I crouch down in front of her, pulling her hands from her face. “Talk to your sister, Mom. You need to talk to someone about this, and you know she’ll be sympathetic.”
She nods, patting my hand. “Yeah, I’ll do that.” She stands, and I straighten up. She pulls me into her arms. “I’m so sorry, honey. I know this is tough on you, and I appreciate that you aren’t causing us any hassle.”
I stare at her like she’s grown an extra head. “Mom, did you forget I got suspended from school?”
She flaps her hands in the air. “I’ve spoken to the principal. You were just trying to defend yourself. You didn’t cause trouble on purpose.”
I turn stiff in her arms, unwilling to accept her understanding, feeling guilty again. She doesn’t know about Friday night because Jacinta’s magic makeup and Axel’s strong pain pills are enabling me to hide the truth from my parents. If she knew what I’d done, she’d be ashamed of me. She certainly wouldn’t be thanking me.
“Honey, it’s okay. This has been a difficult time for all of us. And you’ve kept your head down and studied hard this week. You found a job, do more than your fair share around the house, and you barely make a peep.” She kisses the top of my head. “So, thank you, for trying to ease the burden.” She smiles at me. “I love you, honey. Things might be tense right now, but we both love you so much. Never forget that.”
I rest my head on her shoulder, hugging her like I might never get to hug her again. “Thanks, Mom,” I whisper. “And I love you too.”
After Mom’s gone upstairs to call her sister, I fish my cell out of my back pocket and check my messages. I have one unread text from Axel, and I race to the door the second I read it. Grabbing my coat, I slip outside, and thankfully, Axel is still there, sitting on the top step waiting for me.
“Sorry. I only read your message now,” I say, sitting down beside him. The stone step is freezing cold, and my butt doesn’t thank me for it. I shiver uncontrollably, and Axel moves in closer, lending me some of his body heat.
“S’okay.” He looks into my eyes. “Is everything all right?”
His look isn’t judgmental, but it’s informed. I sigh. “You heard my parents arguing?”
“I caught the tail end, and your dad almost knocked me over when he came charging out of the house.” Heat floods my cheeks, and he shakes his head, strands of his jet-black hair tumbling over his forehead with the movement. “Don’t be embarrassed.”
“He’s not usually like this.” I pick at a loose thread on the end of my coat. “Things have been strained since Ethan died. Dad hasn’t been able to find another job, and that’s hard for him to deal with.”
“My dad used to hit me,” he bluntly says, staring straight ahead.
“I’m so sorry.” Reaching out, I brush the loose strands back off his forehead.
He stares at me with that intense lens of his, before pulling me to my feet. “You mind if we go to the lake?”
“Of course not. I love it there.”
We ride Axel’s bike to the lake, walking side by side as we head to the water’s edge. The weather is frigid today, and there aren’t that many people about. We sit down in our usual spot, throwing stones into the water. After a while, he starts opening up. “I spoke with Heath and smoothed things over. He’s cool now.”
“That’s good. I’m glad.” I angle my arm back, putting real power behind my throw. We both watch the stone skip over the water before plunging under the surface.
“I need to ask you something.” He twists his head around to face me. “Does your dad hit you or your mom? Is that what’s going on?”
I vehemently shake my head. “No, that’s not it at all. He’s never laid a finger on either one of us.”
Air whooshes out of his mouth in grateful relief. “Thank fuck.”
“I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression.”
“It’s probably just me jumping to conclusions.” He skims another stone, and it far exceeds mine, disappearing out of sight before it’s even dropped below the surface. “My dad was a bastard,” he admits. “Used to hit my mom, and when she wasn’t around, he’d hit us too.”
A muscle pops in his jaw as he speaks. I want to reach out to him. To offer him comfort. But two things hold me back. One, I sense he wouldn’t like that. And, two, we’re in public. I can’t be seen touching him when I’m now officially Heath’s girlfriend. It’s something I have to constantly remind myself of when I’m around Skeet and Axel because it’s becoming second nature to touch them without thinking.
