passenger door, her arms wrapped around her waist to unsuccessfully hold her tremors close. Somehow she managed to hold her composure long enough to walk into the house and say goodnight to Micah.
Lucas followed her into the study in time to catch her before she dropped to the floor. Carrying her to the sofa he nestled her on his lap and let her soak his shirt with her tears. It was as if all the tears she’d held inside for all these years were suddenly set free.
“I came back to tell you,” she hiccupped as the tears tapered off. “I never meant for you not to know I was pregnant, but then I heard you were married. I didn’t…I didn’t know what else to do. When Stephen…” She pressed closer against his chest. “Stephen said he would marry me and give the baby his name. It was the only way I knew to keep the baby, to keep a part of you.”
Lucas felt his own tears scald his throat. While he could regret not having known Stephanie as she grew and matured, he could never wish he hadn’t had Micah.
Taylor fidgeted with a button on his shirt. “Stephen loved Stephanie, Lucas. I never could have married him if I hadn’t trusted him enough to know he would never resent her for not being his.”
“We have to tell her the truth, Taylor.”
When she eased away, Lucas made no attempt to keep her close. In typical fashion, she began to pace the room. But, the tears, now spent, were gone and forgotten. Another indication of the type of control she’d developed.
“It might be best if I tell her alone.”
“No.”
He stood and captured her face in his hands. There were dark smudges of fatigue under her eyes, her lips were swollen from biting down on them and a fine sheen of perspiration dotted her brow. He wanted to pull her close, hold her to him. He wanted her to lean into him, on him. Instead, he stared into her face, his gaze and hands making it impossible for her to look away.
“Don’t shut me out, Taylor, not now.”
“I’m not.”
“Aren’t you?” Lucas insisted. “It won’t make it any easier for Stephanie to accept that I’m her father if I’m not there when she hears the truth. She should hear it from both of us.”
Chapter 12
As the dark sky began to show the promise of morning, Lucas stood under the shower spray. He hadn’t slept, other than the few cat naps his body had demanded in order to replenish the blood he’d donated. Dressing in a hurry, he reached the kitchen in time to see Taylor carrying a suitcase out of the house.
“What the hell’s going on?” he demanded as he followed her onto the deck. Apparently, the sounds he’d heard during the night were for reasons other than her inability to sleep.
She continued her way toward her car. “I thought it would be best if I stayed in town where I could be close to the hospital. Mrs. Brewer said I was welcome to stay with her.”
“Stay here.”
“I can’t.”
She placed the suitcase in the opened trunk and slammed the lid shut. Her shoulders lifted as she drew in a deep breath before she turned.
“I no longer represent Micah in a case, Lucas. People will talk if I stay here.”
“I don’t give a damn about what people say.”
“Yes, you do.” She brushed back her bangs, avoiding his gaze. “You do care about what the people of this town think and say, Lucas. You always have. That’s why you’ve never admitted Micah isn’t your biological son. The respect of the people of this town means something to you.”
“Taylor—”
“I’m not criticizing. I understand how important it’s been for you to make something of yourself. To prove to everyone that you were a different man, a better man, than your father. That was something we always had in common.” Finally, she looked him in the eye.
“All I ever wanted to do is what I thought was best for Stephanie. My choice ended up hurting you, Lucas. I’m so sorry I didn’t trust you with the truth. If I could go back, well, I would still do what I thought best for Stephanie.” Her bottom lip quivered, but she held the tears at bay.
“This time, however, I need to do what’s best for me. It hurts, Lucas. It hurts to look at you and be reminded of how I didn’t trust you with the truth about Stephanie. How you didn’t trust me with the truth about Micah. I can’t take that kind of hurt anymore.”
“You didn’t have to do this, Lucas,” Stephanie maintained, even as she framed in a shot of her mother staring out the window, nibbling on a thumbnail.
“I wanted to get it for you,” he answered. “Just promise me you won’t be climbing any hillsides for some nature shots anytime soon. I’m not sure that head of yours is hard enough to withstand another tumble.”
“Okay,” she agreed, her smile wider. When she snapped the shutter, the soft noise caused Taylor to jump.
“What’s the matter?” Stephanie asked as she lowered the camera to rest beside her on the bed.
“Nothing,” Taylor said, too quickly, a little too loud. She sighed. “I’m just tired, I guess.”
“That’s what you always say when you want to avoid telling me something.” Stephanie looked at Lucas, who kept his gaze on Taylor. “What’s going on? Is there something else wrong with me?” Tears sprang into her eyes. “That’s why I’ve had to stay here so long, isn’t it? I want the truth, damn it.”
“Stephanie, don’t swear at your mother.” Lucas nodded at Taylor, who crossed the room to close the door and then moved to stand beside the bed.
“Where’s Micah?” Stephanie demanded. “He’ll tell me.”
“We asked Micah not to come today,” Taylor answered. “There’s nothing else wrong with you, baby. I would tell you, I promise.”
“Then, what are you so upset about?”
