What those animals had done to her had scarred me forever and I only had to witness it on video, I hadn’t had to go through that myself. I had no idea what I was going to say to her when she finally decided to wake up. ‘Sorry’ just wasn’t going to cut it in this situation. I had no idea how I was going to make it up to her for failing to protect her like I should have done. She should never have been taken in the first place. We’d gotten complacent and relaxed our guard more; I wouldn’t be making that mistake again.
Her words from yesterday refused to leave my head as I looked at her now peaceful face. ‘I want to die. Please, please just let me die’. She’d sounded so pleading when she said it that it made me sick to my very core. I had a feeling that the tape I’d seen on replay when I’d been kept in the basement, was only the tip of the iceberg with what she’d been subjected to this week.
My parents had flown in now, I couldn’t stop them any longer, but they weren’t allowed to visit her until she was fully awake. They were both desperate to come and visit but I was the only one allowed in her room for now.
I sat forward in the chair, watching the rise and fall of her chest as she slept. My hand reached out and brushed some of her hair away from her face. She whimpered in her sleep and I froze as she cringed away from my touch. Her eyes squeezed tight as her whole body seemed to stiffen.
“Tyler?” I said softly.
She whimpered again as her eyes slowly cracked open, flitting around wildly, as if she had no idea where she was. In reality she probably did have no idea where she was, she’d been unconscious when they brought her to the hospital last night so the last place she probably remembered was the farm.
I smiled as her bewildered and frightened eyes landed on me. “Hi,” I whispered, squeezing her hand.
Her chin wobbled as she snatched her hand back, gripping the sheets and pulling them up to her chin. Her eyes filled with tears as she took in her surroundings quickly before looking at me with the saddest, broken expression I’d ever seen in my life.
My heart ached at that look. Panic was rising in her chest; I could feel it through our bond, making my own heart hammer in my chest. “Everything’s fine now, baby,” I cooed, knowing that nothing about this situation was ‘fine’.
She shook her head, her knotty, dirty hair falling around her face as she gripped the sheets so tightly that her knuckles went white. “No it’s not,” she croaked, her voice raspy and dry sounding. “I....”
She whimpered as I moved in the chair, her whole body jerked as she looked like a frightened little rabbit.
Wait, was she scared.... of me?
I didn’t move again as I spoke quietly. “You’re safe now, baby. You’re safe,” I assured her.
She drew in a big breath, her shoulders pulling back as she raised her chin, her eyes locked right on mine. “I.... I want you to leave. I want my mom. I don’t what you here. Get out,” she said, her voice breaking at the end.
I looked at her, dumbstruck. She couldn’t possibly be serious, could she? She wanted me to leave?
“Tyler.” I moved my hand to cover hers and she flinched so hard that it was almost as if I had burnt her or something.
“Get out! Get out! Get out!” she screamed hysterically, thrashing as I tried to reach out to sooth her.
I jumped up quickly, holding up my hands innocently as I stepped away from the bed, watching her as she pulled her knees up to her chest and sobbed so hard that her whole body was shaking. My heart hurt, her grief and sadness made me weak at the knees and I didn’t have a clue what to do about it. Was she rejecting me? Could a person reject a bond once it was made?
“Tyler, shh, please,” I begged. My whole being was itching to hold her, to wrap my arms around her broken frame and rock her gently.
The door opened behind me and I turned to see a tall male doctor and young, blonde nurse bustle into the room, both of them looking at me accusingly. As the doctor reached out a hand towards Tyler, she went crazy again, thrashing and screaming, her eyes wild and frightened. Instinct made me need to protect her, so I grabbed him and yanked him away from the bed quickly.
The nurse put her hand on Tyler’s arm but this time she didn’t freak out again.
I looked back at the doctor who was staring at me, horrified, as if I was going to kill him or something. That was when it hit me - he was a guy. I looked back at the female nurse who now had Tyler’s head cradled against her chest as she stroked her hair softly.
