I drain my cup and crumple it in my fist. “Well, keep those kind of thoughts to yourself. I don’t want to hear it.” I toss the crinkled cup to the ground. “I’m out of here.” I walk away before I say or do something I regret. Ax doesn’t stop me or come after me, but I knew he wouldn’t.
I’m still fuming by the time I get back to our house, so I don’t spot the form waiting in the shadows. I’m fumbling with the key, trying to get it to turn in the lock when a soft voice speaks from behind me.
“Hi, Skeet.”
I go still, my fingers curled around the key, my heart careening out of control behind my ribcage. Every muscle in my body has locked up tight, my breath faltering, shock splayed across my face no doubt. I’ve almost convinced myself I imagined it when she speaks again, her voice clearer and more confident this time.
“I know you probably hate me, and that you don’t owe me anything, but I need to speak to you. Can you please turn around?”
Her soft, lyrical voice does funny things to my insides, and I can’t deny her.
I never could.
In slow motion, I turn around, blinking profusely at the girl standing in front of me. Her hair is different now. It’s a golden almost-white blonde color, and it’s shorter and layered, resting gently on her shoulders. Her beautiful blue eyes turn glassy as she watches my reaction with a nervous smile on her lips. I skim her from head to toe, needing to assure myself that she’s really here and that she’s not some ghostly apparition. She glows. Exuding life and vitality, and my hurt surges as all manner of emotions run wild inside me.
“Blaire?” I choke out, still rooted to the spot. “Is it really you?”
“It’s me. I’m really here.” Her smile grows wider, and I snap out of it, bridging the gap between us and reeling her into my arms.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Blaire
Skeet pulls me into an embrace, and it feels like I’m home. I wrap my arms around him, holding him tight. This isn’t the kind of reception I was expecting, but I shouldn’t be surprised. Skeet always had the biggest heart. He buries his head in my hair, inhaling deeply. “I can’t believe you’re here,” he murmurs. “I’ve wished for this moment every day since you left.”
His words reach deep places inside me, and I want to stay enclosed in his arms and never let go, but there is so much that needs to be said, and I can’t forget what I came here for. Reluctantly, I ease out of his arms, putting some distance between us. “I’m so sorry, Skeet. For just abandoning you all like that.”
“It doesn’t matter.” Tears prick his eyes, and I melt all over again. “All that matters is you’re here now.”
His hair is much longer, almost touching his shoulders, and he has it pulled back in a ponytail. Thick leather bands encircle his wrist, and the telltale signs of a tattoo creep up the side of his neck. His eyebrow is pierced, and he’s sporting a semi-grungy style with a crumpled black shirt and loose-hanging jeans that hug his body in all the right places. Unlaced scuffed leather boots adorn his feet. He looks like a bona fide rocker rather than your typical college student, and it looks really good on him.
I force myself to stop drooling, shaking my head. “It does matter, and it’s why I came here. I owe you all an explanation.”
“That’s why you came here? Just to explain?” His face drops a little, and I close the gap between us, taking his hands in mine. “I thought, I hoped …” He trails off, looking dejectedly at the ground.
“You thought what?” I ask in a gentle tone.
“That you might go to school here. It’s silly, I …”
He trails off again as my smile expands. I came here expecting anger and rejection, and I wouldn’t have blamed any of them for reacting like that. But Skeet … Skeet seems to be genuinely pleased that I’m here. “I do go to school here,” I confirm, watching as his face lights up. “I’m a freshman. I had to take a year off last year, but as soon as it was possible, I enrolled here.”
Skeet picks me up, swinging me around, and my laughter rings out in the silent night air. “Put me down, you idiot.”
“Never.” He places my feet on the ground but hauls me back into his arms. “I’m never letting you go.”
“Skeet,” I whisper, looking up at him. “Why aren’t you mad?”
