‘Happy and smiling.’ He grinned to prove his point. ‘Pop was right.’ Tom couldn’t leave it there. ‘But I was wrong to let them jump to conclusions about us. I’ve got no hold on you and we’ve made no promises. That’s something neither of us want. Right?’
Fee prepared to lie. ‘Of course not.’ She managed a short, dismissive laugh. ‘I’m not the settling down kind and you’ll want a good Southern girl who’s happy to stay in Pine Ridge.’ She wanted to say she couldn’t imagine anything worse but couldn’t force out the cruel words. A huge part of her heart thought the idea sounded wonderful but the logical side of her brain assured her it’d be a huge mistake. She wasn’t programmed to do “normal”.
A shadow flitted across Tom’s face before he nodded. ‘Fair enough. As long as we know where we are.’
‘We do indeed.’ Fee plastered on a wide smile. ‘We’re grown-ups who enjoy each other’s company and I’ll be gone soon.’ Why did a pit open in the bottom of her stomach when she spoke the truth out loud?
‘I’ll miss you,’ he murmured, staring down at the table. A lump closed Fee’s throat so she couldn’t have spoken if she wanted to.
‘Here you go.’ Brenda appeared and set down plates of food in front of them both. Fee wasn’t sure if she wanted to hug the woman for rescuing them or beg her to leave them alone. ‘I’ll be right back with your drinks.’
Neither of them said a word. Tom doused his hash browns with ketchup before taking a large forkful and cramming it into his mouth. Fee poked at her pile of pale, creamy eggs in revulsion.
‘Tea for you, hon, and there’s your coffee.’
Fee managed to thank the woman through gritted teeth. For several minutes the only sounds were made by him ploughing his way through his mountain of food. She pushed hers around the plate and wondered how soon they could leave.
‘I thought you were supposed to eat regular meals?’ His accusation startled her. Fee wasn’t used to having anyone fuss over her. ‘If you fade away I’ll have nothing to grab a hold of.’
A heated blush warmed her face as she remembered the thorough way he’d explored every inch of her the other night. Fee scooped up some eggs before he could make any more embarrassing comments. The sausage was decent and she managed to eat about half of her breakfast. ‘How’s yours?’ she asked, guessing it must have been okay by his empty plate.
‘Pretty good. Not up to Aunt Ina’s standard of course but decent enough.’ Tom took a deep swallow of his coffee and sighed. ‘Good coffee though. Should keep me awake long enough to drive home.’
Fee studied him closer and realised he was exhausted. ‘Did you get any sleep?’ The weary shrug he gave was his answer.
‘What about you?’
‘Not much. I ended up on the sofa about three this morning and dozed a bit.’
A mischievous gleam lightened his face. ‘Sounds to me we might be a danger to other people if we drive back now.’
‘Oh, yes, those thirty minute car rides are well known for pushing people over the edge. What do you suggest we do instead?’
He edged closer and Fee caught a hint of his crisp, pine soap. ‘There’s a motel up the road. We could check in there and … rest for a few hours. For safety’s sake.’
‘Aren’t you the considerate one?’ She patted his hand.
‘I expect you can check messages there too.’
‘Another good idea.’
Tom smirked. ‘I’m full of them.’
‘Let’s go before we fall asleep over the table.’ She’d make the most of the day because they didn’t have many left.
‘I don’t intend falling asleep anytime soon. Hope you don’t either.’ Tom’s blunt statement made her hot all over and she briefly felt guilty for lying to him about where she wanted this relationship to go. ‘I’ll pay.’
The cafe was filling up now and she watched people stroll in and sit down at what she suspected were their regular tables. Brenda moved around taking orders, often asking if they wanted “the usual”, and laughing along with people’s conversations. What would it be like to truly belong somewhere? She’d spent her professional life chronicling communities shattered by war or natural disasters and never ceased to be amazed at the resilience of the human spirit when it came to rebuilding both physically and mentally. It was always the small things that made the difference like finding a treasured photo in the wreckage of a home or sharing a meagre amount of food with a long-time neighbour. Tom had the same sort of anchor keeping him steady and even when he’d strayed for a while it’d tugged him back and taken care of him.
