by Willow Aster
I want my loving father back, the one who doted on me. But did he ever really love me? Or did he just love the puppet he’d created?
How did I go my whole life without stepping out of place, never rocking the boat? It’s as if my taste buds have formed for the first time, my eyes are seeing colors they’ve never seen, I hear inflections that went unnoticed before…have I really been sleepwalking my entire life?
As horrible as it feels to be home under these conditions, I wouldn’t change what I discovered with Jadon for a single second.
My eyes close as I relive the bliss of being underneath him, his body pressing into mine, as he awakened a part of me I would’ve never known was lying dormant…if it hadn’t been for him.
The gratitude I feel for him is staggering.
All at the enemy’s hand. An enemy I will dream about every night and keep in my heart for as long as I live.
It makes this hell I’m in now more bearable.
Knowing that if I die tonight, for a few sweet hours with Jadon, I truly lived.
A knock at the door wakes me out of a dream about Jadon, my hands in his long hair as he took me from behind. I gasp when the knock gets louder, coming out of my stupor and sitting up, heart pounding. I sit up and look around. My room is dark, but I’m still wearing my clothes and have no concept of what time it could be.
“Delilah?” Caulder says.
“One minute.” I get up and turn on the light, straightening my clothes as I walk to the door.
I open it wide and he stands there, looking past me into the room. He strides in, not waiting for me to invite him.
“Nice of you to show up.” He crosses his arms and levels me with a glare I haven’t quite seen from him before. “What are you working on, Delilah? I need you to drop the bullshit and level with me.”
I rub my head and blink, my head still foggy from sleep. “You’ll have to start over. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Why did you come home? You start a war, get a king killed, and come home ready to do what you were asked to do in the first place? Something doesn’t add up. Who got to you? And what’s their agenda?”
I shiver, the way he’s staring at me making me anxious. “No one got to me. I still don’t want to marry Avaban, but I will if it means no one else will get hurt. I’m sure you can understand that—can’t you? And I didn’t get a king killed. King Otto was gracious to me—that shouldn’t have cost him his life. Who was responsible for that anyway? You?” I scoff and his eyes narrow. “No, wait, you’re not brave enough for that. You’re always hiding behind Papa…until I come around and then you want to exert your authority over me.” I walk over to him and get in his face, ignoring the tremors in my body, the fear that washes over me when he grabs my arms and shakes me. I keep talking, my teeth rattling. “I’m finally seeing who you really are, Caulder. You’ve done that all by yourself.”
He shoves me and I fly against the wall, my elbow hitting especially hard. I clutch it in my hand and rub out the soreness. It helps distract me enough that I don’t hit Caulder or do something else equally stupid. If I’m going to bring peace to my kingdom, I won’t get it by knocking him out the first time he makes me this angry. Nothing will ever be resolved that way.
“I’m watching you,” he spits out. “You think because you have a title, you’re safe from me, but trust me when I say that you’re safe from no one. Wake up, little princess. Papa isn’t going to save you this time.” He smiles and it is so chilling I can’t believe he’s the same person I’ve always known. “And I’m just looking for any excuse to murder you in your sleep.” He cackles and I back into the corner of the room when he stalks toward me. “One wrong step,” he says under his breath, “and I will push you straight off the edge without a moment’s hesitation. Got it?”
He puts his hand around my throat and squeezes, the veins on the side of his face popping out. He looks the way my father did earlier when he was squeezing my neck. I’ve been so blind.
“I asked you a question,” he spits.
“Got it,” I choke out.
“Good.” He releases me and I stand taller, trying to regain my composure.
I don’t want him to see me cowering in fear ever, but I’m still shaking, so for now, I simply try to quiet my mind.
“Here’s how things will go. You will marry Xang in six weeks as you agreed to do. But the two of you will then go to Blorl and reside there. Because of your new position as queen of Blorl, I will be given the reigning crown upon your father’s passing…which is only a matter of time. Your father’s health is good right now, but one wrong move from you, and I can make that go away.”
My eyes widen and I cry out, my fear forgotten as I step forward and hit him in the chest. He barely registers my fists at first but clamps his hands around my wrists like he’s handling a pesky child.
“You leave him alone,” I yell.
“Keep your commitments and I will.” He shrugs and drops my wrists. He laughs coldly and walks to the door. “Goodnight, cousin. Sweet dreams.”
I fall back on my bed and huddle into a ball under the covers. I don’t recognize my life anymore.
Chapter Twenty-One
Jadon
The next morning, I go see Kathryn. She’s more subdued than usual when I sit across from her. She studies the chess game and doesn’t look at me until I speak.
“How are you feeling today?” I ask.
“The days all bleed into the next. I don’t know what day of the week it is most of the time. I’m restless and angry to be locked in here for so long. I’m sorry for what I’ve done to you, Jadon. But please, don’t leave me here forever. Do you think you’ll ever feel comfortable around me again…beyond guards and keeping me locked away?”
I stare at her for a few moments, trying to read any motives behind what she’s saying. Her expression seems genuine enough, but I can’t tell anymore with her.