“I can’t fathom being mad when I’m so fucking happy to see you. Have you any idea how long I’ve tried to find you? How happy it makes me to see you looking so well? We were worried about you, Blaire. So fucking worried.” His euphoria dies, his expression turning more serious. “We were scared we’d never see you again, and the thought almost killed me.”
“We?” I inquire the same time a deep voice says “Blaire” from behind.
“Look who I found.” Skeet spins me around in his arms to face Axel.
Axel drinks me in from head to toe, his laser-sharp, slow gaze like a sensual undressing. Images of our time together flash before my eyes causing tingles to fly through my body in a way I haven’t felt for a long time. “Hey,” I whisper. “I’m back.”
He stands rooted to the spot, just looking me up and down, without saying anything. As usual, his face is a wall, and I can’t see behind it to figure out how he feels about me showing up on their doorstep after all this time.
“Are you okay?” he asks after what seems like eternity.
I nod. “I’m good. I’m in a much better place.”
He drills me with an intense look, still not moving from his spot on the grass. “I’m happy to hear that. I was concerned.”
“I’m sorry for worrying you.” I glance back at Skeet, clutching his arms around my waist, noting how his muscles are hard and strong under my fingertips in a way they weren’t before. “And I want to explain. I want to tell you everything. Things I couldn’t tell you last time. I was hoping we could meet tomorrow evening?”
He nods, looking up at Skeet. “Sure. Why don’t you come here? We don’t room with anyone else, so we’ll have privacy.”
“That would be great. I’m in one of the residence halls where privacy is a luxury I only enjoy once in a blue moon.”
Skeet brushes my hair aside, grazing his nose along the column of my neck. I shiver all over. His touch affects me every bit as much as it used to. Skeet was always the touchy-feely one, but I still can’t believe he’s like this with me. It seemed like too much to hope for, and now I regret wasting a month before approaching them. But I was scared they wouldn’t hear me out and scared to face the reality that I’d lost them forever. Perhaps there’s some way of salvaging our relationship. Even if it’s only as friends.
“Skeet.” Axel’s tone holds considerable caution.
“Don’t,” Skeet retorts. “I fucking missed her, and from the way she’s holding on to me, I can tell she missed me too.”
“I did.” I look up at him, smiling sadly, before refocusing on Ax. “I missed you all so much.”
Ax stares at me, looking uncharacteristically unsure. Electricity crackles in the space between us. “Come. Here,” he says in a gruff voice after a bit. Skeet releases me, pressing a kiss to my cheek before letting me go. I walk toward Ax with my heart hammering in my chest. I stop in front of him and look up. His hair is styled the way he’s always worn it, and he still wears his trademark scruff. My fingers twitch with the craving to reach out and touch him, but I hold myself back.
I can’t assume anything.
His gorgeous eyes suck me in until I’m drowning in his gaze. Reaching out, he laces his fingers lightly through my hair, and I stifle a blissful moan. “I missed you too,” he whispers, before clamping his hand on the back of my head and drawing me into his chest. I circle my arms around his waist as he holds me close. His heart beats wildly under my ear, and I close my eyes, absorbing his touch and his smell, remembering how good it felt to be touched by him. He didn’t realize it, but he healed parts of my fragmented
heart, helping put me on a path to today.
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” Skeet’s disgusted tone has me pulling away from Axel and glancing around. A lump the size of a football lodges in my throat as I follow Skeet’s gaze.
Heath is staggering toward the house, his arm wrapped around a tiny blonde. She’s struggling to keep him upright, almost buckling under his weight. Heath has always been the biggest of the guys, but either my memory didn’t serve me well or he’s added even more bulk to his muscular form. He exudes potent alpha maleness, and my hormones sit up and take notice, obviously ignoring the fact he is already spoken for.
My heart plummets to my toes, but I give myself a silent pep talk. Coming here was an important part of my recovery. I had to explain, and I wanted to ensure the guys were okay. That they were living their dreams and were happy. It was never about picking up where we’d left off. I couldn’t dare to dream like that, so I have no right to feel jealous of the girl draped around Heath or heartbroken at the thought he is lost to me. I gave up the right to those feelings the night I broke up with them. The night I chose death over life.
