Although Trevor had remained busy the first morning of the break and hadn’t been able to spend any time with her, he had been true to his promise to take her four-wheeling as soon as he could get away. His family would be arriving later that afternoon for their stay at the camp but he had taken the morning off to be with her.
Whitney had been enjoying herself immensely. For one thing, it was a clear, beautiful, pristine day. The vivid blue sky held not one trace of a cloud as she and Trevor explored the intricately woven dirt trails, trails that dipped and slid through beautiful groves of trees, beneath small streams and over bumpy, rocky hills. Whitney had almost forgotten the sense of freedom and pleasure that came from seeing the rugged country in this way—and the countless memories she and Trevor had made doing it together. Had she really buried them to the point she’d almost forgotten they were there?
Whitney and Trevor finally stopped riding briefly to eat the lunch Trevor had prepared for the two of them by a small, bubbling stream, but they were soon after traveling the trails again, enjoying the beautiful country further. It was early afternoon when Trevor abruptly turned his four-wheeler toward a vaguely familiar path. As Whitney turned to follow him, she inwardly tensed when she noticed where they were headed. This was the path that led toward the spring, the very place where Trevor had asked her to marry him.
Whatever Whitney thought she’d regained of her composure all but fled as she forced herself to follow Trevor up to the small plateau where they would park their four-wheelers. The rest of the trail remained too narrow for them to ride up. They stopped to take off their helmets and gloves, setting them on the seats, before walking together toward the thin, winding trail that led toward the spring.
Whitney stayed as far away as she could from Trevor on the trail, distractedly brushing off the thin layer of dust from her jeans as they walked. She had been calm and talkative previously but her growing discomfort quickly overcame her earlier relaxed mood and she fell into an uneasy, restrained silence, pretending to be absorbed by the beauty surrounding them. Whitney’s dark eyes flitted back and forth across the trail as she glanced unseeingly at the surrounding panoramic landscape. A couple of times she could see Trevor watching her closely, as if he trying to discern the reason behind her abrupt change of mood. The puzzled tilt of his dark brows as he studied her profile told her that he had become aware of the differences.
Once they arrived at the top where the spring gurgled from the fern-covered ground, Whitney didn’t sit still to enjoy the secluded, tree-lined grove about them as she used to do whenever they had come to this place. Instead she remained standing, every now and again moving restlessly to a different spot, still keeping her eyes on the distant scenery. Trevor found a nearby rock, sat on it and studied her for a few moments before he lifted his dark brows. “Are you okay?” he questioned calmly.
“I’m fine,” Whitney answered a little too quickly.
Trevor seemed contemplative as his eyes stayed directly on her fluttery gaze. “There were several times today,” he slowly addressed her, as if carefully choosing his words, “when everything between us seemed almost like old times. It seemed close to what it used to be.”
Whitney nodded in affirmation. “That’s exactly what I was thinking.”
“During these last few minutes…” Trevor stated before pausing, tilting his head in her direction as his eyes stayed unerringly on hers. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“I am,” Whitney tried to assure him, a little too exuberantly. “Yes. I am. I’m fine.”
Trevor’s dark brows still had a troubled bent to them. “Is there something I’ve done or said to put you on your guard? Have I somehow made you uncomfortable? If I have please know that it was not intended. I want you to have a fun day.”
“I have had a fun day,” Whitney immediately responded, trying to reassure him. “It’s been wonderful. It’s been great. There’s nothing you’ve done to put me on my guard. Everything about this day has been perfect.”
An uncomfortable silence fell about them again. Trevor still didn’t look satisfied with her response. “You remember this place, don’t you? You think you should remember it and you can’t? Is that the problem?”
Whitney tensed in unease as she felt warm color tinge her cheeks after his question. “I remember being here before,” she answered awkwardly, “for the most part.”
“For the most part?” Trevor echoed, his curiosity piqued. “What do you mean by that?”