“Female doctor,” I mumbled, my mouth dry. “She needs only a female doctor,” I clarified, looking at him sternly as I released my death grip that I had on him and straightened out his coat.
He swallowed loudly, still looking slightly scared of me as he nodded. “Usually only a female would be assigned to a case such as your wife’s, but she was screaming and I was closest,” he explained. He smiled apologetically and turned on his heel, walking out of the room quickly.
I watched her clinging to the nurse, shaking her head, mumbling things that I couldn’t understand, just jumbled up words that didn’t make a full sentence. In that second I would give anything to be the pretty blonde woman who my wife seemed to want comfort from rather than me.
After about five minutes of her sobbing on the nurse’s chest, she calmed down enough to stop crying. Her bloodshot eyes flicked in my direction and her gaze dropped to the floor as she whispered to the nurse who was just holding her and cooing soothing words.
The nurse frowned; her blue eyes shot an apologetic look in my direction before she stroked the side of Tyler’s head. “But he’s your bond mate,” she whispered to her.
“I don’t care, just make him leave,” Tyler whispered back urgently, begging the lady with her reddened eyes.
‘Tyler, please. I love you, baby,’ I sent straight into her head.
“Please tell him to leave. I don’t want him here, please?” she begged, burying her face into the side of the nurse’s neck. She kind looking nurse smiled apologetically and motioned towards the door for me to leave.
Right now Tyler was causing me more pain than I’d ever felt in my life. The rejection was slowly killing me inside. I purposefully left our link open so she could feel how much she was hurting me by pushing me away like this. I didn’t do it to be spiteful, I just wanted her to reconsider and not shut me out.
When she didn’t show any signs that she was going to change her mind, I turned on my heel and stormed out of the room, slamming the door so hard behind me that it rattled on its hinges. Rage took over as I smashed my fist into the concrete wall opposite me, leaving a dent and crack in the plaster. I hissed through my teeth at the pain as my knuckles cracked from the blow and then instantly started healing themselves again. When Tyler let out a pain filled yelp in the room, I immediately felt like shit because I’d unintentionally hurt her hand too through our link. I groaned in frustration, gripped my hands into my hair and slumped against the wall, sliding down until I was sat on the floor with my head in my hands.
I tried not to focus on Tyler’s feelings. Her feelings were crushingly painful and I couldn’t cope with the horror, guilt, and general uncleanness that was pulsing around her body.
A couple of minutes later, a female doctor stepped over me and bustled into Tyler’s room. I closed my eyes and refused to listen to what they were saying in there. Tyler obviously didn’t want me to be privy to that conversation otherwise she wouldn’t have ordered me out of the room like that. If privacy was what she needed, then that was what I’d give her.
Ten minutes later and the door opened. I still hadn’t managed to draw the necessary strength to get to my feet, so I was still slumped on the floor in the middle of the busy corridor.
The doctor crouched down, looking at me with sad, sympathetic eyes as she put her hand on my arm. “Don’t take it to heart; this is actually perfectly normal reaction in a bonded rape case. If she’d reacted differently then I would have been more concerned about her,” she assured me.
“Na
tural? There’s nothing natural about that! She just rejected me, she just rejected our bond,” I mumbled, shaking my head in disbelief.
Her hand tightened on my arm. “Yes, but it’s up to you to fix that,” she replied.
“How? She doesn’t want me in the room! She just screamed and had a panic attack when I touched her hand for fuck sake!” I ranted angrily. Why was she pretending like this was simple? Did she think I was stupid?
She frowned, probably at my attitude but I couldn’t bring myself to care if I’d hurt her feelings. She sat down next to me, leaning against the wall. “When a bond is made, physical unbreakable links are made between the pair. But when something comes along and disrupts that, i.e. rape, it can distort the bond, blur the lines, and confuse it in the victims mind. The bond is still there, that’ll never break, you just have to reinforce it again, make her believe in it again,” she explained.
I frowned at her words. So Tyler was confused over our bond because she’d been attacked by someone? “Reinforce it how?” I asked curiously.