I draw a few deep breaths as he nears. He still hasn’t noticed me. He’s too hammered to notice much of anything. “Hi, Heath,” I say as the couple come up alongside Ax and me.
His head jerks up so fast it’s a wonder he didn’t give himself whiplash. He rocks back on his heels, almost taking a tumble, but Ax’s reflexes are fast, and he grabs hold of his arm before he hits the ground. Heath blinks repeatedly, rubbing at his eyes. “What the hell?”
Skeet comes up on the other side of me, placing his hand on my lower back and moving me in closer to his side. “Blaire’s back,” he says, cautioning Heath with a ferocious expression.
Heath stares at me, and I watch his emotions metamorphose. There’s disbelief at first and then a flash of relief before anger raises its head and his features contort. “You’re too late,” he slurs, grabbing hold of the girl and plastering her to his side. “I’ve moved on.”
“That’s not why I’m here,” I coolly reply, ignoring the narrowed focus of the girl’s gaze. “I owe you an apology and an explanation.”
“I don’t want to hear it, and there’s nothing I have to say to you either.” He yanks the girl forward, moving past us.
“Heath.” Skeet calls out after him, but I shake my head.
“Drop it. He’s smashed.” I shrug, as if my heart isn’t splintering. “Can you mention the meeting to him in the morning?”
“We’ll tell him,” Ax supplies. “But you shouldn’t get your hopes up. He’s changed.”
“And it’s not for the better,” Skeet ads.
“What do you mean?”
“He’s angry at the world,” Ax says. “And I think you and I can both relate to that.”
I bob my head. “Yeah, we can.” I pause for a beat. “Is that my doing?”
Skeet takes my arm, tipping my chin up with his finger. “It’s complicated, and it’s not down to just one thing.”
I spin around watching Heath stumble into the house with his girlfriend with a heavy heart. Turning back around to face the guys, I catch them exchanging looks. “It’s late. I should go. I’ll meet you back here tomorrow.”
“I’ll walk you to your dorm,” Skeet offers, but I shake my head.
“You don’t need to do that.”
“I’m not letting you walk back to campus by yourself. It’s not safe.”
My lips kick up at his obvious protectiveness. “I’m not walking.” I gesture at my car over my shoulder. “I’m driving.”
He looks displeased, and that only makes me smile more. At least two of my guys are happy to see me. They both walk me to my car, and Skeet opens the door while I get in and start the engine. They stand there, staring at me, and there are so many unspoken words between us. “Give me your cell,” I say, holding out my hand. Skeet grins, placing his cell in the palm of my hand. I punch in my digits and return it to him. “You have my number now, message me so I have yours. I’ll text you when I’m back at my dorm.”
“You won’t disappear again, will you, Blaire?” he asks, his face awash with vulnerability. It’s a look I know I put there.
“I’m not going anywhere, Skeet. I promise.” My gaze dances between them. “I will be back here tomorrow, and I’ll tell you everything.”
“We believe you,” Ax says pulling Skeet back from the car. “Drive safe.” He closes my door and I pull away with both guys watching me until I’m out of sight.
Chapter Thirty-Five
“Hottie alert. Over by the pillar,” Nina says, waggling her brows and subtly gesturing to her right as we exit our building en route to the coffee shop for lunch.
Don’t tell me how I know.
I just do.
My smile is wide as I confirm my suspicions, spotting Skeet lounging against the wall with buds in his ears. He notices me instantly, grabbing his bag and jogging toward us.
“Oh my fucking God,” Nina rasps, like she’s finding it hard to breathe. “He’s coming over here!” She smooths a hand down the front of her shirt. “Do I look okay?”
I’ve no time to let my roomie down gently before Skeet has scooped me into his arms, hugging the shit out of me. Over his shoulder, I spot Nina’s mouth falling open.
“Hey, beautiful,” he says, holding me tight.