‘Hope you’re not rethinking our rendezvous?’ Tom’s teasing voice disturbed her mental rambling. ‘You looked pretty serious for a moment there. What’s wrong?’
‘Nothing. I’m fine.’ By his wry smile Fee guessed he didn’t believe her.
‘Fair enough. Let’s go and sample the delights of the Cottonwood Motel.’
His casual response didn’t mean he’d left it alone but she was pretty sure she could distract him from too much talking for quite a while.
Chapter Twenty-Four
‘Please tell me you’ve never brought another woman here before or I’ll doubt your sanity.’ Fee glanced around the run-down motel room and couldn’t help laughing.
Somehow Fee doubted the dark wood-panelled walls, orange lava lamp, garish psychedelic curtains and matching bedspread were even fashionable back in the seventies. She shuddered to imagine what the numerous stains were on the bright green shag carpet.
‘Hell, no,’ Tom insisted. ‘We don’t have to stay.’
She grinned. ‘Oh, you’re not cheating me out of this experience. When I write my memoirs this place will need a whole chapter to itself.’
‘I swear I didn’t have a clue it was like this. I’ve driven past before and it looked decent enough.’ He stumbled over his words and Fee threw her arms around his neck.
‘Trust me I’ve slept in much worse places. This would be considered luxury accommodation in many parts of the world. Anyway I’m sure you can make me forget my surroundings.’
A tempting grin creased his face. Tom rested a finger on the curve of her cheek before trailing down to skim the top button of her shirt. ‘The question is …’
‘What?’
‘I was wondering how clean the sheets are judging by the rest of the place.’
‘The sheets?’
‘Yeah, you know those things people make beds with.’
She slid her hand down to rest on his belt buckle and Tom exhaled a sharp, audible breath. ‘Do you really care because I don’t?’
‘I thought British people were supposed to be very particular about those sorts of things, honey.’ His voice roughened.
Fee pressed her mouth against his and Tom plunged them into a long, wonderful kiss.
‘All right. I get the hint.’ Tom’s soft drawl made her skin tighten all over.
‘Good.’
For a big man he moved fast. Zips. Belts. Socks. Shoes. He got everything out of the way in record time.
‘This has to go.’ Tom ripped the offensive cover off the bed and tossed it in a heap on the floor. ‘I don’t want to burn my eyeballs out while I’m making love to you.’
For several lingering seconds she swept her gaze down over him. Tom didn’t have a young man’s body but he was strong and comfortable in his own skin. He’d been around for a while and had the marks to prove it the same as she did.
‘Do I pass muster?’
It helped to know she wasn’t the only one with insecurities.
‘Absolutely. How about me?’
‘You’re so beautiful it takes my breath away.’ The rasp in Tom’s simple words made her throat tighten. ‘I love that what I see is what I get. No artifice. Nothing hidden.’
Except my heart. I daren’t let you near that. I’ve seen what caring too much does to people. ‘Can I love you now?’ he whispered and smiled at her shy nod. Tom swept her into his arms. With a couple of stride
s he placed her gently on the bed.
Fee pulled him down to her.
Fee hated to wake him but needed to get to the bathroom. Shaking him had no effect and neither did gentle pokes in his ribs. ‘Tom,’ she called in his ear. He jerked awake and stared at her in obvious confusion. ‘I need you to move.’
‘Yeah, right,’ he mumbled, shifting enough for her to wriggle out of the bed. After freshening up she sneaked back into bed and his arm automatically slid around her again.
He idly stroked her hair. ‘It’s grown.’
‘I’ve never had it this long since I was a child,’ Fee murmured. ‘Short is easier to maintain with my lifestyle. I’ve taken the scissors to it myself many times.’
‘When you’re working is it wiser not to be too … obviously female?’
‘In some ways. When I started out a lot of the male photo journalists still resented women doing their job. Things are largely different now.’
‘What’s the hardest part of the job?’