“You’ve never apologized to me before,” I finally respond. “What exactly are you apologizing for?”
“I’ve had a lot of time to think in isolation. And I have a lot to apologize for.” She blinks rapidly and her eyes fill with tears that hover near her bottom lashes for a few long beats before dropping. I stare at them transfixed, not sure where she’s going with this. “I don’t expect us to be close overnight,” she continues with a deep breath, “but I regret how I’ve taken out your father’s indiscretions so long ago against you. As wonderful as he was, he wasn’t perfect. He was away for a couple of years at war…and the fact that you were conceived during that time was never your fault. The moment I decided to give him a second chance when we heard about your mother and you, I should’ve also accepted you.”
I’m too shocked to respond. The years of hurt and rejection have done a number on me. Since the day I came into Kathryn’s house at six years old, I’ve been seeking her approval…often to the detriment of my well-being. Something inside of me shut off when she tried to kill me months ago, even while trying to defend her actions in my head.
Instead of acknowledging what she’s said—I’ll have to deal with that another day; it’s too much for today—I ask, “Now that you’re feeling more clearheaded—at least I’m assuming you are—can I ask a couple of questions?”
She nods.
“Have you remembered anything else about your time in captivity? Did you ever see anyone besides the two men and woman who held you and Ava?”
She shakes her head. “No, I’ve gone through it over and over in my mind, trying to even recall the slightest noise that could’ve been someone else…or conversations I might have overheard and not remembered. But there’s nothing. I don’t remember ever hearing or seeing another soul.” She leans in. “I think the Farthings are behind it though. And most likely that Titus Catano played a part.”
I steeple my fingers together and stare at her. She’s not saying anything I haven’t already thought, but I’m disappointed that she doesn’t have anything more
than a gut feeling.
Before I leave, she stands and it’s then that I notice how much weight she’s lost. Guilt rattles around in my chest and I pause at the door.
“Thank you for what you said. I’ll think about it. I honestly don’t know if I can ever trust you, but…I’d like to try.”
She swallows hard and nods. “I understand.”
That evening I call Basile into my office and he comes in with a bottle of wine and two glasses.
“How are you settling into Farrow?” I ask, grinning when he hands me a glass of wine.
“Besides missing Chelsea, our chef and my favorite bedfellow, I’m settling in fine. I do miss the sound of the waves crashing against the cliffs. When all this with Farthing is resolved, I’ll need to explore and find the water.”
“I didn’t realize you were a beach lover.”
“I despise sand. But I love hearing it and seeing it…in the distance.” He laughs and I join him.
His energy for life is contagious.
“I have a proposal for you.” I decide to bring it up when he’s on his second glass of wine…knowing him, he’s probably way past his second glass, but I’m only counting what I’ve witnessed.
“Lay it on me.”
“I’d like to pay a visit to Titus. Do you think you can get me in?”
His eyebrows lift to the ceiling and he sputters. “I thought you’d say something like you need help organizing your financials or something else snooze-worthy.”
I chuckle. “If only. No, it’s time that we get to the bottom of all of this. I think I’ll get an idea of whether Titus is involved in the attack on Otto if I talk to him personally. Or if it’s Vance working on his own. I need to know what we’re dealing with here.”
Basile nods solemnly and pours us another glass of red. He clanks my glass before looking at the fire crackling in the fireplace.
“We need to see how far this goes. My concern is what they might have planned next. Farthing is the obvious suspect for Otto since he knows that’s where Delilah went, but…I just need to be sure.”
“Understood. I can get you in to see Titus, no problem. In the past, the guards couldn’t be trusted, but Luka’s been working on weeding them out for a long time now. He’ll be able to authorize our visit and we’ll know fairly soon if we’re compromised...”
I nod. “Great. Can we leave first thing in the morning?”
“Yes. One request—”
“Name it.”
He grins and I brace myself. “Will there be any time for a little visit with Chelsea?”
I smirk and roll my eyes. “I’m not heartless. Of course. Get me into the jail and you can spend all our time in Niaps with Chelsea if you’re that anxious to see her.”
He laughs. “I don’t even need to see her. As long as I can touch her, I’m happy.”
“You’re filthy. Who knew?”
“Didn’t realize this was news to anyone.” He drains his glass and lifts the bottle, his eyes questioning whether I want more. I shake my head and he pours the rest in his glass. “Well, if that’s all…I’ll call Luka and start working on the guards. We’ll need to leave before sunrise to get there during visiting hours. It won’t leave us much time to work with.”
“Let’s leave at 3:00 A.M.”
He sighs, his shoulders falling. “I’ll need to nap on the plane so I have enough stamina for Chelsea.”
“TMI.” I’m grinning though, hard not to with Basile around.
The sky is an inky black and blue when we roll down the tarmac before the sun rises the next morning. Basile looks half asleep and he’s snoring before we’re even in the air for five minutes. I barely slept again last night, thoughts of Kathryn’s apology, how I might best get the truth out of Catano, and Delilah all at war for prominent space in my head. I eventually doze off myself and wake up hours later when the pilot says we’re about to land.
