by Ella Brooke
But he’d had to, and he did. And his life was so much more bitter for it.
In his mind’s eye, Vanessa stood before him, a mix of the girl she had been and the woman she was. Her thick, black hair swept back, but framing her face in warm curls. The apron pulled snug against the curve of her hips and the tight press of her breasts. He imagined her taking that apron off slowly, and stretching it over her head in a bit of a show. She’d done that once, on his birthday. First the apron, then her blouse, until she stood there before him in a pair of soft plaid panties, and… nothing else.
He’d come to her, cupping one full breast in his hand, then the other. His tongue swirled around the nipple, making her sigh in contentment as she clung to him. Her tight little body pressed against his, and he grew hard and thick from the very promise of her. She was a golden gift before him, not perfection, but the loveliness that was a woman in the flesh. His hands grasped her sides, unable to get enough of that flesh. He always wanted more of her, no matter how much he devoured.
Her laugh, high and light, teased his ears as he pushed his hard cock against her thigh. Her eyes met his, shining and naughty, and he pushed her panties away as though they offended him. His pants dropped to the ground, and he slipped his fingers between her legs. She gasped softly as his fingers explored the soft folds there, which grew slicker and more accommodating with each stroke. He knew how to tease, how to please, how to make her body open for him like a blooming flower, and he did so. The musk of her filling the air only made him harder. He needed to be inside her.
And so, after fetching a condom, he lifted her up against the kitchen wall and pushed his length into those hot, inviting folds. She wrapped her legs around him, making mewling noises as he thrust inside her. Vanessa was his, totally, in those moments, clenching around him and murmuring into his ear. He could feel the rise and fall of her, how she grew tighter around him with her arousal, and eventually, as his thrusts and attention overwhelmed her, how her body grew ridged and shook with pleasure.
Sweaty, glorious pleasure. And then came his, shooting through him like lightning. No woman had ever made him feel so spent and so needed. She peppered his neck with little kisses afterward.
Now, lying back on his bed alone, James muttered, “How often did we ever make it to the bedroom?”
It was a funny thing, memory. He hoped he wasn’t idealizing what they’d had. But there had always been something about her that drew him to her. Something that made his chest and his cock swell in raw need of her.
He just couldn’t let things between them die. Not for his brother. Not even if she thought it was best. He could, obviously, simply give them some money to live on and make sure Jonah was well-cared for, but… he wanted more than that. As always, he wanted her.
James knew she would be home by now. Her schedule on weekdays was fairly structured, as it had to be, working and raising a child. So, after finishing up some work in his office, James went to wait for her in front of her building.
He could see them approach, and the way her expression closed when she saw him was disheartening. He wouldn’t give up, however. They had to at the very least try.
“Jamie,” she said, as they grew close.
“Good evening, Van.” James rose and indicated a large bag next to him. “I thought I’d give you the night off. I brought dinner.”
“Is it pizza?” Jonah asked.
It wasn’t even in a cardboard box, but a boy could hope, James supposed.
“No, it isn’t pizza. I’m sorry about that, kiddo. Maybe next time. I did get you some mac and cheese, though. Do you like that?”
“Yes! Uh…” Jonah looked to his mother.
Vanessa seemed torn. It wasn’t a good position for her, and James knew that. She likely wanted Jonah to learn good manners, and the boy didn’t know why she wouldn’t want James around.
“Let’s go upstairs, then. You must be cold.” Her voice was twice as frosty as the outside, but James let it go.
As they went up, James asked Jonah about his day. He couldn’t help but smile as the boy went on about practicing writing and getting to go on the playground. Apparently, there was a small group of kids who just wandered around the playground pretending to be dogs and cats, barking and meowing at anyone who came near them.
“And you didn’t want to play?” James asked.
“I did once. I’d rather climb.”
James looked to Vanessa, whose brows were raised.
When they arrived at the apartment, James unpacked the bag, making sure to get out Jonah’s small salad and macaroni and cheese first. Then, he plated up the chicken parmesan for Vanessa and himself and poured them both a glass of wine. She watched him suspiciously as she took their caprese salads over to eat with Jonah.
As they sat together eating, James watched her. She was cautious, guarded. Her nerves were on fire, just having him near. It was both a good and a bad sign. He wanted to be a stimulus for her, but not something that made her intolerably uncomfortable.
Thankfully, the salads had remained crisp. The chicken had a good crunch. Jonah enjoyed his macaroni, and tolerated his mother wiping his mouth when he smeared it over his cheeks.
James could’ve done this with them every night. It was a failing that he hadn’t so far.
Waiting until Jonah was in bed was difficult. The two of them kept eyeing one another, brushing against one another. It was just this side of torture. When she finally went to put him to bed, James poured them a second glass of wine and waited for her. She arrived several minutes later, saw the wine, sighed, and took her glass in resignation.
“What do you want from me, James?”
“Please, don’t be so cold. I know you are angry, and it’s your right. But I want to give us a fair shot. We were amazing together, weren’t we?” James leaned against the counter. “I don’t want to leave the city before I know we’ve given this a real shot.”
