by Shade, S. M.
“Okay,” I tell Trey, grabbing his hand and pulling him to his feet. “Nobody appears to be drunk or attempting to get knocked up in high school. I think we can leave them unsupervised for a bit.”
He grins up at me. “And what do you plan to do with this unsupervised time?”
“Well, I was thinking of having a couple of orgasms, but if you aren’t up to it—”
He grabs me under my thighs, tosses me over his shoulder like I weigh nothing, and marches upstairs. “Trey!”
His response is a slap to my ass. “Shh, the kids will hear.”
He bumps open my door, then closes and locks it. Setting me on my feet, he spins me around and runs his palm up my shirt, cupping my breast. “Your nipples are hard. Have you been sitting down there getting horny all this time?” he teases as his hand slips down the front of my pants. His fingers slide into me. “Yes, you have.”
“It’s the alcohol,” I lie, laying my head back on his shoulder. Fuck that feels good.
“That’s okay, you don’t have to admit it. I know what happened. You can’t just cuddle on the couch with me without getting turned on. Perfectly understandable.”
I want to argue, but his fingers are rubbing my clit and I really don’t care what words are coming out of his mouth at this point. He pauses to pull my pants and panties down to my ankles. His words flow hot into my ear as he gently presses on the middle of my back. “Bend over the bed.”
He leaves me like that while he opens his bag and pulls out a few condoms, tossing them beside us on the bed. I hear him open one and I look back to watch him slide it on. His brow wrinkles, and he pulls it back off, tosses it aside, and grabs another.
“What’s wrong?”
“It had a little ridge on it. Defective, I guess.” He quickly puts on another and sinks into me. For the next hour, I struggle to be quiet as we fuck in every spot in my room we can manage.
Finally spent, we cuddle and catch our breath.
Our little break is short lived when a crash from downstairs is followed by raised voices. Trey looks at me and we both jump up, pulling on our clothes. “What the hell are they doing down there?” I exclaim, as we rush downstairs.
Tina stands in the hallway. “What happened?” I demand.
“Um…just a little accident. The mirror above the air hockey table sort of got hit with the uh…stick.” Pausing for a moment, she adds, “Uh, cue. It got hit by a pool cue. I’ll clean it up.”
If the smell wafting off of her isn’t enough to give her away, her speech sure as hell would be. “Tina, damn it. Is everyone drinking?” I demand, starting down the stairs with Trey right behind me.
“They definitely aren’t sober,” Trey says, amusement in his voice.
The identical deer caught in headlights look I get from all of them almost makes me laugh. “Is anyone hurt?” I ask.
One of Tina’s friends I’ve met a few times, Janie, shakes her head. “No, the mirror got shattered, but no one is hurt. It was an accident.”
Trey goes over and starts carefully picking up the shards of glass. “Do you have a vacuum?”
“Oh, yeah, sure,” Tina says, and trips over her own feet going up the stairs. For fuck’s sake.
She returns with a small handheld vacuum and Trey cleans up the tiny pieces.
“Now,” I announce, standing at the bottom of the stairs where they can all see and hear me. “Hand over the alcohol. I’m not having your stupid asses throwing up all over the place.”
Giggles break out from the girls and looks are exchanged. I don’t know what’s so damned funny.
Turning to Tina, she bites back a smile. “You can give me the booze, or they can go home,” I threaten.
She snorts out a laugh and giggles ripple across the room. Now, I’m getting pissed. I took the chance letting her have this damn party and this is what I get. She walks across the room and reaches behind the couch, pulling out a bottle of schnapps, and another empty bottle.
“This is all we have, I swear.”
“What the hell is so funny?” I ask, which just makes all of them laugh harder.
Trey is checking the floor, making sure no stray slivers of glass were left behind, but he looks up at my question. His eyes widen. “Uh, Sasha. Let’s go back upstairs.”
“What? No. What the fuck?”