“Griff took the brunt of it,” Axel continues explaining. “When Dad showed up drunk, he’d deliberately provoke him, deflecting attention from me. As he got older, he’d intervene when he was beating Mom.” Pain slashes across his face, and I long to hug him, but I say nothing, keeping silent while he unburdens his soul. “The day before my fourteenth birthday, Dad was let go from his job, and he came home in a foul mood. Griff was at football practice, so Dad took his frustration out on me. I tried to fight him off, but he was a heavy fucker, and he had me pinned to the floor, hitting me repeatedly, alternating between a baseball bat and his fists. I could hardly see through all the blood, and I was losing consciousness when he slumped on top of me.” He pauses, taking a shaky breath.
Screw this. I slip my hand in his and give him a comforting squeeze.
His face is contorted in pain as he looks at me. “Mom stabbed him in the back. He was bleeding all over me until she pulled him off. I stood in our kitchen watching as she stabbed him repeatedly, over and over again. I mean, we both knew he was dead, but I couldn’t move, and she couldn’t stop.”
I squeeze his hand again, fighting tears.
“Griff called the cops when he got home, and I was taken to hospital for treatment. We both gave statements, and Mom told them about the abuse, but it wasn’t enough.” His eyes turn cold. “They sent her to prison for murder.”
“What? How? It was self-defense!”
“The justice system in this country is a fucking joke. She’d never reported my father, and we were still kids. Griff was almost eighteen but even his word wasn’t taken seriously. Dad was well liked in the community. Always the life and soul of the party. Always happy. No one knew what we’d endured behind closed doors. And no one believed us.” He shakes his head. “People we thought were our friends turned on us. Others snubbed us like we’d brought shame to the town.”
I can relate so well to his experience, and I wish I could tell him my story.
“The only ones who helped were Skeet’s parents. Chandra and Michael took on Mom’s case pro bono. They did their best to defend her, but criminal law isn’t their area of expertise. They did everything to try and prevent her from going to jail, but it didn’t work.”
“That’s awful, Ax. I’m so sorry.”
He shrugs. “I lost both my parents that day. Griff became my legal guardian. He gave up his NFL dreams, forgoing college to stay home with me. I owe him everything, and I was a horrible little shit.”
“In what way?”
He pulls me in close, cradling me against his chest. “I went off the rails. Fell in with a bad crowd. Spent a couple years high as a fucking kite. Was fighting all the time. I was a hot mess. Almost got expelled from school, and my GPA plummeted. Got sent to juvie for six months for stealing, and it’s the only thing that saved me.”
He lifts my head up, and I peer into his honest eyes. “I haven’t touched drugs since, and I’ve tried to turn my life around. Got a job and I’ve been focusing on my studies. I want to repay Griff for all he’s done for me. He wants me to go to college, and I owe it to him to try. I’ve applied for a scholarship to UF, and I’m hoping to join the guys there.”
Heath previously mentioned he was going to the University of Florida, but I wasn’t aware Skeet was going too and that Axel plans to join them.
At one t
ime, attending university was my primary goal. But my parents were forced to tap into my college fund, and I haven’t even completed any college applications, so I doubt I’ll be going anywhere after I graduate high school in a few months.
I refocus on Axel. “You hadn’t been back to the barn since juvie either. Am I right?” He nods, and I hang my head in shame. I dragged him back into that scene. “Hey, it’s okay. I went there for you. Because I knew it’d help.”
“And you’d no desire to fight?”
He bites down on his lip. “I’m not going to lie. I was itching for a fight, but I didn’t give into it, and I’m not going back.” His gaze drills into me. “I’ve too much to lose to risk it.”
Silence engulfs us, and he continues holding me in his arms as I mull over everything he’s told me. I’m guessing Axel doesn’t tell that story a lot, and I want to return his faith. I want to tell him the truth about me. More than ever, I’m convinced he won’t let me down. That none of them will.