‘Seeing people hurting and not being able to do anything but document their pain.’ Fee’s voice broke and Tom eased her around in his arms so they lay face to face.
‘But if no-one did your job the rest of us would never know what was going on. You’ve done some amazing work but there’s no shame if you decide you’ve had enough. Maybe it’s time to pass on the torch.’
‘Perhaps.’ She wasn’t sure how to vocalise her confusion and guilt.
‘I get that it’s hard when it’s all you’ve ever done. I do understand. I grew up knowing I’d be a cop. Following in my father’s footsteps was all I wanted.’ His chest heaved with deep, gulping breaths. ‘Gina’s death killed the dreams we had as a couple but also took away everything I thought I was about.’
‘You came through it though.’ Fee wished she could make him see how strong he was.
‘In a way.’ Sadness dulled his rich, brown eyes. ‘But I can’t do the love thing again no matter how much I—’
‘Don’t.’ She stopped him short. ‘You don’t need to be kind just because we had sex.’
Deep frown lines creased his forehead. ‘Is that all it was to you?’
What did he want from her? Honesty might destroy whatever was going on between them but should she take the chance?
Chapter Twenty-Five
I’ve got no hold on you and we’ve made no promises. That’s something neither of us want. Right?
Fee’s heart raced. This beautiful man had brought her back to life but he’d made himself perfectly clear from day one. Taking several steadying breaths she knew what she had to say. ‘No, Tom, that isn’t all it was for me. But I didn’t read too much into it either.’ Something flared in his warm eyes and she couldn’t decide if it was relief or disappointment. ‘I need to check my emails before we go back to Black Cherry.’
For a few seconds he stared hard and then blinked. ‘Fine.’
Fee slipped out of the bed and pulled her clothes on, purposely keeping her back to him until she was fully dressed. ‘Let’s hope the internet connection is more up-to-date than the decor.’ She flashed a bright smile.
‘If they aren’t you’ll be resorting to tin cans and a piece of string.’ Tom played along and Fee ached to kiss him all over again. ‘I’m going to risk the shower.’ He tossed back the sheet and met her gaze without a hint of embarrassment. Tom strolled across the room, collecting his abandoned clothes as he went and disappeared into the bathroom.
Fee sagged against the wall in an effort to catch her breath.
She settled in the only chair and got her tablet out of her bag. At least the internet connection lived up to its promise and the reply she was waiting for popped in. Had she been too rash in offering to go and visit? Fee wasn’t sure how she’d feel if Allain rejected her now.
Wonderful. Tell me the dates you’d like to travel and I’ll send a plane ticket. Stay as long as you like. We’ve a lot to talk about. Allain.
Before she could overthink her reply Fee tapped in a couple of brief sentences and hit Send. She’d suggested flying to New Orleans on Saturday and returning on Tuesday. If things didn’t go well she could bail and explore the city instead, but if they got on okay it should be the right amount of time for a first meeting.
Tom flung open the bathroom door and emerged fully dressed. ‘Did you have any luck?’
‘Yes, thank you. No tin cans needed.’
He gave her a cautious smile. ‘Anything from Allain?’
Fee nodded and briefly told him the details.
‘Are you sure it’s wise to meet him alone?’
‘Why not? It’s clear from everything I’ve seen online that Allain is a respectable businessman and we’re talking about New Orleans not the remote mountains of Afghanistan. You’re being ridiculous.’
He didn’t have any idea of the kind of situations she’d found herself in over the last fifteen years and managed to survive on her wits and quick thinking. In comparison this should be child’s play.
This wasn’t the sort of man he prided himself on being. Tom was pissed because she’d coolly dismissed their lovemaking as nothing more than a pleasant interlude although he’d asked for it with his stupid half-assed comment about love. The one he hadn’t had the guts to finish.
‘Are you offering to come with me?’ Her eyes flashed in a definite challenge.
‘I’ve got new guests checking in on Saturday to see to.’ Fee’s satisfied smile made him want to call her bluff.