Whitney hung her head, her dark hair falling forward and hiding her features from his. Why had she said that? Why had she revealed more than she should have? Why had she turned what could have been a fun-filled, carefree afternoon into an uncomfortable, tension-filled situation by her unease and awkwardness? She had wanted to be different, natural and at ease today but somehow she couldn’t help but bring gravity and heaviness to every situation she became involved in.
Whitney stood and moved a short distance away from Trevor as she sat on a lone rock, keeping her slender back toward his and her features turned unerringly from his gaze. “I’m sorry for making this an uncomfortable situation,” she finally stated. “I’m sorry for making this awkward. I think I need to be honest with you about why I feel unsettled, even if it makes the situation even more disastrous.” Her gaze dropped to the ground. “I know about that day but I don’t remember it. I don’t remember anything at all—not one inkling of a memory, not the faintest image I can conjure up. I’ve tried and tried, over and over, to recall it and remember something—anything, even the tiniest, smallest detail but I can’t. It’s completely gone from my memory.”
Trevor sat silently. Whitney didn’t even dare look at him to see his reaction. She could only imagine his expression as he said slowly, “Are you talking about the day of the accident?”
Whitney nodded in agitation. “I am.”
Trevor remained quiet for several moments before he spoke again. “Kyle must have told you. Only he and my family know.”
“Kyle did tell me,” Whitney reluctantly confessed. “Please don’t be upset at him for divulging it. He felt like he needed to explain what happened so I could understand his reactions the night he got angry at me. He thought I’d remembered that day and had treated it lightly by coming back without even telling you about my plans.” Whitney finally forced herself to turn toward Trevor, knitting her features in sincere apology as she faced his discerning gaze squarely. “I’ve brought up an extremely sensitive subject. I didn’t want to ruin this day for you. I’m sorry if I have.”
Trevor slowly stood from his spot and began walking directly toward her, his dark eyes remaining on her troubled ones. “You haven’t ruined this day for me. I’m actually relieved you brought it up. I’m grateful to know you understand what happened. The fact that you did know and that you still decided to stay at camp tells me everything I wanted to know, everything I still questioned in my mind.” Trevor moved closer toward her and extended his tanned hand toward her lightly-trembling fingers, wrapping his hand securely around them and rubbing them comfortingly for a few moments before he gently pulled her from her sitting position on the rock. Without saying a word, he carefully pulled her forward and then enfolded Whitney in between his large arms, bringing her against him until she slowly settled her weight against his solid frame. His arms enclosed her tightly as she leaned her head against him in a familiar, secure embrace.
For two long, difficult years, Whitney had forgotten what it felt like to feel completely safe and protected in someone’s arms, to feel loved by someone who had known her intimately, someone who had loved her once with all his heart. For those few moments as they stood quietly together, nothing else mattered—not those bitter, ugly memories of the past, not the horrendous difficulties she’d trudged through after the accident or even the glaring uncertainties of the future. All the negative emotions Whitney felt seemed to fade from her existence as she stood quietly with him. If only this could last, Whitney thought with a dee
p, silent, intense yearning. If only she could feel safe like this forever. If only the bitterness of the past could wisp away and she and Trevor would never have reason to separate again.
“I’m grateful you had the courage to come back to camp,” Trevor said, his deep voice surrounding her in a warm, comforting wave. “I always hoped I would see you again but I didn’t know if I ever really believed it would happen.” He paused momentarily. “Did you ever think about the two of us after the accident? Did I ever figure into your thinking at all?”
Whitney faltered in her answer. Would it scare him to know how much she had thought about the two of them—how she had ached for him sometimes, how his memory had sometimes been the only thing to sustain her through some of those dark, lonely, desperate hours? Would he back away from her if he knew? “I thought about the two of us more than I should have,” she finally admitted, trying to hide the intensity of her feelings by keeping her tone smooth. “Sometimes it was the only thing that kept me going. But other times…” She paused in hesitation.
