“How strange,” said Serene, and he was caught off guard by her rare smile. “I always thought exactly the same thing about you.”
Elliot knew he did not deserve it, but he could accept this grace from Serene. It was Luke who Elliot would have to apologize to, knowing that an apology would never mean anything: it was Luke who was never going to forgive him.
“I’m never going to forgive him,” Luke snapped at Serene.
Elliot had waited until the treaty was completed and they were marching home to approach Luke, hoping that Luke might have cooled down a little.
Apparently not.
In retrospect, while Luke might be pleased he was going home, he was probably not as delighted as Elliot by the treaty, which had agreed trade and rendezvous points for human and harpy sentries. Celaeno had deliberately put a feather from her wings into Elliot’s hair afterward, which Elliot was certain was a mark of affection. Of course, Celaeno was still under the massively mistaken impression that Elliot was dating Luke.
Actually Luke was probably mad at Elliot about that too.
And he might have noticed the fact that Elliot had been forced to dodge Dale all day.
Waiting had obviously been a terrible idea.
“Hi, Serene,” Elliot said, announcing his presence, and sneaked a guilty glance at Luke. “Er, hi, Luke.”
Luke did not respond, and he did not look at Elliot. He would usually do that, no matter how mad he was.
This was hopeless. Elliot should just be tactful for once, comply with Luke’s clear wishes, and go. Only Serene had seemed certain they were actually friends, that it went both ways, and if they were, then Elliot owed him an apology before he left.
There was no way to do it right, so he was just going to do it.
“Okay,” Elliot said, and took a deep breath. “I’m really sorry. I went too far and it was spiteful and wrong and I’m very, very sorry. You were right about stuff back in the human world and I wanted to hurt you, but it was a low blow and I’m ashamed of myself. I honestly feel terrible, Luke. I can’t apologize enough.”
“Oh—no. It’s all right,” said Luke.
Elliot stared, and Serene snorted.
Luke went on, his brow furrowed. He was having difficulty getting the words out, but he was looking at Elliot again. “Look, he’s not—he’s not my boyfriend or anything. And I’m sorry, too. I shouldn’t have said any of that. It was dishonorable and you didn’t deserve it. I’d just seen the harpies on the battlefield, and I was—I was upset. I think the human world sounds stupid anyway. You should stay here with me and Serene.”
He had done something wrong, and said he was sorry and meant it, and been forgiven. It was as simple as that, and Elliot could not believe it.
You should stay here with me and Serene, Luke had said, as if what Elliot wanted was what Luke wanted as well.
Elliot could not help but think of how often he had struck out wildly to defend himself, when just saying what he felt would have worked.
Except it would not have worked, not on his father, or his mother, or on Jase or Adara. It only worked when someone cared how you felt.
He did not know how to act, if Luke cared what he felt.
“If anybody’s going to cry,” Serene offered after a pause, “I don’t have a handkerchief.”
Serene thought she was a laugh riot. Elliot made a face at her, and saw Luke make a face himself: a little grimace which Luke often made at parties, hoping someone would say something to smooth over the moment.
Elliot did in fact have another minor concern to raise.
“Okay, now that that’s settled, you two have to help me. Hide me! I don’t want to talk to Dale.”
“Elliot Jerome Schafer!” Serene sounded scandalized. “You cannot play fast and loose with a man’s affections. Are you some sort of rogue?”
Elliot thought being a rogue sounded very dashing, but clearly Serene did not.
“Serene!” Elliot protested. “It’s so awkward. And he is so boring! He can barely string two words together. Can’t you guys just stay with me at all times and don’t let him talk to me until he gets the message?”
Luke cleared his throat, and offered: “Maybe we could.”
“Thank you,” said Elliot.
He thought that was extremely nice and very understanding of Luke. In fact it was becoming suddenly clear to Elliot that he had been consistently wrong about which of his friends was the kindhearted one. Luke Sunborn! Elliot saw what all the fuss was about now.