“I love you, Stephanie,” Taylor said, fighting her own tears. She considered lowering the metal railing, sitting beside her daughter, holding her hand. How many times in her own childhood had she forced herself to hold back, to keep from reaching out for fear of being rejected?
“I know I’ve made a lot of mistakes with you, but I’m asking you to remember that everything I’ve ever done has been because I love you. Because I believed, in my heart of hearts, that what I was doing was best for you.”
“You’re scaring me.”
“We don’t mean to.” Lucas stepped forward, standing close behind Taylor. “Yes, we have something to tell you, something that may be hard for you to understand or accept.”
Stephanie reached out and grabbed Taylor’s hand. “Mom?”
“There’s no easy way to say this.” She took a shuddering breath and squeezed her daughter’s hand. “Stephanie, Lucas is your biological father, not Stephen as you’ve thought, as I’ve let you think, all these years.”
“No.” Her hand went limp, sliding free of Taylor’s. “You’re lying.”
“Why would I?” Taylor asked. “Why would I say something like this, risk you hating me, if it wasn’t the truth?”
“I don’t know. But I’m telling you this isn’t funny.”
“It’s not the least bit funny. But it is the truth. Before Dr. Carlson performed your surgery, I had to tell Lucas because he needed to donate the blood you needed. The same blood type you have.”
“But, Daddy...” She hiccupped back a sob.
Taylor reached for Stephanie’s hand. Her heart all but crumbled in her chest when Stephanie jerked back out of reach. “Stephen married me when I returned to the university after learning Lucas had married Micah’s mother.”
“He is my father,” Stephanie yelled, her eyes wide and wild, her fingers clawing at the sheets. “You’re lying.”
“Think about it, Stephanie,
” Lucas spoke, a calm voice in the tense, volatile atmosphere. “Whenever your mother speaks about Stephen DeLong, she always refers to him as she just did, as Stephen. Never as your father.”
Stephanie closed her eyes and shrank back into the pillow. “I don’t believe you.”
“It’s why I was so opposed to you spending time with Micah before you told me Lucas isn’t his biological father. I thought you and he were half brother and sister.”
“Stephanie,” Lucas began. “I’m not trying to take Stephen’s place—”
“You can’t.” The dam broken, her eyes shot opened, fiery and brilliant with hurt and confusion. “I’ll never believe you. There’s nothing you can say to make me believe you.”
Her heart already splintered into a million pieces, Taylor watched in horror as Stephanie picked up the camera and heaved it across the room to smash against the wall.
“Get out of here,” she yelled, clasping her abdomen with an anguished groan. Taylor started to reach out and comfort, but one look stopped her.
“I never want to see you again. Either of you.” Stephanie’s gaze shot to Lucas. “You are not my father.” She turned back to Taylor, tears running down her cheeks, her voice low and steady despite her lips quivering with emotion.
“And I hate you for trying to make me believe he is.”
For one of the few times in her daughter’s life, Taylor let her anger erupt unchecked.
“What would you rather I have done?” she demanded. “Not marry Stephen, but have you anyway only to walk out of the hospital and abandon you right then and there? Or wait until you were five years old and leave you on a street corner the way my mother did?
“Which would you choose, Stephanie—to grow up being told Stephen was your father and having a life with two parents who love you? Or would you rather have wondered, as I’ve done my entire life, what was so awful about you that would cause your mother to decide to cast you aside?” She gripped the side railing of Stephanie’s bed, just barely catching herself before she rattled the metal bar.
“I did what I had to do in order to keep you. Whether or not you believe it, I love you. From the moment I knew I was going to have you, I’ve loved you.”
“And you think that’s a good reason for why you’ve lied to me my entire life?” Stephanie asked.
“When would you have wanted me to tell you?” Taylor answered, her voice calmer now. “How about when you were six, begging me and Stephen to give you a sister for Christmas? Could you have handled knowing the truth then? Or maybe that year you had to do the family tree for school?”
“Taylor, don’t do this.” Lucas lifted a hand to her shoulder, but she shrugged it off and stared at Stephanie.
“Keeping it from you was my way of being thankful I had you instead of thinking of how close I came to also losing you. It was the only way I knew to move forward and not become obsessed with the past. Telling you would have changed nothing, and it certainly couldn’t change how much I love you. You might think that’s selfish, Stephanie, that I lied to you by not telling you, but all I wanted to do was protect you. I wanted to save you from having to deal with the repercussions.”
“I have to deal with it now.”
“We all do,” Lucas softly added.
“I loved him,” Stephanie said, tears falling, her voice cracking.
“I know you did, baby.” Taylor tentatively stroked fingertips across Stephanie’s wet cheek. She felt another stab at her heart when Stephanie turned to face the other way. “And you must never forget how much Stephen loved you.”
“Did he know?”
So adult a question, Taylor thought. It wasn’t right that her baby should have a need to ask such questions. But that right had simply been postponed the day she accepted Stephen’s offer of marriage.
“Yes, of course. I could never have married Stephen without telling him.”