‘Exactly. I suggest you abandon the alpha male chest-beating attitude and recognise the fact I can survive a few days in the wilds of New Orleans without a bodyguard.’
Tom hated the way she made him sound childish. He turned away without saying another word, picked up his keys and wallet from the bedside table and checked around for any more of their belongings. ‘Let’s go.’ Tom stalked out of the room and headed for his truck. He hopped up into the driver’s seat and waited for her to join him. Don’t be childish, Thomas. His mother’s admonition rang in his head. Mentally gluing his hands to the steering wheel he didn’t react when he saw her coming.
Neither of them spoke on the drive back through Pine Ridge and up the mountain.
‘Park at your cabin and I’ll walk from there.’ Fee’s quiet request as they pulled into Black Cherry annoyed him. Tom wished she’d shout and rant at him so he could yell back. Anything to get this aggravating politeness out of their systems.
‘Of course.’ Tom stopped the truck as she’d asked. ‘I’ll be real busy the rest of the week. I’ve got cabins to get ready and a lot of odd jobs to catch up on. I hope your trip goes well.’ Fee nodded and jumped out but he couldn’t be a complete moron any longer. He hurried to join her and couldn’t resist the urge to touch her one more time. Tom smoothed his hands around her face. ‘If you need anything call me. Guests. Family. I’ll leave it all if you need me.’ It was as close as he could get to spelling out how important she was to him.
She opened and closed her mouth several times without any sound coming out. Fee jerked from his grasp and walked quickly away from him.
Tom stood rooted to the ground until she was safely inside her cabin. With a heavy sigh he locked the truck and dragged up to his own cabin. When he slammed the door shut behind him he knew it was a damn good job he’d poured the whisky down the sink the other night.
Fee told herself it was for the best that she was getting away from here for a few days. She went through the motions of making a sandwich she wouldn’t eat and sat at the kitchen table. Opening the mindfulness book she was supposed to be reading Fee only lasted a couple of minutes before pushing it and the plate of food to one side.
If she stayed inside for the rest of the day she’d go crazy and walking around the lake wasn’t an option if her aim was to avoid Tom. Today’s weather was unseasonably sunny and mild and she had a half-decent camera so she didn’t intend to waste either one. On the way back from Norris she’d spotted several interesting old houses and barns and
got an idea in her head of a collection of shots of abandoned structures – places that once meant so much to the people who built them but outlasted their purpose. It was a different way of telling the story of a particular place and one she was curious to explore.
You see things the rest of us don’t, cherie. I don’t know if that’s a blessing or a curse. Remembering Pierre’s last words to her sent a wave of grief flooding through Fee. He’d given a typical Gallic shrug, kissed her and breezed out of the hotel only to be blown to pieces because his mind was on her instead of his surroundings. In such an intense lifestyle one moment of inattention was all it took to lose everything. She couldn’t live that way anymore.
Fee pulled the abandoned plate back in front of her and picked up the sandwich. She needed to take care of herself because there was no one else to do it for her and she didn’t need there to be. Pierre’s love proved to be false. Her mother’s casual indifference would never change. The appearance of her possible biological father was interesting but nothing more. As for Tom … he’d been a friend and lover when she needed one but that was as far as it could go.
She took a large bite of her sandwich and forced herself to swallow. Once she got the first mouthful down the next was easier and before she knew it her plate was empty. One step at a time. Dr Michael had tried to tell her it was the only way but she hadn’t been willing to listen. Maybe coming to Black Cherry hadn’t been the worst decision after all.
Tom hunched over his desk and contemplated the radio in front of him. He itched to call his father but had no real excuse. Hank would sense his mood and demand to know what was wrong. A tiny smile made its way across his face as he knew who he could visit. His grandmother would call him an idiot but she’d also ply him with whatever delicious cake or pie she had in her kitchen and give him a dose of much needed TLC. Just because Fee was self-sufficient and didn’t need anyone the same didn’t apply to the rest of the human race. Maybe one day she’d understand that relying on other people to help her through life wasn’t so terrible.
Christmas at Black Cherry Retreat Page 14