“Certainly not. Men! Have you no idea of honor?” Serene asked, which was rich since Luke had mentioned honor earlier and Serene had obviously rubbed off on him to an almost alarming degree. “You cannot dally with a man and then abandon him without a word. A man’s heart is like a flower: beautiful but delicate, easily crushed by a careless hand.”
Elliot looked back at the troop, catching sight of Dale, whose face brightened when he saw Elliot looking. He returned his gaze to Serene’s implacable expression and regarded her with narrowed eyes.
“Fine. But for the record, my heart is NOT like a FLOWER.”
He trudged grimly back to meet his doom. Dale perked up even more as he approached.
“Hey, Elliot. I was wondering—”
“Hey,” Elliot interrupted. “So I think we can both agree our night together was a tragic mistake. Let us also agree to forget it completely, and never speak of it again!”
Iyara Treadbrink, one of Dale’s friends and the cadet currently marching beside him, gave Elliot an appalled look and then determinedly fell back so she would no longer be part of the conversation. Elliot wished he could do the same. Life seemed great for Iyara.
“Oh,” said Dale, his face falling. “Um. I have to admit I’m disappointed.”
That was very flattering, but also made Elliot feel wretched. He bit his lip. “I’m sorry,” he said, trying out the genuine apology thing again. “I behaved badly. But there is Luke to think of. You mustn’t give up! You really like him. And I think despite this setback, which I take full responsibility for, that your pursuit of him will be successful.”
He nodded encouragingly at Dale and wondered if this was enough to get him off the hook and back to Luke and Serene.
Dale began to smile again. Oddly, Dale’s warm smile sent a terrible creeping chill down Elliot’s back.
“You think I’m still interested in Luke?” he asked.
Horror hit Elliot, like a bus might an unwary pedestrian. “Yes?” he responded tentatively. “Obviously? Why would you—not be?”
Dale made a little face. “Well, that’s what I’ve been trying to tell you. I mean, I like Luke, of course, but obviously things have changed.”
“Changed?” Elliot asked politely.
“Well, the harpy thing,” said Dale. “I mean, I know he’s not like the others, the actual beasts, and I thought it was something I could get past . . .”
“How kind,” said Elliot.
“But it was impossible to feel quite the same way after finding out something like that.” Dale’s smile broke into a grin. “And you and I have always got on really well, so . . .”
Several of Elliot’s past conversations with Dale replayed themselves in Elliot’s head, looking quite different this time around. It was obvious, now he thought about it. He’d assumed he knew Dale, and given him the benefit of the doubt.
He’d thought Dale was good. He’d thought Dale was kind. He’d thought Dale was like Luke.
Elliot was not good or kind himself.
“So,” Elliot said, clear and cold. “You wanted Luke more than me, until you found out Luke was half harpy, which meant he was stained, flawed, and beneath your notice. Then I became preferable to Luke, for the sexy reason that I am entirely human. Lucky me.”
Dale’s grin faded a little. “I wouldn’t put it like that.”
He began to talk, as if he could still persuade Elliot, about being dazzled by Luke but having had more conversations with Elliot or somet
hing. Elliot was not exactly listening. There was a twist in his chest, of pain and outrage both. He was thinking about Luke giving Elliot his blanket at night, and Luke’s shy glance at him, amazed that Elliot had actually apologized, ready to forgive him at once.
“Do you know the first time I saw you,” he said to Dale, his voice rising. “I thought you were stupid?”
Dale stopped talking. His mouth fell open.
“I haven’t changed my mind about that,” Elliot proceeded. “The only reason I ever talked to you was because Luke liked you, so I knew I’d have to deal with you. The only reason I asked to be friends was because Luke wanted you. And the only reason the other night happened was because I had a fight with Luke.”
Dale’s face was pale. Elliot felt a different twist, this time one of satisfaction, and vengeance accomplished.