“Am I the reason why you never had any more children?” Stephanie looked at Taylor, challenging. “Because you didn’t want to have a child of his?”
“No. Oh, Stephanie, do you really hate me so much you think I would do that to Stephen?” She rubbed at a spot between her eyes. “There were complications after you were born. I couldn’t have any more children.”
Stephanie’s lids lowered as she took a deep shuddering breath. “My head hurts. I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”
Lucas moved forward and wrapped his hands around Taylor’s shoulders. “Let’s give her some time,” he whispered.
“But ...”
“Trust me, Taylor, there’s nothing more you can say that she’ll listen to right now.”
“I look awful.”
Taylor glanced over from where she placed folded pale green pajamas into a suitcase. Stephanie scowled into a mirror as she tugged a comb through her hair.
“This hair just won’t do anything.” She pouted and tossed down the comb.
Taylor sighed, but it was a sigh filled with a mother’s tolerance and a woman’s vanity. She picked up the discarded comb and ran it through Stephanie’s dark hair.
“It’s really grown since we’ve come to Prentiss.” Taylor winced herself as she jerked a tangle free. “You know, it’s been years since you’ve let me comb your hair. I’d almost forgotten how thick it is. Just like…” Taylor stopped combing and met Stephanie’s gaze in the mirror.
“My father’s,” Stephanie finished.
“Yes.”
Taylor returned her attention to styling Stephanie’s hair.
“Did you ever hate me?”
Taylor’s hand froze, her gaze flying to meet Stephanie’s in the mirror. “Why would I hate you?”
“Because you had to marry Stephen when you still loved Lucas.”
“Oh, baby, no.” Taylor tossed down the comb and, settling her hands on Stephanie’s shoulders, turned her around. “No, of course I never hated you. I was grateful, every single day, to have you.”
“Really?”
Taylor choked out a laugh at the raised eyebrow accompanying Stephanie’s doubtful look. “Well, there were a couple of days.”
“Stephen never seemed to resent me. I mean, because I wasn’t his.”
It still took Taylor by surprise at how easily Stephanie had taken to referring to Stephen by name rather than as Dad. “As far as Stephen was concerned, you were his.”
“That’s what Micah said about him and Lucas.”
The mention of Lucas sent a stab of pain through Taylor. She turned Stephanie around and began fussing with her hair again.
“Yes, it’s easy to see how close the two of them are.”
“You and Lucas haven’t talked much in the last three days, have you?”
“Of course, we have. There were those sessions with the therapist all of us sat in on, remember?” Just as there had been individual sessions for each of them, along with some private talks between Lucas and Stephanie. “You can’t say Lucas and I haven’t talked when we were here with you. We—”
“C’mon, Adams, don’t be deliberately thick-headed. You know what I’m talking about.”
Taylor set down the comb a final time and turned back to the suitcase. There had also been the two nights when she’d driven out to his house so they could complete work on Stephanie’s birthday gift. They had talked those nights as well, polite talk that left her feeling empty and lost as she drove back to Mrs. Brewer’s.
“Why don’t you stay at Lucas’s with me?” Stephanie asked.
While Taylor remained at Mrs. Brewer’s, Stephanie had requested permission to stay with Lucas and Micah, saying she wanted time to get to know her father better. Taylor knew Stephanie also wanted time with Micah. However, the therapist believed it was something that would help Stephanie’s acceptance of the truth, so Taylor had agreed.
“You and Lucas could also have some time together.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea, baby.”
“Why not?”
Taylor slammed shut the li
d of the suitcase and drew a deep breath. Because, she silently answered, to be there with him would make leaving Prentiss even more painful than it was going to be. And because she wasn’t sure she’d be able to leave once she was back in his home.
“Mom?” She felt Stephanie come up behind her, but couldn’t find the courage to turn and face her daughter. “You wouldn’t let me run from the truth. You made me face up to the fact that Lucas is my biological father. I admit I’m still having a little trouble dealing with it, but at least I’m trying. It seems only fair that you should try also. With Lucas.”
“Isn’t the point of you being out there so that you can spend time with him?”
“Mom.” Stephanie placed her hands on Taylor’s shoulders and turned her around. “You still love him.”
Her baby had grown, Taylor realized, tears pooling in her eyes. In a matter of a few long days, Stephanie had gone from a sometimes willful, moody teenager to a young woman strong enough to cope with the pains and joys of being an adult. Somehow, despite all the mistakes she’d made, she and her daughter had forged a new, stronger bond. Neither one of them was perfect. No doubt they would both still make mistakes, but Taylor believed there was little chance of them returning to the bitter fighting they’d gone through after Stephen’s death.
“I always will,” Taylor admitted on a whisper.
“Then, why don’t you want to be with him?”
“It’s not a matter of what I want. It’s what I think is best for both of us.”
“Bullsh—”
“Stephanie.”
Her chin jutted up. “You expect me to stand here and believe that you believe it’s best for the two of you to be apart? Sorry, but I’ve seen you with him. I’ve seen how happy and content you are. More so than I can ever remember ever seeing you be with Stephen.”
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