“Hey, Skeet. What are you doing here?”
He holds me at arm’s length, tugging the buds out of his ears. “I couldn’t wait until tonight, and I wanted to make sure I hadn’t been dreaming.”
This guy. He slays me. In the best possible way.
I link my fingers through his and squeeze his hand. “I’m real. I’m here. And I’m not going to disappear again. I promise.”
I look up at him as he looks down at me, and something indiscernible passes in the space between us. My heart swells with love as we stare at one another. I hoped to shed some of my lingering guilt by meeting the guys and explaining. But I didn’t expect to feel this flurry of emotions.
To feel like I’m falling all over again. But I am. I’ve only spent minutes in their company, but it’s enough to resurrect all my old feelings. I remember how exciting it felt to be with them. How adored and safe they made me feel. How they never looked at me as if I was broken.
Our relationship didn’t end because we lost those feelings we shared. It was torn apart by circumstance and my damaged mental health. The love growing in my heart for them never died, and now I’m back in their presence, it swirls inside me, reminding me of how amazing it feels to be falling in love.
“Ahem.” Nina clears her throat. “Aren’t you going to introduce me?”
“Of course.” I drag my gaze away from Skeet. “Nina this is Skeet. He’s my …” I’m struggling to spit the word ex out of my mouth, and true to form, Skeet rides to the rescue.
“Boyfriend,” he blurts, and now it’s my turn to go slack-jawed.
He looks at me anxiously. “Unless you already have—”
“No, no other boyfriend,” I rush to reassure him.
Nina frowns, looking between us. “Why do I get the sense there’s a lot more to this than meets the eye.”
“Because there is. Do you mind if I ditch our lunch plans and fill you in later?”
She hugs me briefly. “I’d ditch you in a heartbeat for him too,” she quips, winking at Skeet. “I’ll see you later.” She waves, sending me a suggestive look before she skips off, and I just know she’s going to grill me later.
“She seems fun,” Skeet says, towing me across the grass.
“Nina’s cool if a little excitable at times, but she’s a good friend.” Or I think she will be. It’s a long time since I had any real female friends, and I’m still adjusting to letting people back into my life. To trusting them with my innermost thoughts and taking a risk
in order to move forward with my life.
“There’s this cool little diner just off campus we could go to if you like? Food is good and it’s devoid of the usual college crowd. You don’t have class for two hours, right?”
“How’d you know that?”
He looks sheepish. “Don’t get mad, but I might’ve sweet talked one of the admin staff in the registrar’s office into looking up my girlfriend’s schedule.”
I roll my eyes, but I’m laughing at the same time. “Why doesn’t that surprise me.”
He grins. “What good is charisma if you don’t take advantage of it from time to time?”
I shake my head this time. “Next time, please convince the administration to switch my class to midweek. Trust me to pick an elective that has a Saturday session. Kill me now.”
He darts in, kissing my forehead. “I’ll work on that. Leave it with me.” He shoots me a saucy grin, leading me off campus.
“So, what are you studying?” I ask once we’re seated at the diner and we’ve placed our order.
“Computer science.” He drums his fingers idly off the tabletop.
“Really? I thought you’d pursue music,” I admit as the waitress sets our drinks down.
“Nah. That’s only a hobby.”
“But you’re so talented.”
He shrugs. “I’m only as good as my muse, and when she deserted me, the well dried up.”
I pause with my mouth pressed against my glass. “I’m sorry.”
He leans across the table, taking my hand in his. “I was trying to be funny, but that obviously failed. I don’t blame you for anything, Blaire. It wouldn’t have made a difference. I enjoy music, and I enjoy being up on stage, but I’ve no burning desire to be a rock star. I play with a band locally, and I love it, but it’s not what I want to do with my life.”
“And computer science is?”
He shrugs again, letting go of my hand so we can sip our drinks. “I’ve always been good with computers, and it was, honestly, the only thing that appealed to me when I was enrolling. I like the course, and it’s not that taxing.”
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