Rubbing his forehead, he steps over and whispers something in my ear that I barely catch the end of. Something about my shirt. I look down and the room erupts into laughter. There’s a condom stuck to the bottom hem of my shirt.
I’m chewing out teenagers and repossessing their alcohol with a condom hanging off my shirt like a damn deflated cock.
My face burns and I try to find words, but really, what do you say in that situation? Genius words leap out of my mouth as I pluck it off my shirt. “It’s not used!”
Yeah, that doesn’t help. Trey grabs my hand, chuckling as well, and pulls me up the stairs. I smack him on the chest as soon as we’re in the living room. “It’s the defective one you threw aside! This is your fault!”
He manages to get the words, I’m sorry, out between gasps. “Stop laughing! It’s not funny! I just lectured a bunch of teenagers with a condom stuck to me like some back alley whore!”
My words aren’t helping, and he sits on the couch, holding his side and drawing in whooping breaths. Flopping down beside him, I take a drink out of the schnapps bottle I confiscated. “I hate you.”
“Nah.” He puts an arm around me. “You just wish you did.”
“Ungrateful little brat. I told her no alcohol.”
“Mmm Hmm. And I’m sure you didn’t do anything like that at her age.”
Thinking back, I distinctly remember a drunk night in the park. “I was a year younger.”
“Your parents are due back tomorrow, right?”
“Yeah, in the afternoon. So, they can get their hungover asses up and clean up the party in the morning.” Glancing at the clock, I flip on the TV so we can see the ball drop in New York City.
Trey grins at me as we watch the countdown and at the stroke of midnight, his lips are on mine. Breaking apart after a skin tingling kiss, he tucks a strand of hair behind my ear.
“Be my girlfriend, Sasha.”
The words send a streak of anxiety through me, and he takes my hand when I hesitate. “Is there someone else? Are you trying to keep your options open?”
“No!” I’m hurting him. I feel like I’m backed into a corner, but I know he’s not being unfair. We do everything together, he’s been patient. I can’t keep stringing him along.
“Then what is it? Becca told me your last boyfriend was a dick. Was he abusive?”
I take another gulp of the schnapps and lean back on the couch. “No, it wasn’t like that. We were together for four years. We lived together for the last two and things were great. Until I found out he’d been cheating on me, with more than one woman. All that time we were together, I was so stupid. I never even suspected. When I found out, I wanted to crawl into a hole. I couldn’t believe someone I loved could do that, just pretend he loved me for four years. He acted like it was no big deal when I found out. He just moved out of our apartment and into hers like he traded in an old car for a new one.”
The bitterness in my voice makes me ashamed. I should be over this. I’ve been over him for a long time.
Trey sits back and takes my hand. “I’m sorry he did that to you. But you need to know three things. One, you didn’t deserve that. No one does. Two, him cheating had nothing to do with who you are, and everything to do with him being a shit human being. And three, he’d better hope I never meet him.”
He’s so fucking sweet. The alcohol roars through my bloodstream, and I take another drink because this stuff is just too hard to talk about. I’ve never even told Becca my real issue.
“I’ve avoided getting too involved with anyone because I don’t trust myself to know if it’s real. I don’t want to worry every second I’m away that it’s happening a
gain. That I’m being stupid again. Relationships just aren’t a good idea. Look how things turn out. It’s all great while you’re together and having fun, but then someone cheats, or you learn to resent each other, or you end up with a damn line drawn down the middle of your house like a sitcom character! And I was doing fine, alone. Dating, having fun, but keeping my distance so I wouldn’t fall in love again, but you blew that plan all to hell.”
The words fall out of my mouth too fast to stop them.
I have to blink away a bit of blurriness when he grabs my chin and looks me in the eye. “You love me?”
“I…alcohol…talk too much.” Damn it, I can’t think. Screw it. “Yes, okay! I love you! Are you happy now?”