“Ax,” I whisper. He turns to me with a questioning expression. I swallow nervously over the wedge of emotion clogging my throat. “I lied. My brother didn’t die from cancer.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Both our cell phones vibrate at the same time I blurt out my half-truth. Neither of us reaches for them. We stay locked in position, staring at one another. I’m trembling. Trying to force the rest of the words out of my mouth, but they refuse to come. I’ve always had trust issues. Wanting to be up front isn’t the issue. Trusting others to accept the truth is the real problem.
“It’s okay, Blaire.” Axel looks deep into my eyes, as if he can see all the way through to my blackened soul.
“No, it’s not. I want to tell you, but I’m scared.” All my bravado has evaporated, and now, I’m petrified to tell him. What if I’m wrong? What if they all think I’m a monster too? What if they turn on me and tell everyone our secret? I promised my parents I wouldn’t tell a soul and they’ll be devastated if this gets out. I scramble to my feet, staggering back. “I’m sorry. I have to go.”
I run off, and he follows, taking me by the arm and forcing me to stop. “Blaire. Stop.”
I can’t even look at him. My head’s a mess. And guilt threatens to destroy me. He trusted me. He bared his soul, and I can’t do the same. “I can’t,” I cry. “I want to, but I can’t.”
“It’s okay.” He grips my face between his palms. “You don’t have to tell me until you’re ready. Or ever.”
“I really want to, Ax. I really do, but I’m so scared you’ll all want nothing to do with me when you find out.”
“Trust me, there’s nothing you can say that’ll change our minds.”
Our cells vibrate again, and Ax lets out a frustrated sigh, pulling his out and checking the unread messages. “It’s Skeet. Inviting us to his house for dinner.”
I nod my head in agreement. “Let’s go.” Hanging with Shaz is just what I need right now. “I’ll text my mom.”
Axel doesn’t mention anything else about my little outburst, and I force it from my mind. When we rock up to the Taylors’ house, Heath is waiting outside for us. He shuffles awkwardly on his feet while Axel helps me off his bike. “Can we talk?” Heath asks, once I’ve removed the helmet from my head.
“Sure.”
Axel strides off without a word, automatically giving us privacy.
“I’m sorry.” We both speak at the same time, and then we both smile.
“I shouldn’t have lost my temper like that,” he explains, pinning me with an earnest look.
“And I shouldn’t have acted so recklessly.”
“Does that mean I’m forgiven?” His brows climb to his forehead.
I press up against him. “There’s nothing to forgive.”
His arms sweep around me, and he kisses me softly on the lips. “Did Axel tell you?” he inquires, and I nod. “Axel and Skeet are like my brothers. When something happens to one of them, it’s my problem too. We lost Axel there for a while, and seeing him around that place again …” Sadness ghosts over his handsome face as he trails off.
“I get it. And he’s lucky he has such good friends.” There’s no doubt Heath and Skeet are at the top of the loyal-friendship pyramid.
“So, we’re good?”
“We’re good.” I peck him on the lips briefly. Tucking me under his arm, he leads me into the house.
Dinner is a blast. Everyone is crowded around the dining table, passing dishes around, as conversation flows naturally. I’m seated in between Heath and Shaz, and there’s never a dull moment.
After cleanup, we hit the basement. Skeet’s dad Liam joins him in an impromptu session, and we lounge on the couch listening to them play a full set.
I ditch the guys for a while to hang with Shaz in her room, and we take turns painting our nails and shooting the shit.
When it’s dark outside, Heath drives me home. He gives me a long, lingering kiss that steams up the windows of his SUV before walking me to the front door like the gentleman he is. The curtains twitch, and I scowl. “My mom would make a lousy spy.”
Heath grins. “At least you’re forewarned.”
“True.”
He takes my hands in his. “Are you still okay being a couple in school tomorrow?”
I stretch up on tiptoes and kiss him one final time. “Yes. Let’s do this.”
“Cool.” His smile radiates happiness. “I’ll drop by and pick you up first thing.” He dots a quick kiss on my lips. “See you in the morning, Blaire.”