“What makes you think I want to give you a shot? Every time you show up, you haven’t given me much choice about whether to let you be here.” Vanessa crossed one arm over her stomach and sipped her wine. “You’re using Jonah as a shield. I don’t appreciate it.”
James opened his mouth in surprise. He didn’t know what to say to that, but luckily, he didn’t have to respond.
“I know you don’t mean to do that,” Vanessa said, more softly. “It’s just… I was so devastated. I was alone, and everything was so much…”
“I know. And I’m sorry that I left.”
“You couldn’t help it.” Vanessa shook her head, and her eyes started to get a bit shiny. “I know that. I know that your father dying, as much as you talk about what it did to your brother, must have been so hard for you as well. You two were close. Not as close as he and your brother may have been, but you were, and I know how much you wanted his approval. Now that you can’t get it, will never get it… Jamie, it’s just an ache that won’t leave. I know that. I’ve lost a lot of family, and I understand.”
James contemplated reaching for her. She was just against the wall, less than four feet away, but it seemed too far.
“But after that, you chose not to be with me. You chose to let me be alone here. You knew I loved you, and you just decided…”
“I thought it was best,” James said. “But I was wrong. Or even if I wasn’t wrong about it being the best thing for you, I shouldn’t have done things the way I did. It was arrogance, I think, or maybe—”
“Fear?” Vanessa suggested dryly.
“For your safety, yes.”
“No, fear that if you told me who you were, and that you would have to live in Europe, not here, I might pick my career over you?”
James swallowed. “Maybe there is some truth to that. I never thought of it in those terms, but… I believe part of me thought you should of course have your life here. I really believed you’d find someone else and think no more about me.”
“I’m not like that.” Vanessa waved her hand. “Oh, I’ve
dated. Never you mind how much, but I’ve tried. The problem is that I do not date men around my son. You keep showing up around him and screwing up all my rules that keep him safe. What happens if he starts to like you? What happens when he starts asking what happened to Jamie? Don’t tell me not to be careful about that. I won’t risk it.”
“No, I think you’re right not to.” James set his glass aside and folded his hands in front of him. “What can I do to make this up to you?”
Vanessa truly seemed sad as she spoke. “I don’t think you can.”
“Possibly. But, can I try?” James ventured. “If I promise to stop showing up around Jonah without your permission? If I let you set the terms?”
Vanessa frowned as she weighed that up in her mind. “Maybe. I…”
She stood there silently, the clock ticking incessantly as he waited for her judgment. Her eyes flickered back toward the room she shared with Jonah.
“Okay. But there are going to be a lot of rules.”
Chapter Five
Vanessa
Vanessa flipped off her alarm twenty minutes before it went off. She’d been lying in bed, holding Jonah for over an hour, thinking about how things had gone last night. She shouldn’t have let James come back for dinner with them, but she had. She shouldn’t have agreed to let him “try.” But she had.
I’m going to regret this, she thought.
The minutes ticked away, and before she knew it, she was out of bed, going about her morning routine. It was Saturday, and that was a blessing. It meant that tomorrow she didn’t have to get up as early. It also meant that Jonah’s sitter, Marley, would be over in a bit to spend time with him this morning while Vanessa got the shop going.
Her mind going a million miles an hour, Vanessa thought, as she often did, that it would be nice if things didn’t have to be so hard. She loved baking, loved creating… But the amount of work she had to put in to keep The Sweet Spot open was daunting. If she ever took the time to stand back and really take in how much of her life was overrun with work, she’d probably fall back on her ass.
So she didn’t. She kissed Jonah’s forehead in his sleep, met Marley at the door, and headed out for the day. Hours slipped by with the familiar sounds and smells of baking and getting orders ready for pickup. They had a few cakes going out today which had already been prepared, but two more orders came in from the voicemail, which Anisa confirmed, while Vanessa hurried to the back and started whipping them up.
It seemed like no time at all had passed when she looked up and Jonah was there in the shop by Marley’s side. That meant it was two p.m.
“Hey, sweetie!” Vanessa came out still in her apron and knelt down to kiss either side of Jonah’s face. “How was your morning?”
“Marley showed me how to play ‘Fortnite’!”
Marley held her finger up to her mouth and shook her head.
Vanessa rolled her eyes. “Fine. But only on weekends. I don’t need an addict in the family. C’mon, baby. Let’s get some lunch.”
Their sandwiches were already sitting in the employee refrigerator waiting for them, so Vanessa got them ready on plates, poured some milk for her son, and water for herself, then took Jonah to one of the empty tables.
“Is Jamie coming for dinner tonight?” Jonah asked.
Vanessa could feel her heart jumping into her throat. Already? He’d only seen James twice.
“Hm. I don’t think he’ll be over tonight. He’s sort of a busy man.”
“It’s fun when he’s over.”
“You liked the mac and cheese?”
“Yes. And he’s funny.”
Vanessa nodded, trying to keep her panic at a minimum. Just because her son was curious didn’t mean he was too attached. He barely knew James.
But he should. And you’re not doing anyone any favors by keeping them apart, part of her whispered accusingly.
“I’ll see him tomorrow,” Vanessa admitted. “Maybe he’d like to have dinner with us after.”