Basile cracks an eye open at me and I yawn, rubbing a hand over my entire face.
“You look beat. You’re sleeping some aren’t you, son?” he asks.
“Not enough, but I do feel better after that nap.”
He nods. “We must keep you healthy and your head free of the fog. I have to say though, even at your worst, you handle things more calmly than anyone I’ve ever seen. Natural born leader…” He leans his head back against the seat as we bump into our landing.
“Thank you. I don’t always feel calm, especially right now.”
“Keep trusting your gut. I’m here because I trust your gut and so does Luka. We’re all sort of following your wisdom here. And I don’t believe we’re the only kingdom doing so.”
I feel the pressure behind what he’s saying, but it also helps to know I can only do my best…the rest will have to fall into place.
“Thank you, Basile. I appreciate your input.”
Luka is waiting in the car with his driver, and Elias, his right hand.
“Only one car?” Basile frowns.
I clear my throat. “Would it be possible to stop by the house? Basile needed to—” I leave it hanging so Basile can take the conversation in whatever direction he wants.
Luka shakes his head. “Chelsea isn’t with us anymore, Uncle.”
“What? Where is she?”
“I don’t know. She quit a couple of days ago…and without any notice. Left us in such a lurch that Brienne has been cooking.” He makes a face. “And I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy.”
I laugh…until I see the look on Basile’s face. I put my hand on his shoulder and squeeze. “You okay?”
“She’s been with our family for such a long time. What reason did she give for leaving?”
“She didn’t even tell us directly that she was leaving. She left after breakfast a couple of days ago right after she told Brienne she wouldn’t be back.”
“What the fuck?”
“Wish I knew. I’m sorry—I know you were…rather attached…to Chelsea. And I wish I had more details to give you, but we’ve got our hands full with everything else, right?”
Basile glances out the window, his expression unreadable. Finally, he says, “Right. No, I don’t expect you to keep tabs on the employees who quit…I just expected more out of her.”
“I agree. I did too,” Luka says. He looks at me, suddenly all business. “We’ll have to be quick about this. For the most part, I’ve cleaned house in regards to those guarding my father, but you never know when one might defect. My friend Plars will let us in and guard you when you talk to my father.”
“Are you going in with me?”
“If you’re comfortable with that.”
I nod and then enjoy the view of the ocean the rest of the way to the prison. Basile is silent.
The prison is an ancient stone building out on an island. Basile stays with the car, while a boat takes Luka and me to the island. We’re admitted through the staff entrance to avoid attention. After we’re searched for weapons, we walk down the long, grey hallway to see Titus. He’s kept in a private area, and when the room we’re to meet in is unlocked and we step inside, I’m shocked by how nice everything is. It makes me wonder how nice his cell is.
“He’s not suffering much,” I mutter under my breath.
“He’s been transferred to solitary a few times and that looks drastically different than this wing,” Luka says.
We sit and wait for less than five minutes before the door is unlocked again and Titus Catano comes in, his hands cuffed in front of him. The guard locks Titus’s cuffs to the table before he sits down. He regards his son first, silently, and then he locks eyes with me. The hatred in his eyes doesn’t surprise me, although I would’ve thought he’d taper it down some while he’s in prison, in hopes that Luka will show mercy on him during the next trial. He doesn’t seem to care and the wave of rage he brings into the room is unsettling.
“Something serious must’ve gone down for Neil Safrin’s son to deem me worthy a visit,” he says, his lip curling. “Hello, son.�
� He gives a slight nod to his son. “How does it feel to be sleeping with the enemy in more ways than one.”
“Well, every night I get in bed with Eden is the best night of my life, so I’m not suffering there,” Luka responds, his jaw ticking. “But I also don’t mind having Jadon for an ally. Not even for a second,” he adds under his breath. “He’s got more integrity in his whole body than you have in your little finger.”
Titus scoffs as he gives me the side-eye, trying to size me up and shrink me down all at once. “I don’t have anything better to do, but I still don’t want the two of you wasting my time. What do you want?”
“You’re already in prison, so it would serve you to be honest for once in your life,” Luka says. “I’m asking for you to tell the truth.”
Titus adopts a bored expression and sinks back into his seat like a teenager slouching at school. The almighty King Titus doesn’t look so powerful anymore.
“Go on,” he says.
“Were you behind the kidnapping of my sister and stepmother?” I ask.
“No, but I know who was.”
I lean forward, my heart picking up. “And?”
“And what?”
“Who was it?” Luka yells.
“Get me out of here and maybe I’ll tell you.” He laughs. He lazily looks us over and Luka looks close to pounding the smirk off of his father’s face.
“For once in your life, can you have a little decency? What could you possibly have against Jadon—your vendetta was against his father. Jadon has done nothing to you. Who was behind this and do you swear it wasn’t you?”
“Jadon is guilty by association. I will never befriend a Safrin king, never.” Titus shrugs and rattles his cuffs. “Now, is that all?”
“How deep does your alliance with Alidonia go?” I ask.
“It’s as deep an alliance as my hatred for you,” he says simply. He throws his head back and laughs and Luka slams his fist on the table.