Her eyebrows furrowed, her lips pursed into a thin line as she looked at me sadly. “It’s different for every pair. Whatever the dominant feature of your bond was, that’s how you reinforce it,” she stated.
I looked at her, confused as hell. Was it just me or was she speaking in riddles? Maybe I was just too tired to understand her. “Can’t you just tell me what to do? What are you talking about, dominant feature?”
She sighed. “Well, every pair has one thing that is a stronger link between them. Some people it’s dominance, the female will bow down to a command, so in that case they’d just assert their dominance over her again. Other cases threats of violence are necessary. Most cases though, it’s usually a physical link that’s the strongest.”
Physical link. “Meaning,” I prompted.
“Sex,” she stated. “Some pairs have such a strong physical bond that the only way to reinforce it is to actually make the bond all over again, like the first time,” she answered.
“Is that a joke?” I snapped. “She doesn’t want me near her and you’re telling me that if the strongest part of our bond was sex, that I have to have sex with her again to get her to recognise the bond?” I cried.
She nodded, looking at me sympathetically. “In about ninety percent of cases, that’s what’s needed, yes.”
I felt my mouth drop open in shock. “She just freaked out when I touched her hand! I wouldn’t be surprised if she never wants me near her again after what they did to her….” I trailed off, bile rising in my throat.
“It doesn’t matter what she wants, it’s what’s best for her. She needs to recognise the bond,” the doctor replied sternly.
“It doesn’t matter what she wants?” I repeated her words incredulously, looking at her in disbelief.
“Of course if fucking matters! I’m not going to…. Not without her permission. Are you kidding me right now? That’d make me no better than them! That’s seriously your treatment suggestion, Doctor? Go rape your own wife, screw what she’s been through already?” I practically screamed.
The hallway seemed to stand still, the hustle and bustle of nurses and patients that had been a constant hum in the background, were now completely silent as people stopped and stared because of my outburst.
The doctor shifted nervously, shaking her head. “It wouldn’t be like that. The bond would complete again, she’d be grateful after. Re-establishing the bond will stop her being so scared all the time.
She’s confused; her body doesn’t understand what she’s feeling. Every man will feel like a threat until she accepts that you’re there to protect her. She’s hurting, such a deep pain that’s almost like a darkness that she can’t escape from. Only you can help her out of it and stop her hurting.”
I shook my head, glaring at her. “After, she’d be grateful? What about during, will she be grateful then? Maybe I’d have to pin her down, huh?” I ranted. I pushed myself up from the ground, glaring at her angrily for even suggesting it. I wanted to storm off, smashing everything and everyone I passed, but I couldn’t because no matter what Tyler said, I couldn’t leave her. I couldn’t walk away and leave her exposed, never ever again.
The doctor stood too. “Mr Houston, it may not come to that. Physical attraction may not be the most dominant part of your bond; it’s up to you to figure out what is. But you need to prepare yourself that you may have to do it even if neither of you want to. She’s not going to get better on her own.
She needs the bond to be re-established in her mind before she’s able to move on and deal with what happened to her. Right now she’s not herself, she’s lost within herself and the only one that can help her is you.”
I clenched my hands into fists angrily as I tried to calm myself. “I won’t,” I growled adamantly. No way in God’s green earth was I going in there and forcing myself on my wife, I didn’t care whether she would be grateful ‘after’ or not, it wasn’t happening.
The doctor shook her head, frowning. “Then she’ll continue to be frightened of all men, her mind will continue to find terror in every shadow, her body will long for your comfort but her mind won’t accept you. She’ll slowly descend deeper into the darkness and you’ll have to watch as every last bit of the person you love disappears to be replaced by just a shell of a person,” she stated. Before I even had a chance to digest her words, she’d turned on her heel and marched off up the hallway.