“Cool.” Jonah bit into a carrot stick.
Vanessa’s stomach fluttered nervously, both at the prospect of seeing James again so soon, and at the concept of bringing him into their lives in a more regular way.
The following morning, Vanessa was awake several hours before her alarm. James had asked that she be ready to leave at nine. She’d set her alarm for eight, but her body had other ideas. Normally on a Sunday, she’d just roll over and go back to sleep. Failing that, she’d get up and make pancakes. It seemed unfair that her body wouldn’t let her rest more on her one day off.
It didn’t seem to understand the concept.
Eventually, she got up and started to get ready. James had insisted that their time together this morning be a surprise, but when pushed (via text), he had ultimately told her she should dress nicely, but not like she was attending a queen’s birthday party. With that vague guideline in mind, she flipped through the small section of “nice” clothes that weren’t work related and selected a pair of blue and tan plaid pants and a breezy pink top. She stood a moment by the dresser. On the top was her jewelry box, which had been all but gutted in an effort to keep herself afloat the year after Jonah was born. The process of bringing another human into the world was expensive, and she had no family to lean back on, really. All she had were some distant relatives who hadn’t bothered to come to her mother’s funeral. The friends of her mother’s who had come were in no position to support anyone else. They had brought food, though.
Opening the jewelry box, Vanessa looked at the few remaining pieces. A locket from her mother. Not an heirloom, and not worth much, but it was pretty, in its own way, with a winding leaf filigree around the edge. Then, there was the silver bracelet James had given her after they’d been dating for three months. He’d given her other jewelry, but she’d sold it. This one had come with an “I love you,” and she’d not had the heart to sell it. She’d been sort of considering it as something to save for a rainy day. If things got really desperate.
In the end, she put neither on, and instead slipped on a demure necklace, decorated with a small silver tree, which held lavender essential oil. She smelled it before fastening the clasp and went into the bathroom to finish dressing.
“Hon, are you awake?” Vanessa called, when she heard Jonah moving around in the apartment.
“Yes!”
“I’ll be there in a minute!”
“Can we have pancakes?”
Vanessa looked at her watch. She had the time. Mrs. Weinstock from in the building was going to take Jonah that morning, but that wasn’t for another hour. She went back into the bedroom, changed her blouse into a tank top, and put on her apron.
“You can have pancakes, but we’ll have to make it quick. I need to get you cleaned up and ready to go over to Mrs. Weinstock’s soon,” Vanessa said, opening the fridge.
“Do I have to? I can just wait here until you’re done.”
“It’ll be fun. Plus, her grandson is coming over. You like Gus, right?”
“Oh… Okay. Can I bring my Power Rangers?”
Vanessa poured milk into the bowl and began to whip the ingredients. “You can choose two toys to bring with you.”
“All right.” Jonah shifted his weight back and forth for a minute.
“Why don’t you go get dressed and pick out which ones you want to bring?”
“Yes!” Jonah ran into the bedroom.
Vanessa smiled and got back to work. By the time she was finished, Jonah was sitting on the floor, playing with not two, but seven different toys. She’d have to make sure they all got put away.
“Here we go.” Vanessa came over with the pancakes and smiled as the boy’s eyes lit up.
This wasn’t how she had imagined her life would play out, but she had always wanted children. Watching Jonah grow up, though, had sometimes been a little difficult. He looked so much like James, with that dark hair in its loose curls. His had his mother’s eyes, but the years seemed to be turning him into a near cop
y of his father.
“How are they?” Vanessa asked with a grin.
“So good!”
She petted his hair, then got up to straighten up the kitchen and put her blouse on before she left.
After dropping Jonah at Mrs. Weinstock’s, she stepped outside and crossed her arms over herself. She’d put on her coat, but it was still very chilly, and she scanned the horizon, waiting for James to appear. She was torn as to whether she wanted him to show up or not. On the one hand, if he left her again now, she hadn’t reinvested much in him. She’d survive the disappointment. If he left her later…
That possibility shifted to the backburner of her worries as a shining black Lexus drove up. The backseat window rolled down, and James leaned out of it and grinned.
“You look lovely. Get in.”
“Do we have a chaperone?” Vanessa asked, when James opened the door. She peered into the driver’s seat. “Oh, hi, Lorenzo.”
“Morning, miss.” He gave her a slight salute.
“Morning. I’m sure you’re glad to be up and out on this fine Sunday, just to drive us around.”
“I don’t like New York traffic, but I’m up by five a.m. every day anyway.”
“Same.” Vanessa caught the annoyed look on James’s face and patted his shoulder. “Not a morning person?”
“Emphatically not,” he drawled. He shut the door and signaled for Lorenzo to go. “But my duties for Rusteria usually have me up far earlier than I’d ever appreciate anyway.”
Vanessa leaned back into the plush seats and smirked. “What a burden for you.”
“Such a terrible one,” he replied.
It took some time before they reached their destination, traffic being what it was, even on a Sunday morning. Their conversation was light. He complemented her outfit. She asked him where he was staying. He asked how Jonah was doing. She tried to pry their itinerary for the day out of him.