“Personally,” he said, “I’d rather stab myself in the arm than spend an hour talking to you.” He saw Dale’s eyes widen, and nodded. “I guess you thought I was nice,” Elliot said. “Wrong! But then, I didn’t know you were a self-centred, egotistical, prejudiced jackass, and I should have been able to work that one out, shouldn’t I?”
“You’re insulting me?” Dale snapped. “You drop a boulder on me from nowhere and then you insult me?”
“You’re right!” Elliot raged. “What am I doing? You don’t think Luke is worthy of your time? Without Luke, I never would have wasted a second of my time on you. As of now, I’m done wasting my time with you. You’re not worth it.”
He stormed back to Luke and Serene. There were a lot of people looking at him. It might have been a good idea to keep his voice down.
“Keeping everything very cool and professional, I see, Cadet,” remarked Commander Woodsinger as he went by.
Elliot did not know why the two most important women in his life had to be deadpan snarkers.
Rain began to fall, reminding him that he had chosen to come live in a world where there was no central heating or truly waterproof fabrics. He drew level with Luke and Serene and asked, in dejected and martyred tones, to be sheltered by Luke’s wing before he died of a chill.
Somewhat to Elliot’s surprise, Luke did let his wings unfurl and protect Elliot and Serene both. Neither Luke nor Serene told Elliot off for yelling at Dale, and Elliot was pretty sure that Luke had not heard what Elliot was yelling about, and everything was all right.
After Elliot had spent a while being smug about escaping the rain, Delia Winterchild ran in under Luke’s wing too, and said something awkwardly positive about them. She looked guilty and grateful, both at the same time.
Elliot had known it was only a matter of time before the prejudice of the cadets crumbled in the face of all they knew of Luke, and all Luke had done and would do for the Border. Elliot believed that even Dale was going to overcome his distaste of harpies, and Serene agreed with him.
“Elliot must have put Wavechaser off by screeching at him,” was the way Serene put it, since she was the cruel one of the friends group, but she was right. Dale and Luke were definitely going to get together.
Elliot was certain everything was going to work out, once again, for Luke Sunborn.
For a change, Elliot found, he did not mind at all.
“So your middle name is Jerome?” asked Luke as they made their way home. “Ha!”
Actually Elliot was mistaken. Both his friends were cruel and terrible people. He felt quite cheerful about it, though.
Things were better for Luke when they returned home from the Forest of the Suicides. Elliot wished this was because peace had been achieved between humans and harpies, and people recognized what a milestone that was, but he suspected it was actually because there were fresh tales of Luke being heroic and the Border camp were all battle groupies.
Also, a lot of people were into the wings.
“Can I touch them,” said Adara Cornripe one day, after Trigon practise.
There had been talk of cutting Luke from Trigon, but then everyone on Luke’s team had wept and had nervous breakdowns at the idea of cutting Luke from Trigon, so nobody talked about it anymore. Luke preferred to wait until everyone else had changed, though, so he came and sat with Elliot in the stands until everyone else was gone.
Elliot faithfully went to Trigon practise, even though Serene had stopped going. She insisted that she had to pen long letters to her elven betrothed, even though Elliot had told her that her behavior was disgraceful and she should put swordsisters before misters. It was humiliating. People were going to think Elliot had a real interest in sport. Elliot felt the very least Luke could do was bring out the wings and shelter him when it was drizzling.
He had not bargained for Adara.
“I’d rather if you . . .,” Luke began as Adara tweaked some feathers.
“Why did you bother to ask when you were already doing it?” Elliot snapped, irritable because he shared her impulse.
Adara sent him an unrepentant wink, but removed her hand. “All right, I’m not touching the wings.”
“Luke,” said Elliot. Adara looked interrogative. “They’re his wings, like they’re his arms. You’re not touching Luke.”
“You’re no fun,” said Adara. “Well. Hardly ever.”
“Thanks,” said Luke after Adara was gone. “I don’t like it when people I don’t know that well get too close.”