“Other times what?” Trevor pressed her.
“Other times thinking about you made the pain worse,” Whitney acknowledged. “It made it harder.”
“Because you believed what your father said about me?”
“I didn’t believe him at first,” Whitney countered. “I didn’t want to believe him. I still held onto the hope that you’d come back, that you’d contact me and we’d start seeing each other again. The more time that passed and the longer I didn’t hear from you, the more I believed what my dad said. I thought you didn’t want to be with me anymore because you thought I’d be different than what you expected, different than what you hoped and wanted me to be.”
“What was it that made you finally decide to return?” Trevor asked.
“Desperation, if I had to put it in a word,” Whitney quietly explained. “I awoke one night in the middle of the night and I couldn’t go back to sleep. I stared at the dark ceiling for hours, feeling almost hopeless. I felt lost, as if I would never be happy again. My life was wasting away to nothing and I was wasting away right along with it. I don’t know what it was but some time during those early morning hours, I had this uncanny feeling that if I didn’t do something to break away from that stifled life I was living—and break away from it right then—that I’d end up staring at that ceiling for days and days to come. I suddenly knew I couldn’t let myself wither away like I had been. It was like grasping for a tiny lifeline but I grasped it with both hands and I didn’t let go, even when my Dad tried to stop me. The only thing I could think of doing, the only thing I wanted to do, was to come back to this place. I wanted to see you. I wanted to put our past to rest. I didn’t know how you’d react. I didn’t know if you were married or dating someone or what had happened to you. I still knew I needed to somehow settle that part of my life. So I came back. I was scared to face you but I came back.”
“I don’t know what would have happened to us if you hadn’t had the courage to come back,” Trevor said. “I don’t know where we’d be. I don’t know where I’d be.” After he spoke, Trevor slowly slipped his warm fingers beneath her chin, lifting her downturned face toward his. His thumb lightly traced the small, thin scar on her cheek before he bent his head toward hers.
As Whitney accepted Trevor’s soft kiss, to her it almost seemed as if the two years between them had not existed, as if they had never been apart and living separate lives. The memories of those two long years faded into instant, distant oblivion. For those beautiful few moments as they stood together, it almost felt like nothing could ever come between them again.
When Trevor slowly lifted his dark head from hers, he held Whitney close against him once again, his hand cradling the back of her head. They stood silently together, letting the calm that had settled about them linger even longer. Whitney felt that buried once-familiar feeling of being whole, secure, peaceful. She had longed to feel that way for such a long time and had often wondered if she ever could feel that way again.
How could she ever withstand leaving Trevor’s side again? How could she bear giving up what they might have together when this was how it felt to be near him? This is the reason she’d had the courage to come back; he was reason she’d been drawn back in the first place. It was the memories of him that had sustained her through those unending dark, despairing hours when nothing else could—or had.
Trevor sounded sadly reluctant when he finally broke the calm silence that had settled about them. “My family will be arriving at camp soon.”
“I know,” Whitney replied quietly. “I was just thinking about that.”
“It’s the only thing that could get me to leave this place right now,” Trevor commented as he hugged her tightly against him once again. “I’m glad we came up here. Thank you for spending this day with me.”
“I’m grateful I could,” Whitney replied. “Thank you for asking me.”
When they finally separated, Trevor kept Whitney nestled close by his side as they walked down the rocky trail together. Whitney no longer felt any of the unease that had plagued her when they’d first arrived at the spring. In fact, she would no longer associate any tarnished, painful memories with visiting this place. She now had new beautiful, cherished memories to tuck away to replace any of the difficult ones she’d harbored previously, memories she hopefully wouldn’t have cause to forget.