“I’m fucking ecstatic.” He tugs me into his arms, and my body lights up as he kisses me. We pull apart, and he cups my face. “I love you. I would never hurt you. I understand you’re afraid, but Sasha, this is a relationship whether you give it that label or not. It has been for a while now.”
He’s right. It’s not like I wouldn’t be devastated if he started seeing someone else now, whether it was technically cheating or not. “Just promise me, if you’re not happy, if you decide you’re done, you’ll tell me. I don’t want to be paranoid about it.”
“I promise. I’m not him, Sasha.”
I lean my forehead against his. “I know you aren’t.”
A few moments go by, and I scoot off his lap. He beams at me. “You’re my girlfriend.”
He’s so damn adorable. “Yes.”
“And you love me.”
“I believe that’s been established.” Folding my legs beneath me, I put the cap on the schnapps bottle. I’ve had enough. “Look at you, just sitting over there, loving me. Worshipping me. Probably thinking about my tongue,” he teases.
“Ew! TMI!” Tina and one of her friends retreat from the doorway.
“Oh yeah, we are sort of babysitting,” I remind him.
“Who thought it would be a good idea to leave us in charge?”
At least we manage to make it the rest of the night without any more accidents from the teenagers downstairs, and waking them this morning to clean up gave me a certain satisfaction. By the time Dad returns, everything looks normal, and I leave it to Tina to explain about the mirror.
By early afternoon, we’re back on the road headed home. I text Becca as we’re pulling back into town.
Me: So, Trey and I are together.
Becca: Red is a color.
Me: WTF
Becca: Oh, I thought we were stating the obvious. You took him to your parents with you.
She gets the middle finger emoji in response, and my phone beeps again.
Becca: I’m happy for you. Trey is a good guy. I’ll be back tomorrow. Dinner?
Me: Sounds good.
* * *
This can’t be happening to me. It just can’t. Things were going so well. The little blue plus signs lined up on my sink make it damn hard to deny the truth, but I’m giving it my best shot.
“Sasha!” Becca calls, coming in my front door. Worry is clear in her voice. I’m sure I made no sense when I called her, babbling like an insane person.
“In the bathroom!”
I’m perched on the edge of the tub when she steps inside. “They can be wrong, right? False positives happen everyday and I’m on the pill. I mean, I did switch between birth control pills because they discontinued mine but that wasn’t my fault and we always used condoms so I didn’t think—"
“Whoa. Slow down.” Becca interrupts my babbling. Comprehension dawns on her face when she sees the line of pregnancy tests sitting on the sink.
“They could be wrong,” I repeat.
She sits beside me. “Sasha, I’m pretty sure the chance of six false positives would be astronomical.”
“Fuck. Fuck fuck.”
She puts her arm around me. “Just breathe. It’ll be okay. We’ll figure this out.”
“Figure it out? I’m knocked up. His demon ginger sperm made it through two forms of birth control!”
A snort of laughter leaps out of her and she covers her mouth. “Sorry, I know it’s not funny.”
She looks me in the eye, and we both start laughing. It’s not funny, but my emotions are all over the place, and laughing is better than crying. I get to my feet and pace the bathroom. “I don’t know what to do.”
Becca grabs my hand. “You don’t have to know right this second. Give it some time to sink in. You have options and time to consider them.”
That’s true. I don’t know how far along I am, but surely it’s not past the deadline to terminate if that’s what I decide. No one would have to know but Becca.
We move to the living room, and I flop onto the couch. A baby. I wasn’t even going to think about having kids until I got older, maybe thirty or so. “Don’t tell Trey.”
“Of course I won’t.”
“I mean, I’ll tell him, whichever way I decide, he deserves to know, but I need to figure out what I want to do first. Then I’ll see how he feels about it.” I can’t imagine he’ll be thrilled either. He has a future, a career to start, plans he’s made that in no way include a screaming baby.
“You’d better get to work, Bex.” I glance at the clock. “I’m rescheduling my appointments for the next few days. Thank you for being here, but I really need some time alone to think.”