Since Elliot had seen Luke sidling away from people and refusing to dance at parties for years now, this was not news. What was new was Luke telling Elliot something like that: trusting that he would not use the information against Elliot.
What was new was that they were both trying not to hurt each other, and trusting that neither of them wanted to hurt the other.
“I was being a huge hypocrite,” Elliot pointed out. “I grabbed the wings first thing.”
It was a little embarrassing to admit, but Luke had known Elliot for years and must have noticed him wandering around going “oooh elves dwarves mermaids ooh.”
“That’s different,” said Luke. “That’s okay.”
Elliot glanced over at him, but Luke was looking at something in the distance, profile and wings touched with the gold of the setting sun.
“It had better be, because unless you study for your military history exam I’m going to pull out all your feathers and stuff a pillow with them,” Elliot threatened. “I will tell everyone you have harpy pattern baldness. Don’t test me. Do not test me!”
Luke laughed.
Elliot was not as good at this new “being nice to each other” thing as Luke, but it was a great relief to Elliot that, now Luke knew Elliot liked him, he was no longer taking Elliot’s horrible personality personally.
Dale, emerging from the changing rooms, said: “Great game, Luke,” and pointedly did not look at Elliot.
Luke smiled, then glanced at Elliot and stopped smiling.
“It’s fine, Luke,” said Elliot. “You like each other, he’s mad at me for insulting him, he will get over it. Trust me, I am an expert. I insult people all the time.”
Luke raised his eyebrows. “This is shocking new information.”
Elliot laughed. “You’re such a jerk,” he noted approvingly.
A silence followed his statement that went on too long. Elliot glanced over at Luke with sudden apprehension that he’d gone too far. Luke did not look angry or hurt, though. He was staring at the horizon with a concentration that Elliot did not think belonged to the sunset.
“Is that why you didn’t tell me?” Luke asked. “What you told Commander Woodsinger? Because I’m a jerk?”
“You’re not a jerk,” Elliot snapped.
He understood when Luke gave him a look that accused Elliot of being contradictory and unreasonable. He felt it was fair.
“You’re not usually a jerk,” he explained. “And when you are a jerk, I usually like it.”
He looked at Luke, who was clearly torn between embarrassed pleasure and hot defence of himself as not a jerk at all. Elliot, who was totally a jer
k, found it extremely amusing.
“Anyway, why do you keep talking about what I told Commander Woodsinger?”
“I don’t,” said Luke. “I never think about it.”
“Cool,” said Elliot. “What did I tell her, though? Did I tell her about the jellybeans?”
“No, you . . . What happened with the jellybeans?”
“Best you don’t know,” Elliot decided. “Did I tell her about the ill-fated attempts at sorcery?”
“No,” said Luke. “Please don’t. I remember those. We would all get expelled.”
It had been a great sadness to Elliot, that even in a magic land, humans could not do magic: that in no world could you solve any of your problems by lifting your hands and wishing. Apparently, it was always harder than that.
“Oh no,” said Elliot, genuinely stricken. “Did I tell her about the food processor?”
“No,” said Luke, sounding vexed.
Elliot barely heard him. “I’d have to be drunk,” he said. “I swore to myself I would never tell anyone. I didn’t know what was going to happen to it when I brought it over the Border. There are some things the commander should never know. There are some things nobody should ever know.”
Luke snapped. “I was not talking about food processors. I never talk about food processors. I don’t even know what a food processor is. I was talking about the fact that you date people called Jason as well as people called Serene and Myra and Adara!”
Frankly Elliot thought the most surprising thing about this was that Luke managed to remember all those names.
“Oh.” Elliot squinted over at him. He thought about moving away from Luke, but that meant coming out from under the wing, and it was still raining. “I don’t think I mentioned Jase.”
“I may have asked Serene,” Luke muttered. “I wasn’t sure if you were—telling the truth or not.” Off Elliot’s unimpressed glare, he said: “You never told me!”
In Other Lands Page 45