Chapter Eight
The time Whitney spent with Trevor’s family during their stay at the camp turned out to be a wonderful respite. Whitney had initially wondered how Trevor’s family might accept her as a part of their reunion but she quickly found out she hadn’t needed to worry. His parents welcomed her warmly, without any discomfort or unease, even though they hadn’t had any forewarning that she would be present. When his mother had first seen her, she embraced Whitney tightly, pressing her cheek against hers. “Whitney,” she said. “Look at you. You look healthy and strong. It’s been such a long time since we’ve been able to see you. It’s nice having you here with us. How are you?”
“I’m doing well,” Whitney returned with a genuine smile, pleased by the friendly overtures.
“You’re back working at camp?” Trevor’s mother asked.
“I came back several weeks ago,” Whitney told her.
“I’m glad we could see you while we’re here,” his mother said. She quickly introduced Whitney to some members of the family Whitney hadn’t yet met, one of Trevor’s new little nephews and his older brother’s new bride. Trevor’s younger sister, Gina, had always been a close friend of hers and Gina approached Whitney shortly afterward. Her friendly conversation dissolved any residual discomfort Whitney might have felt being around them.
Whitney had spent the next two and a half busy days with them participating in all the activities around the camp, often surprised that she felt more at home with them than she did her own family. She didn’t have a lot of one-on-one time with Trevor but he often remained beside her, interacting with her as much as possible. It kept Whitney’s heart more settled and at peace despite the fact that they hadn’t had the chance to speak privately since their time together at the spring.
Whitney’s roommate, Jenny, became anxious to hear about how everything went when she returned to camp after the five-day break. She and Whitney had been preparing for bed when Jenny abruptly sat across from her on her quilt. “You’ve got to tell me how it went being with Trevor’s family,” Jenny said, pushing her blonde hair out of her face as she spoke. “I’ve been dying to ask you. Are you glad you stayed?”
“It went much better than I thought it would,” Whitney admitted, sitting opposite her. “I thought I’d feel awkward and uncomfortable but it was nothing like that. Trevor’s family acted as if nothing had happened to separate us.”
“Did they mention the accident at all?”
“Only once when we were roasting marshmallows,” Whitney answered. “They asked me about my injuries and how I’d recovered. They asked wha
t I’ve done during these past couple of years and how my family is doing now that I’m feeling better. His Dad only alluded once to how hard the accident was on Trevor. I think it’s still hard for them to talk about everything, just like it’s hard for my family to discuss it.”
“Were you able to spend any alone time with Trevor?” Jenny questioned.
“We were mostly with his family but we had a few hours together before they came,” Whitney said. “We went four-wheeling and ended up by the spring.” Whitney sighed hesitantly, knitting her brows in abrupt agitation. “Now I’m right back to where I was before I left this place.”
“What do you mean?” Jenny questioned, interested.
“I’m in love with Trevor all over again,” Whitney stated, “as much as I ever was. I don’t want to lose him again.” Whitney lifted her troubled gaze toward her friend, not hiding her frown. “Laura Benson is coming back tomorrow and Trevor will be seeing her. What if he still has feelings for her? What if he still wants her as a part of his life?”
“He still has feelings for you,” Jenny adamantly countered. “He asked you to stay at camp. He asked you to spend time with his family. Those are not trivial requests.”
“I’ve been thinking a great deal about this,” Whitney told her, still unsettled. “Sometimes I wonder if Trevor has renewed feelings for me solely because he’s relieved he can let go of the guilt he’s carried since the accident. He knows I’m fine; he knows he’s been forgiven and that there are no more burdens to carry surrounding our past. Do you think it’s only relief that he feels in relation to me? Will he choose to say goodbye now that he can finally let go? I have to wonder what’s left between us. Only memories? We did get close while we were together but I still feel vulnerable whenever we’re apart.” Whitney sat down on her bed as her dark brown eyes settled on her friend’s sympathetic blue ones. “I need to tell you something. When Kyle apologized to me the other day, he told me what happened on the day of the accident, something that I hadn’t known before. I didn’t share it with you at the time because I was trying to come to terms with what happened myself.”
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