Becca hugs me. “I understand. Just call me if you need me, if you want to talk or just hate men together.”
“I will. I promise.”
She looks back from the doorway as she’s getting ready to leave. “If you do decide to keep it, I think you’d make a great mom.”
Mom.
Somebody help me, I could be a mom.
I spend the next three days holed up in my apartment, trying to sort through my options and how I feel about each one. Trey has called and texted multiple times and I keep finding excuses to put him off because I have no idea how to tell him we have this huge decision to make.
I don’t want to terminate. I know that much. I may not have planned for this, but I’d like to have a child of my own, some family other than my parents and sister. I make decent money tattooing and I can get a bigger apartment or a small rental house. I’ve been saving for a rainy day and it’s pouring.
I don’t know what I’ll do when it comes to daycare, but I have time to figure it out. I could probably take the baby with me when I work the first year or so if I have to, until it starts walking.
My heart has probably made this decision and not my brain, but it’s made all the same. Now, I need to talk to Trey. He should get the same option. This was an accident and I don’t want to burden him with a child he doesn’t want. I can do this on my own if I need to.
As if he hears me thinking about him, I get a text from Trey.
Trey: You’re avoiding me.
There’s no point in denying it.
Me: I’m sorry. I’ve had some things to deal with. Are you busy right now?
Might as well get this over with. I can’t tell if the nausea turning my stomach is from nerves or the baby.
Trey: On my way to your place.
Not ten minutes later, he walks through my door, sits on my couch, and regards me like I might explode.
My voice shakes as I begin. “Trey, I don’t know how to say this.”
His face hardens. “You don’t want to see each other anymore.”
“What? No. That’s not it.” I can’t blame him for jumping to that conclusion though, when I’ve been so indecisive. My heart tightens at the thought he may have spent the last few days thinking that.
His shoulders drop and his face relaxes. “Thank fuck.” His long strides eat up the floor between us, and he grabs my hands. “Whatever it is, you can tell me.”
“I’m pregnant. It’s yours,” I blurt out. Smooth, Sasha. Glad you’ve been rehearsing so much.
He blinks and steps back, dropping my hands. His eyes lock onto mine. “You’re…are you
sure? We used condoms and I thought—”
“I know. I’m on the pill too. I had a small window where I was supposed to use backup birth control, and we did. I don’t know how it happened.”
A grin builds on his face. “My swimmers are ruthless!” He grabs my upper arms. “I can’t believe this! You’re telling me I’m going to be a dad? Holy shit!” He pulls me in for a hug, then paces around the room like an excited puppy. “A baby. Or maybe twins. My dad is a twin so it’s possible.”
Whoa. Hold up.
“Trey!” He pauses and looks at me. “Oh shit, Sasha, I’m sorry. I didn’t even think.” He wraps his arms around my waist. “I was just shocked. How do you feel about this? I mean.” His expression sobers and he looks me in the eye. “Do you know if you want to…keep it? Is that why you’ve been avoiding me? Because you want to terminate?”
“I needed a few days to figure out what I wanted, but no, I don’t want an abortion.”
“Do you want to get married?”
Oh my god. “No!” Sitting on the edge of the couch, I gape up at him. “Getting married because I got pregnant isn’t the answer. I don’t have all the answers. I’ve only known for three days. I don’t even know how far along I am.”
“Okay.” He sits next to me. “So, that’s the first thing. We need to get you a doctor’s appointment.”
“I have one tomorrow.”
“Good. What time do you want me to pick you up?”
“You don’t have to—”
“I’m going. Don’t try to keep me out of this, Sasha.”
For the first time since I found out, tears overflow. He pulls me into a hug, holding me as sobs shake my body. I don’t know what I expected, but his excitement and happiness wasn’t it. It’s such a relief. I’m not in this alone.
“We can do this.”
Laying my head against his chest, I nod. “We can do this.”