I wave him off and then step inside. Predictably, Mom is waiting for me in the hallway. “Did you have fun with your friends?”
“I did. Thanks. Skeet’s family is great.”
She leans against the wall, a chaste smile playing on her lips. “So, do I have to drag it out of you?”
I might as well get this over and done with. “You saw me kissing Heath.”
She bobs her head. “He seems like a nice boy.”
“He is, and, yes, we’re dating.”
Tears prick her eyes, and a wave of concern washes over me. She steps forward, tucking my hair back behind my ears. “This move has been good for you. I’m glad. You deserve to be happy.”
I’m not sure I do. “Thanks, Mom. I’m going to grab a shower, do some studying, and then get an early night.” I kiss her on the cheek. “I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Okay. Night, honey.”
I peek in the living room, but Dad is nowhere to be seen. I hope he hasn’t been in the bar all day because that’s one surefire way of guaranteeing my parents will be arguing tonight.
After I shower, blow dry my hair, and change into pajama pants and a long-sleeved top, I power up my laptop and log in to my school email. I need to double-check the time I’m to report to the principal’s office in the morning.
All week, my nerves have been hanging by a thread each time I’ve logged on, expecting to see another nasty message. My breath escapes in a shuddering puff of air when I notice no new emails in my inbox. I recheck the time of my meeting and text Heath so he knows what time to pick me up. Then I get stuck into my books, quickly losing track of time.
My laptop pings a couple of hours later, when I’ve just decided to call it quits for the night, and I freeze. Bile floods my mouth, and butterflies scatter among my chest. I sit ramrod straight on the bed, as if frozen and mute, unable to force myself to move. After a couple minutes, I give myself a stern talking to, slowly getting up, and walking to my desk. With shaking hands, I open my laptop and stare at the new message in my inbox.
I wrap my arms around myself as I stare at the screen in horror. It’s from the same person: truthseeker101. I’m tempted to delete it or move it over to the folder I set up for these messages without reading it, but that would be taking the coward’s way out. If someone is targeting me, it’s bette
r to know what I’m up against. I open up the email.
You can run, but you can’t hide. No matter where you go, I will find you. Does your new boyfriend know what a lying bitch you are? If you won’t tell him the truth, I will.
I clasp my hand over my mouth and stare at the words in shock. I can’t figure out how this person knows so much. And I don’t know whether the threat is an empty one or not. My stomach tightens at the thought of Heath, or any of the guys, finding out the truth from a stranger. I’m in a daze as I log off my laptop, switch off my light, and crawl into bed.
My mind churns restlessly the whole night as I debate scenarios in my head.
By morning, I’m no clearer as to what I should do, and I have no choice but to push my concerns aside as I join Heath for the ride to school. I need to keep my wits about me today, and freaking out over these emails won’t do anything to help.
People stare as Heath and I walk hand in hand through the hall toward my locker. I pull at my collar, my skin itching like bugs are crawling all over me. “Relax, Blaire,” he whispers, squeezing my hand. “Just pretend they’re all naked.” He winks, and I burst out laughing.
“Eh, yeah, I don’t think that’ll help much,” I mumble, as we pass a bunch of his football buddies, and now I’m imagining them without clothes on. My skin heats. Yeah, definitely not helpful. A few catcalls ring out, and Heath flips his teammates the bird, but he’s smiling.
I manage to make it through the rest of the day unscathed. Even Cassie and her crew stay out of my face, although they glare at me any chance they get, but at least Cassie finally seems to have gotten the memo, and she’s leaving me alone.
The rest of the week flies by. Between school, work, homework, helping Heath study, and hanging with the guys, I flop into bed exhausted most nights. And I’m grateful. Because I fall into such a deep sleep that it keeps the usual nightmares at bay.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Heath collects me after work Friday, and we catch a movie at the local theater. I kinda feel bad that I can’t go on normal dates with Axel and Skeet, but there’s no way I’m ready to let the whole town know about our relationship. I need to build my courage before I can face that one.
Surviving Amber Springs: A Stand-Alone Contemporary Romance Page 17