I gulped and pressed my forehead against the cool wall, closing my eyes and ignoring the hospital workers that were still standing there, stock still, watching me avidly. Ninety percent of the time the physical link was the strongest - there was still that ten percent chance that our strongest asset was something else. I raked my brains thinking, trying to think of the strongest trait of our relationship but deep down I had a horrible feeling that the physical attraction was what it would be. When I thought about that attraction, it was always so strong that I knew it had to be that. I couldn’t do what the doctor was telling me to, if the physical part was the strongest part of our bond, then I couldn’t do what needed to be done. I couldn’t do that to her, I’d never forgive myself for it.
My world was falling apart as I stood outside the door, horrified. Tyler, love of my life, was rejecting me because the bond was confused in her mind - that hurt so much that it felt like it would kill me.
Another nurse walked into Tyler’s room, carrying a jug of water. As the door pushed open, I looked in to see if she was okay. She was still sitting on the bed, her face pale, her eyes wide and frightened. The same blonde nurse was still holding her hand, talking to her softly. As the door opened, they both looked in my direction, when my wife’s gaze settled on me, she flinched and I felt her fear spike inside me. I immediately hated myself just for being alive because she was scared of me.
The door swung closed in my face and I blew out a big breath, hating this whole situation. I thought I was a strong person, but seeing her so broken, made me feel weak and pathetic because I didn’t think I was man enough to do what her bond required me to do. The door opened again and the blonde, kind faced nurse stepped out, her eyes soft and sympathetic. Her lips pulled into a kind smile as she stepped closer to me, closing the door behind her tightly.
“You need to help her soon,” she said.
I frowned and shook my head. “No,” I snapped.
She looked at me with wide eyes as she stepped closer to me, putting her hand on my shoulder. “I’m the head nurse here, Sean, I specialise in these types of things. I’ve dealt with more of these cases than I care to remember. I’m telling you from experience that you need to help her. If you need to physically re-establish the bond, then that’s what you’ll have to do. Right now she’s trapped in a nightmare, the poor girl hardly knows which was is up, and it’s already been a week since it first happened. If you don’t get the bond recognised quickly, then her mind will literally go to place where she can’t get out of,” she said. “I know it sounds l
ike I’m being cruel for suggesting you do it, but a bonded pair is different from normal people and shifters, different rules apply to bonds. I know it’s hard but if the physical attraction is the dominant trait in your relationship, then you need to be strong and do it. She won’t get over this otherwise, I’ve seen it. I’ve seen it too many times, and your bond is too special to be broken.” She squeezed my shoulder supportively.
Her words were making me feel sick. I didn’t want to even consider it, but what if she was right?
What if Tyler slowly went crazy and I stood by and let that happen? “If that was you in there, you’d want your bond mate to force himself on you, would you? Even after what you’d already been through, you’d want them to do that?” I asked, looking into her brown eyes as I tried to see the truth there.
She smiled sadly. “I’m not bonded, but if that happened to me then I would pray that my mate would be strong enough to help me if that was what I needed, yes,” she answered confidently.
I felt my heart sink as I groaned.
She squeezed my arm again. “I’ve spoken to her a little, but she’s getting a quite incoherent now so I’m not sure how much of it she’s understanding.” She blew out a big breath, smoothing her hair back into her bun. “My name’s Adelaine, anything you need then you ask me, okay?” I nodded in agreement and she motioned towards the door. “Come on, you have to help her now. Be strong and do whatever it takes,” she said soothingly as she stroked my back supportively.
Oh God help me.
She pushed open the door and stepped in the room, looking back at me reassuringly. I drew in a shaky breath as I swayed on my feet, my legs barely supporting me anymore. I stepped into the room and felt my heart break all over again as I spotted her. She was hugging her knees, rocking herself backwards and forwards as her eyes darted around the empty room. She was mumbling things about a picture that she wanted to draw, something about a cat that was striped like a tiger, barely any of it made sense to me. I stepped into the room but she didn’t even seem to notice as her unfocussed eyes just raked over me as if she didn’t even see me there.
Bond Mates Page 44
